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BREAKING: Movie Based on Nicholas Sparks Novel About A Crying Girl is Being Made, Will Probably Make Other Girls Cry

By William Goss | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (16)

nicholas sparks kisses.jpg

Ugh. This is what I get for enjoying one (Dear John) of this year’s two Nicolas Sparks adaptations (the other being The Last Song) - another goddamn movie about a teenage girl in North Carolina with a secret (A Walk to Remember) who’s torn between two relationships that she didn’t want in the first place (okay, he didn’t do Twilight, but that’s totally Twilight; probably a bit of Shakespeare as well, maybe even Jane Austen, but let’s not give anyone too much credit here).

Relativity, which usually co-produces films but doesn’t release them, has snatched up the floundering Overture Films as well as the rights to this here upcoming novel of his, Safe Haven, with intent to distribute. And good for them. They have money. They like money. And they’ll make money. Whether I like this particular piece of treacle or not, it’ll make money.

And so will Sparks, because as his cliches grow older, his readership stays the same age. Alright, alright, alright.

(Source: THR)









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Comments

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhh!

Someone take away this man's computer! And paper! And pens! No more writing for you ever Mr Sparks.

Posted by: Carrie at August 9, 2010 11:26 AM

Alright, alright, alright.

Aw... Matthew McConnaghey at his finest.

While I enjoyed A Walk to Remember, I have despised every one of Sparks' subsequent novels and every adaptation of any of his novels. And I'm his target demographic.

Great. Big. Meh.

Posted by: Pea at August 9, 2010 11:30 AM

I do need him and James Patterson to engage in a torrid affair that ends in a murder/suicide. At least Robert Parker finally got silenced.

Posted by: Jay at August 9, 2010 12:15 PM

DO. NOT. EVER. compare Nicholas Sparks with Jane Austen.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 9, 2010 12:28 PM

I'm pretty sure this douche compared himself favorably to Jane Austen (and just about everyone else) already in a USA Today interview.

Posted by: Really at August 9, 2010 1:00 PM

It's one thing for the douche to do it. It's another thing for Dustin to do it. And by the way a USA Today interview? Yep, about right for his readership.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 9, 2010 1:19 PM

Yeah... Dustin didn't write this piece.

Posted by: William Goss at August 9, 2010 1:26 PM

Well whoever you are, it's still beneath you to compare this workshop-level writer to Austen even if you're trying to diss Sparks while doing so.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 9, 2010 1:38 PM

Hey fuck you bitches. I cry every time I see The Notebook. Every goddamn time. Its the ending. That ending just likes to rip out my heart.

But I did not like The Last Song, Dear John, Nights in Rodanthe, A Walk to Remember, or Message in a Bottle.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at August 9, 2010 2:16 PM

Deist: What about Avatar? I'm pretty sure he wrote that.

Posted by: William Goss at August 9, 2010 2:19 PM

I will admit however, that the only one of these I have seen is "Message in a Bottle" and while it was dreck of the highest order of dreckitude, I did tear up in the scene where Paul Newman talks about his son's death and what it meant to a father to lose a son. It must have been so close to the bone for Newman and he really nailed it.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 9, 2010 2:44 PM

A Walk To Remember is one of good ones. The "being in 2 places at once" scene nuff' said.

Also, 'Dear john' didn't make me cry, it made me enraged by how awful it was. Actually, Channing Tatum was good, Richard Jenkins made me cry, and amanda Seyfried along with "the twist" made me wanna donkey punch the dude in front of me.

Posted by: kilmo at August 9, 2010 5:15 PM

I'll second PaddyDog's enraged voice against using Jane Austen's name in the same sentence as that hack. I was forced to sit through Dear John a couple months ago. Richard Jenkins is wrenching, but that's about it.

Posted by: bonnie at August 9, 2010 5:29 PM

As much as I love Jane Austen, "Emma" made me want to rip her balls out by the roots. Miss Austen had balls, I tell thee.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 9, 2010 5:41 PM

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One... men will screw anything

Posted by: Heather Hen at August 16, 2010 6:54 PM

i love all peopel lssl ototwueox and my name is and how old are you reviciicae

Posted by: Thomas Mcguire at January 28, 2011 9:39 PM