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Bourne Director Paul Greengrass Is Gonna Make You Seasick

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (15)

barb97seasick.jpg

Many weeks ago, we reported here first that Sherlock Holmes producer, Lionel Wigram, was putting together a Treasure Island movie that was meant to update the tale in much the same way that Wigram did with Holmes. At the time, we also reported that Wigram, et. al, had been eying Bourne director Paul Greengrass for the picture, but we severely downplayed Greengrass’ involvement because he was reportedly expected to direct Fantastic Voyage, another seafaring movie for James Cameron, which would’ve given us our first look at shaky-cam in 3D, or as I like to call it: Retch Until You Bleed Vision

Truthfully, the Hollywood Cog told us that Paul Greengrass was in serious consideration to take the director’s chair in Treasure Island, but I was like: Fuck that. There’s no way. He’s doing Voyage and the man’s not going to do two boat movies. He’s not an animal.

Well, that’ll teach me not to listen to the Cog, that fucking know-it-all, with his always reliable inside news. He knows. I don’t. I should just shut the fuck up and listen.

Indeed, Deadline is reporting that Paul Greengrass won’t actually be directing Fantastic Voyage, after all. In fact, he was reportedly lured away from Voyage by the prospect of doing Treasure Island. He’s not officially on Treasure Island yet, but it looks promising, which means that his shaky-cam will be making its way toward the sea, although I’m hoping that, in this case, it’s not 3D. That’s just too much.

Personally, this is my second fuck-up in regards to Robert Louis Stevenson in recent weeks. In addition to questioning the knowledge of the Hollywood Cog, a couple of weeks ago, my pub trivia team was asked who wrote Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and when one of my teammates suggested it was Stevenson, I told him he was flat-out fucking wrong. Stevenson wrote Treasure Island, not Dr. Jekyll.

As it turns out, 19th century authors can actually write more than one famous novel, proving once again that I’m 20 percent dumber without access to Google.









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Comments

Takes a man to own up like that.

I'm kinda more interested in submarines though, and I did get to ride Body Wars that one time, so...I'm just waiting for the Captains Nemo. There's two of those too, right?

Posted by: Jay at May 20, 2010 11:06 AM

This popped the thought into my head of what would be the dumbest use of 3d, probably something like Anne of Green Gables. But then I immediately switched to what would be the best use, and the answer is obvious, porn. I demand some 3d porn.

Posted by: EricD at May 20, 2010 11:15 AM

EricD, there is 3D porn. Ron Jeremy did a movie in the 70s that was in 3D. I forget the name of it but I know I went to a midnight screening of it here in Chicago at the Music Box a while back.

Posted by: JenVegas at May 20, 2010 11:22 AM

Treasure Island updated for the new conservative, GOD-Fearing, American:

Young Jim Hawkins encounters peril and adventures as he journeys from Arizona to Washington DC in search the original draft of the U.S. Constitution. Jon Voight as Long John Silver.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 20, 2010 11:23 AM

Is there a point to trivia contests in the Google age?

Well you can't look stuff up during the contest, of course. Plus, people forget shit under pressure. So of course it's still valid! And there's drinking!

Posted by: Jay at May 20, 2010 11:24 AM

Take heart that it's only 20 percent.

Posted by: SeeRed at May 20, 2010 11:28 AM

Where is drinking?
Did anyone mentioned drinking?

Posted by: Magiel at May 20, 2010 11:28 AM

I don't understand. There's no mystery solving and chance of a series based off of Treasure Island. What gives? What game are they playing here? And why am I fearing Pattinson or LaBeouf will be offered the Jim Hawkins role?

Can't they let a horror director tackle this in a dark fantasy way? There's the black dot, the crazy woman on the island, pirates...sounds like suspense and wonder, not shaky cam and whiz-bang action. Maybe that's just me.

Posted by: Robert at May 20, 2010 11:32 AM

It's definitely not just you, Robert.

Posted by: Ranylt at May 20, 2010 11:37 AM

Is there a point to trivia contests in the Google age?

Yes, they're just resolved more quickly.

I once had a 3 year long philosophical discussion with a friend on whether or not Dr. Doom was an actual doctor. Today that trivia would be answered in under a minute.

(he's not)

Posted by: superasente at May 20, 2010 12:57 PM

I miss pub trivia. I did play back in the day before the ubiquity of the Google phone, iWhatzit, or whatever tech device you kids use these days. It seems like now it would be impossible to police bar trivia and keep people from cheating, and there's certainly not enough honor these days to keep someone from stealing my first prize of fifty dollars in house cash. Oh, the halcyon days of cups, strings, and chivalry.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at May 20, 2010 1:13 PM

Retch Until You Bleed Vision

Am I the only one who read this as "Retch Until You Bleed Vision" and was trying to imagine what it would look like if my eyes were, in fact, bleeding vision?

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at May 20, 2010 2:16 PM

Amen, DarthCorleone. I did pub trivia back in the halcyon days when the interwebs existed, but tiny, portable devices which could access it did not. Pub trivia is actually quite fun if you don't take it too seriously and you're playing with good friends. And there's drinking!

I'm just surprised Dustin didn't know Stevenson wrote Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. What kinda easy-ass pub trivia are you playing up in Maine? Sheee-it.

Posted by: MM at May 20, 2010 6:51 PM

C'mon, fight it, fight it....

I...can't...

I once had a 3 year long philosophical discussion with a friend on whether or not Dr. Doom was an actual doctor. Today that trivia would be answered in under a minute.
(he's not)

Actually, by being the head of state of Latveria (which has some funky academic parameters), Doom made himself a doctor in his home country. And, much like our world, doctorates are not bound by borders. To his benefit, very few people are going to debate the scholastic achievements of the lunatic in power armor blasting people with magic and plasma beams.

Yeah. I am going to go sit in the corner now.

Posted by: Vermillion at May 20, 2010 9:21 PM

I adore you Vermillion. Just sayin'.

Posted by: replica at May 21, 2010 12:22 PM