Biz Break: Natalie Portman and A Potential Case of the Mush-Mouthed Clusterf*ck of Disappearing Accents
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Biz Break: Natalie Portman and A Potential Case of the Mush-Mouthed Clusterf*ck of Disappearing Accents

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | May 1, 2013 | Comments ()


Yesterday I pointed out that the luscious Michael Fassbender is attached to the film adaptation of Macbeth. This was pleasing to many of us. Now we have word that Lady Macbeth will be played by Natalie Portman. This is not as pleasing and we are not amused. First of all, are we to believe Portman can do a Scottish accent, or is this one of those times where the director just says f*ck it and lets the actors pull some mush-mouthed clusterf*ck of disappearing accent attempts? Secondly, I just don't want. FART ON THIS CASTING NEWS.

Disney's live-action Cinderella has been through several rumored leads, but director Kenneth Branagh has finally found his girl. Lily James ("Downton Abbey") will portray the downtrodden step-daughter of the evil Cate Blanchett. Richard Madden ("Game of Thrones") still has his name in the mix for the role of Prince Charming, but that role now comes down to chemistry with James. Honestly though, who wouldn't have chemistry with Madden??


Listen. We need to have a talk. I know that you were hurt when Jessica Alba was cast as the blonde-haired blue-eyed Sue Storm. I know it hurt you deeply in places you didn't even know existed within your soul. It's okay. They're rebooting Fantastic Four and they're interested in casting the already blue-eyed, and easily made blonde, Alison Williams for the role of Sue Storm. Does that make you happy? Does it ease the hurt from being forced to stare into the dead eyes of Alba with those sh*tty blue contacts making it look like she was blinded in an acid incident? Shhh, it will probably all be okay.

In other superhero news, Bryan Singer continues to use Twitter to tease the hell out of people interested in Days of Future Past. I'm not sure if the man is a marketing genius or foolishly over-saturating the web in such a way that people will be sick of the movie before it is even finished. Either way, here is a teaser photo of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine.


Mo' superheroes, mo' pictures. These set photos come to us from Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff have teamed up in present day to take on an evil jerk in Washington D.C. Thanks, Superhero Hype!


Last of all, the genius behind Birdemic: Shock and Terror has put aside his obsession with slr pnls and made a sequel called Birdemic 2: The Resurrection. Watching the Rifftrax version of Birdemic is a thing of unprecedented beauty and hilarity. I can only slobber in anticipation of the Rifftrax for this turd. It looks like they've upped the budget to include four more pixels per bird and enough Red Bull to con people into joining the cast. Revel in the synopsis!

"A platoon of eagles and vultures attack Hollywood, California. Why did the eagles and vultures attack? Who will survive? Bill is a struggling filmmaker; Gloria is an aspiring actress. Rod, a Silicon Valley millionaire, finances Bill's film, a dream come true until eagles and vultures attack Hollywood and it's up to Rod, his girlfriend Nathalie, new friends and old to mount the resistance. Who will survive? Birdemic II, you asked for it."

Enjoy this clip and dream of the quips it will spawn from Mike, Bill, and Kevin.

Finally, a Heartwarming Movie About Teenage Assassins: Violet & Daisy Trailer | Last Night's Monumental "New Girl" Summarized in GIF Form

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Mrs. Julien

    Am I allowed to include that Richard Madden gif in EE? It is saying a lot to me in a clever and succinct manner. God. Damn.

  • e jerry powell

    Someone said Days of Future Past and now I must listen to Moody Blues or I'm going to have fucking Nights In White Satin stuck in my head for the rest of the week.

  • e jerry powell

    Can I please have Tilda as Cate's mother? PLEASE? Two evils!

  • Nadine

    For fucks sake, why her? I think just about everyone under the blue sky could think of a better casting choice for Lady Macfuckingbeth. I briefly thought 'at least it isn't Kiera Shitely' but then IT BASICALLY IS so it doesn't matter.

    She looks far too young and I'm of the opinion she just ain't that special at the old actressin'. Plus fucking fassbender(I am so sick of his face and his name and his hair)as macbeth? Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Glad I'm not the only one (re Fassbender.) blah

  • Maya

    'Lady Macfuckingbeth.'

    Well played.

  • 0ur0boros

    I kind of thought Natalie Portmans accent in V for Vendetta was horrible, so, definitely can't see her doing a Scottish accent.

  • Samantha Klein

    ARGH. I wasn't repeating my "Cate Blanchett for Lady M" mantra enough. Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT.

  • Maya

    Natalie Portman? Fuck that noise. What about Rachel Weisz, Rosamund Pike, Andrea Riseborough, Amy Adams (who was very Lady Macbeth-esque in The Master), Jessica Chastain, Natalie Dormer, Kate Winslet, or Cate fucking Blanchett? With all those actresses out there, why the fuck would you go with Natalie Portman? She's not a bad actress but (to me at least) she has no real intensity, no fire, no electricity, no passion, and I also find her rather asexual. I can't see her and Fassbender having any real chemistry.

    What I'm trying to say is, Natalie fucking Portman is not Lady Macbeth. Don't try to tell me she is, Hollywood. Fuck whoever made this decision.

  • delle

    For a moment I thought, what about The Swinton? but then I decided that might actually be overkill, at least for me; Lady Macbeth's character freaked me out a bit in highschool when I first read the play, seeing Swinton take on the role might scare me off Shakespeare.
    And I'm not sure whether I can imagine Fassbender and Swinton having better chemisty than Fassbender and Portman.
    But then again, would anyone DARE not have chemistry with Swinton??

  • I find her creepy and off-putting. She's like the female version of Benedict Cumberbatch in that she's got that same Lizard People thing going that he does.

  • Kala

    I would fork over dough to see Cate Blanchett play the role in a heartbeat. No thought necessary, I would just hand over my wallet.

  • Maya

    When* she plays the role on stage I will pay any amount of money to go see it. Even if I have to fly to Australia.

    *I do believe it is a matter of when, not if. After all, she's already played [*checks Wikipedia*] Ophelia, The Tempest's Miranda, The Seagull's Nina, Hedda Gabler, Blanche Dubois, Richard II's Lady Anne, and Uncle Vanya's Yelena. All of which shows that, A, holy shit, is she the greatest stage and screen actress of her generation? (yes), and B, isn't Lady Macbeth next?

    Man. People with that much talent make me hate myself.

  • $27019454

    Guh. Enough with the reboots, man. I have no emotional investment in Fantastic Four but goddamn already -- can't they wait a little longer? This is sofa king stupid.

  • BWeaves

    A platoon of Eagles attack Hollywood? OK, weren't the Eagles on the side of good? Which would make Hollywood, Mordor. I think that explains why they are attacking.

    And, what the hell? I just watched part of that video. BWA-hahahaha. I've seen internet gifs with better CGI than that.

    I cut it off after the roundhouse kick. I couldn't take any more.

  • Drake

    I giggled like a maniac thru the whole clip. Not that I'd pay money to see it, tho.

  • zeke_the_pig

    Richard Karstark.
    That's who doesn't have chemistry with Madden.

  • Guest

    Or Walder Frey.

  • sean

    Shhhh.....they get mad at the whole GoT spoiler thing. Although I am looking forward to the internet exploding on the evening of June 2nd, know what happens.

  • Guest

    I'm sure Frey being pissing because Robb married a woman who was not one of his daughter isn't a *spoiler*.

  • BlackRabbit

    Better to not take chances.

  • Three_nineteen

    Is there evidence anywhere that the accents were correct when they did Macbeth in the 16th century?

  • bleujayone

    Egads! About the only thing that's missing from that clip from Birdemic 2: The Resurrection was a couple of cutaway shots of the hunting dog from Duck Hunt popping up from among the bushes to giggle at these dunderheads whenever they missed gunning down a bird or got snuffed themselves.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    You really gotta roundhouse kick a bird?
    Please tell me these are trust fund kids and that is how they are able to make a sequel. Pong had better graphics.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Mmmmmmm Richard Madden GIF...

    Also, I really hate the pin-straight hair on Scarlett Johansson. It does nothing for her face.

  • Wembley

    Sorry, but spin-kicking exploding 8-bit vultures will never top bicycle-kicking giant leaping piranha.
    And I'm not actually sorry about that.

  • God Of Bal-Sagoth

    I forget, why do people hate Portman again? Is it because of the obnoxious vegan thing? That's why we don't want her cast in things? Or do people genuinely think she's a shitty actress. Because, you know, she's not. From my recollection, she's actually a damn fine actress.

    What am I missing?

  • Samantha Klein

    She's an ok actress. She is NOT good enough to play Lady Macbeth, however. Can you seriously see her brow-beating Fassbender? Really? No.

  • Jennifer Schmennifer

    I don't dislike her in general, but I do not want her soft, nasally baby voice getting all over Lady M's lines. I don't know how they're going to make that work.

  • Kala

    I don't have anything against her, but I would REALLY like to see an older, more powerful actress in the role of Lady Macbeth. Maybe Portman could shock the hell out the world, but the first thing I think of when I imagine her performing those lines is a really pissed off kitten in a dress. I'm not going to be awed. I'm going to point and say, "Look at the cute, wittle Macbeth."

  • kirivinokur

    I don't hate her at all, but I just wished I could find her more interesting. She acts well, but not exceptionally well, and is just a little boring. Not big enough offenses for me to really dislike her.

  • Feralhousecat

    I have yet to see a movie where Natalie Portman is anyone other than Natalie Portman. She seems unable to embody a character. She can act scared, angry, nervous, or happy and she's just Natalie Portman being scared, angry, nervous or happy in a movie.

  • God Of Bal-Sagoth

    Fair enough. That said, we forgive that same trait in a number of other actors. Portman seems to elicit a surprisingly visceral reaction from people, though.

    I think she can be good, within a certain framework. I'm just always puzzled when people seemingly randomly turn on an actor en masse.

  • BlackRabbit

    "Randomly"? Hah. Hates and crushes on various actors and actresses are encouraged by the media to sell headlines, more often than not. I'm not saying there aren't some genuinely good or bad people worth the press, but it ain't that random.

  • Feralhousecat

    I have no real issue with her but I'm not sure she's the right choice for this particular role. I guess we'll see soon enough.

  • PaddyDog

    I don't have any particular feelings for her either way, but I just don't see her as Lady Macbeth. Lady M. is one hell of a shrewd, compelling kick-ass character. Based on the films I've seen her in, I just can't see Portman pulling it off (except for the hand-washing fetish because she has shown she can do "heading to Barking" in Black Swan).

  • kirivinokur

    When did the hate really start? Was it triggered by Episode I/II, or her Black Swan Oscar?

  • zeke_the_pig

    I gotta say I'm not a fan of her acting. I don't doubt she puts in the work - it just doesn't do anything for me. Not in any particularly vitriolic way, but if she wasn't in anything ever again I wouldn't miss her.

  • The Replicant Brooke

    You know, I just don't find Richard Madden to be all that attrac...*watches gif* I'm sorry, what was I saying?

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Right there with ya Sparky. He is not my cup of tea but I could watch that gif all day long.

  • $27019454

    ExACTly. I never thought of him as anything other than Generic Scruff in Period Costume but now, NOW?


  • Strand

    Alba never looked so unflattering as she did in those godawful Fantastic Four movies. They tried to race-bend her into Chris Evans's sister so they chucked in the blue contacts, caked a pound of whitening foundation on her face and dyed her hair a dead blonde.

  • koko temur

    Can we make a new rule when we use that Madden gif everytime Robb or GoT are mentioned? You know, like with that special, special CapAss gif when Avengers are under discussion? Speaking of which, where is that bouncing ass gif, Jodi? Where?!

  • MrsAtaxxia

    You really need to trademark CapAss(T) gif.

  • koko temur

    The word "CapAss", just like CapAss itself belongs to everyone. It exists here to make us a closer, kinder community. Monetizing it will be just wrong.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Up there with Florence Nightingale, you are. I say this with zero snark or irony. That is some beautiful shit in a fucking awful world and we do indeed need more of it.

  • John G.

    I think you're fighting a losing battle, if you're concerned about accents in shakespeare. I haven't seen a version of Macbeth that took place in Scotland or the right century in years, if ever. If you want to make the accents correct, first maybe get rid of the motorcycles and robots from your Macbeth performance.

  • PaddyDog

    A platoon of eagles and vultures attack Hollywood, California

    I'm in.

  • zeke_the_pig

    Didn't that already happen? Isn't a whole bunch of vultures descending on Hollywood essentially the town's origin story?

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    That should be, a convocation of eagles and a kettle of vultures attack Hollywood, California.

    But I'm still in. Just damn, Birdemic guys, do, like, two seconds of research.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    I know it's a typo, but if Bryan Fuller made an X-Men movie - or any superhero movie, really - it would be INCREDIBLE.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    AH HAHAHAH! I suck. Hee! I will fix.

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