Pajiba

I'm reeeeaally hoping the Law of Diminishing Returns starts to operate on this Twilight thing, otherwise my already fragile perception of reality WILL collapse.

Oh, if only things in Hollywood were measured by talent and worth rather than box office piles. This particular pile is really starting to reek.

For what it is worth, RobPatt (yeah, get over it) was completely attractive as Cedric Diggory. Clean hair. Bright skin. Smiling. All the things a healthy, living young man should contain.

Then Moldy Voldy made him a sparkly, angsty vampire. So, yeah, he is pretty damn evil.

I dread seeing more Twilight films in the coming years. I suppose though that if Harry Potter can keep the kids coming in, then a geriatric Robert Patterson can as well.

Personally, the movie in the Twilight series where sparkle-tits has to gnaw through Bella's abdomen to release their demon spawn is the only one I'm really looking forward to (it'll be one of the Breaking Dawn ones). Its going to be the most disturbing on-screen caesarian ever, and watching them try and sanitise it will be hilarious.

Well, to be fair, SLW was comparing the business models of the two film franchises. ie, how to milk the cash cow for one last squirt.

Oh - and I guess there's also a silly riff on the coincidence of Robert What's-his-hair appearing in both. Not really a comparison of the material.

Personally, the movie in the Twilight series where sparkle-tits has to gnaw through Bella's abdomen to release their demon spawn is the only one I'm really looking forward to

saartjie, if you use my moniker in a sentence referencing Twilight ever again, I will hunt you down and smother you with my glittery moobs.

ooo - defensive.

I think I'll be moving to Nepal during the launch of one of the halves. I'm only mentally prepared for 4.

But I still don't understand. I know the plot (haven't read it) and I'm sure I could make a freaking short film out of it

I suggested Kristen Bell as Harley at some point in the comment's section. Is the casting that obvious or are Josh McMahon and I soul mates?

I like the suggestion of Amy Adams but only if she drops down to 90lbs. It wouldn't make her more attractive but it just feels like Harley was tiny. I don't hate the Rachel McAdams suggestion either because I love her.

Posted by: George at December 2, 2009 10:26 AM

Reminds me of the funniest line from BBC's Being Human:

"you people don't have a telephone"

Second Amy Adams as HQ. Would also take Isla Fisher.

As for Breaking Dawn getting split into two...sure, find a way to show the by-then teenagers how evil and gory sex is. Then find a way to explain to the moms how their former underage lust target falling in love with a newborn isn't disgusting in the slightest.

2 movies full of irony = win.

1. Someone please summarize Breaking Dawn for me in 5 sentences or less. I don't want to go read up on it.

2. Kristen Bell isn't nearly cool enough to be in a Batman movie. Christopher Nolan has better standards than that, Katie Holmes notwithstanding.

You people really need to learn how to appreciate bad movies. I'm not talking about Twilight and New Moon, those are just excuses for drinking. But Breaking Dawn being two movies is great news. The first movie will be about the wedding and the vampire fucking and the pregnancy and Bella's spine being broken by the vampire/human baby. And the werewolf wanting to kill the baby but instead falling head over heels in love with it. Like crazy, stalker Mormon in love with this new Bella breaking baby. And lip biter gets turned into a neck biter. That's a fair amount of crazy.

Film two would be about the gathering of a vampire army, full of all kinds of super powered vampires. Hundreds of crazy vampires converge to do battle over the new sparkle baby (her mutant power? Adorableness. I shit you not).

So anyways, two massive vampire armies all ready to go apeshit crazy on each other. And Bella discovers how to use her crazy mutant vampire power. It is an invisible shield that invisibly shields people from the invisible attacks from other vampires. Have fun filming that.

Where was I? Right: vampire armies. Two hours of introducing all these crazy vampires with all their crazy powers and then... they talk it out and everyone goes home. The end.

These two films will provide enough disasterbacle to somewhat atone for all the other Twilight crap. I hope.

Well figgy, I was going to get on that summary for you, but opie's is so fantastic, I can't top it. I swear, if you look up Deus Ex Machina in the dictionary, the ending of this last book is the explaination. Huge fight, building up over three effing books, involving vampires and other whatsits from all over the world, chapters of battle training and anticipation, AND... nah, just kidding. Everybody go home happy. What. The. Flagnot!?

But yeah, Im excited anxious to see how parents and teachers explain to their kids that its not OK to be covered in bruises after having sex with your boyfriend, or to marry off your babies to wolfmen. Have fun with all that.

I feel like a broken record on this one. I would support the casting of Kristen Bell as Harley Quinn in a Batman film. However, I feel the far stronger candidate to pull of the transition from respectable PHD to batshit crazy is Angela Bettis. She's proven she's quite capable of that time and again and usually acts circles around whoever appears on screen with her. She's also very humble, intelligent, and entertaining in interviews. She's a class act and never forgets that actors are essentially paid a lot of money to play make-believe all day for our amusement.

Surely a bigger name could be attached in a second villain role to ensure box office draw. Not that Harley Quinn in a Batman film wouldn't. I'd camp out for tickets if Ashley Tisdale was cast as Harley Quinn because we'd get a live action Harley Quinn on the big screen. Simple as that.

For those saying Harley Quinn can't be introduced because of Heath Ledger's death, it's entirely possible to shoot around Joker's presence without losing anything. Harley Quinn goes into his padded cell and slowly transitions to more and more crazy as she keeps up her investigation/treatments. Eventually she snaps, puts on the crazy clown make-up, and goes on a more ambitious crime spree than Mr. J. Joker, meanwhile, is never seen, only spoken of, lending the audience the ability to produce far more horrifying corruption scenarios than actually showing the interractions would. Easy peasy. Lock up Harley Quinn in the end and only set her free if the Nolans (or whoever takes over) wisen up and realize a woman using natural toxins and potions isn't unrealistic (of course I write of Poison Ivy, a scientist who uses natural plant toxins and chemistry to do her job; there are exotic plants she could cross-breed and use without crossing over to unbelievability; we can't have Orca, obviously, but Poison Ivy is realistic enough).

Breaking Dawn in 5 Sentences:

It turns out that Edward Cullen is pretty kinky (still wouldn't hit that).
It turns out that his spawn is as annoying as he is (well, duh).
It turns out that becoming a sparklepussy ups emopussy's crazy level (impressive).
It turns out that Jacob goes for 2-week-olds (rowr).
It turns out that Dakota Fanning won't really kill everyone (damn!).

@ Inaras: One of the things I find so fascinating about the series is Rowling's development as a writer from the first to last book. If you started reading them as a child (as I did), the prose becomes more complicated as the books go on and as your own reading level goes up. In the beginning, there are some classic hallmarks of an inexperienced writer (i.e. trying to describe a double-take in writing: "Jerked his head back around to look again", or introducing a time machine device and then furiously backpedaling to justify why it's not used to solve every problem ever), but by the end... granted, it's not Tolstoy, but there's a fantastic quality about it where you don't feel like you're reading at all. You're seeing. And for children's fiction, you can't ask for anything better.

Comparatively, Stephanie Meyer blows chunks.

Ling,
Fair enough. I can see why people who read them as kids might like these books and how nostalgia can make anyone overlook plot holes, shoddy pacing, and crap dialogue (Star Wars *cough*). Though hearing kids enthuse about Harry Potter still makes me want to buy them a copy of Charlotte's Web, James and the Giant Peach, or Alice in Wonderland.

You know, I was recently Twi-raped. A friend of mine got me too drunk to drive and then plopped Twilight into the DVD player.

Which, first of all, I'm fairly certain violates the Geneva Convention. I know that only applies to prisoner of war. But I was stuck there, and this is clearly a war on all of our sensibilities.

I remember when vampires were cool, man. They didn't walk in the sun, they didn't sparkle, and they sure as shit didn't drive cars with excellent safety ratings. What's the point of being rich and immortal if you can't drive something completely ridiculous and highly dangerous?

In any event, I blame the Come Out and Play thread for inspiring me to de-lurk twice in one day (Godtopus have mercy) and admitting publicly I've actually SEEN this sparkly piece of poo.

Figgy,

If you don't want to read any of the books. Here's an amusing synopsis, including photoshopped illustrations, of all four books.

http://stoney321.livejournal.com/317176.html

And I'll bet you anything Bell ends up in the next sparklepire movie.