Biz Break: 6 Pieces of Casting News to Make You Either Clap With Delight Or Roar With Impotent Rage
Megan Fox has already been cast as April O'Neil in the Michael Bay
bastardization abomination production of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, giving us one less reason to watch. Alan Ritchson, Pete Ploszek, Jeremy Howard, and Noel Fisher will give motion capture performances as the titular Turtles, so expect dead eyes all around! Let us remember that every martial artist turtle needs their rat sensei and ponder the addition of Danny Woodburn ("Seinfeld", Death to Smoochy) as Splinter.
In other Michael Bay-created news, Stanley Tucci has been cast in Transformers 4: I Wonder What Nonsensical Name It Will Get. Tucci will be acting alongside Mark Wahlberg, Nicola Peltz, and Jack Reynor as "a group of powerful, ingenious businessman and scientists [who] attempt to learn from past Transformer incursions and push the boundaries of technology beyond what they can control--all while an ancient, powerful Transformer menace sets Earth in his crosshairs." (Collider)
Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is playing an unfaithful man in Nick Cassavette's The Other Woman. Coster-Waldau's girlfriend will be played by Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton, who will ignite the jealousy of Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann. Diaz is another girlfriend of Coster-Waldau and she teams up with his wife, played by Mann, to get some revenge. May I suggest burning his possessions on the lawn while looking fierce and then going out with your friends to get drunk and f*ck man-whores?
The YA adaptation Divergent has added Tony Goldwyn as Tris Prior's father. The film also stars Shailene Woodley as Tris, Theo James as Four, Kate Winslet as Mrs. Prior, and Ray Stevenson, Maggie Q, Mekhi Phifer, Jai Courtney, Miles Teller , Zoë Kravitz , Ansel Elgort, Ben Lloyd-Hughes, Ben Lamb, Christian Madsen, and Amy Newbold. DANG.
Tom Cruise is on a sci-fi bender, starring in the soon-to-open Oblivion (trashed Earth), filming All You Need Is Kill (Groundhog's Day with fighting aliens), and is now attached to Yukikaze (trashed Earth). The film is based on a book series of the same name by Chōhei Kambayashi. I suppose all of this makes sense. In space, no one can measure your height.