Jesus! Put Your Pants Back On / Dustin Rowles
Trade News | December 2, 2008 | Comments ()
If you’ve seen Knocked Up, you’re no doubt familiar with Mr. Skin, the website that basically tracks down all the nudies scenes in any given movie and tells you exactly where they are so you don’t hurt your wittle thumb on the fast forward button. You wouldn’t want to damage your little brain with actual narrative, not when you can zip right to the boobies.
Anyway, Mr. Skin signature year-end list is their 20 best celebrity nude scenes of the year, where they ogle over nip slips and ass cracks of major celebrities, and full-on frontal of the B-level variety of stars. That’s how it works, you know: The lower down on the Hollywood food chain you are, the more skin you gotta show. I think it’s part of the collective bargaining agreement. The end result, for a list like this, is that you either don’t care about the nudie scene in question because the celebrity is D-list, or you don’t care because the A-list celebrity only shows the bare minimum to qualify for the list. Take, for instance, Angelina Jolie’s ass in Wanted, which comes in at number 10. Wow. An ass. Also, Amy Adams apparently flashes her ass (I’m sure, briefly) in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, which comes in at number 20. On the other end of the spectrum, people like Moran Atias and Carly Pope show it all, but who the hell are they?
Sadder still is the number of films featured on the list which I — a movie critic — have never heard of. Take, Heather Graham in Adrift in Manhattan, or Asia Argento in The Last Mistress, Neve Campbell in I Really Hate My Job, Willa Ford in Impulse, and Vera Farmiga in Never Forever, not to mention the four or five other films I have seen which no one else has heard of (Downloading Nancy, Sex and Death 101, Teeth, and Elegy).
The point of this post is: 1) Go check out the list, because your curiosity demands it — you’re dying to know what number one is, and 2) this is why you rarely see nudity in films anymore: Good stars don’t get naked in movies you want to see, and 3) Who cares? Nobody, but I bet you dollars to donuts fully half of you click to see the list anyway. Perverts.
Finally, out of gender fairness, if someone wants to offer up their favorite male nudie/shirtless scenes of the year, I’ll be happy to put the list together later this week.