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Based Only On The Poster, Which Of These 9 Movies Will You Watch...After 'The Raid 2'?

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | January 30, 2014 | Comments ()


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Afferbeck

    If nothing else at least we've established The Raid 2 is going to do well at the box office.

  • hapl0

    Vampire Academy. Obviously.

  • BWeaves

    Based only off the poster? Hum.

    So, I'm guessing The Rover is about the Chinese lunar rover that broke down.

    50 Shades looks classy. Except someone on another site pointed out that to get that view of Seattle out the window, he'd have to be standing in the middle of Puget Sound.

    Vampire Academy looks like a cross between Harry Potter's Hogwarts School of Magic and Twilight. And every time the ad comes on the TV, I think it's for a TV show, not a movie.

    Noah? What's the shiny thing behind Noah's left knee? It can't be the sun, it's too far down. It can't be a reflection of the sun, because it's RAINING. It can't be a candle because it's raining, and it's too bright for that. Is it Tinkerbell? There is no other explanation.

  • Afferbeck

    I think he's standing on the prow of his ship and it is the sun

  • Not based on the poster, but I'm totally going to see Vampire Academy. My girlfriend and I make it a point to see all the bad movies based on mediocre YA books, mostly because matinees cost about $5 around here.

  • Daniel Valentin

    The one with Aaron Paul, bitch.

    Oh, and 21 Jump Street was a guilty pleasure of mine, so I'm looking forward to 22. And while I'm usually all for minimalism in my movie posters, The Rover has R-Patz, so fuck that shit.

  • Dennis Albert Ramirez

    solely off the posters, Amazing Spiderman 2, The Raid 2, and 22 Jump Street.

    solely off what i actually want to see, those same three and The Rover, because the director also did Animal Kingdom, which was a fantastic movie

  • After the Raid 2, the least offensive poster is The Rover.

  • The Jump Street poster has some truly abysmal photoshopping. The guys look like they are floating above the car.

  • Fruity Fonzie

    Noah, i guess? all those posters are so average or crap

  • BobbFrapples

    The Raid and maybe Grace de Monaco. That Noah poster makes me a little ill. I kind of expect to see a Spartan-like Noah euthanizing unicorns via combat.

  • Afferbeck

    THERE CAN ONLY BE TWO
    /hack
    /slash
    /slowmo

  • Michelle

    I am gonna watch the shit out of 22 Jump St.

    Also, Vampire Academy is SO confusing to me because that poster looks like a teenager made it, but.. I do love both Mean Girls and Heathers.

  • Target_Blonde

    My book club is reading Long Way Down for February and I have a bad bad feeling that they've cheered up Pierce Brosnan's Martin way too much for your typical Nick Hornby cynical-yet-charming leading man.

    But looking at the Fifty Shades of Grey poster makes me want to hug the person who voluntarily took out those loans for graphic design school. That poster is wonderful! Too bad I'm never going to watch the movie.

  • Fifty Shades of Grey wins 'Best Poster for Bound-To-Be-Shittiest Film.'

  • Boo_Radley

    None.

  • Nadiney

    None of them, if I'm honest. I liked 21 Jump Street and I'll see the sequel but I just fucking hate Jonah Hill. He just annoys the shit out of me. Tatum is enough contained charm and adorables to make it okay but fuck Jonah Hill, generally.

  • Robert Sanchez III

    No Spiderman love from anyone huh?

  • Pitry

    When you have 9 movies and 22 Jump Street is the most appealing one, you know something very bad is happening here. I think I'll go watch a DVD.

  • Ben

    you mean the most appealing after The Raid? Right?

  • Pitry

    I, er, there's a right and wrong answer here, right? Help me out?

  • PDamian

    Well, I wasn't going to see Noah because I generally don't care much for Bible movie adaptations. I can't think of a single one I've truly enjoyed except for Monty Python's Life of Brian, and that was an incredibly loose adaptation. But now that I know that this film is So I Married an Ax Murderer 2: Sh*t Just Got Real, I'm in. Sweet bird.

  • Pawesl

    Vampire academy looks like it is premiering on the abc family as a midseason replacement. Every time I see a poster for it I have to remind myself that its a movie that is actually being released in theatres.

  • Debra Kessing

    A Long Way Down for sure

  • BlackRabbit

    Poots!

  • bleujayone

    Funny, if Suday School had depicted the story of Noah and the Ark to feature a musclebound, hatchet-wielding action hero instead of a 600 year-old man who was largely looked at as a doomsday ranting, animal-hoarding, boat-building loon his neighbors thought he was until the raindrops started falling, there would have been a lot fewer attempts to get out going in favor of Cocoa Puffs, cartoons and football in my childhood. I can just imagine if this is successful, other biblical stories got the Hollywood action cock-rocker treatment- or even the Marvel Comic treatment.

  • Pawesl

    Already working on Exodus with Christian Bale as Moses. Bible stories getting the gritty reboot treatment.

  • Afferbeck

    Moses: parting red seas... of blood!

  • IT'S TIME TO ROCK OUT.... WITH YOUR DOCK OUT.

  • I clicked on this because the banner pic promised me Guy Pierce shooting RPatz in the face. Imagine my disappointment upon seeing simply white words on a black background.

    Vampire Academy looks like it was made by actual vampires testing out Photoshop for the first time in broad daylight.

  • Jim

    Based on these posters, I've decided to go on the road in a band singing "Adele" covers for a few months.

  • Please TELL me you need roadies, and TELL me it involves checking scarves on microphones.

  • emmalita

    Post a list of tour dates so I can get tickets to your show.

  • Jim

    I'll have to get permission first. I haven't sung in public for quite some time - the judge was VERY specific about it the last time.

  • emmalita

    All the best performers lip-synch anyway.

  • Guest

    None. 1 for 9 ain't bad.

  • Keg

    The Rover.

  • Davis

    It looks good but Robert Pattinson is still doing his twilight pouty face

  • Michelle

    I think that's just his face.

  • daniel23

    well, the rover is actually the one i'm most looking forward to, but come on, that poster is about as lazy it gets. nihilistically lazy, in fact, which is maybe the point.

    the noah poster is pretty badass. I'm in. Ditto the raid 2, and yes, 22 jump st. I would ignore a long way down completely if i wasnt a fan of Nick Hornby, but it aint the poster swaying me, thats for sure. spiderman 2 looks godawful. And uh... vampire what?

  • God DAMN that Raid 2 poster is awesome.

  • Keg

    Sausage fest.

  • Afferbeck

    Can't wait for the all-female sequel based in a huge women's prison or something.

  • Mrs. Julien

    And where is the commensurate clam bake, I ask you?

  • Luke Lane

    Vampire Academy looks shocking, but 'from the writers of Heathers' sounds so promising. I'm TORN.

  • That IS encouraging (the Heathers alums). Must admit, my first reaction was, "Oh Christ, aren't we DONE with vampires yet?" But Winona putting that cig in her mouth and waiting for Christian Slater to light it, as it were, is STILL classic for me, so maybe I'll chance it.

  • Robert Sanchez III

    The dialogue I've heard seems pretty well written, but then theres fucking vampires in a boarding school. I feel ya.

  • jvo

    Can't believe I'm admitting this, but the books are pretty awesome/awful

  • emmalita

    They are, and I am up for seeing the first movie based on the book alone. The rest, not so much. But Mean Girls and Heathers makes me much less ashamed of my plan to attend.

    The art work is awful.

  • jennp421

    I haven't read the books but the poster looks delightfully trashy and is definitely something I'd be willing to see (Twilight posters all took themselves so seriously and didn't appeal to me even in a bad way). However, does that guy on the very left look like a thinner Jack Black, or is that just me? I would say younger but the poster guy looks much older than everyone else on that poster.

  • emmalita

    The first book is fun, but the series gets progressively worse.

  • Ben

    22 jump st and The Raid are opening day movies for sure.

    Also until it clicked that the 50 shades of grey poster was 50 shades of grey it actually had me interested. Well played graphic designers for a shitty movie. Well played.

  • Vivianne ValdeMar

    Me too, but mostly because I honest-to-god thought that was Matthew McConaughey's backside, and since DBC, Mud, and True Detective, he's my new acting crush #wordsineverthoughtidsay

  • lowercase_ryan

    I thought the same thing.

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