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Based Only On The Poster, Which of These 5 Movies Rubs You The Right Way?

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | November 15, 2013 | Comments ()


robert-pattinson-2013.jpg

LEGO POSTER.jpg

maps-to-the-stars-poster1.jpg

noah-uk-poster.jpg

robocop-remake-final-poster.jpg

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  • Haystacks

    Lego....maybe. Why is this all so disappointing?

  • MJ

    LEGO!

  • Vangie13

    Every one of these posters looks like a movie I've already seen.

  • Laura Darch

    LEGOOO!

  • e jerry powell

    Matt Dillion looking grown! Damn!

    But still not going to see it.

    Oh, and R.Patz better lose the hoodie if he doesn't want somebody popping a cap up in him.

  • Sean

    I have seen Sunlight Jr., so that is out. I think the words "a film by David Cronenberg" will get my attention every time.

  • stardust

    Why does Gary Oldman insist on taking roles in shitastic movies? For once, just for once, I'd like for his agent to get him a role worthy of his talent.

  • Sean

    Because they pay his bills. Do a shitty movie for a lot of money, then do a good movie.

  • Anthony Hoffman

    That Cronenberg movie looks interesting. Fuck Hollywood. Hee.

  • darmatugan

    On the Lego poster, in itty bitty printing, is the name Chris Pratt. He will get me to that theater.

  • Laura

    A Legos movie? Really?

  • Boo_Radley

    Well, maybe Robocop.

  • Is that an iron tip on Noah's spear? That would be a neat trick. Unless, you know, this is a new Noah and a new flood. It could be a movie about how the angels (or aliens, if that makes you happier - six of one anyway) came down, hooked up with human women, produced the Nephilim, and then set those boys loose to wreak havoc on neighboring towns (or countries, because we like large scale movies), leading to the guy upstairs (or some secret organization with the acronym GOD) deciding to stop holding back that global warming stuff. I'm up for a good biblical, action, conspiracy, disaster movie - as long as they name at least one character Enoch as a nod to that crazy apocryphal text.

  • Zuffle

    I'm only planning to live to 80, maybe 100 years old... when will I find the time to watch any of that shit?

  • Modernlove

    I have no idea what Maps to the Stars is about, but I'm in.

  • Guest

    Robocop: You would think with a gun that big R.C. wouldn't be using his left over human hand. The recoil on that thing would probably break bone and he'd have a steadier shot with his robot hand.

    But I'm probably overthinking it and not using Hollywood logic.

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    likely a steadier shot, but recoil is not a function of barrel length, so not really a problem. In fact, heavier bullets and heavier guns tend to have a "softer" kickback because the mass and then the length of time the ejecta (bullet) dissipates its energy through the gun frame to the shooter.

  • Quatermain

    This is why I usually read the comments all the way down before I reply. On the off chance that somebody already saved me some typing.

  • Guest

    You know way too much... Takes a step back.

    Seriously though if it's anything like the gun from the original it seems kinda heavy and would be pretty hard to fire with a human hand.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

    I've never fired a gun (except with a Dual Shock controller), so can't say from personal experience.

  • Sean

    The original was a Beretta 93 with lots of plastic stuff added. I don't know the select fire 93, but I know the 92 quite well. Not much recoil at all. Doesn't weigh much, but the 9mm is very mild.

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    well, long barrel does tend to make the barrel tip dip, so we gotta assume that all the metal parts making up the rest of the arm give him super strength!!

  • According to the plot, only humans can kill, not robots. So he has to use his human hand.

  • Guest

    Ummm, yeah that totally makes sense...

  • Shrug, I have no idea. Only know that from reading a writeup on io9.

  • Guest

    I'm not questioning you, just Hollywood logic. Guess the guns on the 209's are just for hugs.

  • I'll go see it for Sam Jackson and Michael Keaton though.

    (And I am interested in the idea of taking the politics of the original and updating for the 21st century, especially with regard to the drone/unmanned warfare aspect they're playing up. Granted, it'll probably be crappily done, but still.)

  • Guest

    .

  • jthomas666

    "a film by David Cronenberg" I'm in.

  • Arran

    Yeah, it doesn't really matter that the rest of the poster is bland/bad. It's a good poster because it says THAT on it.

  • UglyBattery

    Noah looks pretty awesome. Then again, I am biased because I am a huge fan of large scale natural disaster type end of the world movies.

  • I share your love of disaster/Armageddon flicks, but this one makes me nervous. It might land in that Bermuda Triangle of Bad between Fatuously Self-Important and Unintentionally Hilarious. Think I'll send the canary in first.

  • weetiger3

    I hate that poster for Noah. I'm not a bible thumper nor even a true believer, but what exactly is this movie supposed to be? It looks like a poster for a disaster movie directed by Michael Bay by way of Roland Emmerich. The only one that makes a film look mildy interesting is Maps to the Stars because...it's David Cronenberg.

  • Jim

    I bet 50% of Noah's made with footage left over from "2012" Aronofsky bought from the "odd bits table" at Emmerich's yard-sale.

  • bastich

    The Noah poster looks like Russell Crowe is about to try to Gladiator his way through that flood.

  • ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAAAAIINED?!!

    (Yes. I am not entertained.)

    Put me down for two pretty fires and a Gary Oldman.

  • BlackRabbit

    And a big hand comes down from the sky and gives him a thumbs down.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    Maybe he has to fight two of every animal...to the death.

  • bastich

    GLADIATOR VS UNICORN???

    Dare I dream?

  • Maguita NYC

    And the battles would be done to the beautiful music of Oz: Judy Garland's "Somewhere Over The Rainbow".

    I can just see it in my mind, the slow-motioned violence of it all! Oh... there's something in my eye.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • bastich

    Hells yeah! I'm already writing dialog for my eventual fanfic:

    Noahlator: "AT MY SIGNAL UNLEASH HELL!!!"

    Rampaging Unicorns: "Angry unicorn sound! Angry unicorn sound!"

  • Fruity Fonzie

    the Lego one

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I saw the Robocop poster and immediately thought it was Judge Dredd. So 10 points awarded for confusion.

  • I wish it were Judge Dredd. Karl Urban, come back!

  • Pawesl

    What is with this trend of film festival movies having these washed out filtered movie posters. Its so ugly. Doesn't make it look more artistic, makes it look boring

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Instagrammed movie posters.

  • AvaLehra

    No kidding! Plus I totally thought Matt Dillon was Jim Carrey in that poster.

  • weetiger3

    ME TOO! The next thought was that it reminded me of the poster for a movie with Watts' bff Nicole Kidman - The Paperboy. Not sure why.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    No thanks to RoboCop. I bet the ED-209 doesn't even fall down the stairs.

  • AvaLehra

    LEGO movie, because I have a 9-year-old child are we are dorks.

  • Samantha Klein

    Take a wild guess.

  • Libby James

    Joel Kinnaman can do no wrong, so yes yes yes to Robocop.

  • laylaness

    I love him in The Killing; I just binged S1 on Netflix.

  • Maguita NYC

    Call me old fashioned, but that Robocop poster tugged on my little girl heart who had her first crush on a tortured man-machine, which was the original Robocop. I will watch, and oddly to everyone in the theater sigh, a bit too much.

  • kirivinokur

    I ironically "oh, snap!" way too frequently because of him.

  • kirivinokur

    Sunlight Jr. is by Laurie Collyer, who directed Sherrybaby. That'll probably be good. Plus it's got Naomi Watts.

  • PerpetualIntern

    None? Is none an option? I choose none.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Yeah, me too.

  • mswas

    I concur.

  • AudioSuede

    Well, the Lego Poster made me chuckle, so there's that.

  • Scarlett Robert

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  • bastich

    Why are these spambots always using their vehicle purchases as proof of their financial success? Why not change it up to, "I paid off my house", or "I started a Roth IRA that would eventually fund my child's college education"?

    (Also, pick an avatar who shows more cleavage.)

  • emmalita

    And why are they always women? Don't men with a lot of cleavage have a nephew's ex-uncle in-law who can testify?

  • Al Borland's Beard

    Nobody wants to see my cleavage. At least, that's what the unusually rude Macy's employee told me while I was trying on v-necks.

  • bastich

    Same thing happened to me, but I was in Victoria's Secret.

  • emmalita

    You can't rely on an exceptionally rude Macy's employee as a barometer of success. You have to go out into the streets, flaunting that cleavage. If someone looks interested, really stick it in their face and tell them about that pyramid scheme.

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