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Biz Break: 10 Things You Need to Know Today If You Ever Expect Joe Biden To Take You Seriously

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | November 8, 2012 | Comments ()


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The Rock and Brett Ratner have officially signed on to Hercules, reports Deadline. The screenplay is adapted from the graphic novel Hercules: The Thracian Wars. The part, however, presents an interesting challenge for Dwayne Johnson: He's at his most bad ass with facial hair, while he's more charming without. Hercules had no facial hair: Can The Rock work through the impediment?

Meanwhile, some irresponsible dumbass floated an Internet rumor that Mark Wahlberg might star in Transformers 4, replacing Shia LaBeouf, and while Michael Bay denied that rumor last week, he now says that the Internet chatter has given him the idea to go ahead and seek Wahlberg out for the part. Here's another Internet rumor: Michael Bay will fall down an elevator shaft. Make it come true, Bay!

Have you seen Safety Not Guaranteed? Great film with Mark Duplass, Jake Johnson, and Aubrey Plaza, and I can't recommend it enough. I'm not terribly stoked about the idea of a Star Wars VII, but if rumors that Colin Treveroww -- who directed Safety Not Guaranteed -- is up for director, that may convince me to come around on the project. Of course, others have already been rumored, as well, including Matthew Vaughn, Steven Spielberg, Neill Blomkamp, Alfonso Cuarón, Darren Aronofsky, and Joss Whedon, Of those, I like Treverrow best, and would prefer the other directors to stick with their other projects, rather than get mired in years of work on a Star Wars film.

I know that some of you in America have been ripping it on the sly, but for the honest among you, know that "Downton Abbey" will return to PBS on January 6th. Plan your hat wear accordingly.

Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader are set to co-star in Skeleton Twins, a movie about "estranged twins Maggie and Milo, who coincidentally cheat death on the same day, prompting them to reunite and confront how their lives went so wrong." Luke Wilson will play the husband of Wiig's character, reports Variety.

I guess, as godfather and consultant on Zack Snyder's Man of Steel, Christopher Nolan's sway could only go so far, as Warner Brothers has unfortunately decided to convert the film to 3D in post-production. That's a big fat: BOOOO.

That dreadful Kennedys mini-series starring Katie Holmes that aired on the Starz channel last year may get a sequel centered on the life of the Kennedys after the 1968 assassination of Bobby Kennedy up until the modern day.

In bummer news, Ariel Winter -- who plays Alex Dumphy on "Modern Family" -- has been removed from the custody of her mother after allegations that she physically and verbally abused her daughter, including depriving her of food and sexualizing her.

This should lift your spirits, however: Leslie Knopes' fantasy man, Vice President Joe Biden, filmed a scene for "Parks and Recreation." The cameo -- filmed last summer -- was kept secret due to Equal Time laws. It will air next week.

Finally, I leave you with this: Some of the best lines of "Firefly" transformed by auto tune into a surprisingly upbeat song, via The Mary Sue.



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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • Buck Forty

    Wow, I always thought Ariel Winter was older than she is. Thanks mom, now I feel dirty. Seriously, what type of mother pimps their daughter out at 13?

  • MrPa

    Trevorrow for Star Wars VII!!

  • If the Wahlberg Transformers ends with Mark dressed in a tracksuit, shooting Megatron point blank in the face then I won't complain.

  • Haystacks

    Is it bad that I wish Biden was the President? He could be the first one with a sense of humor.

  • ,

    There's a big difference between him having a sense of humor and everyone laughing at him.

  • idiosynchronic

    As any Marvel Comics fan could tell you - Hercules has always had a beard. Also an amazing toga which never seemed to flash anyone.

  • sailboat

    my what, Rowles? my what?!

  • ,

    I was talking with someone yesterday about how in four years the Republicans will take back the White House, because it seems like after eight years the public simply gets tired of the party of the man in charge. This has happened regularly (with one glitch, Bush 1) since the Carter administration: Reagan eight years (plus Bush 1's 4), SWING! Clinton's eight years, SWING! Bush 2's eight years, SWING! Obama's eight years ...

    Because the GOP will be able to run somebody fairly fresh -- Christie, Jindal, Rubio, somebody else -- while the Dems will strike fear directly into the heart of America with the possibility of these two words:

    President Biden

    You can't argue with me. It's science!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    It will not be Biden running. The trick they have now is to groom a good successor. It won't be Hillary either.

  • Wembley

    What's Biden going to do with my Seriously when he takes it?

    Same thing The Joker did?

  • Jerce

    Nathan Fillion, while still a charming and wonderful human being whom I will always adore, has recently started morphing into--God help me--a Pork Bus.

    Captain Mal Reynolds, on the other hand, has my heart and my lions forever. FOREVER.

  • Gina

    What about your tigers?

  • My women friends say they don't care about that.

    I guess it raises the stakes on returning him to the role - get him on a diet and on the treadmill. He was never thin, though, so let's be fair.

  • Drake

    There's a reason that those pants were tight.

  • Groundloop

    There you go again with your flaming lions. Let's at least try to keep it classy people!

  • Bedewcrock

    tee hee!

  • BBB40

    Hercules would have had a beard. That Kevin Sorbo version probably shouldn't be taken as canon. I can't remember Sorbo straight up murdering his loved ones in a berserker rage.

  • foolsage

    Well, classical Greek and Roman art pretty much always showed Heracles/Hercules with a beard, true. But Disney and Sorbo did not, so that's a compelling argument against beardedness from a modern perspective. I think the tiebreaker has to be Bill Murray in "Il Retorno de Hercules". Dude had a beard, end of story.

    "That boulder is too large. I could lift a smaller one." - Hercules

  • Fher

    I don't really know how old Alex Winter is (and I'm to lazy to google it) but i recently saw her in a little film festival in San Diego and i could not believe what she was wearing, and how much she was showing for a kids with autism movie. I'm not saying she looked bad, but I can say this news are not a surprise to me.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Also too lazy to google that Alex Winter was Bill of Bill & Ted, and Ariel Winter is the one you're talking about.

  • Bert_McGurt

    The story I read yesterday said she's just 14.

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