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Based Only On the Poster, Which Of These 8 Movies Would You Like To Take Out To A Nice Seafood Dinner?

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | September 10, 2013 | Comments ()


michael fassbender shirtless 2.jpg

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  • Quatermain

    I'm unlikely to go see any of those in the theater, but I'll more than likely see 'Machete Kills' and 'Curse of Chucky' on DVD, and probably '12 Years' as well.

    I really dislike the tagline for the DC sniper movie. It makes it sound like they're trying to turn those two jackwagons into some kind of anti-heroes or something.

  • Aaron Schulz

    All is bright or Machete kills, nothing i like more then some robert rodriguez goofy as shit action

  • e jerry powell

    All Is Bright and Lost.

  • If that header photo is for the movie "Ginger Sex God Takes Off His Clothes Very Slowly and Then Does Stretching Exercises" then I would take it out to dinner at Buckingham Palace and feed it unicorns.

  • stella

    Chiwetel Ejiofor

  • dizzylucy

    I have to say, a bloody Mickey Mouse glove is intriguing. I'm not sure what that says about me, but whatever.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Escape from Tomorrow based on the poster art alone.
    12 Years a Slave and Blue Caprice based on the subject matter. Especially since I lived through the sniper terror, and I'm curious to see how the film handled it.

    The Counselor based on Bardem's hair.
    Can I just make a suggestion that Hollywood use the header picture for all their posters, regardless of whether Fassy is in the movie or not. I feel like they'd see an increase in their returns.

  • Jezzer

    I thought that "Escape from Tomorrow" poster said "A Film by Mandy Moore" and got really excited, but then I realized I read it wrong and now I hate everyone again.

  • Zuffle

    Who thought 'All Is Lost' was a good title for a movie? You might as well call it 'Miserable Experience'. Fucking atrocious.

  • Wigamer

    If I know Robert Redford (or the version of himself he likes to portray/direct), he will emerge victorious.

  • Ginger

    12 Years got an extended standing ovation at TIFF, that's why I'm all over it. The poster is very moving, too.

    They could have done a much better job with The Counselor. The trailers make it look so good, but this poster? Meh.

  • Colleeeeeeeen

    I'll be seeing whatever is offered in the first image.
    For reals, though, I am excited about 12 Years a Slave.

  • How could anyone resist a poster with Paul Giamatti and the words "busted," "broken," and "bitter"? Throw in the potential for an upside in the word "bright" and you've got a proven winner there.

  • Jim

    Sadly none but I do give Rudd props for channeling my Uncle Ed who's been in a teensy bit of trouble and Mom always manages to slip him a few bucks when Dad's not looking.

  • bastich

    I'm confused by the article title. So now you want us to make nice with the dolphin from last week?

    I really don't appreciate the pro-dolphin agenda that this site has taken lately.

  • PDamian

    Based on the posters alone, I'll see 12 Years a Slave and Blue Caprice. But I'll probably see those two and All Is Bright anyways.

    The poster for 12 Years makes me happy because it features a black man -- and you can actually see his face. I still remember when What's Love Got To Do With It came out and people were furious because the poster featured Tina Turner in silhouette only. It was pointed out at the time that movies featuring black actors in lead roles tended to have posters that showed them in silhouette only, as if white audiences would be offended by black faces on posters (Lean on Me, The Color Purple). A black actor had to be a major star (Forest Whitaker, Denzel Washington) for his face to be on the poster, and when a black actor did show up on the poster, it was usually next to a white actor (Lethal Weapon, The Matrix). Older movie posters (1960s and 70s) featured the faces of black actors, but mostly as caricatures and minstrelsy, unless it was a blaxsploitation film like Cleopatra Jones or Blakula.

    Things are much better now, but when I saw the first couple of posters for The Butler, I was pissed. The first had Forest Whitaker facing away from the camera; the second had him in silhouette. The Weinstein Co. is releasing a new poster for the film that shows Whitaker's face, albeit in a sort of abstract rendering.

    http://www.upcoming-movies.com...

  • Boo_Radley

    None.

  • All of them except Chucky, frankly.

  • AgLexington

    Yeah, F*CK that. Nope.

  • Modernlove

    Having lived through the DC snipers, I think I'll skip that one.

    However, All Is Bright is officially on my list. Don't know what it's about, but I'll see it because of those two men.

  • ed newman

    The On Demand release before the theatrical release has me worried. Should I be? Or is this become an acceptable distribution method for decent films.

  • Puffpiece

    It's not just more acceptable, it's becoming downright commonplace. It's especially common with independent films that might not be able to afford a wide release but still want to achieve national distribution. Ever experienced frustration over a great festival-circuit film only opening in NY & LA then waiting 3 months to come out on DVD so you can finally see it? VOD and digital download is a great way for smaller/more independent films to find their audience. Not to mention it's a great revenue stream for independent studios that are more "5 people trying to release fun movies" and not giant, corporate machines. Granted, there's a lot of crap that used to be straight-to-DVD that's on VOD--some movies don't get a big release budget for a reason. But as studios big and small find more change in the VOD couch, you're going to see it become a more & more common release platform. We're going to have to go back to making up our minds about the potential quality of a film based on trailers, reviews, & our opinions about the creative team, rather than just assuming, "VOD? Must be crap."

    In conclusion: Fassbender.

  • Arran

    I think smaller movies going to VOD first is nothing but a good thing for film lovers. Not everyone lives in a major market that has good arthouse cinemas. And, hell, even those who live in major markets might be more inclined to check out smaller movies if they don't have to leave the house to do so. There's no down side that I can see.

  • Modernlove

    It's becoming more and more acceptable, I think. Olivia Wilde wrote an interesting piece on the VOD situation for...BuzzFeed, I believe. I was listening to something this morning that made the good point of whether you see it in the theater or at home, if it's a good film you're going to tell people about it and encourage them to see it.

  • BWeaves

    Based on the posters alone? The Mickey Mouse one and 12 Years a Slave.

    Which ones will I actually see?

    None, because they're all slasher movies of one sort or another. Even the Redford one has the sea as a slasher.

  • Jay Pausner

    So the Giamatti/Rudd is like slash fiction?

  • emmalita

    I would watch that.

  • Samantha Klein

    Answer: Fassbender.

  • Wigamer

    Always.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    Another Chucky movie? My inner child just shit his pants.

  • Fruity Fonzie

    12 years a slave, for sure

  • NateMan

    I like the Mickey one, and the colors in Blue Caprice. So those are the winners for me.

  • Dumily

    Pajiba, I am trying to work here. Can you hold off on the Fass-porn until after 5?

  • Wigamer

    DO NOT DISCOURAGE THE FASS PORN. That is what the ladies' (or men's) room is for.

  • Dumily

    That picture is just too much though. I actually said "oomph" out loud. And I know it's totally unhealthy, but that cigarette, man. That effing cigarette.

  • Wigamer

    I'll just leave this right here

  • Slash

    Moistened lions all around ...

  • e jerry powell

    And lions do so enjoy being moist.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I'm not a Fassbender fan, but that GQ shoot was caliente!

  • Wigamer

    His Rochester didn't loosen your stays? Just a little?

  • Mrs. Julien

    A little.

  • Dumily

    You're killing me, Smalls.

  • Wigamer

    Honey, I have never wanted to be dried out, injected with nicotine, and wrapped in paper so much in my life.

  • Dumily

    Hey everybody! Wigamer just won the internet.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Whenever Javier Bardem signs to do a movie, he stipulates in his contract that his character has to have crazy hair.

    I don't think I would see any of these movies in a theater, but a few of them (All is Bright, The Counselor, 12 Years a Slave) look like solid rentals.

  • meadowdancer

    Shoot All is Bright is tied with 12 Years A Slave for me.

  • Irina

    I'm watching the s**t out of All Is Bright, cause THAT is how you get into the spirit of the holidays.
    The guy who designed the poster for Machete Kills is a genius: he balanced Sofia Vergara on the left with the combined forces of Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen on the right. Talk about battle between light and dark.

  • If you moved his name and adjusted the font to match the title a little bit then I'd go see Machete Kills Mel Gibson in a heartbeat.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Or, a battle between two giant boobs - and Sofia Vergara.

  • alannaofdoom
  • Slash

    Two movies with titles that start with the word "All"? Really?

    I have to say, based on the posters, the one with the Mickey hand would tempt me the most.

    If the pic at the top was a movie poster, I'd be tempted by that too, but it isn't, though I have read decent stuff about "The Counselor."

    I guess it's gonna be a Fassbenderfest to close out 2012. Nothing wrong with that.

  • Maguita NYC

    ?? Aren't we in 2013? Have you not closed your 2012 books yet!

    (I know-I know, "books" are always spread for Fassbender, they never close)

  • Slash

    Oops. Sorry. 2013. Guess I had a flashback or something.

  • Maguita NYC

    No worries, it gave me a chance to try out a dirty boring accountant joke on the spreading of books.

    It fell flat.

  • Wigamer

    Spreadsheets, baby. Lots of potential there.

  • Maguita NYC

    And that is exactly where I learned to Excel.
    ....
    ....
    I'll show myself out.

  • NateMan

    2 in a row no less.

  • Maguita NYC

    12 Years A Slave. No question.

    The more I see trailers, interviews, read magazine articles, the more I get chills every time I see this poster and can't wait to watch the movie.

  • Ted Zancha

    You beat me to it. I also can't wait for this to come out.

  • Maguita NYC

    The trailer = Loud heartbeat.

  • Wigamer

    The header picture has undermined my ability to visually process any more information today. Mphff.

    ETA--I feel like there is a really happy lady just off camera. He looks a little spent.

  • e jerry powell

    Talk about dinner...

  • Wigamer

    I swear, this man reduces me to slobbering. It's embarrassing.

  • e jerry powell

    The better to eat him with.

  • Paul2

    Can I just say how the &*^$# does Cameron Diaz not get cast alongside the rest, but turn up in the middle image of the poster?! Which producer's love child did she spawn?

  • bastich

    Reminds me of that old song from Sesame Street:

    "One of these things is not like the others...."

  • Jay Pausner

    I'm going for All is Bright. Would love to see Giamatti and Rudd chew it up.

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