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Ben Lyons Sh*tcanned!

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (38)



ben-lyons.jpg

Yesterday, we had an unusually heavy-flow day of trade news for August, and quite a few stories slipped through the cracks in the sidewalks of Hell. So, in an effort to catch us up and keep you posted, here’s a rundown of what we missed:

Let’s start with the good news. After the new “Access Hollywood” pretty-boy douche-melon version of “At the Movies” — with Ben Lyons and the other Ben who is not as dumb, but almost — failed both with audiences and anyone with even the slightest affection for Siskel and Ebert (or Roeper) (there was even a blog dedicated the the hatred of Ben Lyons), ABC Media Productions has fired the Bens and (gasp!) hired competent critics. What’s happening to this country? First we elect an intelligent African American, and now television executives are replacing boneheads who know nothing about movies with actual movie critics instead of pretty doddering heads?

Indeed, The New York Times’ A.O. Scott and the Chicago Tribune’s Michael Phillips will step into that intellectual void and fill it with actual insight. Also, neither one of the men are attractive. Good for you, ABC Media Productions. It makes sense, too, because the only audiences who actually pay attention to reviews honestly prefer people who know what they’re talking about. I’m actually not that familiar with Michael Philips, but A.O. Scott is smart, capable, and thoughtful, even if I don’t always agree with him. I’m just glad they didn’t get Owen Gleiberman (*shudder*).

While we’re on a good news kick, I’m happy to report that Jason Segel — one of the Apatow gang that hasn’t been overexposed just yet — has signed on to The Adventurer’s Handbook, a comedy written by Jonah Hill and Max Winkler that will be directed by “SNL’s” Akiva Schaffer. Segel will join Hill and Jason Schwartzman, who have already been cast. Details on the movie are still sketchy, but it’s expected to be a raunchy R-rated comedy about four 20-something guys, inspired by a book of the same name, who set out overseas in search of a mysterious location described in the book. I’ll withhold judgment until I see the trailer.

What else? Ah, yes. The bad news: Renny Harlin is quickly developing a low-budget movie about the recent five-day conflict between George Georgia and Russia. Shooting begins in September. Because the film is being shot in areas near the conflict, plot specifics are being kept under wraps for security reason. Casting is under way.

Also, Jennifer Aniston has officially signed onto another project. She will star in Goree Girls, a movie based on the true story of an all female country band in a 1940s Texas prison. The eight-woman act became so popular, they were eventually pardoned from prison. Michael Sucsy, whose HBO movie Grey Gardens just received 17 Emmy nominations, is set to make his feature directing debut.

And, finally, I know some of you are sick to death of me talking up (500) Days of Summer, but for those of you who have seen it and loved it (or others still excited about seeing it when it finally arrives in your hometown), here’s a pretty great music video featuring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. The song, “Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?,” which is itself pretty great, comes from Deschanel’s band, She & Him. Fans of both Deschanel and Gordon-Levitt (and the movie) should appreciate it. It’s fucking adorable:


(H/T redbeaniegirl)









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Comments

They should have gotten Armond White to be on this show. That guy is THE GREATEST FILM CRITIC IN THE WORLD (it even says so on his coffee mug).

Posted by: Moose at August 6, 2009 9:09 AM

I knew you'd be thrilled about the Bens.

Posted by: Cindy at August 6, 2009 9:19 AM

say what you want about ben lyons, but he sure does have a purdy mouth.

Posted by: gp at August 6, 2009 9:30 AM

That's it!

Now I'm not gonna see it!

Naw, I'm kidding, I'd already decided not to. I'm pretty depressed about how I'm not really excited about anything until....what, next year? Just one or two "yeah, I think I'll see that" for the rest of the year. Ugh.

Posted by: Jay at August 6, 2009 9:39 AM

Why the hell didn't ABC contact some of the Eloquents?

That would have been a fun show.

Posted by: UncleJR at August 6, 2009 9:41 AM

I know George is young and all, so maybe someone should've informed him of the classic blunders. Why didn't one of us tell him to never start a land war in Asia?

Posted by: Alice at August 6, 2009 9:42 AM

Are you on the right page, Alice? Where is George failing to learn from history?

Posted by: Jay at August 6, 2009 9:45 AM

Why is everything George's fault anyway? Word on the street says Russia's a bitch on wheels.

Posted by: Kolby at August 6, 2009 9:54 AM

Oh, wait, I forgot about the Renny Harlin movie right after I read it.

Posted by: Jay at August 6, 2009 9:58 AM

Though it did work for the Soviets in Manchuria but...it's got a big asterisk on it.

Posted by: Jay at August 6, 2009 10:04 AM

ABC Media Productions has fired the Bens and (gasp!) hired competent critics.

I thought the sun seemed extra-bright this morning, and the birdsong particularly lovely.

Posted by: Jerce at August 6, 2009 10:12 AM

And Dustin: auto-play makes the Baby Jesus cry and the bosses frown.

Posted by: Jerce at August 6, 2009 10:16 AM

Lyons is indeed a douche-tart, but I've never had a problem with Mankiewicz.

Posted by: Rykker at August 6, 2009 10:17 AM

Hey, what? I haven't watched that show in years, but AO Scott? Wow. Maybe I'll try to catch it. When is that on again?

*sigh* I am even more thoroughly smitten after that video. Oh, JGL, how I adore you! Squeee!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 6, 2009 10:19 AM

Zooey is, as always, lovely and I do love the song... even if it is just "Dear Prudence" in a different wrapper.
As for the two Has-Ben's, Gene Siskel is smiling down on us from Movie Critic Valhalla.

Posted by: Spender at August 6, 2009 10:19 AM

ABC Media Productions has fired the Bens and (gasp!) hired competent critics.

I remembering reading this news somewhere and thinking to myself, "I'm really going to miss them...BWAHAHAHAhahahahaha...haha..ha...*wipes tears* No, I won't. They were horrible. Horrible."

Posted by: branded at August 6, 2009 10:29 AM

Up until now I had reserved my feelings this DeChannel woman, that's until now, when she and her lttle hipster veggo crew went and infected my weekly dose Top Chef Master.

She's not only vegan, she also doesn't consume any soy and I'm pretty sure she's adverse to breathing any air that hasn't been filtered trough reconstituted and purified cow manure from the French Alps.

She's officially on my shit list now.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 6, 2009 10:35 AM

Do they really "no nothing about movies"?

Posted by: ahamos at August 6, 2009 10:45 AM

Lyons is indeed a douche-tart, but I've never had a problem with Mankiewicz.

I feel the same way, I almost wish they would just get rid of Lyons but no, they should just get 2 new hosts. How long were they hosting, a year? I watched many episodes this year and found myself agreeing with Ben M. MUCH more often than Lyons.

I just watched one yesterday where they reviewed Thirst, a movie that I was curious about (where's the review, Dustin, huh?) and Ben M. thought it was pretty good and Lyons was bored shitless.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at August 6, 2009 10:57 AM

Why do I think that if I saw "(500) Days of Summer" I'd just end up wanting to bitch slap both characters until their brains leak out their nostrils?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 6, 2009 11:12 AM

That Jennifer Aniston movie sounds...good? Can...can that be right?

Posted by: Marra at August 6, 2009 11:19 AM

Zooey Deschanel looks like an old boss of mine. I will not be seeing it.

And seriously? If I had even wanted to see it at all, it would be wiped away by now by the blathering hype-engine that is Pajiba of late. This is America, dammit. If I want to see the Collector with a bunch of my best horrorcore pals, I should be able to do so without scorn from the hippie community.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at August 6, 2009 11:24 AM

And the backlash begins...mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...
oh, my ribs...

Posted by: Jim Doggie at August 6, 2009 11:32 AM

I'm definitely looking forward to the Jen-An movie.

(Yeah, I'm calling her Jen-An. I just made it up, 'cause I'm mad creative like that.)

Posted by: SofĂ­a at August 6, 2009 11:36 AM

i gotta say i think Michael Phillips was a good call. he's a good reviewer, or i should say he's a smart reviewer whether or not i always agree with him and he's a chicagoan so, you know, keeping with the ole skiskelbert tradition.

Posted by: JenVegas at August 6, 2009 11:51 AM

Whoooooooooo! Joseph Gordon Levitt! You're good!

Posted by: redbeaniegirl at August 6, 2009 11:53 AM

Now that I'm on a computer with sound, trying to listen to Pandora while I check in books, that auto-play video is also playing a commercial that can't be muted on the console. This page has failed!

Posted by: Jay at August 6, 2009 11:58 AM

gp say what you want about ben lyons, but he sure does have a purdy mouth.

shur nuff. wanna get together and make him squeal like a piggy?

Posted by: Drake at August 6, 2009 12:02 PM

I look forward to the Mega-Mako bursting from the Black Sea to decimate the filthy Russian Cossacks.

Posted by: ed newman at August 6, 2009 12:07 PM

Michael Scott...sorry, Michael Phillips replaced Ebert on At The Movies after Ebert had a stroke. He's alright, but hopefully A.O. Scott can balance his optimism as well as Roeper did (they actually worked fairly well, in my opinon).

Oh, and before I forget: FUCKING YEAH! TAKE THAT, BEN LYONS!!!! GO JERK OFF TO 300 AND CRY, YOU HYPOCRITE DOUCHEHOLE!!!!!

Posted by: Christian H. at August 6, 2009 1:05 PM

Listen, Rowles, I would LOVE to see (500) Days of Summer. I really would. But it's time for you to face the fact that it is just NOT coming to my town. Ever. And unless you would like to personally chauffeur me to a big city where it IS playing (like Philly, which is 3+ hours from me), I am NOT going to see it in the theaters!!

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 6, 2009 1:11 PM

I quit watching this because they try to cram in too many movies and can discuss each one only briefly. Seems to me that Siskel & Ebert only did 4-5 movies a show and thus had the time to work out their thoughts and bicker and argue about each film (before they became friends and ruined the fun).

Plus in the newer versions it seems like there's a commercial every 35 seconds.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 6, 2009 1:22 PM

Spender,'Has-Bens'. Nice
I was always waiting for a Pajiban to do the guest panel on the show. (hehe. 'Do' the guest panel-there's a mental image)
I won't miss 'em. Although I did laff whenever Lyons called the other one 'Mank'. I don't think it means what he thinks it means.

Posted by: Odnon at August 6, 2009 1:41 PM

And if they're looking for work, I hear there's an opening on American Idol.....

Posted by: Odnon at August 6, 2009 1:47 PM

good song, i love her voice, so unusual.

Posted by: robin at August 6, 2009 7:12 PM

Also, neither one of the men are attractive.

False.

Posted by: SaBrina at August 6, 2009 8:05 PM

I will pay money to see that Aniston movie. The Good Girl cemented my love for her. I forgive her all the trite rom-coms for that. She also gets points for Friends With Money, although I think she was really playing a low-rent version of herself.

Posted by: Nicole at August 6, 2009 8:52 PM

That video made me like Zooey Deschanel abot 18% less then I did before.

Posted by: EricD at August 7, 2009 1:43 AM