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The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | July 24, 2008 | Comments (115)

Deals

It’s funny about Internet rumors. They are often created, I suspect, out of thin air, but after the Internet trades — ourselves, Slashfilm, Cinematical, AICN, JoBlo, MovieWeb, FirstShowing, etc. — get finished hashing out the rumors, more times than not, it seems, the same item will reappear a few months later, fully confirmed. An industry friend once told me that this is exactly how it works: Float the idea as rumor, deny it while seeing if the rumor sticks, and if it does, seal the deal. I can’t count the number of comic book films, remakes, and video and board game movies we’ve speculated upon, only to see them become sad realities (I’m still waiting for that “Punky Brewster” movie, though. It’s coming. Mark my word).

Anyway, this week’s biggest scuttlebutt is a doozy; every headline about it has come with a question mark attached, but I want to y’all to mark it in your minds, so that — in a few months — we can see whether or not that rumor theory holds true. In this particular case, I’m terrified it will. The headline? Tom Cruise set to reprise Maverick in Top Gun sequel? It has gotten that bad for the guy, and if the offer is made, my money is on him accepting it. At this point in his career, dude couldn’t open a Twinkie’s wrapper. The premise of Top Gun II: Ramrodders, so it is rumored, will be that it will take place 20 years later, Maverick will be a flight trainer, and he’s going to have to deal with an uppity chick with a rebellious streak. Welcome to the B-list, Tom.

(Update: Reports have come out denying the rumor. Step II completed.)

Also: Can we just get a remake sabbatical? Maybe not all remakes, just of movies made since 1980. I think legislation should be passed. Please write your congressmen.

And speaking of sweaty men, Peter Berg (Hancock, Friday Night Lights) is set to direct Hercules: The Thracian Wars, based on a five-issue comic series from Steve Moore. Ryan Condal has been hired to write the script. He has absolutely no credits to his name. Only the select few who have bothered to read the comics know anything about premise, but I’m pretty sure he eats Disney’s Little Mermaid in the final act. Meanwhile, what the fuck, Berg? You go from the under-appreciated Very Bad Things to Friday Night Lights to Hancock to fucking Hercules. Not to mention this: He’s already set to direct Dune (yeah, that Dune; the Frank Herbert one). Plus he’s still doing “FNL” the TV show and creating another one, “Virtuality,” due out this fall. Man Alive. Berg used to have some meat and potatoes on that full plate. Now it’s strange meat and beefcake. You’re gonna get fat, dude. Like, Michael Bay fat. Well, maybe not Michael Bay fat — I understand, at the end of his career, he wants to go out in style by gorging himself until he personally explodes onto the screen, which will elicit the sort of ovation that can destroy small towns. Helluva swan song. Can’t wait!

Hey y’all! Remember Valley Girl? No. Of course you don’t. It’s a 25-year-old movie and it sucked, unless you were 12 and caught it on HBO at 3 a.m. after Dragonslayer. And the only thing it had going for it, really, was Modern English’s “I’ll Stop the World and Melt with You.” Well guess what? MGM is remaking it. As a musical! Hot diggity dogshit! Better still, it’ll be a musical with 80’s numbers. Maybe great songs like, “Ricky Don’t Lose that Number” or “Pump up the Jams” and then close that fucker with Chicago’s “You’re the Inspiration.” (Mini-diversion: Worst 80s song?) I suspect they’ll keep the original premise intact, which was about a valley girl in high school who dumps her boyfriend (via the old “here’s your ID bracelet back” trick) to date a Hollywood punk, played by Nicolas Cage in his first role not using the name Nicolas Coppola. The Valley Girl was played by Deborah Foreman, who looks like someone born to star in an aerobic fitness infomercial (she would later star in April Fool’s Day and Lobster Man from Mars, a.k.a. “The Biggest Lobster Tail Ever.” *groan*). Shit. Where was I? Oh yeah: Since punks no longer exist in the real world (thanks blink-182, you broke punk), I’m sure it’ll be about an emo kid and a prom queen — think Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson, then take a bottle of Xanax and swallow your pain away.

In other movie news, iF Magazine learned from Doug Liman, the director of The Bourne Identity and the producer of the superior sequels, that a script is being written for a fourth, and the hope is that Damon will be back as Jason Bourne. However, Liman admits that it could go on without him:

“Jason Bourne is a movie star. I think Matt Damon is not as big a movie star as Jason Bourne is. Daniel Craig is a movie star, but James Bond is more of a movie star.”

You’re so wrong, Liman. Matt Damon is Jason Bourne, and if you try to run the show with some two-bit generic actor with nice pecs you’ll find out just how quickly the franchise will sink. On the other hand, as I think he’s probably learned, especially after Jumper, “Doug Liman is a director. I think Doug Liman is not as big a movie director as Paul Greengrass is.”

Elsewhere, Louis Leterrier, who directed The Incredible Hulk, revealed that Edward Norton will appear in The Avengers movie, along with another Avengers character that will be introduced in Iron Man 2. Sam Jackson is also set to appear in The Avengers as Nick Fury, along with whoever is ultimately cast as Thor and Captain America. Then again, what the fuck does Louis Leterrier know?

Random

Finally, if you haven’t heard already, “At the Movies with Ebert and Roeper” will no longer exist in its current incarnation come this fall. Both Ebert and Roeper have left the show, and apparently they are revising the format to make it more Access Hollywoody. They’ve hired a couple of talking douche heads, Ben Lyons (who does red carpet coverage) and Ben Mankiewics (who does a TMZ television show) — to replace them. I’m sure it’ll be nothing but quick edits, puff pieces, and digitally enhanced thumbs now. I admit I was never a huge fan of the show, ironically enough because I always felt that Ebert was too mean (it’s one thing in print, but it feels so personal on television), but I’m nevertheless bummed that the one respectable television show devoted to movie reviews will be turned into a Seacrest-like dog and pony show. Man — the kids aren’t just walking across our lawns these days, they’re stopping to piss in our grass. *shakes fist*

The Trailer Watch

In our first trailer, hey! Guess who is an absolutely lousy romantic lead opposite Zooey Deschanel? Jim Carrey. Oy. Yes Man looks like an unfunny sequel to Liar Liar. Come on, Jim. You can do better (and Zooey! Shame on you.)

Next up, Surfer Dude. You know, McConaughey has made some awful movies in his career — in fact, most of them are. But this is the first time I’ve ever actually felt embarrassed for him. Try watching this trailer without wincing. It hurts my soul to watch.

Finally, here’s a second trailer for Twilight. The verdict? I still don’t get it? People are excited about this movie? Show them to me. I don’t believe you.

Finally, after the five minutes it took you to blow through today’s round-up, is “Kokomo” still caught in your head? Yeah?

Awesome.

Keep it going: We’ll get there fast and then we’ll take it slow. That’s where we wanna go. Way down in Kokomo.

You can thank me this afternoon, when it’s still caught in your head.


← Pajiba Love 07/23/08 | Eloquent Eloquence 07/24/08 →





Comments

I agree. 95% or remakes suck. What doesn't, BSG and Mission Impossible?

Posted by: karstark at July 24, 2008 8:31 AM

Oh God...I just watched the Surfer Dude trailer WITHOUT sound and it still hurt. And while Yes Man looks pretty much like a rehashing of Liar Liar, Zooey Deschanel is on my nice list, so I'm just going to sidestep this one.

Posted by: Jeremy at July 24, 2008 8:34 AM

I love how whenever there's bad/funny/strange news about Tom Cruise anywhere on Pajiba, that goddamn ad for his official site pops up on the page.

Posted by: Seany D at July 24, 2008 8:37 AM

Am I the only one who finds Zooey Deschanel rather irritating? I find her sister on "Bones" to be be quirky but not so much so that she's unsympathetic. I admit I've only seen two of Zooey's movies but fo far she's 0 for 2.


It didn't help that those two movies were Hitchhiker's Guide and The Happening. I had high expectations for both of them and was hugely disappointed.

Posted by: karstark at July 24, 2008 8:45 AM

People are excited about this movie? Show them to me. I don't believe you.

The majority of them are 12-15, and they'll be waiting for me at work. I don't know what else to tell ya.

Again: Another "Dune" movie like television set on honeymoon. Unnecessary.

No, no, Josie Cotton was the best musical element of "Valley Girl".

Tennant Riddler! Tennant Riddler!

Worst song: "Break My Stride" (Breakaway topic. Best fantastic song you've forgotten [til you hear it at a wedding]: "Electric Kingdom")

Posted by: Jay at July 24, 2008 8:47 AM

I know I'm probably going to get lynched for this (and it breaks my heart, too, 'cause she's darn cute) but maybe Zooey just isn't that great of an actress? Discuss.

I've read the Twilight books, and even though they're long-winded, tedious, and proselytizing--Don't have premarital sex or else you'll be damned for all eternity, kids!--they're still really compelling reads. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to carve "Edward + Bella 4ever" in my TrapperKeeper.

Posted by: Tabula Swift at July 24, 2008 8:48 AM

karstark, ahhh, Hitchhiker's Guide rocked and you know it! Well, it at least was good enough for me to watch multiple times and to go read the book.

And Warwick Davis played Marvin! Knowing that going in with Alan Rickman doing the voice made it all the more glorious...

Re: Top Gun 2
Who wouldn't go see this? If they could reprise Val Kilmer's role with his fat ass in some sweatpants and aviators still playing volleyball, I'd be there without question.

Throw in Tim Robbins again too, and he can continue his struggle with Tom Cruise from the basement seen in War of the Worlds.

Posted by: Colin at July 24, 2008 8:54 AM

Can we talk about the fact that Valley Girl featured the horrible '80's song "Johnny Are You Queer?"

Can that please be sung to Pete Wentz in the remake? Anyone?

Posted by: courtney at July 24, 2008 8:55 AM

Finally, after the five minutes it took you to blow through today's round-up, is "Kokomo" still caught in your head? Yeah?

No.

The moment I read "Modern English's 'I'll Stop the World and Melt with You'", that immediately replaced "Kokomo." So, I will likely have "Stop the World and Melt with You" stuck in my head all day. I guess that's "mission accomplished."

Posted by: ajax19 at July 24, 2008 8:57 AM

hmm, while the word seen somewhat works there. I much would of much preferred using the correct version of scene that I was looking for...

Posted by: Colin at July 24, 2008 8:57 AM

I don't recall ever seeing Zooey Daschnell in anything. I saw that "Jesse James" movie, but I have no recollection of Zooey or who she played. I like her sister well enough in "Bones."

I think this must be a generational thing. As being firmly in my mid-30s, I believe there are a whole host of younger actors who I have no idea about. Ryan Gosling is another. No clue.

Posted by: ajax19 at July 24, 2008 9:00 AM

...Speaking of Dune... I'm currently reading "The White Plague", by Frank Herbert. So much awesomeness. Go straight to the closest library and grab it. Just PLEASE don't let Hollywood make a movie out of it... there's no way it would translate properly.

Posted by: Pea at July 24, 2008 9:00 AM

Colin, you say it made you go read the book? I suppose my problem was I grew up with the book. Well, bookS. Now, there was no possible way in hell that ANY movie was going to live up to the madness of those books, but, I still expected more. And by far the hardest thing to take was Zooey Deschanel. I would so, so not pursue THAT girl to the ends of the Earth. Literally. I just found her annoying.


And then she was cast in The Happening, which, to be fair, made bad use of ALL its actors, not just her. But she didn't help.

I also was heavily influenced by Top Gun in college, by the way. I honestly don't know if I COULD Stay away from the remake, if they make it. But whooooa Nelly, they shouldn't make it. I know Hollywood is a money-making enterprise. But for God's sake. Be a man and remake Buck Rogers or something!

On the plus side... Did everyone see Zodiac? Anthony Edwards is, officially, added to the hasn't aged a day club. So they actually COULD remake it, cause Tom and Val are still doing okay too. AlthoughVal's been a bit chunky in Deja Vu and Bang Bang Kiss Kiss.

Posted by: karstark at July 24, 2008 9:05 AM

Excellent round-up today.

as I think he's probably learned, especially after Jumper, "Doug Liman is a director. I think Doug Liman is not as big a movie director as Paul Greengrass is."

that, especially.

Posted by: twig at July 24, 2008 9:06 AM

Hitchhiker's Guide (the movie) sucked. Watch the TV miniseries instead. It was much better (OK, it was classic Dr. Who cheesy) but it was much funnier and the book itself played a much bigger role. The "computer screen" in the book is actually all old school handdrawn annimation because computer annimation didn't exist yet when they made the TV show. I dare you to get the themesong out of your head. Very catchy.

Trivia: Peter Davison (who had just been signed to play the 5th doctor in Dr. Who) played The Dish of the Day in Hitchhiker's, and was married to the lady who played Trillian at the time.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 24, 2008 9:10 AM

Hey now, Peter Berg gets some credit for The Kingdom, which I kind of liked, and The Rundown, which I also... kind of... what? Why are you all looking at me like that?

Shit.

Posted by: TK at July 24, 2008 9:13 AM

I'm with you on Zooey Deschanel, ajax19. Wouldn't know her if she came up and gave me a hummer. Well, okay, maybe I'd remember her after that. And I'm only a fraction of a generation older than you. Maybe just enough years to settle into the skin and learn to listen to women...and Lord, do they rave about Ryan Gosling.

Matthew McConaughey has made a good movie? Do tell!

Mickey. Toni Basil. 'Nuff said. I was there.

Posted by: Grover at July 24, 2008 9:13 AM

Also: Can we just get a remake sabbatical? Maybe not all remakes, just of movies made since 1980. I think legislation should be passed. Please write your congressmen.

Amen, brotha.

Worst 80s song: Anything Air Supply. They should just be stricken from the record.

There have always been two sets of "80s" music to me anyway - the crap on the charts, and then some of the greatest new wave, progressive, alternative, whatever-you-want-to-call-it-off-the-charts stuff.

The leads chosen for the Twilight movie are just dull and leaden and the trailers are shockingly poor. They're still going to make a buttload of money.

Posted by: Cindy at July 24, 2008 9:14 AM

P.S. Hitchhiker's started life as a radio programme, which is how I first heard it. Then a TV show, then a book (which is why the book matches the TV show so well) and then a movie.

Good luck finding the radio programme, but it's worth it, if you can find it.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 24, 2008 9:15 AM

I hate Very Bad Things. Ugliest fucking movie I have ever seen.

Worst song: "Break My Stride"? I love that song, Jay! I'm sorry! And I thought the worst song of the eighties had already been scientifically proven to be "We Built This City."

I still don't know much about Zooey Deschanel, but Emily Deschanel, and everyone else connected with "Bones," sucks.

Posted by: Todd at July 24, 2008 9:16 AM

Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go
Down to Kokomo

... ah yeah!

Posted by: heddy at July 24, 2008 9:21 AM

So Surfer, Dude is a documentary, right? Or a very special extended episode of Punk'd, right?

TK, don't be ashamed. I, too, like The Rundown. Though it may be because both The Rock and Rosario Dawson make me tingly.

Posted by: jM at July 24, 2008 9:25 AM

karstark, yeah, for some reason I had never heard of the book until I had seen the movie... I think I enjoyed the movie so much because of Alan Rickman's voice and the bizarre mix of Mos Def (who I think is a riot, especially in Be Kind Rewind) and Sam Rockwell. And I love Zooey.

Although The Happening was a crapfest, and you're right, acting was just bad all around (which was surprising).

Posted by: Colin at July 24, 2008 9:27 AM

Re: Twilight. Yeeeahhh... tons of people read Danielle Steele and other silly little romance novels, but when they make it on screen, and the fantasy of the whole persona becomes reality? Everything always falls apart.

The reverse proves the rule- if you took say, the Cutting Edge (shut up) and tried to write it as a romance novel, it'd be short and kind of boring. By page 80 or so you'd be thinking "are they gonna do it or what? What the hell do I care about the Panchenco? " A quick flip through the book, looking for any sort of word cues- undulating, writhing, quivering member... the usual- and when you find none? You move on.

Now you've got Twilight, and suddenly the "super hot vampire guy" is just kind of "meh" and you start to realize that his "romantic gestures" -listening in on other people's thoughts, sneaking in and watching her while she sleeps, being, you know, undead and such- aren't so much romantic as kind of stalker crazy.

Twilight is an decent enough intro for young ladies looking to dive into the romance genre, the gateway book, if you will, before you get into the hardcore sexy times, but as a film franchise? There isn't enough there.

Fun activity next time you're at the library- go to the freebie romance novel rack and hold the spine in the palm of your hand and let the pages fall open. 9 times out of 10, the section it opens to will refer to some undulating or moist panties (sorry Dustin).

Posted by: lilianna28 at July 24, 2008 9:30 AM

Oh dear God, "Break My Stride" - Jay, I'm in a bad mood already this morning, and you've just provided the soundtrack to the rest of my hellish day at work. But when you're right, you're right, no other 80's song comes close to the awfulness of that one. After about the 180th time I've run that song through my head today (there's no controlling it), I'll be screaming on the inside to please replace that piece of shit with "Kokomo" - that's just how much I detest that song. Thanks for reviving my PTSD.

Having said that, we might as well just retire the words "movie" and "film" and replace them with "remake," since that seems to be 98% of the product we'll be getting until the world as we know it ends.

I'm sending out a spec script for the "F Troop" screen treatment as soon as I've gone through enough toilet paper. Boy, talk about your post-partum 'Dark Knight' blues...

Posted by: TMax at July 24, 2008 9:31 AM

The end of the serious film review show came with Siskel's death. Roeper knows nothing about film, it was an embarrassment to wathc him thinking he could adequately fill Gene Siskel's shoes. He was put in that role because of political machinations at the Sun Times and because they thought he was more photogenic than Michael Wilmington (the Tribune critic who actually does know something about film): an odd move since Roeper looks more like a muppet than a human being. That is all.

Posted by: PaddyDog at July 24, 2008 9:33 AM

I haven't seen the BBC TV show, I love all the other iterations.

I already liked Zooey, but then as Trillian she wore argyle knee socks. I could never dislike a movie with that.

Posted by: Jay at July 24, 2008 9:36 AM

SO many kinds of awesome: http://youtube.com/watch?v=wDaszN9ByxM

Posted by: jamiepants at July 24, 2008 9:48 AM

a remake of valley girl? that's bananas! as in freaking horrible.

Posted by: smash at July 24, 2008 9:50 AM

umm Dustin - I believe it's "Aruba, Jamaica"...

your welcome.

Posted by: Kelsophecles at July 24, 2008 10:01 AM

your welcome.

Irony factor: high.

Posted by: twig at July 24, 2008 10:05 AM

Ah, it is good to find kindred souls who were just as disappointed with the Hitchhiker's movie as I was. The filmmakers dinked with a few too many things in the storyline for my taste.

Personally, I think the worst music of the 80's came from the cheesy hair metal bands like Warrant, Nelson, Winger, etc. Some of that stuff was painful.

Posted by: Alabamapink at July 24, 2008 10:07 AM

Shamefully, I'm excited for Twilight. i enjoyed the books as pure fluff between heavier reads, and now I know I'm gonna have a good film to laugh at in December.

plus now I can dust off my old "I Support Cedric Diggory" shirt

Posted by: CiCi at July 24, 2008 10:09 AM

Ah, it is good to find kindred souls who were just as disappointed with the Hitchhiker's movie as I was

Honestly, it was all worth it for me for the scene when Ford, Arthur and Zaphod all decide they're going to go Save Trillian! and cock it up pretty much before they start.

Also, "Aaah! Fire!" made me laugh so hard I was crying. It could have been much better, but it had its moments.

Posted by: twig at July 24, 2008 10:12 AM

ajax19, Grover- I too am in my mid-30's (or maybe "and then some"), and I adore Ryan Gosling. He is an amazing actor, whether he's doing crappy B-grade stuff or top material. I don't think it's a generational thing, I think it's a matter of what you choose to expose yourself to and what moves you.

BWeaves, I am all about the original HHG BBC mini! The Vogons were completely awesome and that Book was fantastic, and it's funny to think about how that's all hand-animated. And Zaphod's second head... hee! Although I must admit, I did enjoy the new version for what it was. the Heart of Gold sequences were really fun, and I liked Mos Def as Ford.

Re: the worst 80s song- I don't think you can really pick just one, can you? there's so many just godawful songs there...

Also, I'm all for a moratorium on remakes, especially stuff from the 80s. Too soon. I mean, My Bloody Valentine? really? Don't get me wrong, I loved it, but let's be honest, it wasn't that good.

Also, DAMN YOUROWLES!! I'll never get that stupid song out of my head. You're dead to me.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at July 24, 2008 10:15 AM

Don't forget, the '80s was the decade of Milli Vanilli.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at July 24, 2008 10:18 AM

Jay, while I agree with you that "Break My Stride" is a flaming turd, any time I hear "Red Red Wine," I want to punch everyone around me - including myself - directly in the face.

Posted by: NoraBorealis at July 24, 2008 10:18 AM

My vote for worst 80's song: I second the Air Supply vote above. Also Chicago. Ick.

Tom Cruise set to reprise Maverick in Top Gun sequel

So this is how the apocalypse will start. I always knew the wee crazy one would be involved.

TK, no shame in The Rundown. It is the Rock beating up Sean William Scott for 2 hours. It is awesome.

McConaghy has done one or two good movies in his career. I submit for consideration Dazed and Confused and A Time To Kill.

Posted by: Melody at July 24, 2008 10:19 AM

Don't forget, the '80s was the decade of Milli Vanilli.

"Girl you know it's..Girl, you know it's..Girl you know it's.."

So funny and yet so sad.

Posted by: Melody at July 24, 2008 10:21 AM

Plus, you know, back on HHG again.... I enjoyed seeing what they did different with the movie because all the other versions were quite different from each other as well, from all I've read (I never heard the radio programme). Douglas Adams didn't stay faithful to his own material, which is what makes each new adaptation so much fun!

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at July 24, 2008 10:21 AM

Sorry to be so anal, but as an unashamedly HUGE Steely Dan fan (and, I ask you, what's wrong with that?), I think you'll find it's Ricki Don't Lose That Number, not Ricky.

All together now, "No static at all....F....M....(no static at aaallll)"

Posted by: boogs at July 24, 2008 10:21 AM

the director of The Bourne Identity and the producer of the superior sequels

Hrrmm? Ultimatum maybe. Maybe. The second one was too much jump-cutting and shaky camera nonsense. Even with Eomer, it was still so-so. Identity had Franka Potente, so I'm still saying it was the best one.

"I want to mark her with my scent ... like a lemur."

Hmm, steal from Seth Rogen much?

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at July 24, 2008 10:22 AM

ugh, I'm such a comment hog today... but I just refreshed the home page and there were 42 comments to this thread. Awww.....

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at July 24, 2008 10:27 AM

Dustin- I fucking hate you. I hate that song, and now it is stuck in my head. You jerk.

Posted by: tamatha at July 24, 2008 10:30 AM

Imploding Head Alert!
Someone just told me that MTV has announced that they are remaking The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Please tell me this isn't true. Anyone...is this peanut filled turb of news credible?

Posted by: PissBoy at July 24, 2008 10:36 AM

Hey, I like Ben Mankiewics! He'll bring some much needed dorkiness to the movie reviewing biz. Bwa ha ha ha!

And you can't get "Kokomo" stuck in my head and then ask what the worst song of the decade was. That's just not fair.

Posted by: frumpiefox at July 24, 2008 10:36 AM

PissBoy, I remember hearing about this a year or so ago, and if I remember correctly they were talking to Marilyn Manson about doing it?

Haven't heard anything recently about it though...

Posted by: Colin at July 24, 2008 10:42 AM

Someone just told me that MTV has announced that they are remaking The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Posted by: jM at July 24, 2008 10:44 AM

I hate being like this, but in the immortal words of Popeye: I yam what I yam. So on to the editorial nitpicking...

It's acutally "Rikki Don't Lose That Number". That's how Donald Fagen spelled it, anyhow.

And I guess I wasn't clear about Ryan Gosling, Amanda. Not only do I know who he is, but I think he's a damn fine actor to boot. Lars and the Real Girl was one of the loveliest movies I've seen in a long, long time, and Mr. Gosling was out of this world in his characterization. My stepson is an aspiring actor, and he received the equivalent of an MFA degree watching that performance.

Sorry for the confusion. I've seen reference to a sarcasm font on these pages (want me one of those, for sure); has anyone seen a what-I-meant-to-say font?

Posted by: Grover at July 24, 2008 10:44 AM

Posted by: frumpiefox at July 24, 2008 10:45 AM

P.P.S. In HHGG, the TV show, you get to see nekkid Douglas Adams. Really. He's the guy who strips down to nothing and walks into the sea.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 24, 2008 10:45 AM

I think you'll find it's Ricki Don't Lose That Number, not Ricky.


I figured he was referring to that god-awful Phil Collins song. Of course, it's Billy in that one, but Ricki/Billy, potato/potato.

Wow, that saying doesn't translate well into a written phrase, does it?

Posted by: Three-nineteen at July 24, 2008 10:47 AM

Actually...sigh. Acutally sounds like it should mean something, though. Guess I need that hummer from Zooey more than I realize.

Never misspell a word -- typo, same thing -- when you're ranting about picking nits!

Posted by: Grover at July 24, 2008 10:48 AM

duuuude. it's aruba, jamaica.

Posted by: caroline at July 24, 2008 10:51 AM

if you're talking about Ben Mankiewicz, it's probably a good thing for the televised movie review scene - he's articulate, intelligent, and funny.

Posted by: jen at July 24, 2008 10:55 AM

Meh. Just...meh.

Now, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I found the Hitchiker's Guide to be a completely overrated, plotless mess of a book. Yes, that's right. The book sucks out loud. (Well, okay. Not, OUT LOUD. Unless you're a kindergartner who's only just learned to read.) The movie, at least, had those singing dolphins (I'm sorry, but the Mrs. and I just go ape for that song) and Zooey Deschanel in blue undies. That's gotta count for something.

I'm going to hell, aren't I?

Posted by: Armando at July 24, 2008 10:55 AM

Starship - We Built This City. I think that gets kudos for horrible song and video.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at July 24, 2008 10:57 AM

*frantically checks iPod*

It is Rikki! Wow. In correcting someone, I got corrected myself. That's...embarrassing. I just got learned. Thanks, Grover.

I'm blaming Dustin for putting me off in the first place with his doubly-wrong Ricky!

Posted by: boogs at July 24, 2008 10:57 AM

"Top Gun 2: Ramrodders", Tom? Seriously? I love how he tries to cram the idea that he's not gay down everybody's throat, and then turns around and makes a film with the term 'Ramrodders' right in the title. I mean, the porn movie made off of it isn't going to have too much trouble with a title, now is it?

Posted by: Lammergeier13 at July 24, 2008 10:57 AM

I don't believe in Rocky Horror remakes. NOBODY rocks a corset like Tim fucking Curry.

As for a Top Gun remake, I personally would be highly amused if Tom Crazypants Cruise were left with no other option than to systematically remake every one of his old movies, only this time with the crazy dialed up to about 14. I won't actually watch the movies, of course, but the previews will be highly entertaining. I can't WAIT until he starts screaming his hobgoblin head off in A Few More Good Men and Jerry Maguire: Overtime. Cuba would totally do it, too. You know he would.

Posted by: Sarina at July 24, 2008 10:59 AM

WOW. That RHPS news is the most depressing thing that I have heard of in quite some time.

Will someone please start the storming of MTV Studios and finish it off? PLEASE?

Posted by: Melody at July 24, 2008 11:00 AM

Starship - We Built This City.

I know a guy who puts this song on every mixtape he's ever made. I'm not sure why. I think he likes to hurt people.

I'm going with Nelson, pretty much pick your song. I'd go with the Divinyls "I Touch Myself" as the song that makes me want to go for a nailgun and a couple boxes of extra ammo (and a flamethrower, and an orca catapult, and a dobie-o-matic sweet toad-licking christ i hate that song, but it was released in 1991.)

Posted by: twig at July 24, 2008 11:01 AM

Ok, ok..the geeky girl inside of me is excited for the Twilight movie because I read the book and loved it. Can't help it. I'm a sucker. And if they fuck it all up on the big screen, my daughter and I will be pissed.

Posted by: wsapnin at July 24, 2008 11:03 AM

As far as MM goes, I think the only reason he made Surfer Dude is because he could spend ninety percent of the film shirtless.

Plus, he's an idiot.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at July 24, 2008 11:03 AM

Normally I would say that "Kokomo" and "We Built This City" are the worst 80's song. Make no mistake, they are atrocious. However, I was recently re-introduced to "Don't Worry Be Happy" via XM Radio and all my hatred for that inspid nightmare came flooding back as the damn thing got lodged in my brain for hours. Wherever you are Bobby McFerrin, fuck you for that.

Posted by: Rob at July 24, 2008 11:04 AM

hee Grover... don't worry, apparently I need a font that makes me read things more carefully before I respond; really, I just misunderstood you. I'm not really on my "A" game today... I'm going to see Dark Knight tonight, finally, and I think I'm a little excitable.

Also, REMAKE OF RHPS!?!?!?!? Pardon me whilst I fashion this rope into a noose with which to hang myself...

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at July 24, 2008 11:05 AM

People are excited about this movie? Show them to me. I don't believe you.

The Twilight Saga, were the first books my 14 year old niece voluntarily read from start to finish. She was excited that they were making the movie, until she saw the preview. I kid you not, this was her response after seeing the preview, "Really, Edward isn't very cute, not like in the book. It doesn't look like the movie will be as good as the book."

Then we had a discussion about movie adaptations and how they usually aren't as good as the books.

Posted by: Miss_Mimi at July 24, 2008 11:07 AM

Thank you, Miss_Mimi. You just caused me to weep a tear of joy with that anecdote...

Posted by: Grover at July 24, 2008 11:10 AM

Worst eighties song, "Ahm on mah wee".
Perhaps that's "I'm On My Way". The Proclaimers.
Goddamn I think I just stuck that in my head. Someone sing some Huey Lewis at me!

Posted by: Loob at July 24, 2008 11:16 AM

A Few More Good Men

In My Pants!

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at July 24, 2008 11:20 AM

Grover, don't weep too much. We'll probably end up seeing the movie, just to confirm that it was crap.

Posted by: Miss_Mimi at July 24, 2008 11:52 AM

One tear, that was all. I live in the real world, too. I know that you'll see the movie and wind up with the official licensed lunch box...

Posted by: Grover at July 24, 2008 11:59 AM

RHPS has never been my thing, but I do get some bizarre twisted pleasure from seeing Tim Curry in drag. It's mesmerizing, and his legs looked great.

Second of the meh-ness of Zooey Deschanel. She's cute as a button, but that's it. I can't see her playing Janis Joplin. She's just too sweet for it; I can imagine her in a sandbox, playing w/ Legos and wearing Mary Janes. Her sister is ok; she was in some cute indie flick called Easy, but she was forgettable.

Twilight...who gives a shit. Diggory creeps me out.

Big shocker on Valley Girl. Anything that's remotely campy is made into a musical now. For some reason, I wouldn't be surprised if Muriel's Wedding and Showgirls are next on the list.

Posted by: Brie at July 24, 2008 12:00 PM

Musical Showgirls?

That, if handled properly, could be 9 levels of awesome. However, if handled poorly, which would most likely happen, could be far worse than the original. A poorly done remake could make the original look like an Academy Award winner.

Besides, who are you going to find to play Nomi? It did destroy Elizabeth Berkley's career.

Posted by: Melody at July 24, 2008 12:06 PM

Grover,
No not the lunch box. I've learned my lesson...

Posted by: Miss_Mimi at July 24, 2008 12:08 PM

Showgirls was conceived as a "rock musical" sans singing, according to the production notes.

Posted by: Ranylt at July 24, 2008 12:10 PM

OMG, Grover, lunchboxes? That is sooooooo old people it smells like old people. No, like, see, it's like, you have to show your love with the Facebook "Pieces of Flair" app where you have to collect all 7,562 of the Totally Faboo "I luv Edward" pins and like, post them on your wall!

If I only understood why they were called pieces of flare, like, how lame is all that? LOL.

/teenage rant

Posted by: lilianna28 at July 24, 2008 12:11 PM

I thought I read (here?) that a Showgirls stage musical was already in the works... or at least in the discussion stage...

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at July 24, 2008 12:18 PM

I do have some love for Zooey Deschanel, (Elf - her Christmas spirit singing always makes me cry, Almost Famous - as the cool older sister) eventhough she does have kind of a droning monotone way of speaking. She was also good in Weeds and she was the only good thing about Failure to Launch (which admittedly isn't saying much - bad bad movie.)

And Peter Berg love - I also liked The Rundown and The Kingdom but Very Bad Things - horrible movie.

Posted by: Popsi_zen at July 24, 2008 12:21 PM

I don't want her playing Janis Joplin either. But then, I don't want to watch a Janis Joplin movie either. I don't know, Zooey's getting a Walkenesque career where she'll play "the other girl" in anything, then occasionally be in something good too. Oh well, I've got a battalion of crushes whose movies I don't want to watch. She was good on Frasier, though!


Ah, it is good to find kindred souls who were just as disappointed with the Hitchhiker's movie as I was.

Here I thought it was rare to be someone like me who really liked it. Hmmm.

Diggory creeps me out.

Robert Pattinson's got some great hair, though. I wouldn't blame Katie Leung.

Posted by: Jay at July 24, 2008 12:21 PM

your welcome.

Irony factor: high.

Crap!! That's what I get for not previewing before posting... damn, I thought I was soooo clever.

Posted by: Kelsophecles at July 24, 2008 12:23 PM

Twilight...why can the vampire walk around in daylight? What's up with that?! Also...anyone else thinking Lestat for teeny boppers? Damn kids. Get off my movie screen!

I'm subscribing to the "meh to Zooey Deschanel" club. I just don't get her appeal. I like her sister more on Bones. And yes, Dustin, I know her eyes freak you out, but that's just because you're a sissy.

Posted by: Joker at July 24, 2008 12:23 PM

Oh and TEAM JACOB!!


Hey, I'm a contrarian, and am I gonna side with the Duckie who's also a dog (and dogs are good!) or some fey sparkly dude with an annoying family?

But Bill Hicks did say that chicks dig jerks.

(See? You don't even have to read these things, just know and be around girls who do and you'll form a pretty informed opinion!)

Posted by: Jay at July 24, 2008 12:26 PM

Aruba, Jamaica
Ooh, I wanna take you to
Bermuda, Bahama
Come on, pretty mama

The Muppets' version is best.

Posted by: Lucie at July 24, 2008 12:28 PM


Never even heard of Twilight, book(s) or
movie till I saw the trailers here. I'm so over
the "romantic-longing" vampire crap that I
wouldn't even watch this on for free on TV on a
rainy Sunday afternoon.

And would someone please tell Jim Carrey that he
hasn't been funny since "In Living Color".

Posted by: Drake at July 24, 2008 1:10 PM

Showgirls was conceived as a "rock musical" sans singing, according to the production notes.

Had they stuck with that idea, Ms. Berkley may have had a successful career. Why did they not keep that idea?

Posted by: Melody at July 24, 2008 1:13 PM

Please MTV, don't remake RHPS. I already have terrible visions of some glitzy, antiseptic version populated by the cast of of High School Musical. Unless they make Zac Efron play Janet. That I'd pay to see.

Posted by: Tabula Swift at July 24, 2008 1:21 PM

Well, actually they did go with that idea as planned. See: ridiculous number of music/dance arrangements. Even the laughable pool-fucking scene is "dance", as is the Andrew-bashing scene with shimmies and high-kicks.

I guess they just didn't pull it off in the eyes of some--or many.

Posted by: Ranylt at July 24, 2008 1:21 PM

I have not read any of the books, but from that trailer, and the bit of information I've picked up by reading the comments, Twilight looks like a ripoff of Tuck Everlasting but with undead bloodsuckers as opposed to an affable woodsmen and his family.

Posted by: Isayitlikeitis at July 24, 2008 1:38 PM

I have not read any of the books, but from that trailer, and the bit of information I've picked up by reading the comments, Twilight looks like a ripoff of Tuck Everlasting but with undead bloodsuckers as opposed to an affable woodsmen and his family.

Posted by: Isayitlikeitis at July 24, 2008 1:38 PM

Man, that Surfer Dude movie looks like somebody thought that EdTV was too complicated so they decided to dumb it down.

McConaghey is a McQueef.

Posted by: Siddhartha at July 24, 2008 1:38 PM

Ranylt, from you comments I am going to assume that you have sat through the monstrosity. The rational part of my brain tells me that I should hate that movie, but the cheese factor draws me in. It is a movie that is so bad that there is no redeeming quality in it.

I see the point now that you have reminded me of the dance numbers. If they would have went full out musical, it may have been a better movie. Somehow, I highly doubt it.

Posted by: Melody at July 24, 2008 1:40 PM

Melody, I own that monstrosity and sit through it once or twice a year.

It's so damn bad, but (rape scene aside) so damn enjoyable... It's one of my "bad-day lobotomy" movies.

Posted by: Ranylt at July 24, 2008 1:50 PM

I'm with you Ranylt, Showgirls is one of my favorite movies to watch when I'm feeling a little blue. No matter what is going on in my life, at least I'm not pelvic thrusting my hips to the point of dislocation in purple spandex in front of the gay redhead from Ellen and faking orgasms with Kyle MacLachlan so I can fulfill my dream of becoming the second best spank bank fantasy next to Gina Gershon.

Posted by: Julie at July 24, 2008 1:55 PM

Ranylt, I don't think you need to excuse a heartfelt appreciation of Showgirls. A bunch of dumb, sparkly strippers who push each other down the stairs? It's awesome (rape scene aside, as you said) and loving it requires no apologies.

Posted by: Sarina at July 24, 2008 1:56 PM

Ranylt, Julie, Sarina:

I love you guys.

Ranylt, do you own the special edition or just the original?

Sarina, you forgot the hair beads on the stairs prior to the push to inflict maximum damage.

The outpouring of love for this movie warms my dark, cold little heart.

Posted by: Melody at July 24, 2008 1:59 PM

Watching Showgirls on cable TV makes it even funnier. The awful voice dubbing along with the "black censored bra/panties" combo has me rolling in my seat.

Ranylt, you read my mind. I was going to ask how they would choreograph the rape scene. And when you think about it, Nomi displays a surprising amount of rhythm & energy in the pool fuck bit. Plus, she's dealing with the buoyancy of water! Is there nothing she can't do?

Posted by: Brie at July 24, 2008 2:02 PM

I read an interesting article in EW that stated that Twilight fans (or Twihards/Twilighters) consist largly of not only teenage girls but also middle aged women. Now, not being of either demographic, I can say that I am actually excited about the movie. I did recently finish the first book as it was a fantastic beach read and breezed through it. I'm pro Cedric playing the role of Edward. It is all wonderfully cheesy. The movie will most likely blow...but whateves...

Posted by: griffimx at July 24, 2008 2:07 PM

bweaves, Amazon has the original radio drama:
http://tinyurl.com/6pd3vs

My parents had the cassette version--Mom liked to listen to it while she was doing housework. SO MUCH BETTER than the movie (Mos Def & Martin excepted). I know Adams likes to change the story in each retelling, but still--I should have walked out when I saw the dolphins. At least they kept the theme song, or I would have set the theater on fire.

Posted by: ohgrl at July 24, 2008 2:24 PM

Wait--was there a whiff of apology in my comments? Never!

Melody, I just have the original. I hear the SE came with sequins or some such...did I hear wrong?

Posted by: Ranylt at July 24, 2008 2:52 PM

I think it did. I don't know for sure, but I think that would make it far more awesome.

As much as I secretly love this movie, I cannot bring myself to shell out money for it. At least until I have large amounts of disposable income.

The SE did look really pretty though.

Posted by: Melody at July 24, 2008 2:59 PM

Ohhhhhhh, now it makes so much more sense, my love for this Pajiba, and particularly Ranylt (and Julie, Sarina, Melody... On my really blue days, I like to pull a double feature of Showgirls and Glitter. It's easy since they hold positions of "honor" (and yet, honor) on my DVD shelves.

I'm pretty sure the SE came with shot glasses, playing cards, sequined pasties?

Back from Amazon, I see it was not pasties, but a "pin-the-pasties-on-the-stripper" game (only they have suction cups rather than pins), and some other cards outlining fun party games. Too expensive for me to spend the money since I already had the movie. But definitely up there on my not-guilty-guilty-pleasures list.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at July 24, 2008 3:38 PM

Well, lilianna28, time to dive full into crabby-old-man mode.

The "lunch box" reference was meant only to call out the commercialization that usually accompanies adaptations of this sort, especially those aimed at the -- how to say this politely -- youth market. While I haven't even seen a lunch box since my kids were old enough to free me from the clutches of Toys"R"Us, I'm not young and hip enough to know what an appropriate replacement reference would be. There. I said it. Better to make my musty references and get called a relic than to make some awkward, old-guy-trying-to-sound-young reference and get called both a relic and a poseur (and godtopus only knows what else on this site).

Besides, I'm not getting the sense that anyone failed to understand my point. And what is this "Facebook" thing you speak of?...

Posted by: Grover at July 24, 2008 4:21 PM

Finally! The Matthew McConaughey documentary I've been longing for.

The Deschanel duo is seriously underwhelming. They've got some fabulous DNA but it unfortunately doesn't have much talent woven through it. They're both curiously expressionless; it's rather off-putting. I do like Zooey's singing, though.

Posted by: Geetch at July 24, 2008 4:22 PM

I plan to see Twilight fully blitzed, because I read the damn books and I need to see the damn movie and damnit, I hate myself.

Posted by: bex at July 24, 2008 4:57 PM

I see the point now that you have reminded me of the dance numbers.

Posted by: Jay at July 24, 2008 6:10 PM

I adored the book Yes Man, but it looks like they have taken quite a few liberties with the story. As in - none of it looks remotely related. Which is sad, because if they had kept Danny Wallace's stories, and kept the tone (which would have made it necessary to move it back to London, I think), it could have been a fantastic movie. How disappointing. :-( It's, like, the kind of role Simon Pegg was born to play.

Posted by: Mimi at July 24, 2008 7:53 PM

So, I was all set to just completely shit all over that Yes Men trailer, but then I saw Bradley Cooper, and I think I must have passed out, because I don't remember anything after that, but I did come to with a massive drool puddle on my laptop and "Mrs. Cooper" scribbled all over my Trapper Keeper.

Posted by: penny at July 24, 2008 10:23 PM

Grover, maybe my sarcasm detector is broken but... you got that I'm kiddin, right? I'm like, ancient, still dig a good lunch box and think its superrific annoying that every piece of flair on that shitty facebook I keep because it seems all my friends from college are trying desperately to cling to their youth is a Twilight bullshit fanwank. Just sayin.

Posted by: lilianna28 at July 24, 2008 10:31 PM

Son of a bitch. I lost IQ points watching that trailer for Surfer, Dude and now I think I might actually be dumb enough to appreciate and understand the McConaughey oeuvre. If only I could remember if 'oeuvre' is the word I meant to use. And I don't know if I've spelt it correctly. But I strangely find myself not caring what it means and if I spelt it correctly and hey man, pass that spliff 'pon the left hand side . . . duuuuuuude. What have you done to me??

Posted by: TallulahBelle at July 24, 2008 10:59 PM

Worst '80's song? Wake me up before you go go. That song is beyond annoying.

Posted by: rlr260 at July 24, 2008 11:37 PM

1. Valley Girl is an unappreciated piece of brilliance. No, seriously, watch it again. It actually aged well, even the trendy lingo of the time--it's now been long enough that you can listen to it without rolling your eyes. Seriously, try it! When they take off at the end in the limo and Randy is finally with Julie, it's The Graduate all over again! Except it's a limo instead of a city bus, dude! And they're probably way happier than the Dustin Hoffman couple.

2. The Payolas "Eyes of a Stranger" is the hottest song on the Valley Girl soundtrack. It's easy to miss--it's in the background during the scene close to the beginning in which there's a house party. It starts when Randy first sees Julie across the room and recognizes her from the beach. Even my husband agrees it's an example of great 80s music.

3. Which leads me to this: yes, the 80s had some REALLY spectacularly craptastic music, but please don't forget it also had some amazing music, as well.

(Oh and there are one or two cringe-worthy moments in Valley Girl, the most noteable being when Randy is driving Julie around Hollywood for the first time and he gets so excited seeing his hobo-looking punk friends that he sort of does this weird embarrassing howl thing. I seriously can't even watch that moment--I have to fast forward or mute and avert my eyes. Other than that, you should be ok. And a minor character carries around a copy of what was my grammar book in high school. Yes, I've watched it too many times. Would anyone like me to write a review?)

4. Zooey Deschanel = Elf. So I can't hate her.

Posted by: Anastasia at July 24, 2008 11:49 PM

No, lilianna28, I suspect your sarcasm detector is in perfect working order. Apparently you just hit my skin at a particularly thin spot. My apologies for the confusion and the noise.

*said staring sheepishly at floor, making typing quite awkward*

Let me try to put this into a little perspective, though. In comparing "old", your college computer experience involved Facebook and my college computer experience involved punch cards...

Posted by: Grover at July 25, 2008 12:45 AM

Not a Twilight fan, not gonna jump up and see the film version on opening weekend but...

I've had a "yeah, that could happen" crush on that kid since the first time I laid eyes on him as Cedric Diggory, and I have a feeling if he's even a slightly-better-than-mediocre actor, that crush might just last till he's 40 and I'm... not.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at July 25, 2008 10:44 AM

Yeah, Rikki. And it was a * 70's * song.

-- old guy

Posted by: Jerry at October 4, 2008 12:42 AM





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