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A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Remake / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | May 26, 2009 | Comments (56)

Hang on to your Charlie horses, folks. You’re going to need to do a lot of rubbing — this one is going to burn. Fran Rubel Kuzui, who directed the original Kristy Swanson Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie is putting together a Buffy reboot. And it’s going to have nothing to do with Joss Whedon or his television show.

Now, come on. Pick yourself up off the floor. Be a man, for God’s sake. Don’t act like Buffy was supposed to be safe from this sort of treatment just because it’s one of your favorite shows of all time. Of course it’s going to be remade. And you’re going to watch it, because that’s the sort of person you are. Now dust yourself off, and pick up all the shit you just pushed off your cubicle desk.

See: Fran Rubel Kuzui and his Kuzui Enterprises have always owned the right to Buffy. They made the first film, and they helped Whedon to launch the series. And clearly, Fran has nothing else going for her. She hasn’t directed anything since the original movie, and besides producing Orgazmo, Buffy has been her life.

The idea here is that she wouldn’t disturb the Whedon universe at all (there will be no Willow, no Angel, etc.) — the reboot will focus on a new generation of Vampire Slayers. Much like J.J. Abrams did with Star Trek, they’ll be able to start all over from scratch (a notion that McG might’ve considered with T4). According to Reuters:

The new “Buffy” film, however, would have no connection to the TV series, nor would it use popular supporting characters like Angel, Willow, Xander or Spike. Kuzui and Vertigo are looking to restart the story line without trampling on the beloved existing universe created by Whedon.

One of the underlying ideas of “Buffy” allows the filmmakers to do just that: that each generation has its own vampire slayer to protect it. The goal would be to make a darker, event-sized movie that would, of course, have franchise potential.

See that? Event movie. Franchise potential. A whole new Buffy. And maybe this time they can do better than Sarah Michelle Gellar (no offense). It’s not so bad, really. They could’ve attempted to bring back Gellar, Boreanz, Michelle Trachtenberg, and Alyson Hannigan and messed up your beloved memories of the TV show. This way, if they screw it up (and they probably will), the collateral damage is minimal. You can keep your Buffy and just tell the new generation Buffy to get off your lawn. No harm done.


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Comments

hmmmmm

i believe i just heard the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard...

Posted by: billythekidd at May 26, 2009 9:33 AM

*Sitting back with a coffee, patiently waiting for all hell to break loose...*

Posted by: meaux at May 26, 2009 9:35 AM

color me completely and utterly unsurprised. i think i'm going to have a heart attack and die of not surprise.

Posted by: lizzieborden at May 26, 2009 9:38 AM

and can someone please reboot firefly, retcon chuck and remake brick while they're at it?

Posted by: gp at May 26, 2009 9:42 AM

I've got a remake idea with franchise potential..
Let's remake the Bible, but then without Jesus. Instead we go with his cousin, Holy Franky.

Posted by: Magiel at May 26, 2009 9:46 AM

NUH motherfucking UH.

Whatever.

Posted by: jamiepants at May 26, 2009 9:46 AM

Meh. Other then the original movie, I've never been interested in Buffy. Maybe this one will tickle my fancy. (and by fancy I mean...)

*Joins meaux on the coffee couch*

Posted by: admin at May 26, 2009 9:48 AM

Well, maybe they can combine Buffy and Reaper, seeing as they have a similar "chosen hunter" premise. Oh, and Blade too. A Blade/Buffy/Reaper superteam fighting the forces of darkness! Along with Bazooka Joe of course.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 26, 2009 9:48 AM

Yeah fuck it. All us fans of the show should just get over it right?. Tell you what let's just remake The Wire and Deadwood and not involve the creators? Let's see how smug you are about it then.

I'm not really bothered about the potential remake because it won't affect my love of the show but the detrimental tone of this article has pissed me off more then all this "reboot madness" bollocks ever has.

But now that I think about it the prospect of a McG led reboot of "The Wire" really is quite tempting...

Posted by: Mr Chambers at May 26, 2009 9:49 AM

What Star Trek finally proved was that as vocal as the geeks are, their bite is never nearly as harsh. You can appease them and still appease the mass market. You just to sell them the idea that the folks behind the project are "fanboys" themselves. They usually stick together. So when the final product comes out, the response is "Well it's not that bad!"

This'll be the first of many, many, many bizare and stupid reboot ideas that we'll hear about.

sigh

Posted by: Brian at May 26, 2009 9:53 AM

OK so then it won't be Buffy. It'll be Misty the Vampire Slayer or some such nonsense. They're just taking the idea of a slayer and using it. I can safely ignore it and not have it upset me...right?

I just don't really see the point. Buffy has a huge fanbase on its own, Joss has a huge fanbase with people who will watch anything he does (as shown by Dollhouse), so why bother trying to latch onto that? I'm a Buffy fan, I'm not going to go see it just because it's remotely connected to Buffy. I'm not going to not see it on principle either, it just seems a bit unnecessary.

And when are they going to set it, since there are shedloads of slayers now? My inner Buffy geek is showing, sorry.

Posted by: Carrie at May 26, 2009 9:57 AM

as vocal as the geeks are, their bite is never nearly as harsh. You can appease them and still appease the mass market.

I think it helps that the new 'Star Trek' movie wasn't bad.

I'm a geek, and it's pretty easy to keep me satisfied. Even if something isn't exactly sticking to canon or 'in continuity,' if it's entertaining and fun, I can enjoy it just fine.

So if this is a movie about a vampire slayer that is interesting, fun, kicky dialogue, poignant, evocative, new or thoughtful - yay!

But if it's a shitty script shittily directed that does nothing but tread tedious, old ground, I don't give a crap how many fanboys are involved.

Posted by: twig at May 26, 2009 10:00 AM

After reading the Reuters article I am amused about Kuzui's impact on the success of Buffy. Didn't Buffy the series come about in spite of the horrendous Buffy film, which was crappy because of Kuzui's rewrites? From reading about the original film I can't imagine Whedon would be that giddy about working with them again, so wouldn't expect his input.

Posted by: Carrie at May 26, 2009 10:07 AM

Meh.

I love Buffy. I'm a huge fan, but if they want a make a movie about a girl who slays vampires who isn't Buffy and doesn't involve any of the characters from the TV show, all the power to them. Like was mentioned above, it wont affect my love for the show or the characters. Other than sharing the term "Vampire Slayer", it wont have anything to do with them.

No need to be upset with any of it. Unless it's said to be very good, I wont go see it in the theater or even rent it off Netflix. If I happen to see it on one of those "free" Encore movie channels, then I might watch it, the same I would about any other random movie about vampires and the like.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at May 26, 2009 10:12 AM

IIRC, Whedon was unimpressed by the fact that Kuzui Enterprises got to be credited on every episode of BTVS the show, for having basically fuck-all to do with it apart from owning the rights. I never got that - credits are often stuffed with people who did nothing for the production one is watching. That's how it works.
But this sounds like barrels being scraped to me.

I don't see how they can make a Buffy movie without using anything of Joss's at all. Take away what he brought to the party, you've got all the crappy parts of the original movie and none of the good parts, either of the movie or the show. Why bother? Kuzui needs money, I suppose.......

PS Seth, you may want to make your mind up whether Fran is male or female. I suggest watching to see which loo s/he goes to. Or checking genitalia....

Posted by: Tarn at May 26, 2009 10:20 AM

Comparing the Buffy series to that fucking horrible movie ain't even apples and oranges, man... more like apples and herpes.

Posted by: firedmyass at May 26, 2009 10:27 AM

A) Unnecessary.

B) Acceptable.

Whether they do anything worthwhile with it remains to be seen. It could be good, it could be crap. It pleases me that if they must do this, they're leaving out the original stuff, because otherwise I would have to burn down California, and I would feel bad for making Prisco homeless and killing all those trees. It was kind of inevitable, though. Nothing is sacred.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 26, 2009 10:38 AM

Um... PS, Tarn? Dustin wrote this, not Seth.

Posted by: jamiepants at May 26, 2009 10:38 AM

It was kind of inevitable, though. Nothing is sacred.

Agreed. Is it just me, or is the "reboot" slowly becoming the new "Sequel" or "prequel" or whatever the fuck it is?

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 26, 2009 10:52 AM

Without Donald Sutherland or Luke Perry or Paul Reubens taking ten minutes to die, what is the point of this?

Posted by: jM at May 26, 2009 10:54 AM

Hum, this reminds me of the time F.W. Murnau made a vampire movie based on the novel "Dracula" only he didn't call the vampire Dracula, but Orlock (because of copyright issues). Nosferatu was pretty good. People have been ripping off the Dracula mythos for decades. Same concept, different characters. It will all come down to whether it's a good movie or not.

Magiel: My bible doesn't have Jesus in it. What weirdo sequel have you been reading? Actually, Monty Python already made your movie, and called it "Life of Brian."

Posted by: BWeaves at May 26, 2009 10:56 AM

Unless this is going to feature Alyson Hannigan making out with chicks or Eliza Dushku standing around naked and silent, I don't care.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 26, 2009 11:00 AM

I would feel bad for making Prisco homeless and killing all those trees.

Maybe those fires every year are some kind of karmic arrangement. "THOSE WERE SOME BAD MOVIES, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA!

REAP!!!! REEEEEEAP!!!"

Well it makes sense, doesn't it?

Without Donald Sutherland or Luke Perry or Paul Reubens taking ten minutes to die, what is the point of this?

Don't forget Rutger!!

Posted by: Jay at May 26, 2009 11:03 AM

HA! jM, I'm sure glad I was not mid-beverage when I read this, or I'd have drowned at my desk.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 26, 2009 11:05 AM

Yeeaahh.. I just don't care. And I am a huge, HUGE Buffy fan. I am a total Joss nerd. I own every season of Buffy on dvd. They wanna remake it? OK, I'll probably see it - who knows, maybe it'll be fun. Or maybe it will be crap. So what? If it's horrible, it's horrible. Doesn't affect my enjoyment of the original series.

I checked out the response over at Whedonesque and I guess I'm in the minority - lots of people are hell o' pissed.

Posted by: Maurina at May 26, 2009 11:14 AM

Don't forget Rutger!!

That was a huge oversight on my part, Jay. The hair, the 'stache, the cape... perfection.

Posted by: jM at May 26, 2009 11:20 AM

wow....just wow.

Are you telling me no one has a bit of originality anymore? That people are so desperate that they will remake anything? Even things that have been gone for only 5 years?

I say we start a compaign! Death to the remake! And screw this reboot word, I am tired of Hollywood trying to paw off a new word for the remake. IT IS JUST A REMAKE, NO TA REBOOT! God how horrible.

I think I would rather watch the remake of Escape from Witch Mountain over and over again then watch this :-/

Posted by: Angelmonster at May 26, 2009 11:24 AM

I'm just hoping this new slayer kills the fuck out of a bunch of Twilighters.

I can just imagine Lefty, the PeeWee Herman vampire from the first movie being the main bad guy in this one - still dying slowly from the ruler stabbed through his heart. Better get it right though, or else...

"You ruined my reboot! Kill him a lot!"

Posted by: Bane at May 26, 2009 11:48 AM

"Unless this is going to feature Alyson Hannigan making out with
chicks or Eliza Dushku standing around naked and silent, I don't care."

Thank you Tracer. If I may, I'd like to throw in a picnic basket fulla silicone whatchamadobblers and a vat of baby oil.

Posted by: Skitz at May 26, 2009 12:17 PM

I want to stab the universe in the face.

Posted by: TL at May 26, 2009 12:25 PM

Toy porn? I thought you had better taste than that, Skitz!

Posted by: Jay at May 26, 2009 12:37 PM

how exactly did they help hi launch the series? by trying to rape the idea of the movie. cause that movie is awesome but other than the scrip is more awesome in a "pee wee herman is a post modern vampire with a keen sense of fashion"kinda of way more than anything else. and yeah they cant do better than sarah michelle gellar because, like christian bale so painfully thought us this last week end is if you work with a director that has the brain of a fried bean u cant make freaking miracles happen. no matter how much verbally abusive u are. get freaking cate blachett for it it will still suck.

Posted by: rio at May 26, 2009 12:42 PM

Whoa, admin! You're welcome to join me on the coffee couch, but don't expect me to tickle your fancy!

Posted by: meaux at May 26, 2009 12:59 PM

Ooo, coffee couch! Can we play backgammon and throw pennies at the fanboys?

Posted by: Jim Doggie at May 26, 2009 1:04 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Maybe they should cast the AWESOME!!!! Chris Pine in drag.

Suck it bitches.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 26, 2009 1:09 PM

I think it helps that the new 'Star Trek' movie wasn't bad.

I'm a geek, and it's pretty easy to keep me satisfied.

Posted by: twig at May 26, 2009 10:00 AM

------------------------------------------------

You sir/madam are no geek, if you were you would know that what you saw there was an average action flick with the "Star Trek" logo pasted on it.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 26, 2009 1:14 PM

Bane: "I'm just hoping this new slayer kills the fuck out of a bunch of Twilighters."

HAHAHHAHAHHAHA! I'd watch that. I bet when she dusts them, the dust sparkles like fairy dust.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 26, 2009 1:22 PM

I love Buffy, and I'll probably hate the movie, but guess what? I'll see it anyway.

Of course, last night Mr. Suz was watching the preview for the new Sherlock Holmes movie, and he said disappointedly: "It doesn't follow any of the books!" and then I said: "Whocaresthereareprettypeopleinit. Wait, was that my American civilian coming out? Sorry."

Posted by: Suz at May 26, 2009 1:25 PM

*Wilhelm Scream*

Posted by: Phil at May 26, 2009 2:31 PM

Damn straight, Jim Doggie! Hop on!

Posted by: meaux at May 26, 2009 2:58 PM

This can be safely ignored I reckon...it'll just be Buffy gussied up and douched out for the Twilight kids. Maybe this'll free up Whedon to get to work on the next Firefly movie. One can hope.

Posted by: stryker1121 at May 26, 2009 3:14 PM

I love the fact that most people here don't care. You people have crushed one too many dreams, we just can't muster up the outrage anymore. I'm gonna go watch Hairspray now.

"What makes a man, reach out and touch? Ultra-Clutch haaaaiiiirspray!"

Posted by: TWoP Fan at May 26, 2009 3:22 PM

"If I wanted to watch a reboot of Buffy without the witty dialogue and clever scenarios of Joss Whedon, I'd just watch Charmed."

HA! My favorite tweet about it.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 26, 2009 3:38 PM

I was expecting more frothing from diehard fans, but you know what? You're all right. I'm just gonna turn my back on this one and pretend it doesn't exist. If Buffy ain't in it, it ain't Buffy. Works for me!

Posted by: Melissa at May 26, 2009 4:23 PM

Oooh, a coupling of two of the most tired and over-saturated contemporary entertainment obsessions: vampires and reboots. Is this strange sensation excitement, or me swallowing my tongue?

Throw in:
- an unplanned pregnancy (although I think those are called 'pregnancies')
- some sort of 'bro-mance'
- a hard-as-nails businesswoman who has left love on the back-burner in order to climb to the top of the corporate ladder of the 'Old Boys Club'
- a dog that dies
- a race to the airport to confess your feelings to your true love, before it's too late
- a cocky teenager who gets hustled by a pool shark
- the eternal frat boy who must re-evaluate his life and relationships, then accept responsibility
- courage in the face of cancer
- lots of white people
- pink libations
- a Thompson Equalizer...

...and you've got yourself a sootikin of a good time. See you at the Nobel Awards (where I learn the TRUE IDENTITY of my REAL FATHER!)

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at May 26, 2009 8:11 PM

I won't watch it. X-Men 3 made me grow up and realize that I don't have to see bad movies just because they're based on things I like.

Posted by: Lucas at May 26, 2009 9:49 PM

buffy without joss is like....I literally can't think of a single thing that has as positive an impact on things as joss whedon.

no, it's like life without death. pointless.

on a related note, who would let fran kuzui make another movie anyway? it's not like the buffy movie made a bunch of money or anything; it was just irredeemably awful.

Posted by: trippdup at May 27, 2009 12:37 AM

It's been stated, but...how in the hell do you remake "Buffy" without said lead character? If they're not going to use any of Whedon's characters or canon, how exactly do they pull this off? Because, so help me, if they just slap the name "Buffy" on some new strumpet with a stake, that's beyond ridiculous.

Posted by: Venture82 at May 27, 2009 12:49 AM

Oops - sorry Seth!
Ok, so Dustin, check under Fran's skirt, wouldja?

Posted by: tarn at May 27, 2009 3:41 AM

Why God Why!!!

Posted by: Butterflyj at May 27, 2009 8:57 AM

I won't watch it. X-Men 3 made me grow up and realize that I don't have to see bad movies just because they're based on things I like.

That's like a revelation to me...although I will probably keep watching things just to see, and then pretending they don't exist. As I expect to do with Terminator next week.

Posted by: Carrie at May 27, 2009 9:15 AM

Of course it’s going to be remade. And you’re going to watch it, because that’s the sort of person you are.

Actually, I might just have to NOT watch this.

Posted by: dene at May 27, 2009 11:10 AM

Bored now....

Posted by: Liz at May 27, 2009 2:30 PM

To me, this whole "reboot" crap is just a very pathetic and shameful attempt to latch onto the success of Twilight. Do they honestly think this is the best time to put a remake into the works. The show has only been over for 6 years. All they will do by doing this project now is:

a) show others their shallow attempt to jump onto the "vampire craze" created by Twilight.

b) serve as a rival to Twilight (which considering that most fans of the TV version of Buffy are sentencing this "reboot" to death, they can't exactly rely on Buffy fans to be on their side).

Ultimately, I smell an epic fail in this "reboot" fiasco, and I'm glad it's not going to be linked to Joss or his perfect TV series-- at least not creatively, and I'm sorry I must say I hope it does fail terribly, or even better, they come to their senses and at LEAST postpone this nonsense (a decade or two [or three :D ]) if not suspend it indefinitely.

I haven't decided whether I want to savagely boycott this, or just sit back and let whatever happens happen. If it continues as planned and looks good, I may see it. I may not. It all depends, but right now, I'm VERY upset about the whole thing.

Posted by: Damian at July 5, 2009 3:55 PM

And to the author:

I KNOW he didn't diss Sarah Michelle Gellar.

NO ONE could EVER even DREAM of playing Buffy like her. Whatever "hot young actress" they get to star in this travesty won't be fit to lick the mud of Sarah's ass-kicking boots.

She will always be the ONLY Buffy. (With minimal recognition to Kristy Swanson for originating the role).

Posted by: Damian at July 5, 2009 4:00 PM

so im curious is the new movie not goin to be called buffy the vampire slayer or what. so it maybe just be a new slayer that just joined in the game so to speak. well thats an interesting idea except that they don't have joss whedon joining in the production of the film. the movie is goin to fail before they get off the first shot. It would be a great idea to have at least some of the old actors from the tv show to come in, im sure some of them would want to be part of the movie. Seriously it was the show that brought the remake of the movie possible. oh man i hope they reamke this movie good cuz to be honest im a huge fan of the show. the director of the movie goin to try for it again thats a huge laugh it was a huge flop i can't believe they want to try it again with out joss whedon the true artist of this show. hey if the got the money to lose again i say go for it. then let joss whedon to one and show you guys how it suppose to be done.

Posted by: JOHN at July 21, 2009 6:03 AM