Pajiba

If Skeletor and Wayne from Wayne's World had a baby...

They should lock him up and only let him out if he's willing to do concerts.

That's what they've done with Madonna, and I think we can all agree that it's not pretty. She could play bass by plucking her own neck cords, ya know?

Ratner's $3.6 million home in Beverly Hills was destroyed by a BBQ grill explosion

Is Jackson relevant enough to merit a posting here?

I don't think so.

i dunno guys, someone showed me a youtube video of a skittles commercial that involved feet (!!!) and i think it was only slightly more disturbing than this.

but only slightly.

Has anything combining "brett" and "michael" ever turned out well?

The concept was off-putting enough, and then the R. Kelly!!! song started and I got creepbumps so large I looked like a plastic bag full of cold oatmeal (and/or Tara Reid).

Four years ago, while staring at an otherwise solid beige wall, I noticed a gray spot. I blinked a couple times looked at another solid surface and there it was again - a fuzzy gray spot right in the middle of my left eye. That can't be good, I'm thinking, so I call my eye doctor (expecting the usual three month wait), and he wants to know if I can be there in an hour. Now, that is really not good, and actually I can't be, so I get there first thing the next morning, spend two hours getting every conceivable drop dumped into my left eye and get one of those good news/bad news things. It isn't a detached retina (Yay!) - it's a macular hole (Wha?).

Well, that sucks. That means surgery, a gas bubble behind the eye, three weeks in a harness to keep me face down 24/7 with not enough drugs to keep me sane. Once up, I wear patches during the day, enduring months of pirate jokes, and shields during the night. I did it though. I was amazingly compliant.

And yet, three months later, the hole is back. Another surgery, another bubble, another harness, better but not great drugs, and the hole is sealed, and the patch is back, and I'm warned about detached retinas and cataracts and no flying and stay off roller coasters and probably anything else that might cause me to bump my head.

And 15 months later, the hole is back - my surgeon compares the back of my eye to an over-tossed pizza crust - and I'm back in the OR with two surgeons this time because I have indeed developed a cataract in the eye so we might as well fix that, too. Once again, the hated harness, much better drugs, eye patches, and another year of missing every wedding, family function, conference, vacation, etc because pressurized cabins are verboten. Finally the all clear. Right...

A year later, likely out of sheer spite, the right eye develops a cataract. Surgery, although this one was easy, and for the first time in my life I can see without glasses. I'm actually feeling pretty good - vision is great, I can get out of my house without braille, I can read the sports ticker.

And just how do you repay me for all this hell and agony? A video of the Knight of the Living Dead?!

You bastards...

He looks as if he has been in a fire. And do you notice that he is always looking at the camera, no matter where it is?

My kids will hear a song and ask "Is that when Michael Jackson was black?"

I'm not watching. I am shuddering.

My money's on funtime42 for the No. 1 spot come Thursday, and I'm not just saying that because I've had several surgeries on my own left eye, including for detached retina and cataract and to install a little shunt on the top of the eyeball to keep the pressure inside low, plus perhaps the most disgusting thing you'll read today: to remove massive clouds of floaters (those little squiggly things you see sometimes against a white background), the doctor SUCKED ALL THE JELLY OUT OF MY EYE and replaced it with ... I dunno what, saline water or something.

But all that? NOTHING like the horror funtime42 describes.

Here's looking at YOU, my visually challenged friend.

Lord Voldemort?

Well, neither could stop since they could never get enough.

How odd... I was watching videos of Jackson 5 performances earlier today.

Now instead of singing ABC, I feel like I have an STD.

It's called a vitrectomy - they draw blood from your veins, spin down the plasma, suck out the vitreous humor from behind your eye, plug the hole with the plasma, then float the gas bubble behind the plasma to act as a bandaid until the plasma adheres to/seals the hole. And you have to keep absolutely parallel to the ground or the gas bubble slides off the eye. I watched all sorts of TV using one of those magic mirrors on the floor - of course my 32" TV had been delivered two days before the diagnosis and instead of reveling in large, I got to watch the greens of Augusta through a 2" mirror.

The floaters are kinda cool though. The ones in my left eye looks like James Thurber's scottie dogs, and the right eye is a dead ringer for the eastern coastline of Russia just north of Vladivostok...

Yes, Pookie. He's become a victim of a selfish kind of love.

Jesus Christ Michael...that is the best you can do??!?! That has to be the fattest, hairiest 12 year old boy I have ever seen...How the mighty have fallen...

Damn. I watched that video while the ad with the man with the scorpion on his face was next to it. I believe MJ was scarier and more disturbing.

All I can say is that he did his best to be a white woman but still has the rhythm and dance moves of a black man.

"I can't wait for the sex tape.
Posted by: Peecat"

I can wait. I can wait for about the next billion damned years. Some things are just too far beyond the pale (and I've sat through the entire "2 Girls / 1 Cup" video without reaction).

*shudder*

Uhh...I don't know what to say, Che...better Brett than Michael, I guess?

Excuse me while I go thank Mother Websense for blocking this video from my poor, defenseless eyes.

Does ANYONE else find the extreme humor in the idea of kid-toucher Michael jackson getting down in the backseat to kid-fucker R. Kelly??? Should the car suck itself into a black hole or someting?

(And by black hole, I'm speaking in physics terms, cuz Mike isn't a black anymore...although that's funny too. See what i did there??)

If Michael Jackson, even looking as he did, walked up to me and said "Look, I know how I seem right now and everything, but if I promise to get better and start singing and dancing again, would you give me a hug..."

I'd give him a big one. Like, a really big one. Both arms. Because we're all better for what he's done for music.

Now, back to worrying about his chilrens.

I can wait. I can wait for about the next billion damned years. Some things are just too far beyond the pale (and I've sat through the entire "2 Girls / 1 Cup" video without reaction).

Wanderer I so hope there is one. It'll be the final nail in both of their respective 'careers'.

He looks like an alien...poor guy! Latoya probably got the inspiration for her nose from MJ...what the hell were they thinking?!