Biz Break: Two Gorgeous People Can't Make It Work, Even When the Wife Doesn't Expect Fidelity? What Chance Do the Rest of Us Have?
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Biz Break: Two Gorgeous People Can't Make It Work, Even When the Wife Doesn't Expect Fidelity? What Chance Do the Rest of Us Have?

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | August 30, 2013 | Comments ()


I’m sure we have some Pajibans in Michigan, so you can celebrate/squeal in impotent rage that Batman vs. Superman will be filming in Detroit. You could actually see Bat Affleck on set! Or let me know if Henry Cavill is shirtless and how much you would charge me to bring him to me! Filming will start in the first part of 2014.


Chadwick Boseman is playing James Brown in the biopic Get On Up. The film will recount the entire life of the Godfather of Soul, from his poor childhood to his rise to fame and helmet hair. Get On Up hits theaters October 17, 2014.


Rumor has it that Rachel Hurd-Wood (Peter Pan) has auditioned for the Star Wars VII role of Han Solo and Princess Leia’s daughter. Allegedly. The rumor further claims that Alex Pettyfer (Magic Mike) is in the running for the role of Luke Skywalker’s son. Allegedly.


Child 44, a thriller based on the true story of serial killings in 1950s Russia, already stars Tom Hardy, Gary Oldman, and Noomi Rapace. Now they’ve lost a Philip Seymour Hoffman, but they’ve gained a Vincent Cassel (who is divorcing the gorgeous Monica Belluci)! Let’s be real. The divorce is the important story. Two gorgeous people can’t make it work, even when the wife doesn’t expect fidelity? What chance do the rest of us have…to scoop one of them up? Pretty good chance, right? Right?


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • e jerry powell

    "What chance do the rest of us haveā€¦to scoop one of them up? Pretty good chance, right? Right?"

    You're thinking entirely too small here.

  • katethegreat

    I'm with you.

  • e jerry powell

    This is gonna be fun!

  • Mrs. Julien

    Perhaps Ms. Bellucci was tired in living in fear of the garotting Cassel's gaze suggested was imminent.

  • John W

    I wonder what is going to be tougher physically for Boseman, playing Jackie Robinson or James Brown.

    As gifted an athlete as I assume Robinson was I'm going to go with James Brown who seemed like a whirling dervish of pure energy, even when he was singing slow jams.

  • Batesian

    Monica Belluci is available again?! I have a shot!*

    *I don't have the remotest chance of a shot.

  • Helo

    So, I'm assuming Detroit is going to stand in for the urban wreckage formerly known as Metropolis? Or the worst AND best parts of Gotham City? Either way, they're saving some serious coin. Smart production team.

    *apologies to the fine people of Detroit.

  • Don't apologize. As a city, Detroit seems expressly designed to make you regret being there and to discourage you from ever coming back.

  • Helo

    Never having been there, I can't speak to that. Maybe the influx of revenue from this production (and a few others, I believe I read Transformers 4 was shooting there) can help turn the city around.

  • "Oh my GOD."

    Actually shouted that out loud when I saw that Henry Cavill gif. Because ohmyGOD. I can't. I caaaaaaaaaan't. It's unreal!

    *flaps hands*

  • mrsdalgliesh

    Can't get over his revelation (on Graham Norton) that his nickname in school was "Fat Cavill."

  • BlackRabbit

    "Naa naa naa, gonna have a good tiiiime!"

  • Pants-are-a-must

    I could never understand why anyone would want to bang Vincent Cassel in the first place.

  • Helo

    Homeboy carries himself with far more elegance and suaveness than than his mug has a right to. That'll take you far with the ladies.

    See Gainesbourg, Serge. Must be a French thing.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Really? Because to me he looks like the very definition of "smug, punchable Frenchman." But that could be because I still think Alain Delon is the best thing that has ever happened to French men.

  • To be honest, though, most Frenchmen look smug and punchable, I think it's built in on a genetic level.

  • Helo

    One woman's "smug, punchable Frenchman" is another woman's marriage material, it would seem. Must apply only to European women.

    Alain Delon was a straight pimp. Still looks rather dapper for a gentleman of his age.

    On a sidenote, I can only hope my French genes will take me as far. If my lady finds me smug and punchable, she's been doing a bang-up job of hiding it from me and carrying on like she doesn't mind me. Could be it got diluted along with the Chinese, Colombian, and Panamanian genes. We'll see how it plays out.

  • emmalita

    Just don't go thinking you need to try it out with other test subjects and you should be fine.

  • Helo

    Ms. Helo occupies a very sacred place in my existence. Don't see myself threatening that with shallow pursuits. But, I do thank you for making me commit the sentiment to written record.

  • ed newman

    I could watch that James Brown gif all day.

  • Mrs. Julien

    My first boyfriend danced in that style (minus the splits). It was AMAZING.

  • Boo_Radley

    I'm leaving for Italy immediately.

  • Mrs. Julien

    [mesmerized by gif of Henry Cavill inhaling]

    Oh my God, he is so good-looking.

  • It's practically overwhelming.

  • Jim

    How'd they get background sound on a GIF? Oh wait, that's the sound of every pair of panties and briefs in the room falling to the floor.

  • Kala

    God, I know. It's not that he moistens my lions so much as it's like staring at the Taj Mahal or the pyramids. It leaves me breathless.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    ...was the problem with the marriage the husband expecting fidelity? Juuuust wondering.

    Good for Detroit.

  • emmalita

    Are you suggesting our old friend, The Double Standard, has a hand in this? You may be right. He's a crafty bastard.

  • The Double Standard

    I can't take the credit for this, celebrity marriages generally fall apart on their own without any help from me. Besides, I've been too busy with politics. Well, that and maintaining the correct ratio of female nudity to male nudity on cable TV and in movies.

  • emmalita

    *squinting suspiciously and waving my rifle* Stay out of Virginia, Ken Cuccinelli doesn't need your help.

  • Mrs. Julien

    He's damn crafty; for example, he crafted Hugh Hefner out of a bathrobe and some staples.

  • BuffyloGal

    Much better than his ballerina made out of Popsicle sticks. That shit was too thin!

  • Mrs. Julien

    Ironically, the ballerina felt like she had finally gotten to her target weight.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Monica "God's Blueprint for Women" Bellucci is available.
    This is what we've be training for, people. Where is Zeke?
    [ayooga, ayooga]
    GOD DAMN IT! I SAID, "WHERE IS ZEKE?" Block all the exits. Close the Chunnel. Call the Departments for Transport, for Defence, and the Food Standards Agency. Tell them exactly this: Code Blueprint. The Pig is not in the poke! No one gets in or out of London. Belay the ferries. We need to get Zeke battened down before he starts swimming to France. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

  • zeke_the_pig

    We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin...

    Today, at approximately 15:06 Greenwich Mean Time, a blinding flash of unknown origin was seen over East London. This flash, which one local resident described as, 'A searing column of righteous light', reportedly then shot straight upwards and tore through a heavy, overcast sky. The beam, which was of a diameter of around two football pitches, cleaved a hole in the clouds before disappearing just as soon as it arrived.

    Reports say that, following this, residents as far afield as Edinburgh then experienced a colossal shockwave that, 'tore doors and windows off their hinges, and in some cases even flipped over cars.' The chaos in East London itself is indescribable.

    It is unclear yet whether the beam of light and shockwave are somehow connected but-...

    Wait! Wait! I'm just getting word that the cloud cover over East London - just minutes ago broken apart by the mysterious beam of light - has now reformed, but with strange gaps in it that seem to spell out, 'I'M COMING, MONICA!'

    It is unclear at the moment, ladies and gentlemen, what any of this could mean or what the cause of such a powerful force could be, but two things are certain: we will bring you more news as and when it breaks, and whoever 'Monica' is better be prepared - ideally with a few beers and a double bed.'

  • Maguita NYC

    EE excellence! Well done Zekmeister.

  • It was Cloverfield II, right up to the reveal.

  • Seriously, even though my lust for the woman knows no limits, I can't even be mad at that. Go get 'er, you sunnavabitch!

  • Mrs. Julien


  • logan

    Holy crap! Mrs. J swore! In bold print!

  • emmalita

    I think he's already in the murdertank and chunneling to France.

    ETA- I stand corrected.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Just when I had given up hope! Come to me Monica that you might be consoled. Be aware though, that my pants tend to chafe if I wear them too long.

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