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2008’s Best Nudie Scenes

Jesus! Put Your Pants Back On / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | December 2, 2008 | Comments (60)

If you’ve seen Knocked Up, you’re no doubt familiar with Mr. Skin, the website that basically tracks down all the nudies scenes in any given movie and tells you exactly where they are so you don’t hurt your wittle thumb on the fast forward button. You wouldn’t want to damage your little brain with actual narrative, not when you can zip right to the boobies.

Anyway, Mr. Skin signature year-end list is their 20 best celebrity nude scenes of the year, where they ogle over nip slips and ass cracks of major celebrities, and full-on frontal of the B-level variety of stars. That’s how it works, you know: The lower down on the Hollywood food chain you are, the more skin you gotta show. I think it’s part of the collective bargaining agreement. The end result, for a list like this, is that you either don’t care about the nudie scene in question because the celebrity is D-list, or you don’t care because the A-list celebrity only shows the bare minimum to qualify for the list. Take, for instance, Angelina Jolie’s ass in Wanted, which comes in at number 10. Wow. An ass. Also, Amy Adams apparently flashes her ass (I’m sure, briefly) in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, which comes in at number 20. On the other end of the spectrum, people like Moran Atias and Carly Pope show it all, but who the hell are they?

Sadder still is the number of films featured on the list which I — a movie critic — have never heard of. Take, Heather Graham in Adrift in Manhattan, or Asia Argento in The Last Mistress, Neve Campbell in I Really Hate My Job, Willa Ford in Impulse, and Vera Farmiga in Never Forever, not to mention the four or five other films I have seen which no one else has heard of (Downloading Nancy, Sex and Death 101, Teeth, and Elegy).

The point of this post is: 1) Go check out the list, because your curiosity demands it — you’re dying to know what number one is, and 2) this is why you rarely see nudity in films anymore: Good stars don’t get naked in movies you want to see, and 3) Who cares? Nobody, but I bet you dollars to donuts fully half of you click to see the list anyway. Perverts.

Finally, out of gender fairness, if someone wants to offer up their favorite male nudie/shirtless scenes of the year, I’ll be happy to put the list together later this week.


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Comments

Isn't Teeth the vagina dentate movie that few people saw?

Posted by: anikitty at December 2, 2008 11:11 AM

I can't click on that at work, but I can say this:

Neve Campbell naked? Totally disappointing.

Or so I've heard.

Posted by: TK at December 2, 2008 11:12 AM

5- Naked Neighbor Dude, "Sex & The City: The Movie."
4- Naked Neighbor Dude, "Sex & The City: The Movie."
3- Naked Neighbor Dude, "Sex & The City: The Movie."
2- Naked Neighbor Dude, "Sex & The City: The Movie."

And of course,

1- Optimus Rhyme, "Care Package For Sofi starring My Package."

Posted by: Sofía at December 2, 2008 11:12 AM

I saw "I Really Hate My Job" and it's unknown for good reason. It's excruciatingly dull.

Posted by: Nate at December 2, 2008 11:14 AM

I nominate Heigl from "Knocked Up" in my opinion there is nothing sexier than a hot chic sitting on the toilet with her panties around her knees.

Posted by: Pookie at December 2, 2008 11:14 AM

I did a nudie during my "artsy" phase, fucking Wiensteins didn't wanna give it distribution. Last I heard some independent label released it down in Paraguay and certain parts of Northern Canada.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 2, 2008 11:15 AM

Hrmph. None of my Pajiboys have sent me naked pictures Sofia.

I feel sad in the pants now.

Posted by: Julie at December 2, 2008 11:16 AM

"Finally, out of gender fairness, if someone wants to offer up their favorite male nudie/shirtless scenes of the year, I'll be happy to put the list together later this week."


Dustin - if television is acceptable, i nominate Robert Buckley in almost any scene he's in from the now-cancelled "Lipstick Jungle."

Posted by: Scott at December 2, 2008 11:18 AM

Paul Rudd in "Role Models". Was it wrong that I kinda loved him in that scene? All manly in that wide-open Kiss shirt of manliness. And the hair! So much manly hair.

Posted by: Sapphiar at December 2, 2008 11:18 AM

They list Anna Faris in the House Bunny as number 6.

Pretty sure that was a stunt butt.

...shit, I just admitted to seeing that movie.

Where do I turn in my Pajiba card?

Posted by: Jim at December 2, 2008 11:19 AM

SEIZE HIM!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 2, 2008 11:21 AM

1. I love Teeth.
2. I can't wait to get home and click on the link because I am, in fact, a pervert. Also, I like movies with naked people. Even if they're only semi-naked.
3. There was a writeup of The Last Mistress/Asia Argento in (I believe) Film Comment. It sounds... like an "art film", if you get my drift. (My drift is, terrible, with lots of nakedness.)
4. Olivier Martinez in Unfaithful. So, so pretty. And he looks like he smells good too.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 2, 2008 11:27 AM

When it comes to PajiBoys you have to know your rights, Julie. Dammit, you must!

Posted by: Sofía at December 2, 2008 11:28 AM

*runs away ala Harrison Ford, Fugitive-style - complete with shackles around my legs*

Posted by: Jim at December 2, 2008 11:31 AM

Oh, wasn't Angelina's butt actually a stunt butt? Didn't I read that somewhere?

Also, why does Jesus have his pants off?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 2, 2008 11:33 AM

I saw "Teeth" and that's a really fucked up movie, more than that teenage masturbatory fantasy of Bernardo Bertolucci called "Dreamers". I almost took a vow to remain celibate for life after watching "Teeth".

Posted by: Emran at December 2, 2008 11:35 AM

I nominate Heigl from "Knocked Up" in my opinion there is nothing sexier than a hot chic sitting on the toilet with her panties around her knees.

Really? Really. Really! Nothing sexier. You loose points for total lack of imagination.

psst... Jim my mom wanted to see that movie, so I ended up getting wrangled into it. We ended up amusing each other by making fun of what was going on, on the screen and the meeting of the red hat club (seriously, no joking, there were about 8 little biddies in their purple and red) going on in the row in front of us. They really enjoyed the PlayBoy scenes way too much I think. Also, that movie was the most awful piece of shit... Grrr... It makes me mad just thinking about the matinee priced tickets we had to pay for it.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 2, 2008 11:36 AM

I saw Downloading Nancy! It inspired an entire IMDB thread (originally posted by someone else) where we debated if the title used a gerund or a participle phrase.

I'm going to go kill myself now.

Posted by: Lindsay at December 2, 2008 11:38 AM

And I lose points for a double o infraction.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 2, 2008 11:39 AM

Oh, for favorite nudie male scene, I'm voting for Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Because it's rare that I get to see the junk of an actor I lust over.

YES I SAID LUST. Segel is funny as hell, a sweetheart in interviews, plays the piano, and is so very tall. I like a guy who looks like he could toss me around.

Posted by: Julie at December 2, 2008 11:40 AM

I was going to fly off the handle that Marisa Tomei in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead was omitted, but then I realized that movie was at the tail end of 2007. My days are slipping away on me.

And Sofía, I'm sure if you came up with an arrangement for "Mah Shlong," the other Paheebans could nominate a man-slave willing performer.

Posted by: branded at December 2, 2008 11:46 AM

I saw Death Race and the Statham does shirtless pull-ups on the bars of his cell.

I keep inadvertently incinerating my panties whenever I think about it.

Posted by: courtney 2 at December 2, 2008 11:49 AM

Segel is funny as hell, a sweetheart in interviews, plays the piano, and is so very tall. I like a guy who looks like he could toss me around.

Jules, I knew there was a reason that I totally heart you.

Also, I am loving HIMYM already.

Posted by: lizzieborden at December 2, 2008 11:58 AM

Fuck nudie scenes; I got a thrill on right now over the fact that Anna von B reads Film Comment.

Posted by: Ranylt at December 2, 2008 12:05 PM

All the male nudity I can think of is non-sexual nudity

Seth Rogan in Zack and Miri - heroic nudity (covering up granny panties)
Jason Segal - funny and incredibly vulnerable nudity

Posted by: Park at December 2, 2008 12:05 PM

Kevin Bacon goes full frontal in Wild Things. There is no end to the awesomeness of that movie.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at December 2, 2008 12:08 PM

Hottest male nudity of the year? Complete cheat but I've just rewatched the first couple of seasons of Oz over the past 2 weeks. So much lovely man flesh...

Posted by: Lisa S at December 2, 2008 12:32 PM

Anna, I second your nomination of Oliver.

For me though, no one can top the hotness of Viggo in Eastern Promises. Hot Russian accent + gorgeous, naked Viggo + shower + holy-shit-I-don't-think-I-can-breathe + worrying about his manhood and that knife = Cindy alternately drooling and peeking through her fingers.

Posted by: Cindy at December 2, 2008 12:41 PM

Neve Campbell in I Really Hate My Job

AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OH MAN

BEST. META. TITLE. EVER.

Oh, Neve. Hee.

Posted by: figgy at December 2, 2008 12:43 PM

I got to see Statham in his boxers last night. I sighed audibly. My friend actually looked over at me because it was quite loud. True story.

Posted by: Nicole at December 2, 2008 12:43 PM

Are you kidding me, Ranylt? You write like Film Comment, which is why you are my favorite (don't tell the others; I love them too, but you are the hottest one of all).

Ooh, Cindy, Viggo's a good one too. And, actually, I think Unfaithful's a few years old right now, which makes it kind of a moot point, since it's an "Of The Year" list. Duh. I am S-M-R-T smart. No, really... I read Film Comment and everything!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 2, 2008 12:51 PM

Heather Graham used to be a movie star (although I can't name anything she did except "Boogie Nights"). What happened to her?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at December 2, 2008 12:54 PM

Mischa Barton is still getting work? Who knew.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 2, 2008 12:58 PM

AvB = biggest. compliment.ever.

Posted by: Ranylt at December 2, 2008 1:00 PM

"Boggie Nights" is the motherfucking bible as far as I'm concerned. Burt was pimping bitches like I can only dream of.

Posted by: Pookie at December 2, 2008 1:03 PM

I did check this list (total pervert) and saw the first place entry. Mr. Skin can go burn and die for all I care now.

Posted by: Vermillion at December 2, 2008 1:12 PM

Shit. It's catchy Anna. EP was out in 2007, so we've both been struck dumb by the hotness. Oh well, it's a nice way to go.

I'm off to hunt down naked studmuffins.

Posted by: Cindy at December 2, 2008 1:19 PM

"Seeing porn phenomenon Jenna Jameson nude, gorgeous as she always is, may seem like no big novelty at this point, but to see a back-burger shot of her vaginal lips and anus in an uproarious splatter-fest is a whole new skin-sation."

My new favorite site - thanks!

Posted by: Lane Honda at December 2, 2008 1:23 PM

Viggo in Eastern Promises is an utter, total, no-brainer for #1 ... for 2007.

Posted by: Raleigh at December 2, 2008 1:29 PM

I'll second Sofia, Naked Neighbor dude is spectacular. I can't even remember another male nude that intrigued me more, he broke me.

Posted by: Agente Provocatrice at December 2, 2008 1:39 PM

"Last I heard some independent label released it down in Paraguay and certain parts of Northern Canada."

My God, that was YOU? I knew there was a reason I loved living in Canada so much...

Posted by: Kelly at December 2, 2008 1:52 PM

*snort* Kelly, I was JUST going to say that!

Yup, I remember Slim's film well. Thought it was a well-hung caribou at first.

Posted by: meaux at December 2, 2008 2:22 PM

Cindy, glad you brought up Eastern Promises. I know a guy who shows that movie to women he wants to bed and It. Never. Fails. Something about naked wet Viggo just gets us.

Posted by: courtney 2 at December 2, 2008 2:54 PM

When Hugh Jackman takes his shirt off I swoon...and then notice he has a mega hairy chest. Which is kinda gross, but the other extreme side of this phenomena is probably someone like Zach Braff (shudders in horror!)...

Posted by: ph at December 2, 2008 3:09 PM

Angie's probably had a butt double for all her films that she's come out half naked or whatever, because girlfriend's ass is as flat as a pancake. The only double they don't need is for her boobies, because they're pretty much still there thanks to all the children she's had in the last few years. Soon they will be gone though...! Just you wait!

Posted by: ph at December 2, 2008 3:13 PM

Meaux, wasn't it called "Moose Knucklers" or something like that? Ladyhelmet channelsurfed passed it by accident one night - I heard a scream, some retching, a loud clunk, then found her passed out by the toilet. It took many months of therapy to get over that. I think the word is "hirsute."

My life will remain incomplete until Anne Hathaway and Scarlett Johannsen join Angelina on a yearly nudie list - bonus points if it's the same movie. Triple word score if it's the same scene. One overdose-related trip to the hospital for sheer awesomeness if that one scene makes up 99% of the movie. Whew! Is it getting a bit warm in here?

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 2, 2008 3:41 PM

The Last Mistress is actually pretty good. Check it out.

Posted by: Jess at December 2, 2008 3:59 PM

Meaux, it was pretty damn impressive. I watched it with a bunch of friends. We were having a kegger party in an igloo (as Canadians are inclined to do) and that scene with the Moose (the one that made the fair LadyHelmet vomit and pass out) was so steamy it damn near melted the igloo.

I should try and get Slim's autograph, my fellow Canadian porn-loving companions will be jealous and I'll most likely get to be the igloo ice princess at our next monthly kegger.

Posted by: Kelly at December 2, 2008 4:05 PM

"On the other end of the spectrum, people like Moran Atias and Carly Pope show it all, but who the hell are they?"

-- I am not ashamed to say that I watched the TZ show Popular just to ogle Carly Pope and Leslie Bibb. Many a hanky-spanky night were spent concockting inappropriate fantasies involving those two as step-sisters.

Posted by: JP at December 2, 2008 4:55 PM

By the way, just saw Role Models. I'm guessing there are a few ladies who enjoyed the shot of Stifler's rear.

Posted by: JP at December 2, 2008 4:59 PM

I should try and get Slim's autograph

Kelly, get him to write it in the snow then you can have the kegger in the igloo made from the awesomeness that is *the* Slim. It will stand as a testament to the long dongerry of Mr. Slim for eternity as we all know Canada never thaws.

Unless it was a stunt cock in which case it will dissapear as soon as it is removed from its packaging.

Posted by: admin at December 2, 2008 6:17 PM

Ahh, yes, lordhelmet--it was indeed "Moose Knucklers." Hey admin, didn't that flick also star Nanook, the Inuit dude who clubs baby seals with his cock?

Posted by: meaux at December 2, 2008 6:59 PM

Never Forever was at Sundance 07. Vera Farmiga plays the wife of a wealthy Asian-American man who starts a relationship with her sperm donor. It's well worth watching and written/directed by a woman (Gina Kim) to boot.

Posted by: Audrey at December 2, 2008 7:07 PM

Courtney, I could see how that would work. That man is the hotness.

Posted by: Cindy at December 2, 2008 9:14 PM

Meaux your powers of observation are impressive. Yes our own Terror of the North is indeed in "Moose Knucklers." At the time he had two legs and quite a promising carreer in adult movies.

Unfortunately, during the filming of the sequal, "Rectal Canadian Mounting Police" he slipped on some *ahem* overspill bumping into a horse that panicked and started a chain reaction of calamity that resulted in a Harp seal falling off of the diving platform and onto Nanook's still excited trouser scrimshaw. His eskimo surprise was crushed, never to rise again. Hence his new profession wherein he may reap his vengence on the seal population (the seal laughed at him afterwards) by weilding his flaccid phallic fury.

Legend has it that Nanook learned his bashing technique from our own BSlim. After a hard day of shooting Nanook observed Slim knock a reindeer the fuck out because the reindeer was getting "uppity".

A legend was born.

Posted by: admin at December 2, 2008 9:48 PM

me and my girlfriend thought teeth was great. some dude i worked with at this factory said his girlfriend wouldn't let him watch it cuz there were boobies and whatnot, so we checked it out. grown-ass factory workin man can't even look at movie-boobs. signs and wonders.

Posted by: farik at December 2, 2008 10:44 PM

lordhelmet - didn't Anne Hathaway already go topless in Brokeback Mountain? Granted, you'll have to make it through naked Jake Gyllenhaal and naked Heath Ledger to make it to naked Anne Hathaway, but that's the naked price you have to naked pay.

Posted by: Shay at December 3, 2008 9:58 AM

Shay, Hath did indeed show off in Brokeback, and in Havoc too. I guess I'm just a greedy sumbitch to be holding out for more. Oh well, I yam what I yam...right, Shadows?

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 3, 2008 12:34 PM

I've employed the services of Mr. Skin since before I was legally allowed to.

Posted by: Lucas at December 3, 2008 1:47 PM

Wait, I forgot one (male nudie that is)

Rob Huebel in the Porn Star sketch from Human Giant. *sigh* he's so handsome.

And after today I feel more Filion nudity should be demanded for 2009.

Posted by: Park at December 3, 2008 4:24 PM





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