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Bruce Willis and Jamie Foxx Join Another Video-Game Adaptation

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (13)



seyfried03.jpg

Word is that Bruce Willis is planning to play one of the leads in a video-game adaptation of Kane & Lynch: Dead Men. I’ve never heard of that video game, but I’ve never heard of a lot of video games. There are many reasons for this, but I’ll spare you all of them.

In Kane & Lynch, Bruce Willis will play a mercenary who makes an unlikely alliance with the schizophrenic killer named James Lynch. Jamie Foxx has apparently been cast as Lynch. I have no idea if that’s a good pairing or not. Is James Lynch an overrated actor who does a mean impression of Ray Charles? If not, I’m not sure that Foxx is worth much the screen time. Simon Crane is directing, based on a script by Kyle Ward. I have no idea who these people are. Congratulations, Bruce Willis. You’ve completely lost the ability to nab an A-list director.

In other casting news of note, Reese Witherspoon will play blogger Ree Drummond in a movie based on her blog, thepioneerwoman.com. It’s about a “city girl falls in love with the country (by way of a cowboy).” There’s some recipes over there, too, if you’re interested. Plus, what looks like some advice on how to home school your children. Here’s the best home schooling advice I can offer: Send them to public school. Good for Reese, though. Her most successful roles seem to be Southern women (Walk the Line, Sweet Home Alabama). No idea when this will go in front of cameras — she’s already lined up for several other projects, including Water for Elephants and McG’s This Means War.

And speaking of McG, Amanda Seyfried is now attached to his The Girl Who Conned the Ivy League, which is based on a Rolling Stone article (they still write articles? And how do you make a movie based on an article under their 350-word limit?). The movie is based on a pitch by Lorene Scafaria, and it’s about a woman who steals a lot of identities, including one that gets her into Columbia University. Problems arise when authorities begin searching for the missing person whose identity was stolen, which leads them to the character played by Seyfried. Seyfried flees. A detective chases her. Everyone has pie.

Please remain seated. Your enthusiasm is a little off-putting.

(Source: Slashfilm)









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Comments

Feh. Just once, once, I want the urban career woman/overworked executive who's lost touch with his family who visits the country/rural South to look around and say, "Man, fuck you backwards peckerheads. I'm going somewhere that I can get a decent goddamn martini and the whole place doesn't smell like cow shit." Or, "Now I remember why I moved away from you inbred bigots." Or even, "Your simple country values don't mean shit if I can't get a tongue bath from a 19-year-old Laotian hooker."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 19, 2010 9:30 AM

19? Don't kid yourself, pal.

Posted by: Sean at March 19, 2010 9:43 AM

Great. Now they're not only making shitty video games movies, they're making shitty video game movies about shitty video games.

Posted by: admin at March 19, 2010 10:03 AM

Meh. This can only end in pain and suffering. On all fronts.

Posted by: Xtreme at March 19, 2010 10:26 AM

I can never look at that picture without wondering what the hell is going on with her neck. What is she, a brachiosaurus?

Posted by: Carrie at March 19, 2010 10:31 AM

Her most successful roles seem to be Southern women (Walk the Line, Sweet Home Alabama).

What? Was she southern in Legally Blonde? Because I'm pretty sure those films have to be her most successful. Am I wrong?

Posted by: DeistBrawler at March 19, 2010 11:31 AM

Oh, man Carrie, you're right. She looks like the dead mother from Evil Dead.

"I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!"

Posted by: superasente at March 19, 2010 11:34 AM

Deist, wasn't she from LA in Legally Blonde? Isn't LA in SOUTHERN California?

Case solved.

On other fronts,

1) Amanda Seigfriedroy is weird looking and I don't like her.

2) Love me some Bruce Willis, as long as he is in over the top mode, and Jamie Foxx.....was funny on In Living Color. Does this remind anyone else of The Last Boy Scout?

3) Reese is on Mr. dammit's freebie list, and is one where I would jump in.

4) It's Friday. Where's the liquor?

Posted by: dammitjanet at March 19, 2010 11:59 AM

Kane and Lynch was a terrible game, but it's story could transpose well to a movie. However, knowing the genres track record, the movie will still be unspeakably awful.

Posted by: George at March 19, 2010 12:17 PM

The Girl Who Conned the Ivy League, sounds like the story of Esther Reed who stole several identities and managed to get admitted to both Columbia and Harvard. It was a fairly interesting story, and might make a decent movie. The woman conned people and stole identities for about 10 years before getting caught. I think at one time she was even suspected of being a spy. I don't remember any high speed chases, explosions, or violence though, so why does it interest Mcg?

Posted by: CJ at March 19, 2010 1:07 PM

Actually, while Rolling Stone has begun pandering endlessly to the lowest common denominator in their cover stories, they continue to have terrific, interesting articles once in a while. And their political coverage is top-of-the-heap. Just don't read anything they have to say about music, television, sports, or movies, and you're set!

Posted by: ChristianH at March 19, 2010 2:08 PM

SQUEE!! I love The Pioneer Woman!!

What? I stayed seated.

BTW, janet, I LOLed at "Amanda Siegfriedroy." I always think that when I see her name, too.

Posted by: Jelinas at March 19, 2010 8:23 PM

Man. I am still disappointed about Reese's long-dead 'Bunny Lake is Missing' project...

Posted by: Mimi at March 20, 2010 3:17 AM


















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