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Hail Satan!

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (9)



Stiller-Evolves.jpg

At last, it has arrived. Incontrovertible proof. Undeniable evidence. Indisputable affirmation.

Satan has won the war.

Prepare yourselves.

Because Brett Ratner, the hackiest of hack directors, has chosen his actor for Tower Heist.

Ben Stiller.

Yes, the star of the Focker franchise and the violator of X-Men III are joining forces. According to Deadline, Stiller will play “the overworked manager of a luxury building who, along with other staff, lost their pensions to a Bernie Madoff-like Wall Street crook. It so happens that the fraudster is being held under house arrest in the luxury penthouse apartment upstairs, and the manager and four cohorts figure a heist will make them whole.”

But wait! Before you start saying Ocean’s 11 rip-off (or any other group heist picture, for that matter), Ratner had this to say a few months ago:

It has become the quintessential New York heist movie, where a bunch of blue collar employees in a tower building pull off the ultimate heist…I didn’t get to do [Ocean’s Eleven, written by Tower Heist writer Ted Griffin], I did Rush Hour instead, but I went back to Ted to do a rewrite, and he wanted to start over. His pitch was so good that I took it to Brian [Grazer, producer], who said, ‘let’s get it right.’ I brought the script to Ben on the Little Fockers set, and said this is perfect for you…I asked Noah Baumbach to do some specific character work for Ben. Then my Rush Hour guy Jeff Nathanson brought it home. The major difference from the Ocean’s film is those guys were expert thieves. These are real guys whose talent is they know the inner workings of the building and the people in it.

So, several things here. First, Noah Baumbach did a polish on it. That’sa good thing, considering he’s also written Greenberg, The Squid and the Whale and The Fantastic Mr. Fox. He’s also made Stiller into a somewhat likable character in the past.

But then… Stiller almost did Ocean’s 11? Holy fuck, that would have been an amazing thing. And by amazing, I mean testicle-shreddingly awful. Fortunately, his “Rush Hour guy” finished it. Oh good. I mean, one of the Rush Hour movies was good.

What’s that? Nathanson only worked on Rush Hour 2 and 3? And Speed 2: Cruise Control as well?

Oh. Balls.

Yeah. It’s official. God has been put out to pasture. Hide your children.

Dying time’s here.

(source: Slashfilm)









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Comments

I've already prepared myself; I have a root beer Slurpee and a buffalo chicken wrap and have trained the cats to lick my feet. When the end comes, I can say that I died happy.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at August 24, 2010 11:04 AM

I never liked God anyway.

Fucker always cheats at popomatic Trouble.

Posted by: Brian at August 24, 2010 11:24 AM

Oscars for everyone!

Posted by: admin at August 24, 2010 11:24 AM

Actually thinking about it, I think Ratner would be perfect for a Seventh Seal re-imagining with a game of Trouble as the main focal point, instead of chess.

Keep the Stiller train rolling, cast him as a down-on-his-luck hopeless romantic who is a little bit awkward, but in that cute, intellectual way. Have him play against Chris Tucker as God.

Man. It would be so much fun, getting into that Trouble.

Posted by: Brian at August 24, 2010 11:30 AM

Brett,

Thank you for the constant reminders, but we are painfully aware that you did the Rush Hour movies. At this point, even Troy Duffy is concerned with your obsession with your own movies.

I brought the script to Ben on the Little Fockers set

P.S. Thank you for explaining why that trailer had the faint but distinct smell of Axe and self-delusion.

Posted by: branded at August 24, 2010 11:49 AM

What exactly are a janitor and a building super going to steal from a penthouse? If the bad guy stole their pension funds, the money is sitting in a Swiss bank account. It's not in the guy's mattress.

Here's a true story. Due to the high taxes in Britain, many people did used to keep their money out of banks and under the mattress at home. My uncle's roommate kept his money in a shoebox under the floorboards. One day he went to get some out and the mice had shredded it to make a nest. You could hear the cursing blocks away.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 24, 2010 12:00 PM

I'm trying to decide if that's actually Ben Stiller's ass. It's awfully high and tight to be un-Photoshopped.

Posted by: Jerry at August 24, 2010 2:04 PM

Brian, I'm not going to sleep tonight. That is terrifying.

Posted by: A-schaef at August 24, 2010 7:31 PM

First, Noah Baumbach did a polish on it. That’sa good thing, considering he’s also written Greenberg, The Squid and the Whale and The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

Greenberg was brain numbingly annoying, the other two movies were great. Who was in Greenberg? Right. I rest my case.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 24, 2010 9:14 PM