Biz Break: 6 Pieces of Casting News to Make You Either Clap With Delight Or Roar With Impotent Rage
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Biz Break: 6 Pieces of Casting News to Make You Either Clap With Delight Or Roar With Impotent Rage

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | April 16, 2013 | Comments ()


Noted cinematographer Wally Pfister is making his directorial debut with Transcendence. Supposedly the plot concerns sci-fi notions of brains being uploaded into computers. Johnny Depp has been cast as one of the leads, with Morgan Freeman, Rebecca Hall, Paul Bettany, and Kate Mara as his supporting cast. Now Cillian Murphy has joined the production. According to Collider, this leaves one lead role left for the right dude. I bet it comes down to Jeff Bridges, Jake Gyllenhaal, or Tobey Maguire.

Megan Fox has already been cast as April O'Neil in the Michael Bay bastardization abomination production of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, giving us one less reason to watch. Alan Ritchson, Pete Ploszek, Jeremy Howard, and Noel Fisher will give motion capture performances as the titular Turtles, so expect dead eyes all around! Let us remember that every martial artist turtle needs their rat sensei and ponder the addition of Danny Woodburn ("Seinfeld", Death to Smoochy) as Splinter.

In other Michael Bay-created news, Stanley Tucci has been cast in Transformers 4: I Wonder What Nonsensical Name It Will Get. Tucci will be acting alongside Mark Wahlberg, Nicola Peltz, and Jack Reynor as "a group of powerful, ingenious businessman and scientists [who] attempt to learn from past Transformer incursions and push the boundaries of technology beyond what they can control--all while an ancient, powerful Transformer menace sets Earth in his crosshairs." (Collider)

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is playing an unfaithful man in Nick Cassavette's The Other Woman. Coster-Waldau's girlfriend will be played by Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton, who will ignite the jealousy of Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann. Diaz is another girlfriend of Coster-Waldau and she teams up with his wife, played by Mann, to get some revenge. May I suggest burning his possessions on the lawn while looking fierce and then going out with your friends to get drunk and f*ck man-whores?

The YA adaptation Divergent has added Tony Goldwyn as Tris Prior's father. The film also stars Shailene Woodley as Tris, Theo James as Four, Kate Winslet as Mrs. Prior, and Ray Stevenson, Maggie Q, Mekhi Phifer, Jai Courtney, Miles Teller , Zoë Kravitz , Ansel Elgort, Ben Lloyd-Hughes, Ben Lamb, Christian Madsen, and Amy Newbold. DANG.

Tom Cruise is on a sci-fi bender, starring in the soon-to-open Oblivion (trashed Earth), filming All You Need Is Kill (Groundhog's Day with fighting aliens), and is now attached to Yukikaze (trashed Earth). The film is based on a book series of the same name by Chōhei Kambayashi. I suppose all of this makes sense. In space, no one can measure your height.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Laura

    At first I thought that said Alan Rickman for TMNT and just about shat myself.

  • duckandcover

    Alan Ritchson

    Thought that said Rickman and nearly wept.

  • e jerry powell

    Must have Coster-Waldau now. Give me.

  • Rooks

    Woah. Woah! First "City of Bones" suddenly attracts people who can actually act, and now "Divergent" is also full of capable people - Heh, whaa? How did that happen?

  • Socrates_Johnson

    Wise men say forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    I wonder how many thetans it takes to make a Tom Cruise...

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Just the one, I think? It's the level that matters.

  • ChuggaWasTaken

    I think Tom Cruise is trying to class up, he thinks he's transitioned into documentaries.

  • Blake

    F!@K YOU Tom Cruise and Hollywood. STOP White washing Asian Anime, Books and Comics.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Oh, there were words in this post? After the picture? Huh. I was...ummm...distracted.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Stanley Tucci can do that to you. Even in... that get-up, apparently.

  • Rocabarra

    Ohhhh that header picture. I don't say this often, but all of my underclothes just melted off.

  • chanohack

    I love Stanley Tucci, and I love my Ninja Turtles.

    Fuck you, Michael Bay.

  • e jerry powell

    Why should Michael Bay have any fun?

  • chanohack

    He had some fun with Transformers. Why does he have to dick around with stuff I like?

  • e jerry powell

    Actually, I was referring to the "Fuck Michael Bay" part. Fucking, in general, is fun. Unless you're in Deliverance. Or in prison.

  • Natallica

    I am totally in for Nikolaj Coster-Waldau appearing in EVERYTHING. The man has chops, charm and a smile to die for. And he managed to make a supreme douche like Jaime Lannister likable (*SPOILER, MAYBE* I'm still sad about the ending of GoT's Sunday's episode, dammit)

  • BendinIntheWind

    I started laughing maniacally at the "clap with delight" header

  • Natallica

    I didn't know whether to cackle or cry

  • lowercase_ryan

    Why do I get the feeling Sasha Grey could give Kate Upton acting lessons? Worst idea ever.

  • Word. The sooner this person fails at crossing over to anything beyond bouncing, the better off the world will be.

    I tried to type Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Cameron Diaz in the same sentence, and I can't make myself finish, probably just NC-W would not be able to (not a finished sentence!)

  • Muhnah_Muhnah

    I'm assuming her script will just be "Take your clothes off and bounce around" in big pink letters. Anyway, if they make NC-W take off his kit as well, nobody will notice anything else. The two might even counteract the boner-killer that is Cameron Diaz.

  • Snath

    I had some sort of insane hope that Jaime Lannister was Master Splinter. Goddammit.

  • Pinky McLadybits


  • Wōđanaz Óðinn

    I would be interested in seeing his hands off approach.

  • koko temur

    Well NOW thats all i want

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