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Biz Break: Dwayne Johnson Just Wants To Be Your Teddy Bear

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | January 23, 2013 | Comments ()


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You've seen the picture before, right? The tiny teddy holding a ferocious monster at bay while a child sleeps? New Line saw it too and said, "Ooohhh! Let's make a movie based on this drawing! And cast The Rock!" Well, so far New Line has Dwayne Johnson producing and possibly starring, but you know how that usually ends up.

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The story pulled from the illustration is being kept hush hush, but the studio hopes to make a four movie franchise out of it. Four movies based on teddy bears keeping monsters at bay. I smell disaster, CGI, and the whiff of sh*t. I'm imagining versions of Ted running around with cleaner vocabularies and swords.

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Hey, kids! There is going to be an Insidious Chapter 2! Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne look to be back for the sequel, which makes me wonder what the hell is going on in chapter 2 that crushes the ending of the first one. That damn movie, man. It started out one way, took a turn, and then pooped its pants. Anyway, you can win a walk-on role, which means you can walk behind someone in the movie. Maybe you can remember to check out Wilson's ass for me.

In more news that might break you, James Gunn and Marvel are still searching for their Star-Lord for Guardians of the Galaxy. Cam Gigandet (Twilight), Chris Lowell (The Help), John Krasinski (MINE), Wes Bentley (The Hunger Games), and Jim Sturgess (Across The Universe) are all rumored to be under consideration for the lead role. Now there is news that Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler are being looked at for unspecified role or roles in the movie. Maybe one or both of them are being considered for Rocket Raccoon, the talking raccoon, and Groot the giant tree?

Can you handle some more superhero news? Rumor has it, and it seems to be more than rumor, that Zack Snyder's Man Of Steel will be besties with Jenny Olsen instead of Jimmy Olsen. IMDB lists Rebecca Buller as Olsen and you can see a woman that looks an awful lot like the actress holding the hand of Perry White (Laurence Fishburne). Do we really care if Jimmy is Jenny? Will that impact anything at all in Superman's world? "Jenny Olsen's Blues" is just as good.

If you are interested in possible spoilers for Man Of Steel based on LEGO tie-in toys, head over to Screen Rant and check out their in-depth speculation. The studio, director and actors can keep a movie's details under wraps, but the toys always spoil something.

Finally, I leave you with a set photo of Benedict Cumberbatch as Julian Assange in The Fifth Estate. He looks like a f*cking albino. *shudder*

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Jodi Clager is also HBIC for product review blog Hot Ink and has a Twitter she barely updates. Adam Sandler would make a great talking tree.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • PuraPuma

    Can't the Rock just be MY teddy bear & we'll leave it at that?

  • Perg

    Whoa Jodi, it's cool to make fun of people missing a pigment now? Actually that was more than making fun, it was sheer disgust. About albinos. People who already are persecuted against worldwide to alarming degrees. That made me so angry. And I know that's not very cool on Pajiba but still worth delurking for in my book.

  • kayb

    Chiming in to say I expect better from Pajiba. Try harder to be funny than saying "ewww gross" at people who are different from you.

  • BobbFrapples

    Blonde or no, if his acting chops are up to it, he's going to own any role he plays.

  • sistercoyote

    About that last photo:

    Ladies and gentlemen, and the rest of the Pajib-ites, we present to you:

    Benedict Malfoy.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Who else yelled "OKAY!" when they read the headline?

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    NO! This is ridiculous. Making Jimmy into a Jenny changes the entire Superman universe. It is impossible, and destroys continuity. I will not watch this abomination. I will be out striking for the Jimmy's of the world everywhere. What's next, a Super Girl? Or even a Super Dog? Ridiculous!

    Unless of course Jimmy is transgenderd, in which case I am just fine with that. That's a choice that Jimmy has the right to make.

  • phase10

    Unless, they try to pull off some lame love triangle with Lois. Ugh.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Cumberbatch looks like one of the twins from Matrix Reloaded. And is that Daniel Br├╝hl next to him? If so, good for him. The man deserves more international recognition.

  • annie

    I can't stop looking at this picture of the 'batch. Do I love it? Do I hate it? Am I repulsed? Am I turned on? OR AM I JUST RELIEVED THAT IT IS A WIG? Someone please tell me how to feel.

  • Mrs. Julien

    a. I think ONE movie based on the teddy bear poster is a good, and potentially charming, idea.
    b. I think Dwayne Johnson is a good idea.
    c. I think Dwayne Johnson buys his velour hair at the same place as John Travolta, but the absence of thetans make it appear fuller and 3% more lustrous.

    I'm joking of course, Travolta has been an OTVIII and thetan free for years now.

  • Bodhi

    I also think it is a charming idea & will insist that my children watch it. Though my husband will see through my scheme & refuse to make it part of "family movie night"

  • Kate

    Man, it drives me crazy that the first big Hollywood film about Assange is based on a book by a guy who's biggest contribution to Wikileaks is letting Assange sleep on his couch for a few weeks. His whole book basically reads like a terrible romance novel by a painfully deluded loser. 'Jules is so charming and smart and wonderful. We're best buddies. He hasn't returned my calls for the past two months and I have no idea where he is or what's he's doing or if Julian Assange is even his real name, but I know how important I am to him and I'm super involved in Wikileaks. I mean, I do all the really important stuff like order T-shirts with the Wikileaks logo on them and email form letters to people who donate money. One time Jules called me 'mate'. That was a special day.'

    Cue Berg getting INSANELY butt-hurt because Assange curtly told him to shut a window because it was freezing (seriously), and slowly coming to the realisation that he's not Assange's bestest friend, he's just a guy who had a spare couch and some (pretty basic) computer skills. At this point Assange starts cutting Berg out completely while Berg keeps doing interviews as Wikileaks self-proclaimed No.2 guy. He has absolutely no involvement with any of the Cablegate leaks, but flips out when he hears third-hand that Assange has agreed to work with Amnesty International to censor the names of vulnerable sources (he will later back-flip and accuse Assange of not doing enough to protect the sources named in the leaked documents). In response to being cut out of Wikileaks, Berg steals all of Wikileaks unreleased leaks, sabotages their drop-box and attempts to stage a coup, and is surprised and hurt when Assange tells him to get lost.

    He starts up his own leaking website, Open Leaks, which to this day hasn't had a single leak. Rather than share the documents he took from Wikileaks via this website, he plays a long game of will he/won't he on Twitter before finally destroying all the documents, despite the pleas of activists and free speech campaigners not to. For the past few years he's earnt an income talking about how much of a dick Assange is for making Wikileaks all about Assange (never mind that Berg was the person who wrote a book which is primarily made up of details about Assange's favourite foods, favourite books, his sleep patterns, his table manners etc.)

    The funny thing is despite Berg setting out to write a takedown, Assange actually comes off pretty well. Sure, he's weird and manipulative and doesn't have any patience for morons, but his behavior is nothing out of the ordinary for someone of his intelligence and temperament. In fact for a former hacker he actually seems incredibly well-adjusted. Berg is the one who inadvertently reveals himself as a total loon, and in the end you have to sympathise with Assange for putting up with the obvious crazy for so long. He really must have been desperate for a place to stay.

    I mean, there's definitely a movie there, but it's more of a Odd Couple/Single White Female mix. I'd pay to see that. Unfortunately this one is sounding like just another poorly researched smear piece.

  • Drake

    Mr. Johnson can be my teddy bear anytime he wants. For him I'd go Furry.

  • TK

    Dear Dwayne Johnson: Knock it the fuck off. Accept your place as an action hero star, and let's go from there, OK?

    Seriously. Knock it. Dafuque. Off.

  • sistercoyote

    For a moment, looking at that painting, I thought there was a hint of Doom there.

    And I honestly can't decide if that would be worse, or better.

  • mswas

    I can see it now, all CGI-ed up - Teddy Bear: Dream Vanquisher, with lots of swords and people morphing into scattered crows. Charlize Theron will bathe in a vat of milk and Nathan Lane will be the wisecracking bunny who saves the day.

  • par1964

    Jeremy Irons and Alan Rickman will be the voices of the 2 headed monster....

  • mswas

    Now THAT I'd watch. Or at least listen to...

  • Also I find it hilarious that people are so horrified with that Cumberbatch picture. People! That's what he ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE. Hideous! He just has a blonde wig on this time!

    Bring on the downvotes. I will savor them like candy.

  • Brite

    I'm so with you on this, Cumberbatch is NOT attractive, not even creepy attractive like Walken (who was seriuosly hot when young). Let's savour those downvotes together.

  • He is the ugliest creep ever.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    My downvote should taste like Junior Mints. ENJOY, FIGGY! <3

  • Cam Gigandet enters the Guardians of the Galaxy fray, and no one mentions Lee Pace anymore? Damn it. Justice is dead.

  • I am NOT happy with the Return of Wes Bentley.

  • AudioSuede

    Can Nate Fillion not catch a break, or is this just another superhero franchise starring one of his good friends that will be completely ignoring him?

  • csb

    What kind of botched plastic surgery did Cumberbatch undergo to look like that? Though I guess the inhuman look makes Assange easier to vilify.

  • Zirza

    Cumberbotched.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Goddamn, he looks like a right Cumbercreep. I wonder if Assange is offended.

  • Zirza

    Ooh, man. That Cumberbatch picture? PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.

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