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The Inspriation for Megan Fox's Career Fast-Tracked to the Big Screen

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (18)

pamela-anderson.jpg

I have never actually seen an episode of “Baywatch.” In fact, I believe the only exposure I’ve ever had to the show was the credit sequence featuring on a few episodes of “Friends,” which was plenty enough to tell me what I needed to know: “Baywatch” is the jiggliest show of all time. And from what I now understand, it apparently wasn’t even a comedy, because Jeremy Garelick (The Break-Up) is aiming to rewrite and direct the syndicated show to give it a comedic spin.

Ha! Garelick might’ve considered giving The Break-Up, a romantic comedy, a comedic spin, too.

Anyway, according to Variety, Baywatch has just the kind of global brand recognition that could make it a lucrative franchise. The film, which was inspired by Garelick’s love of Stripes and Police Academy (brother), will be about “two unlikely lifeguard candidates trying to catch on alongside the buff bodies that will be as abundant in the film as they were in the TV series.”

In other words, they’re going to truck in boobies on platters, wrap them in see-through cotton, and drench them in ocean water while some schlubby dude trips over sand castles oggling them. And in real time, the film will only be 16 minutes long, but the slo-mo sequences will fill out a full 100 minutes. Fantastic. Can’t wait. Shoot me in the head.







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Comments

I give up.

Posted by: Jeni at July 7, 2009 7:22 PM

The first one will make just enough international coin to spawn at least three progressively more craptacular straight-to-DVD follow-ups.

And expect to see Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan, Rumer Willis and one or three skanks from The Hills in various cameos.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 7, 2009 7:25 PM

"That is Yasmine Bleeth. We like her."

What a terrible fucking idea.

Posted by: figgy at July 7, 2009 7:50 PM

They're going to Retcon the movie. The Hoff comes back from the future to right a wrong, and unintentionally wipes out the entire lifeguard contingent. The beach then becomes more and more lawless, with people swimming right after eating, making fun of other people and littering. Before long the burning sand is a horrible nightmare of uncontrolled umbrellas and blankets, blaring music and the mayor from "Jaws" trying to convince everyone to go into the water.

However, just as the situation looks most hopeless, an elite task force of lifeguards brought in from the roughest beaches in the world (South Beach! Tel Aviv! Myamar! Ocean City! No, the other Ocean City! Hell all the Ocean Cities!) Jetski in-in slow motion-and take back the beach with breathtaking action scenes and extensive-slow motion-wire work. Then it's revealed that the "original" Hoff was just an exceptionally shriveled Pamela Anderson out for revenge. The real Hoff has a cameo (which is cut from the final movie because of drinking issues) and the series can continue along the new timeline.

It'll open to 200 mill.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 7, 2009 7:58 PM

Did anyone else notice the slow-motion, slow exit from the pool while glistening camera shot focusing on the DUDE? I so did not notice that portion of the credits in high school.

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at July 7, 2009 8:09 PM

It'll open to 200 mill.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 7, 2009 7:58 PM

---------------------------------------------

WE NEED TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN ASAP.

Sheila, get me Dennis is Hopper on the horn!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 7, 2009 8:16 PM

I'll be thereeee! OMG Baywatch is SENSACIONAL, can' wait for it to come back, hope Mitch will come back if he is not too busy and all, and they could bring back his original son too and all original cast and alli think like on 90210. But with some hot chicks younger too, all taht jumping and running slow and all, it's looking gareat!

Posted by: zito at July 7, 2009 9:00 PM

No one does Baywatch like Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders. Call them and sign them up right now... I'd pay to see that version.

Posted by: Mnemo at July 7, 2009 9:01 PM

Right away Mistah S!

Posted by: Sheila at July 7, 2009 9:12 PM

Well, they could save money on the script (ha!) and steal a bit from Married With Children (yes, I admit I watched the show every week--I was young and stupid). Just have all females wear bikinis and jump up and down (while their plastic boobs jiggle)...for 90 minutes. #1 movie in America for sure.

Posted by: True_Blue at July 7, 2009 9:14 PM

That's the problem with store bought boobs. They just don't do the jug jig in quite the same way as Godtopus granted ones.

Posted by: slower lower at July 7, 2009 9:21 PM

Know what'd be funny? The Baywatch team timewarped to Omaha Beach, 6/6/44.

Too bad Pam's gone, her boobies could stop bullets.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 7, 2009 10:33 PM

What they don't seem to understand is that the reason Baywatch was so huge was that lonely guys could watch it in the privacy of their own homes. A movie is doomed to failure because no guy will want to be seen in public paying good money to watch it.

Posted by: Todd at July 8, 2009 9:08 AM

You know, I totally understand why dudes love the bouncy boob running, but man, I can't watch those scenes without thinking, "stretch marks...OH, the STRETCHMARKS!"

Posted by: Hb at July 8, 2009 9:12 AM

What does "inspriation" mean?

Posted by: Ned at July 8, 2009 9:24 AM

Todd: That's why it'll go straight to DVD.

Ned: "Inspriation" is the past plu-perfect of "Inspartional."

Posted by: BWeaves at July 8, 2009 9:38 AM

Insploogational.

Posted by: Angus at July 8, 2009 1:10 PM


We see the stretchmarked underside of Pam's Boob Yolk every time we look at Pajingo- "SEE PAMELA ANDERSON'S EXTREME VIDEO!"

I'd druther Primordial Dork up and visit tallmingle.com than see this.

*Unless of course it gets the admin/mccreosote/dammitjanet style plot treatment. They I would gladly pay.

Posted by: Stacy D at July 8, 2009 11:16 PM


















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