Bill & Ted 3 Is Happening. No, I Don't Know Why. Probably Because You Won't Stop Touching It.
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Bill & Ted 3 Is Happening. No, I Don't Know Why. Probably Because You Won't Stop Touching It.

By TK | Trade News | August 13, 2012 | Comments ()


Welcome back to the world of sequels that absolutely no one asked for. Seriously, a new Bill and Ted movie? Who wanted that? Was it you? It was you, wasn't it, you worthless gibbering shitfucker. God, I hate you.

The thing is, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is really more of a time capsule than a movie. It's ridiculously stupid, but for many of us, it's a snapshot of time and space. The second one was already unnecessary though, and this? This is just dumb.

The good news is that there's some talent attached to it -- Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves are returning (OK, so I'm using "talent" loosely), and Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson -- the original writers -- have finished a script. Now, word breaks that Dean Parisot has been signed to direct. Parisot has some skill at directing screwball comedies with some heart and brains -- he also directed the phenomenally underrated Galaxy Quest.

Of course, he also directed Fun With Dick And Jane. Hey, no one bats a thousand.

Anyway, yeah. Bill and Ted 3 is happening. Commence mocking title suggestions.... now! I'm going with Bill And Ted's Cash-Grabbing Exercise In Fucking Futility.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • fuck yeah... I'm in!

  • Thevrealnquestionnis: will they include a Matrix parody sequence? Reeves as Ted as Nemo, and Winters as Bill in drag as Wachowski?

  • Bandit

    I love Keanu Reeves. I don't give a toss. I unabashedly, whole-hardheartedly love the man. I will watch this movie, just to marvel at the pretty that is Keanu Reeves.

  • pumpkin

    I love him too, despite Dracula.

  • kirbyjay

    I do too..... and for anyone who thinks he's "wooden" I recommend The Gift. KR made a damn fine redneck wifebeater.
    Keanu needs a good giggle. He is the saddest fellow on the planet and another go round of Bill and Ted might be very therapeutic.

  • David Sorenson

    Anyone else surprised to find out that Alex Winters is still alive?

  • i am also a worthless gibbering shitfucker who wants to see this movie, but in the interest of "being excellent to each other," I will refrain from yelling back at the author of the post. that's right, i take my philosophy of life from Bill & Ted and i am unashamed of that.

  • Khal Mifune

    Excellent work, my friend. Perhaps I should not have responded to the virulence of the article with some of my own. People may not have realized I was kidding. Or it wasn't funny. Either way, it was probably not a good idea. I shall endeavour to be more like you from now on. Thank you, good sir.
    And party on.

  • Khal Mifune

    Yes, I am the worthless gibbering shitfucker who wants to see this movie, so fuck off and die you pathetic hipster douchebag.

  • I don't always pay attention to who writes the individual articles here, but when one starts with some Shakespearean-level cursing, I know it's always TK. Thanks, TK, for reminding us that cursing can be an art form.

  • POINGjam

    I'm in. Don't give a shit if it's redundant, I'm in. Seeing Bogus Journey with my dad is one of my better childhood memories.

  • SweetHoney

    I've always imagined that Rufus was some 80's American incarnation of the Doctor, the phone booth was his TARDIS, and Bill and Ted were the dumbest fucking companions ever, and they hijacked the TARDIS to complete their history paper...

  • mograph

    How about one of the Doctors as Rufus?

  • danobc

    now this is an idea i can get behind. this would give the movie some relevance.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Bill and Ted's Gnarly Mid-Life Crisis? Which, eh, could potentially not suck.

  • Stephen Nein

    I wouldn't blame Fun With Dick And Jane on Parisot. I think he's just a typical Hollywood director that's only as good as his source material and actors.

    Which means this aborted pig's fetus is screwed.

  • AmbroseKalifornia

    Bill & Ted and Who The Fuck Would Watch This Without George Carlin?

  • zeke_the_pig

    Was about to say just that.
    No Cariln, no deal.

  • jthomas666

    Fuckers will probably cast Dane Cook as Rufus Jr.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor


  • zeke_the_pig

    I threw up a little bit in my mouth on reading this.

  • TheOtherGreg

    Nick Cage.

  • spljt

    Stacey--I think he looks fine for a guy in his late 40s. Of course, that may be an old profile picture. I didn't click through his gallery.

  • Socrates_Johnson

    Various hand gestures

    (Translation: But most of all...I don't need...this movie.)

  • Sam

    Whenever I tell people that I think Galaxy Quest is one of the ten best comedies ever made, with a straight face, and nary an ounce of hyperbole I either hear "I totally agree" or "are you fucking retarded?" Needless to say I only continue to fraternize with the former group.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    Galaxy Quest is simply genius, I couldn't agree more. I cannot think of another ensemble comedy where every character is as pitch perfect. And Sam Rockwell is the gift that keeps on giving.

  • Green Lantern

    "Bill & Ted Are Old"

    Seriously. That should be the title.

  • Green Lantern

    And for the record, I'm on board with a trip through the phone booth...just one more time for old time's sake.

  • branded_redux

    Bill & Ted's Bogus Home Refinancing.

    San Dimas fantasy football league teams rule!

  • Anna von Beav

    I think, instead of this, I'm going to watch Galaxy Quest. that seems like a better idea.

  • pcloadletter

    By Grabthar's hammer, what a savings.

  • Stacey

    Ye cats! A visit to Alex Winter's IMDB page suggests that ... He has not aged well.

  • TheOtherGreg

    I think this has a good chance of being VERY entertaining. And Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey was a fine movie. Not every sequel is a bad idea.

  • MikeBrrrrr

    Bill and Ted's Pharmaceutical Excursion. Bill and Ted's Alzheimeric Stroll. Bill and Ted Are Dead Again. (Tagline: "This time, it's still not that funny.") Bill and Ted's Religious Pilgrimage. Bill and Ted's Homosexual Progress. Bill and Ted's Acid Trip. Bill and Ted's Divorce Settlement.

    Am I done? I'm done.

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