By Jodi Clager | Trade News | October 16, 2013 | Comments (View)
10 Books You Should Read Immediately If You Want To Be The Biggest Snob At The Cineplex |
The Station Agents Ep 39: Murder Vagina Edition
Can anyone think of any actors, even closely as respected as Liam Neeson, to get type-cast so late in their career in a completely different genre of film than the kind they rose to fame in?
I think I'll just stay home if these are my choices at the box office.
There should be a clause in Dame Judi's contract in every movie she does to not make her wear a wig. Not when she rocks the white pixie as hard as she does.
None. Yowaza, these are bad.
When I read the Railway Man, I thought it would make a great movie; here's hoping.
Especially not the 1st one - reminds me of too many Christmas Days at my folk's place.
As I scrolled down I just assumed that the Liam Neeson poster was for Taken 3: The Takening. (Or possibly Taken 4: Electric Boogaloo, if you consider that other random movie Unknown to be one of the Taken movies, which I sort of do.)
Shit - I just imdb'ed to check on the name of that Unknown movie and see that there actually IS a Taken 3 in the works. Good lord. Liam! You starred in Schindler's List ferchristssake!
Although I did just rewatch Taken two nights ago, so who the hell am I to judge.
OMG, Steve Coogan! Judi Dench! Obviously that one.
Then, Railway Man, Non-Stop, and Osage County.
The Osage County one because: 1. How DARE anyone tackle Maryl Streep!!!???, 2. Benedict Cumberbatch.
I think this is the first time in Pajiba history where I'm interested in ALL of the options presented. Granted, I wouldn't pay money to see a Vince Vaughn movie at the theater, but it will eventually make it to Netflix.
August: Osage County has nearly all my favorite actresses in it...and Julia Roberts, too!
Also, I firmly believe that Margo Martindale and Julianne Nicholson should be supported in their every endeavor.
Philomena, because Dame Judi can do no wrong, and Coogan finally got a haircut.
August: Osage County, but only because it made me forget for a moment that Julia Roberts is in it. That looks like Sarah Jessica Parker (who only gets a pass because it's October, and she's got a lot of 'Hocus Pocus' love from me right now).
Seriously, when did it become the primary objective to take your [most likely] highest-paid star and photoshop them into oblivion?
August: Osage County - I am conflicted, it has a great cast but it could just me your lowest common denominator adult contemporary movie. Chris Cooper is in it, as it the older woman who plays the handler on The Americans so I will give it a try at some point.
I just watched the Internship and it was absolutely awful so the supposedly affable washed up frat boy act is wearing thin, no thanks Delivery Man.
Jack Ryan... sure why not
Liam Nieson action pic, will probably catch it at some point
Philomena absolutely, but spoiler alert: Steve Coogan is her son! (I'm not familiar with the story but am just predicting the typical plot device).
Railway Man: Not sure it will be great, but I am willing to give anything with Colin Firth in it a shot.
Delivery Man: The Philip J. Fry Story.
The August Osage County poster is the only one that looks interesting. I've seen the trailers for most of these, which do a better job of conveying what the film's are about.
Jack Ryan and Non-Stop look generic but might be fun to watch.Delivery Man has Vince Vaughn in it so it's probably shit.
Jack Ryan, Jack Reacher, Jack Frost, Jack Ass....
I'd say either 'Non-Stop' or 'Jack Ryan.'
Judi Dench looks like she went to Nicole Kidman's botox professional in that poster. Still, it's Judi and I will see it.
Liam, honey, you need to be in better movies. That said, here's my ticket money...
In Hollywood, all old ladies have Botox. Or at least all the Photoshoppers think they do.
Well Jack Rya has Keira Nightly so I am watching it. Liam Neeson movie has Liam Neeson so I am watching it.
I don't even understand the Jack Ryan one. Does somebody believe the Tom Clancy fans are that clueless? The people who are going to show up just because it's Clancy or Jack Ryan? They're coming no matter what. The people who aren't? They don't give a shit and they're confused by your fucking title. A brief dramatic reenactment--
EXT. THEATER BOX OFFICE-NIGHT
Some Guy:Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit? Is that a sequel? What was the first movie?
His Date, Who's Going to Break Up With Him Tomorrow Because He Just Assumed He'd Be the One to Pick the Movie for, Like, The Third Date in a Row and Just Fuck Him, He Won't Go Down on Me Anyway: (muttering)Who gives a shit?
Some Guy:Hang on, is that Liam Neeson? Is he flying? With a gun? Fuck yes.
His Date, Who's Going to Break Up With Him Tomorrow Because He Just Assumed He'd Be the One to Pick the Movie for, Like, The Third Date in a Row and Just Fuck Him, He Won't Go Down on Me Anyway: (muttering)No, fuck you. Or rather, not. That guy behind the concession counter's kinda hot. Hmm.
What happens next?
They go to see Non-Stop, but 30 minutes in the girl excuses herself with "cramps" and hooks up with concession boy in the bathroom. The soon-to-be ex would later wonder why her crotch smelled like popcorn, but he never goes down on her, you see.
The next morning, she officially drops the douchebag, but only after he buys her coffee and a danish. It was literally the least he could do.
Shortly after the danish, the local police show up to question her about the obviously underage boy at the theater.
I never claimed she was smart. She was just really craving some cunnilingus.
She should have tried the bored purple haired girl with the neck tattoo that was taking tickets then.
You strike me as the type of person who "likes" their own posts.
Nope, afraid not. What gave you that idea?
Naw, nevermind... I was gonna be snarky. Then I realized it was just cuz I was tired and grumpy from work. Your comment was cute. Besides, dudes who don't go down are 'tards.
I'm not going to pretend like my formatting is good, but I think the piece still speaks to something true.
If he was a halfway decent boyfriend, he'd bring a femme lesbian to go down on her. At least it'd be an effort.
I am concerned... but fascinated.
Look. I'm not proud of it, but--
It's Non-Stop, you guys. It just is. I'm sorry. If I don't say it, he will find me, and he will kill me.
These are fake, right?
Wow Chris Pines eyes are really blue.
Kirk is really pretty.
It's all the Spice.
Well I know that my sleeper has awakened.
My eldest niece is just as bad. I call her Simone Muad'Dib. The child looks like she's overdosed on Spice.
So we're all going to pretend we didn't see the Vince Vaughn poster, right?
To be honest, I spent a good ten minutes staring at it, looking for Owen Wilson.
Blond forehead on the left, about level with where Vaughn's elbow would be if he weren't in a baggy hoody.
As one does.
Philomena, da dum da dum dum.
The post that looks the most good time is of course August: Osage County!
Just look at it: Girl fight between what looks like Merryl Streep, Abigail Breslin, Julianne Nicholson, and Margo Martindale while Ewan McGregor cheers them on!
I'm just excited to see Margo Martindale and Meryl Streep on the same screen. Love them both. And Chris Cooper is always excellent.
Bring me the whole cast breaking open a can of whoop-ass on Julia Roberts and I will pay you cash money right now to see it.
The very slightest possibility that I might get to see Mags bring the hammer on Julia Roberts ('s character, I guess) is enough to get me to buy a ticket.
You know what, they finally got it right: Putting Julia Roberts on a poster does not sell a movie anymore. Truth!
See, you didn't know that chick was there until I told you.
Don't try to ruin this Lana!
I'm not liking the title, though. What's this "Osucky County" crap? Rename the film to "Sexy Sister Catfight", and it'll sell like hotcakes!
You know I would buy Osucky County just because obviously, whenever I sight an Ewan McGregor, O-sucky-less my life becomes.
They went with the name of the play. Playwrights are sensitive like that.
I would have liked to see Phylicia Rashad in that piece. Apparently she was quite good on Broadway.
Yes to Shadow Recruit (only because of the pretty - Pine and Knightly).
Non-Stop? So Taken on a plane?
A.S.C - It's like they threw a bunch of white people at the casting wall and those stuck.
1 of 6 ain't bad...
Liam Neesons is. my. JAM.
[just kidding. wtf are you doing, Liam? my heart breaks for all the good work you're NOT doing]
I don't know; in the quick draw contest, it looks like Chris Pine got him dead to rights...
The explosions drown out the loneliness. Liam Neeson needs a hug.
I'm sure he does not lack for hug-volunteers. Though many are probably lacking the excellent qualities of his wife. Now I'm sad.
Liam Neesons is my shhiiiiitt! I agree, he's really capable of so much more, but I will still always watch every iteration of him kicking ass around the world.
Liam will always be worth a watch, whether I have the volume on or not is another issue...
But his voice....
I know, I know. Maybe I could play Rob Roy in another room and pretend it's a time travel movie?Eh, who am I kidding, one look at Liam in a kilt and I'm there for the duration.
Yup - came across Rob Roy on tv a few weeks ago and had to settle in for the whole thing. I forgot how good that movie is. Him & Jessica Lange.
Philomena has Judy Dench on the poster. So that's done for me.Sure she's been airbrushed to the point of being unrecognizable, but still.
I didn't even realize that was Judi Dench. When I saw the name I thought "Well why isn't she on the cover???"
Yup. It took me a minute, but finally, I saw her. Kind of like a magic eye puzzle.
I had the same rection on reading her name, and had to look at the poster for like a minute before it clicked "HOLY SHIT THATS MEANT TO BE JUDY DENCH?!"