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Biz Break: Natalie Portman Wants to Drink and Fight. Natalie Portman Wants to F**k All Night

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | June 14, 2013 | Comments ()


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Natalie Portman is lined up for the lead in an adaptation of Megan Abbot's novel Dare Me, which is being described as "Heathers meets Fight Club, with teenage cheerleaders." I threw my wallet at my monitor before I even finished writing that. HEATHERS MEETS FIGHT CLUB? TAKE MY MONEY NOW. Michael Sucsy (The Vow) is set to direct.

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Liam Hemsworth continues to take lead roles with his replacement of Armie Hammer in Cut Bank. The movie sounds predictable, with Dwayne McLaren (Hemsworth) being eager to leave behind his auto mechanic job and former high school football glory in the town of Cut Bank, Montana. How enjoyable the movie will be depends entirely on director Matt Shakman ("Mad Men") and the supporting cast of John Malkovich, Billy Bob Thornton, Teresa Palmer (Warm Bodies), Bruce Dern, Oliver Platt and Michael Stuhlbarg (Seven Psychopaths, Lincoln). Possibly on Hemsworth too.

In tenuous connection via brotherhood, superheroes, and The Avengers, we move onto news concerning Captain America: The Winter Soldier. It looks like ol' Papa Stark will be appearing with the Cap again, as Dominic Cooper has shot scenes for the film. However, it seems he doesn't even know how he would fit into the new movie.

"I went off and shot something, but I can't even work out how my character can be in it. Wouldn't I be dead? But anything is possible. They are quite secretive about where they are going to go with the characters and how it will slot in, you have no idea. So you turn up, put your costume on and do as you are told."

"I have definitely put the costume on. I have worn the costume and we have shot something, but how it's going to enter into the next phase of what they are planning I don't know. I sound so dodgy, I don't even believe myself! I have shot some scenes."

(MTV)

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be in the unneeded, unwanted, and wholly unholy Terminator 5 as the main Terminator. Still feeling alright with the world? Schwarzenegger says he is also set to film a sequel to Twins called Triplets and will be returning to his Barbarian roots in a Conan sequel. That crazy motherf*cker wasn't kidding, was he?

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Adam Sandler is making another movie. ANOTHER ONE. Sandler's Happy Madison is producing the remake of a Korean supernatural comedy, called Hello Ghost. Sandler will play a man who attempts suicide, is visited by four ghosts, and those ghosts want him to grant their wishes to fix their crappy pasts. I wonder if Sandler's character will grant these wishes via magic television remote, telling stories that come true, or cross-dressing.

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Melissa McCarthy will be using her voice to play a ghost government agent in DreamWorks Animation's B.O.O.: Bureau of Otherworldly Operations. McCarthy will play Watts, oddball (SURPRISE!) partner to Seth Rogan's Jackson Moss. (How much would you like to bet that Jackson Moss died in water or something and his ghost has moss for hair? And Watts was electrocuted and has frizzy hair?) The duo are tasked with taking down their Most Wanted Haunter and his ghost army in order to save the world from being, like, dead or something.

Disney has released their upcoming slate of movies, and the unreleased Planes already has a sequel set for July 18, 2014. What is it called? Planes: Fire & Rescue. I look forward to the last film in the trilogy, hopefully called Planes: Just Another Cog In Death's Plan.

Last of all, my poor dears, is Marvel will be releasing two new movies: one May 6, 2016 and one May 5, 2017. The Avengers 2 is slated for release on May 1, 2015. So, WHO IS PHONE what movies will be occupying those dates? Ant-Man? Guardians of the Galaxy 2? Marvel Vs. DC Universe Super Punch-Out Party??

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Devil Child

    Adam Sandler's next film will be directed by Zack Snyder, where he will portray the Flash.

    Somehow, that years M. Night Shyamalan film will manage to be worse.

  • John G.

    All those Schwarzenegger remakes made me feel tired, like I'm the one who's 70.

  • L.O.V.E.

    "Heathers meets Fight Club, with teenage cheerleaders", otherwise known as the "C*nt-Puntning"

  • e jerry powell

    "I wonder if Sandler’s character will grant these wishes via magic
    television remote, telling stories that come true, or cross-dressing."

    Various combinations of the three, with some heavy non-gay bromance thrown in.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Do Terminators age? How's that supposed to work?

  • Fabius_Maximus

    It'll be just his head on a CGI body, like in T4.

  • Captain D

    According to the second movie, Arnold played a " cybernetic organism. Living tissue over a metal endoskeleton." The living part probably has to age, right? Then again, if the Terminator walks with a cane I'm not going to be too intimidated.

  • LexieW

    Just reading about all the sequels exhausts me.

  • L.O.V.E.

    "Heathers meets Fight Club, with teenage cheerleaders."

    Line forms to my left. I'll be the one in the trench coat with a boom box and a skinny dude next to me selling weed.

  • Three_nineteen

    Don't give me that remake of a Korean movie crap. Except for the suicide thing, Sandler's movie is a remake of Heart and Souls, starring RDJ, Charles Grodin, Kyra Sedwick and Alfre Woodard.

  • Fredo

    My money's on Venom.

    "It doesn't matter who we are. All that matters is our--- OHMYGOD! You ripped my arm off! Why would you do that? NO! Don't eat it!!"

  • Katie

    I know they have to do it, but I hate it when studios (or whoever) say a project is "this meets this". I can see the Heathers, Dare Me connection I suppose (bitchy, teenage girls - still pretty tenuous) but Fight Club? How?
    Megan Abbot is really great at examining the darkness in the inner workings of teenagers so however they sell it, hopefully it should make for a good film. And completely trampling all over my own previous assertion of hating things being sold as being like something else, the book is quite similar, tonally, to the Eva Green film, Cracks. I'm just a big 'ole hypocrite.

  • Fredo

    I'm thinking of writing a script that's "Downton Abbey" meets 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny" video, set in Miami and, hopefully, starring Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson, Snoop Dogg, Mo'Nique, Mike Epps, Melissa McCarthy and Ruby Dee in a role similar to Maggie Smith's. Thinking of calling it "Hood Rich".

  • Bert_McGurt

    "It looks like ol’ Papa Stark will be appearing with the Cap again..."

    And I'm like, how did I miss Sean Bean in the first mov...oh, right. They have different Starks. Though that would be one HELL of a plot twist. I bet repulsor beams work real good on White Walkers.

  • BlackRabbit

    "The Winter Soldier Is Coming."

  • Milly

    Maybe Nathan Stark visited with the aid of The Artefact.

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