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Based Only On the Poster and the (Completely Made Up) Synopsis, Which of These 5 Movies Would You Like to See?

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | August 27, 2013 | Comments ()


george-clooney.jpg

Last-Vegas-douglas-deniro.jpg

DeNiro, Douglas, Freeman, and Kline are a Rat Pack tribute group who have finally reached the pinnacle of their career: playing Las Vegas. DeNiro is Frank Sinatra, Douglas is Dean Martin, Kline is Joey Bishop, and Freeman is Peter Lawford.

Things get complicated when one of them meets a long-lost love, another gets addicted to the slots, and the other two have to bring the group together for their first performance!

monuments-men-poster.jpg

Jason Bourne is heading up a new team of operatives and they’ve traveled back in time to stop Hitler in WWII. Bourne has gathered his team from all over the movie universe: Seth Gecko (George Clooney), Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Big Dan Teague (John Goodman), and Robert Crawley, Earl of Grantham (Hugh Bonneville).

Can they defeat Hitler and return to their own time before it’s too late?

secret_lives_of_dorks.jpg

It’s about a f*cking dork. He tries to fit in or something. Maybe the other kids decide to be like him or he decides to be like them. There’s someone he has a crush on because she’s beautiful, which is the same deluded thinking that made him an outcast in the first place: good looks equal a good and worthy person. Someone grows, or whatever, and then the dork is probably happy.

zero_theorem.jpg

There’s this math scientist and he decides to make a huge math science machine that he can play with while wearing his favorite full body suit. He soon discovers that attaching diodes and wires to his brain will help him discover how to make pizza without an oven. It also allows him to seek out taco trucks, much like Professor X uses Cerebro to seek out mutants. Problems arise when there is a taco truck shortage in his city.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Pitry

    Zero Theorem. Still have no idea what it's about, but who cares, Terry Gilliam! <3

  • go_nelly

    The Monuments Men. but i saw the trailer the other day too, and committed then.

  • E Robb

    The first poster, and me misunderstanding the article, have led me to this moment. I thought FOR SURE that first poster was not real. It's a bad Photoshop I thought. And I laughed at the fake synopsis. Then I saw the Monuments Men trailer and thought "But wait, that's a real movie."

    Then I Googled Last Vegas. And here we are.

  • blacksred

    lets see, I am going to see Last Vegas somewhere with good liquor Movie Tavern, and the Monument Men for the damon

  • Allijo

    I only see four posters. There's one missing, right? Or did I start drinking wine at work too early?
    Also, the answer is always Matt Damon.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    me No count gooder
    I think I had another poster, but I forgot to change the title after losing it.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Whew, thank God someone else noticed that, I was beginning to think I was losing it.

    Also, all of Jodi's synopses sound better than the real ones I read on IMDB.

  • dirty mind?

    I have nothing to say about the movies, but the header picture of Clooney screams Mustache Ride.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Can we do a comedy where Kevin Kline voices the corpses of the other 3 in said rat pack tribute group? Because he's better than the other three and he needs his props.

  • sara h.

    only "the zero theorem"!
    "the secret life of dorks" looks like a pulp of bad stereotypes, while "Last Vegas" seems to shout "look at me, i've got famous actors" (and "it's going to be legendary" doesn't help).
    Monuments Men got everything to be a cool movie, but if I have to judge on the poster alone, it doesn't appeal me

  • Maguita NYC

    I'm embarrassed to say that, beyond the excitement of Monuments Men, I'm interested in Last Vegas. The preview was funny as hell, and I believe DeNiro, Douglas and company are finally attempting comedy that suits not only their style, but the kind I am curious about: Older men trying to recapture past glorious youth.

  • Slash

    Zero Theorem. Gilliam. Waltz and Thewlis. No contest.

  • i have to admit, i skimmed the title and moved right on to the posters and synopses. at that point, i thought that the posters were all jokes. HACKY jokes.

    imagine my simultaneous disappointment and glee when i found out that those terrible, terrible posters are all the real thing.

  • pnnylne

    The Monuments Men and The Zero Theorem. I don't know if it's just me but that Last Vegas poster looks like DeNiro is attempting comedy again. DeNiro and comedy just doesn't mix (for me) and TSLoD looks like a Napoleon Dynamite rip.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Can I say I'm saving my viewing dollars for the movie that has more than 25% women listed on the poster?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    dammit. That would be the Dork movie alone. bleah.

  • AvaLehra

    Is that Wyatt from Level Up? Don't judge. I have a 9-year-old boy and watch too much Cartoon Network.

  • Guest

    None (*T.Z.M. - under consideration).

    *Is that Matty (for the few Awkward. fan(s) here)?

    **How old are the "dorks" supposed to be in T.S.L.O.Ds? By the IMDB none of them are under 20.

  • tmoney

    I will see The Monuments Men anyway, but I wish the made-up scenario was the real plot.

  • freetickles

    Monuments Men and Zero Theorem are both must-sees.

  • Fredo

    Obviously The Monuments Men. Because Dr Peter Venkman vs Der Fuhrer would be epic.

  • JenVegas

    Oh I wish we could make that a real movie.

  • Fruity Fonzie

    none of them

  • emmalita

    Based on the poster AND the completely made-up scenario I would see all of them. I would see the Zero Theorum first because there is a taco truck shortage in my city and it makes me sad.

    Based on just the posters - Monuments Men and Zero Theorum

  • AgLexington

    because PIZZA without an OVEN.

  • marigi

    My city has no food trucks and no taco places in general. I'm hoping Terry Gilliam's opus will open the city's eyes to this void.

  • 724wd

    How do you LIVE?! Do you service yourself like 10 times a day?!

  • marigi

    Ahahahah! My boyfriend helps with that, otherwise I'd go nuts! But we have good pizza by the slice.

  • Maguita NYC

    Why???! What cruel and unusual punishment to the city's population!

    May I ask where it is so I never set foot there, please.

  • marigi

    Well, I live in Rome (Italy, not Texas) and there are positive sides. You should come and visit, we have great food, but not on trucks and I haven't found a place that makes tacos yet. I do miss Mexican food... My mum lives in LA so I try to get my fix when I visit her.

  • emmalita

    I totally withdraw most of my sympathy. Still sad about the lack of taco trucks, but hard to feel too sorry for you LIVING IN ROME, ITALY!

  • Maguita NYC

    Grazie! I have been many times, and will go again in a nanosecond!

    Your city is just wild, people don't understand "fast-paced" until they've visited Roma.

  • emmalita

    That's even sadder. We don't have nearly enough food trucks, but there is nothing like walking down the street and suddenly there's a line of food trucks with tacos, bibimbap, and crepes.

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