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Based Only On the Poster, Which of These 8 Movies Make You Want to Punch A Dolphin?

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | September 5, 2013 | Comments ()


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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • As much as I love Metallica, I've never seen the point of 'concert films.' It's like a 90 minute music video, a format that tends to work best in 3-4 minute blocks. I'm uninclined to go see 'Insidiou2' but that's a decent poster nonetheless.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Is "punching a dolphin" a euphimism for a sexual act? Because I'm always up for a dolphin punch.

  • Haystacks

    They all make me want to punch a dolphins. Dolphins are assholes. The 'Secret Life of Walter Mitty' makes me want to punch Ben Stiller though. And the asshole screenwriter who decided to take a a great short story and turn it into a Wes Anderson wannabee life affirming awkward white guy gets the girl film.

  • BuffyloGal

    Best Man Down sure takes a long time to list a female cast member which seems odd for a wedding pic. I'll go with that one. Cannot wait for the LEGO movie to be shown in my home over, and over, and over...

  • Hey! I wondered which toilet Shelley Long's career had gone down. Now I know.

    Also, is it just me, or does "A Single Shot" look like it should co-star Bill Engvall and Larry the Cable Guy?

  • Sean

    I have already seen a Single Shot, so Everybody Wants One. I guess

  • Zuffle

    Is Ben Stiller wearing a Cranston-style rubber mask of his own face?

  • Haystacks

    That is his personality showing.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Oh, Jess Weixler, you are wonderful and I love you and I am SO SORRY that you're in a movie with Justin Long and Tyler Labine.

  • dizzylucy

    Best Man Down would have been more effective to just have the image in the middle only, no stills from the movie.

  • Captain_Tuttle

    A Single Shot is "On Demand," at least where I live. Almost watched it this weekend without even having seen the poster. And now that I see Jason Isaacs is in it, I'm definitely in.

  • Salieri2

    Ditto. I miss "Awake." Glad he's getting work.

  • oilybohunk7

    The thought of Mark Wahlberg in a movie based on true acts of courage repulses me. He is so courageous that he, according to him, would have landed Flight 11 safely had he been on board on September 11th.

  • Captain D

    This is certainly a fake planted to see if we're paying attention

  • mairimba

    THE LEGO MOVIE!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Aw, it's Fat Best Friend guy. I love Fat Best Friend guy - he's funny. Also - totally looks like Natalie Portman in the Best Man Down pic.

    Also, I really like the blueprint underwear that guy is wearing as a skimask.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I will see the girl from The Good Wife on Netflix, I'll see the stripper looking thing when nobody is looking, and I'll go see Sam Rockwell in the theater because that's what best friends do.

  • Kala

    Everyone Wants One. Everything single thing about that poster screams "exploitative" and "douchey."

    At least my Pajiba Top 5 man, Sam Rockwell, is in a new film. Makes me less inclined to punch water dwelling mammals.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Not even a beluga to watch its blubber roll?

  • Kala

    Tempting, if nothing else than for the alliterative possibilities.

  • VonnegutSlut

    (A) +1 makes me want to donkey-punch a clown-faced dolphin for a multitude of reasons...not least of which is the fact that I wasted a minute and a half of my life trying to figure the fuck out what the name of the movie was in the first place.

    (2) Best Man Down is a prosaic mess of a poster trying to masquerade as a (probably excessively mediocre) Nancy Meyers movie

    (D) They've photoshopped Mark Wahlberg into a beardier Tom Hanks from Saving Private Ryan in the Lone Survivor poster.

    **ETA: Aaaaannnnnndddd...they've photoshopped Sam Rockwell into Dennis Quaid in the Lone Shot poster. It was only when I was reading the cast names on the poster did I realize that was not, in fact, Dennis Quaid. What the hell is going on, Hollywood?!

  • Salieri2

    It's in the lower lip. That's no Dennis Quaid lip; it's bona-fide trademarked Rockwell Existential Pout.

  • Emm82

    It's not Sennis Quaid? crap, now I have to read it!

  • Sherry

    How about the one I fear my eight-year-old seeing, which is the Lego movie? Because when she catches wind of that, I'm in the theatre with her for sure. Sigh.

  • habshockeygrl

    A Single Shot because it says William H. Macy and I love nothing more than feeling sad for him in a movie.

  • Michelle

    Why do people keep trying to make Justin Long a thing? WON'T HAPPEN.

  • e jerry powell

    I'm more startled by the fact that Shelley Long is trying to be a thing again.

  • koko temur

    I think the "everyone wants one" is not as subtle as it thinks by hinting the thing everybody wants is "vagina"

  • emmalita

    A vagina in a sparkly thong.

  • koko temur

    There is also a giant slit in the middle. Subtext!
    Im going to find a way to blame Gloria for that, you'll see!

  • emmalita

    I believe in you!

  • Legally Insignificant

    The "Everyone Wants One" poster makes me want to punch the clown. Otherwise, yeah, Metallica and Lego movies. No thank you.

  • Mrs. Julien

    That's my secret: I always want to punch the clown.

  • Right? The fuck're they all smiling about all the time? No-one gives a shit, you honk-nosed, nightmare-fuelled bleach stains

  • Mrs. Julien

    Chuckle this, Chuckles!

  • Show yourself you downvoting clowncunt

  • Fruity Fonzie

    The Lego movie for sure

  • ed newman

    The best poster is for Mitty. But I am still not interested thanks to Stiller.

    Surprisingly, it's the Lego movie that interests me.

  • emmalita

    I watched the trailer for the Lego movie, it looked "not bad."

  • Jiffylush

    You should have put Metallica at the top, for me nothing else even comes close to inciting inappropriate anger.

    Best Man Down and Insidou2 (I hate that shit) are movies that I won't see, even though I do like whats his face a lot more after tucker and dale. I know nothing about the Lego movie but if it is anything like the games (lego star wars, etc) it should be great. Ben Stiller and Sam Rockwell (w/ Macy) are enough to get me to watch.

    As far as +1 goes...

    I didn't see the new Last House on the Left for two reasons: A - I pretty much assumed it would suck and just be another terribl torture porn movie. B - I saw the original and the first half-ish was really disturbing for me, if the new one was able to pull that off I wouldn't want to see it because it would stick with me. I seriously doubt I would watch a movie because the director made a remake but if it gets great word of mouth I would give it a shot.

  • NateMan

    That's my secret: I always want to punch a dolphin.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I anxiously await your contribution to PostSecret.

  • bastich

    For what porpoise?

  • I love you

  • Mrs. Julien

    I believe that after a pun like that it is de rigeur to "show yourself out".

  • Why? If you have a gift like that, you have to share it. To do otherwise would be shellfish.

  • Uriah_Creep

    If I were Dustin, I'd ban you, just for the halibut.

  • See, now you're making feel sheepish. I'm going to have to go on the lamb.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    YES. AWESOME. You are the winner of today's "Old Timey Dad Humor" award. (this was the topic of much discussion amongst my niece & nephew this weekend. Seems my brother takes after my father.)

  • emmalita

    I am always prepared to punch a dolphin. Dolphins have an undeservedly good reputation. Wandering bands of dolphin youth will sexually assault other creatures.

  • Captain_Tuttle

    True. And have you ever seen those things feeding? I'm not kidding, it's a freaking bloodbath.

  • NateMan

    They think they're people!

    As Terry Pratchett said, never trust a creature that smiles all the time.

  • emmalita

    I just heard you say that in Sterling Archer's voice. :)

  • Mrs. Julien

    Smug bastards!

  • Right? The fuck're they all cackling about all the time? No-one gives a shit, you blowhole blowhards

  • Mrs. Julien

    Flip this, Flipper!

  • emmalita

    Oh, Mrs. Julien, someone is following you around down voting you. You must have said something smart and funny in a way that made someone else feel twisted in the panty region. Mazel Tov! You can take two brag breaks tomorrow.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I hadn't even noticed. Thanks for ruining the surprise emmalita!

  • e jerry powell

    שנה טובה!

  • emmalita

    Well, dammit! Nobody told me it was a surprise!

  • Smatt584

    (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

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