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Biz Break: Do You Still Love Zombies? Even After You Hear What I Have To Tell You?

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | June 24, 2013 | Comments ()


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I suppose one could separate their love for zombies from the horrible, big budget zombie movies invading theaters. After all, World War Z still managed to make several millions of dollars in its opening weekend, even after a changed ending and publicly scrutinized re-shoots and friction between director and actor. So what happens now? SEQUEL. That's right. That underwhelming zombie movie loosely based on a novel of the same name is interested in stretching itself into even more mediocre films. After all, the novel is full of awesome material to be ignored and reshaped into sh*t pies.

Can you feel that? Feels bad, man. Feels real bad.

Perhaps you still think your zombie love will remain untainted and pure. Arnold Schwarzenegger has decided to produce and star in the zombie film Maggie. Schwarzenegger will play father to the titular Maggie, a girl who is dealing with her slow transformation into one of the undead.

Actually, it sounds like a creative and interesting take on the stale zombie genre. Instead of following one man who is able to avoid the zombies and witnessing secondary characters fall prey to the flesh-hungry diseased masses, we can see the perspective of someone unlucky enough to be bitten. It could be a really great film, except Schwarzenegger can't act worth a damn and director Henry Hobson has never done more than art direction on film credits before this.

I promise that I haven't got any more zombie news for you. I do have turtle news. I LIKE TURTLES. Perhaps you will recall that William Fichtner had been cast in the upcoming Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but we didn't know who he would be portraying. Well, good news, everyone! We now know that instead of hiring a Japanese man to portray the role of Oroku Saki, aka Shredder, Fichtner has been cast!

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The Wachowski Siblings' Jupiter Ascending has its sci-fi plot under a thick shroud of mystery. However, while talking about his new movie White House Down, Channing Tatum was able to tell Collider a little bit about his character in the Wachowski film.

"I'm a splice, splices are essentially built in a test tube. I'm a hybrid wolf and human. And half albino, so I'm a little defective."

Oh. Um. Okay. But is there any of this?

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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • F'mal DeHyde

    Hearts and zombies. Look for it in the Harlequin Romance section of your bookstore.

  • YeahButNoBut

    Try 'The Loving Dead' by Amelia Beamer, where zombie germs are an STD and the first part of going grey involves lots of room-temerature nookie.

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    If you want to read a good, albeit uncomfortable book on zombies, check out "I, Zombie" by Hugh Howey. In it, the author writes from the perspective of the zombies themselves. The human part of the conciousness is essentially aware inside of each Zombie, but the need to feed overpowers any control. At one point a character likens it to Heroin addiction, where people do awful things in persuit of a "fix". In this case, the human has no control, but has to witness the horror of their actions.

    Hugh Howey is one hell of a writer, and his series "WOOL" has been a breakout success on Amazon.

    I've not finished "I, Zombie" yet, in part because portions are pretty unflinching. That said, I do think about the book and what it has to say about acting on impulses that may hurt others.

    Here's a link to the book - I know there's probably a way to link through Pajiba so a sale counts toward the website, but I don't remember how.

    http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008P...

  • Alice

    Warm bodies is the same story line(the book and the movie) . I wonder which was published first?

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    Warm bodies was first I think, but they are VERY different. Hugh Howey tends toward the serious and unrelenting.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    And it's only $3.99! Thanks for the recommendation.

  • Yocean

    Fuck you Michael Bay. Fuck you with giant robotic tentacle dicks. -Japanese

  • chanohack

    YES. -- also signed, Brokenhearted Turtle Fans

  • Nadine

    I can't hate anything Fichtner does but seriously Hollywood. Seriously.

    I've never loved zombies. I enjoy TWD for Norman Reedus exclusively. Zombies don't remotely frighten me.

  • ZizoAH

    I love zombies, 3 words: "28 Weeks Later".

  • Nadine

    I am THIS person; the 28 Days franchise doesn't feature zombies. They're living humans infected with a virus that makes them highly aggressive.

  • ZizoAH

    But generally it still count as a "zombie" movie, doesn't it?

  • Maguita NYC

    Rule #69

    In Pajiba, when debating zombie transmogrification, it is of utmost importance that we split hairs, differentiate, segregate and equivocate each shred of filament until one Pajiban passes out.

    Or until TK tells you to go fuck yourself.

  • Carlito

    Who cares about terrible zombie movies when there are wonderful games like The Last of Us and State of Decay?

  • BWeaves

    "a girl who is dealing with her slow transformation into one of the undead."

    So, she's a toll booth worker?

  • AudioSuede

    Laser.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I still love zombies the way I still love parsnips: To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.

  • Maguita NYC

    Every Director knows by now that showing Charming Potato Nipples is a must in insuring box office success.

    Wonder what happens when you rub them and make a wish...

  • Bert_McGurt

    I have to assume that "half albino" part is a joke, right?

  • wsapnin

    Never go Half- Albino.

  • Finance_Nerd

    Based upon my tan lines, many people think I'm half albino. The half wolf part has been resolved w/man-scaping

  • BWeaves

    OK, this totally makes sense now.

  • BWeaves

    Yeah, I'm not even sure how that works.

  • Maguita NYC

    Maybe his wolf is Albino?

    I'm half joking of course.

  • AudioSuede

    Maybe the human part is albino but the wolf part isn't? Or vice-versa?

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