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Based Only On Their Posters, Which of These 10 Movies Are You Most Likely To See?

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | October 16, 2012 | Comments ()


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Gellarfan666

    Haha...Tom Cruise looks like a bobble-head. *shakes bobble-head Cruise and giggles madly* Photoshop not a success

  • Jezzer

    The Twilight poster seriously just made me burst into peals of laughter. Based on their facial expressions and poses alone, it looks like it ought to be entitled "Breaking Wind."

  • Odnon.

    Based on the poster for Twilight, I wouldn't even look at the poster for Twilight.

  • badkittyuno

    Ooh it was Les Mis until I saw the Gangster Squad poster. Now my heart, it is torn!

  • ,

    "The Last Stand," I guess, but these are all pretty lame.

    Which, I concede, might be your point.

  • mswas

    If the Breaking Dawn poster means that they all fall into a frozen lake and are never heard from again, I'd watch that.

  • Last Stand Poster is best, without a doubt

  • PuraPuma

    Hitchcock for sure! Also... Pain and Gain because I saw Dwayne Johnson's name... I'm a sucker for some Rock.

  • Bernardo Leyte Cort├ęs

    ganster squad

  • Gangster Squad, because no pithy answer is required.

  • Ben

    I have never heard of Pain and Gain but that's a rad poster and I will pay good money to see the rock in anything.

    Also that arnie poster is fucking amazing.

  • That Carrie poster is bad ass. I am not a big fan of DePalma's version so I'm actually looking forward to the remake.

  • Kate at June

    Poster alone? Gangster squad. I'm loving the throw back noir style it has going on.

  • Frank Berrodin

    The Jack Reacher tagline is kind of a rip off of the great Stallone line in the flick "Cobra."

    "This is where the law stops. And I start."

  • The Twilight poster is freakishly hilarious, though. You know the photographer just had them all standing in front of a green screen and kept screaming "LIFT ONE LEG. JUST ONE. OK STAND THERE. MAKE RUNNING ARMS. GODDAMMIT KEEP YOUR BALANCE, ROBERT. KRISTEN'S BEEN ON ONE FOOT FOR AGES. SHE *KNOWS* HOW TO MODEL A PIECE OF WOOD, DAMMIT!"

  • dizzylucy

    That Twilight poster is the funniest thing I've seen all day. Nothing says awesome, action packed thriller like expressionless people photoshopped into the most awkward freeze frame run ever.
    Are they running towards us? Are they running away from something - talent? Good writing? Are they just exercising? I feel like these are questions that may never be answered!

    I like the Hitchcock poster, and love the throwback style of the Last Stand, though I don't think you could pay me to watch that.
    Is it just me or does Tom Cruise's head look too big for his body when you scroll down to his?

  • Not "Les Miserables". At best it looks like a cheapo magazine cover.

    The most visually arresting by far though, is the first one. Which hurts because it's a Michael Bay movie. But I'd pick that one.

  • There'll Be Pancakes

    None. My answer is none. These are awful. I want to punch every single one of these people in the face except Tim Canterbury.

  • Javier

    question: is there another poster or anything below the Gangster Squad one?

    my PC at work is not showing anything but the blank space and the rectangle that appears when I highlight the whole page makes it seem like I'm missing out on something

  • Judge Holdenmynuts

    Am I the only one who is compelled to refer to the Tom Cruise pic as Jack Reacharound?

  • tracylou

    No. It was the only thing I could see.

  • Quatermain

    Based only on the posters? 'Last Stand', followed closely by 'Jack Reacher' and 'Gangster Squad'.

  • AudioSuede

    BTW, that Cruise poster is so badly Photoshopped. His head-to-body ratio is absurd. And is that just a screenshot from Mission Impossible 4?

  • AudioSuede

    I hate myself for loving that poster for The Last Stand so much, and for liking Amanda Seyfried's face in that Les Miserables poster so little.

    It's all Tom fucking Hooper's fault.

  • AsdffAnon

    Not Rise of the Guardians. Ugh.

  • selucius

    Reacher is his middle name. His full name is Jack Reacher Rounder. I could totally see Tom Cruise in that role.

  • mairimba

    Based on the poster? The Last Stand, cause it's telling me that it'll have all the cheese that every Schwarzenegger movie has ever given us.

    I was going to watch Hitchcock and Les Mis regardless. Though to the marketing department of Les Mis: you really think you're going to sell a movie with the Seyfried chic?

  • How did I not know that Martin Freeman was in The Hobbit? I mean, I was definitely going to see it before, but now I'm UBER-definitely going to see it

  • Tina

    I am ashamed to admit this, but I would like to "Pain & Gain." Sounds like something out of a Carl Hiaasen novel, I think Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne Johnson could be great together, the supporting cast looks great, and the screen writers know how to write an entertaining script. And with such a small budget, maybe Michael Bay might accidentally make a good movie.

  • The Hobbit. John Watson! With Sting!

  • AudioSuede

    I was looking at IMDB to see if Sting was in this movie, but I realized it's just the name of the sword.

    It's a waste, because he would probably get a dozen chances to sing about a desert rose or walking in fields of gold or telling Bilbo not to stand so close to him or something.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    How did Sting not get cast as an elf in one of these things?

  • luthien26

    Or hold his own sword aloft and yell, "I WILL kill him!"

  • TheOtherGreg

    And only the Hobbit, out of this bunch.

  • Marik

    gangster squad poster looks like it was put together in photoshop by a 15 year old

    I love the Carrie one. The twilight one actually made me spit out my drink laughing

  • $27019454

    Based on the posters alone I would see Hitchcock, because, uh, the poster has Hitchcock on it and there is nothing wrong with anything to do with Alfred Hitchcock.

    Based on the actual movie buzz, I will see Hitchcock as well as the Mickey Cohen one. Because GANGSTERS!! and Tommy Guns! And G-Men! YAY!

    I will not be seeing any of the other ones regardless. Crappety Crap Crap. But specisl Crap Award goes to the Tom Cruise-y one. I wonder why the box he's gonna have to stand on to approach Jack Reacher's size does not get top billing.

  • $27019454

    Wait. I'm a dork for not seeing (how?) the Hobbit poster. I love Hobbitty things.

  • PDamian

    The Jack Reacher poster makes Cruise's noggin look freakishly enormous. The Les Miz poster of Seyfried is lovely, but I doubt I'd see the film if that were all I had to go by. Based on the posters alone, I'd see Hitchcock, Carrie, and The Last Stand. But then again, I rarely base my viewing choices on posters, and I'd probably see those anyways, along with The Hobbit. For some reason, Martin Freeman is beginning to get hotter and hotter for me. He's going to supplant Cumberbatch in my affections soon, at this rate.

  • Guest

    Gangster Squad and The Last Stand (It's a Jee-woon Kim movie, how can I not see it?).

    Carrie is a maybe...

  • TheFili

    The Twilight poster triggered the "Chariots of Fire" song in my head...

  • Natallica

    If the Tom Cruise poster had "The hobbit" as a title, angels would come down from the sky to congratulate the artist

  • I think the angels were too busy already snickering at the irony of Tom Cruise being associated with the phrase 'he has no limits.'
    Tell that to the 'you must be this at least this tall to ride' guys at the amusement park.

  • Natallica

    "Jack was always the kid who got a 'no' when it was time to ride the rollercoaster. Years and years of trying to reach the required height earned he the nickname Reacher. And now... he has no limits. Except he can't play basketball. Or date Polish supermodels" (excerpt from the movie's original outline)

  • Hell, if that movie just consisted of Tom Cruise going back and forth from the ride, constantly getting rejected and coming back with progressively more ridiculous outfits and height-gaining schemes I'd watch the shit out of that.
    There could be a bit of a sci-fi element in it as well, in the bit where he clones himself, buys a very long trenchcoat and finally gets on the ride.

  • Natallica

    Speeded up, in black and white and with 1920's piano music. Pure gold, I say!

  • Regarding The Hobbit, it's not a matter of if I see it, but how many times. And I am so ready to weep my way through Les Mis.

  • Mrcreosote

    Oh and the Last Stand doesn't show a GTA vibe you damn kids. It shows an early action film vibe GTA itself ripped off. Now get the hell off my lawn with your hippity dubbity steppity hoppity crap. I miss Newcleus. Now Jam on It, THAT was rap.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I literally have no idea what you said, but I loved it. I bet you're fun to drink with.

  • Mrcreosote

    How can the Breaking Dawn poster have everybody running, yet no one looks like they know how to actually run? It's like some sort of Zoolander fashion shoot where they said "Run like you've never run before!" and everyone took them literally. Even the wolves look like they are making their blue steel squinty face. And "The Epic Finale That Will Last Forever?" Hyperbole thy name is crappy Mormon based supernatural porn.

  • The sad thing is, no matter how long they do their 'hey, guys, check out this running thing we've just come up with' run, they will never manage to run away from the legacy of this franchise.
    Oh wait, did I say 'sad'? I meant glorious and life-affirming.

  • Snath

    I'm imagining the whole cast yelling "DEEEERRRRRRRP!"

  • L.O.V.E.

    And why is that douche running around in the snow with just a T-shirt on when he can just turn himself into a wolf and run on all fours with a full coat?

  • Hobbit, Les Miz, Gangster Squad, and Hitchcock...not necessarily in that order.>>..Xfd.qlnk.Net

  • Bedewcrock

    I just play the "Bionic Run" from Bionic Man in my head and imagine they're all running in slow mo.

  • Robert

    The Carrie poster is badass. The rest don't grab me on looks alone.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Looking at those images, I think Chloe Moretz and Amanda Seyfried are starting to morph into the same person.

    Quick, someone throw pigs' blood on Amanda for an accurate comparison.

    ... Or, I guess, just use a picture of Chloe without blood on her face. I guess that's another option.

    (Refuses to google images of Chloe Moretz -- at work)

  • Bedewcrock

    Also, please sell your windowless van.

  • L.O.V.E.

    You want me to sell the "[G]rape Van"?

    No way!

  • e jerry powell

    I likes pretty green eyes.

  • Mavler

    "The Last Stand" looks to be influenced by GTA Vice City. This makes me want to see it EVEN LESS than I already did. Which is not at all.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    The Twilight poster triggers my flight instinct. It looks like they are coming after me.

  • Carrie

    1. The Hobbit (Martin Freeman and mythical creatures!)
    2. Carrie (glorious teenage bloody revenge minus the seventies!!)
    3. Gangster Squad (Gosling and Emma Stone are pretty)

    ** Seyfried is gorgeous, but that is the least compelling Les Mis poster ever conceived **

  • KatSings

    The other Les Mis posters are better, totally agree. And really, all you need is the original art to sell it.

  • blacksred

    none of these look movie ticket price worthy. some of these may get vudu rented while some will be relegated to redbox or tbs rainy sunday viewing

  • L.O.V.E.

    For me, its like that Sesame Street game of "One of these is not like the others...", because all those movies are acceptable to me, but one. There will simply never be a scenario where I will sit and choose to watch a Twilight movie.

    My grandmother could make it her last dying wish that I take her to see that movie, and I would just ply her with drugs, hope the dementia kicks in, and convince her the Hobbits are vampires. It would be the right thing to do.

    So, to answer your question, I guess I would go with the The Hobbit?

  • FantasticMrDix

    I'd watch Jack Reacher only for Alexander Rhodes, who the hell is "Tom Cruise"?

  • Bert_McGurt

    There are 15 people on the poster for The Last Stand. ALL of them have a gun. And Michael Bay is on a different poster. This could have potential.
    And Gangster Squad has Emma Stone's leg. Sold!

  • linnyloo

    Tom Cruise's hands look so wee! I mean, he's already pocket sized, but it really does look funny.

    And what is with that one guy who's on the far left in the Breaking Dawn poster? Does he have his hands in his pockets? He looks bored. More bored than the rest of them. Like he showed up to the photoshoot and was all, "Oh, so we're running? Whatevs."

  • It's Lee Pace. *sob*

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    It looks like Lee Pace stepped out of the same 90's photo shoot that Scarlet Johanson was a part of, what with the plaid shirt tied around his waist and longish grungey hair and all. Why, Lee Pace, why?

  • Quorren

    i like to believe that lee pace finally put his foot down. maybe fake running was just the last straw for him (why it didn't come earlier, like, oh...say, when they first offered him a part in fucking Twilight, is beyond me). so he moped in the background until they sent an intern to shove him right as the camera clicked.

  • zyzzyva

    I know!
    Why does he do this to us?
    -scratch that-
    Why does his agent/casting directors do this to us?!

  • bleujayone

    That's the new self-defense weapon called the "Pocket Reacher". Instead of mace or a taser or brass knuckles, now women can just whip out Tom Cruise and fling him at any potential assailant. He won't necessarily beat them in combat, but his voice goes all high-pitched when he frantically emotes and the resulting sonics usually take the fight out of any man or at least distracts enough for the woman to get away to safety.

  • Hobbit, Gangster Squad and Hitchcock - Emma in that dress should be MUCH larger on that poster! Never been a fan of Carrie in any incarnation, and Great Big Amanda Seyfried Anime Babe Eyes creep me out.

  • BWeaves

    The Hobbit, Hitchcock.

    Basically, anything that starts with an H and is a euphemism for somebody's penis.

  • L.O.V.E.

    You mean like The Hulk?
    Or Harry and the Hendersons?
    Or Hugo?

  • BWeaves

    The Hangover
    Hannibal Rising
    Headhunters
    Hellraiser
    Holes
    Hot Fuzz
    Hot Tub Time Machine
    Howl's Moving Castle
    Human Centipede (OK, I guess I'm done now)

  • L.O.V.E.

    "Holes" is a euphemism for somebody's penis? That person needs to see a urologist, stat!!

    TOP TEN
    Happy Gilmore
    Hard Eight
    Herbie Fully Loaded
    The Hebrew Hammer
    Hellboy
    Hot Rod
    Harry Potter
    Head of State
    Hancock
    Hedwig and the Angry Inch

    Honorable Mention:
    Hard Candy
    Howard the Duck
    The Highlander
    Harley Davidson and the Marlborough Man
    Heart of Dixie
    The Hustler
    Hercules
    Hoodwinked
    Heaven's Gate
    Henry V

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I think The Highlander needs to be moved up in the rankings. I'd love to meet a man who calls it "The Highlander" because of the inevitable "There can be only ONE" follow-up.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Good point, Miss Laaw-yuh.
    But its tough to penetrate the Top Ten.

    For example, Hoodwinked has the uncircumsized angle, and it didn't make the cut.

    And The Hustler features Fast Eddie, Minnesota Fats, a broken hand, big white and black balls, and pool cues galore, but still got snookered.

    BWeaves, Holes, along with Heaven's Gate and Heart of Dixie probably make more sense as euphemisms for vaginas.

  • BWeaves

    OK, so Holes would be the vagina. I was just checking if you were paying attention.

  • Arran

    I think Carrie and Hitchcock are the most likely to make me want to see them purely based on the poster, but the best poster is the Arnie one. The film is sure to be shite, but I'd put that one on my wall.

  • Carrie

    agreed -- that Arnie poster is fab

  • KatSings

    Hobbit, Les Miserables - both gimmes regardless of the poster. Hitchcock and Carrie have posters I enjoy, though that won't get me to see the latter.

  • Hobbit, Les Miz, Gangster Squad, and Hitchcock...not necessarily in that order.
    And am I a bad man for hoping that the ending of breaking dawn 2 has all those wolves chasing down the stars and eating them?

  • PDamian

    No, not bad ... just someone with taste. For an "action" poster, the actors in that poster look positively lethargic.

  • NateMan

    Maybe, but I can get behind it. Particular since it's the saddest fake running poster I've ever seen. Especially for the two male leads. I think the photographer just said "Fuck it. Clench your fists and stick one leg up in the air and we'll call it a day."

  • Oh godtopus. I just noticed the Pain & Gain fine print said it was a Michael Bay film. Because of course it is. Hey pack of wolves...feel like dessert?

  • Gangsta Squad, The Hobbit, Carrie, and maaaaybe Les Miserbles and Hitchcock. Depending on if its Oscar-bait layman can enjoy.

  • Inter Milan Kundera

    1) The Last Stand
    2) Gangster Squad will probably be much better, though.

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