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Based Only On The Posters, Which Of These 9 Movies Would You See in Theaters?

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | July 9, 2013 | Comments ()


Flaunt-Joseph-Gordon-Levitt-02.png

The Box Trolls

boxtrolls.jpg

Turbo

Turbo-poster-international.jpg

Breathe In

BREATHE-IN-Poster.jpg

Lovelace

lovelace_poster-title-3.jpg

Don Jon

don-jon-poster.jpg

Prisoners

Prisoners_Hugh_Jackman_poster.jpg

Oldboy

Oldboy.jpg

Machete Kills

machete-kills-estevez.jpg

You’re Next

youre-next-poster1.jpg



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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • Qualtinger

    Most-fucking-definitely Machete Kills, that´s just hilarious, even though I didn´t like the first and don´t expect it to be good.

  • omer333

    Uh, I don't think the flyover states are ready for Oldboy.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    CARLOS ESTEVEZ?! Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't ask which one of these posters fills me with unreasonable rage, did you? That's a shame.

  • googergieger

    Whoever goes to see Oldboy, I hope gets Marcellused.

  • Holy shit, none. At all. Ugh.

  • Jenn TheYellowDart

    I had NO idea they were doing a Hollywood version of Old Boy. I am...apprehensive to say the least.

  • Sara S.

    The Boxtrolls looks really good, because of the trailer and also because it's directed by Laika (I think). Stop motion is just awesome.

  • melissa82

    Breathe in and Don Jon because I'm superficial. You're Next because I love horror movies. Old Boy because WHY WAS HE IN THAT TRUNK? I need to know.

  • Maguita NYC

    I'll sit by your superficial side if you don't mind... Because I actually got excited with this particular poster.

    I find it to be faithful to the awesome cheesiness we've witnessed so far in the trailer.

  • emmalita

    You could watch the original right this very moment on Netflix, and then you would know.

  • Angie Ramos

    You're Next because I'm a sucker for horror movies and Breathe In because I'm a sucker for Guy Pearce in glasses and a beard ;)

  • Fabius_Maximus

    None of them, especially not Oldboy.

  • Bodhi

    Breathe in & Don Jon.

    I will freak out if that apostrophe is still here when the poster are actually hung at the theater

  • Sara_Tonin00

    hahaha. Maybe it's the source's fault? You don't really want to put a [sic] in a critic quote.

  • Bodhi

    Oh that would be funny though!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    researched: http://collider.com/breathe-in...

    sadly, not the case.

  • Samantha Klein

    Wow, none. Impressive.

  • Andrew Jara

    I wanna see more but based on the trailer.. the You're next breathe in are captivating.

    I'm so excited for Don Jon but that poster does the movie no favors.

  • Jerce
  • MattyBlue

    ordinarily, i might say 'breathe in,' because i love guy pearce. in this case, however, they have a FUCKING STRAY APOSTROPHE IN ONE OF THE PULL QUOTES. so that one can piss off, too.

  • MattyBlue

    i may be overreacting.

  • PDamian

    No, you're not.

  • Jerce

    You're SO not.

  • Kala

    Box Trolls, because it looks like it could possibly be an original, rather adorable concept.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I might agree with you, if I had any faith that ANY of those trolls are female.

  • Christian

    so that's not jim carrey coming out of the box in oldboy?

  • Angie Ramos

    Ha ! Good to know I'm not the only one who thought it was Jim Carrey

  • Kristopher R

    Dear "Prisoners" marketing team - Paul Dano is an Academy Award nominee too, you know.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Breathe In because Felicity Jones. QED.

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    Box Trolls

  • Jim

    None. A mild interest in Old Boy is overridden by the bile generated with I think about them remaking the original.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Can't get behind Oldboy. Watching this version can't rival watching the original because I already know the big twist. So yeah, that doesn't fly.

    Prisoners for the cast.
    Breath in for the Pearce.
    Don Jon so I can talk shit about JGL to Erin.

  • $27019454

    What the hell, Charlie Sheen, you big dirtbag? I love Rodriguez but just...no. Fucking, NO.

    Also, that You're Next poster makes me think of one of the most consistently unpleasant movies I have ever endured, Bitter Moon. I adore Peter Coyote, but that thing was heinous-wretched and depessing as hell. But the mask in that poster made me think of it and now I need to wash out my brain. Ugh. Yuck. Blech.

    So: None of these look very good. No.

  • UglyBattery

    ONLY Machete Kills. I hate all those posters where its a close up of a pensive looking actor.

  • Even Stevens

    Breathe In and Lovelace do have great posters

  • Blah

    They're remaking Oldboy? Oh my goodness. I wonder how that'll fare here.

  • OfficialGuest

    Not nearly as taboo from what I've heard, which is no surprise.

  • Even Stevens

    I think you know, Clager, I think you know.

    Also? Screw this new trend of freaky animal faces. I WON'T WATCH IT AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME

  • Pinky McLadybits

    MUAHAHAHA! I MIGHT! If I'm there to protect you, that is.

  • Even Stevens

    NERP! Ain't happenin. God I hate freaky animal masks.

  • lowercase_ryan

    did you see the ring prank video?

  • Even Stevens

    Nope

  • Louise

    Breathe In, because it's the only one that says "potentially has depth beyond the typical movie."

    The poster for Oldboy offends me on behalf of the original, even though I never saw the original.

  • googergieger

    Why the fuck haven't you? It's better than anything else you've ever seen.

  • Boo_Radley

    None of them?

  • BWeaves

    Box Trolls.

    Never heard of it. Looks different.

  • Natallica

    The Lovelace poster is actually something I'd like to hang on a wall in my house. But isn't that a cute picture of JGL, is it? I mean, hello DIMPLES!

  • Anne At Large

    The Box Trolls for that magic word in the bottom left corner - Laika. I believe they also brought me Coraline. So maybe a rental, but the Box Trolls thing is happening, whatever it may be.

  • dammitdamian

    My exact reasoning as well! Same people that brought us Paranoman and Coraline. Both favorites.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I like how direct and to the point You're Next looks. It's a poster for your nightmares.

  • Lemon_Poundcake

    Well I know I'll be seeing "You're Next" in my nightmares. Thanks for that.

  • toblerone

    0 For 9. Keep up the good work Hollywood.

  • barlowjk

    Is Charlie Sheen really calling himself Carlos Estevez now, or is that just for Rodriguez's pulpy purposes?

  • Maguita NYC

    Isn't that his real name though?
    *To the Googlemobile.

    Yep, born Carlos Irwin Estévez. So it does double duty: It's not truly a Charlie Sheen movie anymore, and the machete she is latina.

  • IngridToday

    Emilio was the only family member to keep his real name. He's awesome like that.
    I was skimping through the list thinking 'no, meh, maybe, yes... oh god charlie sheen! no!"
    *how* the hell does this guy keep getting work?

  • mswas

    I saw a trailer for that recently that said "and INTRODUCING Carlos Estevez." Everyone in the theater laughed.

  • NateMan

    I believe it's only for this movie, because he's working with Rodriguez on an (essentially) Mexican movie. I can't remember where I read that, though. It might even have been on this site.

  • I would go and see Machete Kills if having to choose. I know exactly what to expect from the film based on the poster.
    And now for something completely different
    I tried to write so many different beginning thoughts on how I feel about the new Oldboy. I had been living in a dream world where this movie was not really being made. Now, looking at the poster, I am incredibly disappointed WHY YOU DO THIS. I used to like you Spike.

  • barlowjk

    Based solely on the poster and nothing else? Box Trolls. For real.

  • Maguita NYC

    It looks like some Hoarders Toddlers' edition movie.

  • emmalita

    I'm ready to buy the tickets now to take the kids.

  • NateMan

    Box Trolls is an amusing poster, and since JDL nails EVERY character he plays, I'm going with those two.

  • Kristen Mc

    The poster for Breathe In is making my eye twitch. Surely, the word "dramas" does not require an apostrophe.

  • purvis

    OMG, thank you.

  • AudioSuede

    Weirdly, I love all of these posters except Turbo. Though Oldboy almost makes it look kind of silly compared to what the original was, which was, you know, decidedly not.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    What the hell is YOU'RE NEXT? That is some STRANGERS-level creep.

  • Jezzer

    You're Next. I thought the poster for Lovelace was really adhering to the 70s porn aesthetic, but then I realized that was the top of her head.

  • janellest

    Breathe In and unexpectedly, Lovelace.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    JGL looks good.. but yeah, the posters... maybe with the exception of the kids movies... they are really mailing it in.

  • ed newman

    Breathe In. For the stray apostrophe.

  • That irked the crap out of me. I hope they fix it on the poster. Especially since that was the only one that intrigued me.

  • mswas

    It's the most errant apostrophe IN YEARS

  • Mrs. Julien

    Can you IMAGINE how annoyed the quoted reviewer must be? Based on the reviewers on Pajiba, I'm going to guess his/her annoyance is at least a 37, maybe even a half-Baldwin.

  • troublesometots

    Half-Baldwin is going into my permanent vernacular, along with THUNDER SEX (tm). I hope you're happy. Now you're the reason I can't be allowed out in public ;)

  • Mrs. Julien

    Is it because you have loud half-Baldwin THUNDER SEX(tm) in public? They often frown on that. And indict.

  • blacksred

    runs into post out of breath ... Did I hear someone say Thor was giving out Thunder sex??? sign me up and close the booth!!

  • Mrs. Julien

    It started with ridiculously intense love scenes in paranormal romance, but I think Thor would fit very nicely.

  • emmalita

    I just used THUNDER SEX(tm) in a sentence today. Where do I send the Royalties? What were they again? $5?

  • Mrs. Julien

    As interested as I am in $5 (and the ice cream it could buy) I would like to hear more about the THUNDER SEX(tm). Did it involve stray... um... apostrophe's?

  • emmalita

    Those get one a scourging and a hair-shirt. A well written paragraph with nary a stray apostrophe gets one THUNDER SEX(tm), though not in public.

  • Mrs. Julien

    That's probably for the best.

  • $27019454

    Hee hee hee. Half-Baldwin.

  • shelley greenaway

    i'd pass all of them!! i've already seen the film i wanted to see in theatres!! STAR TREK:INTO DARKNESS ALL THE WAY!!!

  • Foop

    you mean you actually watched it and STILL feel that way?

  • AudioSuede

    There's no colon.

    Also, come on now.

  • Calum Sanderson

    I'd not make the effort for any of them, blind buying on Blu-Ray though is another matter. Actually scrap that, I'd try and see Boxtrolls but it's not high on my list

  • kirivinokur

    Breathe In, because of Guy Pearce and Felicity Jones.

  • delle

    Pajiba has sold me on Joseph Gordon-Levitt with all the love he gets around here, and I was excited about his movie, but that poster for Don Jon is terrible. Really, wretchedly, unbelievably terrible. If not for the JGL love, that poster would never inspire me to get within 10 feet of that movie. It looks like the cover of some idiodic magazine you see in the rack at the checkout line in the grocery.

  • Puddin

    Lovelace, but not based on the poster, simply based on the subject material.

    And I'm sorry, why did Spike Lee take a massive dump on Oldboy?

  • Fruity Fonzie

    maybe Lovelace and Oldboy. The Prisoners one is so ridiculous with all the "academy award winner" thing and the Don Jon one is a gigantic blowjob to Levitt's ego

  • Leroy Grey

    I'm eager for the sequel in 20 years, when Levitt returns to help his son overcome addictions to sex and cheesy cop shows.

  • Puddin

    Thank you! He looks like a smug Gremlin. I never liked that kid.

  • Fredo

    None, but You're Next at least gives me a moment to think it's akin to 60s-70s British horror and not more torture porn.

    But really....pass on all of 'em.

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