Based Only on Photos, How Many of the 12 New "Dancing with the 'Stars'" Can You Name?

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (42)

I’ve seen one episode of “Dancing with the Stars” in my lifetime, and really, that was too many. Tom Bergeron gives me the hives. But at least, when I watched that episode in 2007, I could identify the “star” contestants. Most of them were on the backsides of their careers (read: Washed up), but at least they had careers at one point.

Now, I’m not so sure. Apparently, starring in 13 episodes of a reality series counts as a career these days. Here are the photos of the 12 contestants in this season of “DWTS.” How many can you identify?

300.arquette.david.090408.jpg

10.

11.

12.

I knew 1 and 3. It would’ve taken me a second, but I’d have identified 5. I know number 6’s face, but likely wouldn’t have been able to name him, and 7 I might have been able to identify in the right context (with a microphone standing with two other women) but never alone. The rest? No clue. Many of their names, I have never eve heard of, although I feel a little guilty for not knowing who number 12 is. I’m not sure why I feel guilty, but I feel like I should probably feel guilty.

If, for some reason, you actually want to know these people’s names, you can find out over on THR. My advice? Ignorance is bliss.

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Comments

1) Nancy Grace
2) Nope
3) David Arquette
4) Nope
5) Ricki Lake
6) That guy from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy whose name I can't remember.
7) Nope
8) Nope
9) Nope...er I mean Hope Solo
10) Ron Artest
11) Nope
12) Mr. Klum

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at August 30, 2011 9:08 AM

Oh...oh my God...I got 9 out of 12...

I think I need an intervention. Or an exorcism.

Posted by: Donut Plains at August 30, 2011 9:08 AM

@ Socrates_Johnson
12) is not Seal. He was on All My Children.

GAAAAAH SOMEONE GET THE HOLY WATER

Posted by: Donut Plains at August 30, 2011 9:09 AM

1) Satan's Mother.
2) You touch Romo, you sexy no mo' (or is that another inconsequential Idol?).
3) Die in a fire. Then be reincarnated as a worm at the bottom of a port-o-pot.
4) Meg Griffin.
5) It goes; Rose Byrne > Camilla Belle > Their stool > Ricki Lake (all kinda look alike)
6) Anderson Cooper got a dye job!
7) Aren't you from Housewives of DontGiveTwoWagsOfADeadRatsDick?
8) Keep trying hun, you aren't our next entrant.
9) HOPE SOLO I WANT YOU BETWEEN MY POSTS*
10) Ron must be jealous after Lamar Odom and his betrothed Cave Troll got a show.
11) I got my pictures at the mall once, too. When I was 5.
12) I don't know you, but I hope you win and sleep with every member of the sex you are attracted to. Just leave me Hope Solo.

*The best part about marrying Hope Solo is that you, the dude, have absolutely no qualms about taking her last name.

Posted by: D-Day at August 30, 2011 9:14 AM

The last guy is some big deal tech dude. I think he's in makeup. I see him on the cover of a film magazine every day at work.

Posted by: Lucas at August 30, 2011 9:15 AM

Gotcha. And looking more closely, he's a bit more like Seal squared anyway.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at August 30, 2011 9:15 AM

4 is Chaz (nee Chastity) Bono.

Posted by: Rousedower at August 30, 2011 9:22 AM

Does Nancy Grace really think she can be righteously indignant and dance at the same time?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 30, 2011 9:22 AM

Well at the very least that stick up her butt should help her maintain good posture.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at August 30, 2011 9:24 AM

I have to admit, I will watch Carson's dances, because I

Posted by: KatSings at August 30, 2011 9:26 AM

Nah, the last guy is on All My Children (secret shame alert!) The actor was in the army in Iraq and was severely injured and burned by a landmine. I think it's amazing that American TV will put somebody who looks like that on TV on a weekly basis. Of course I fully expect America to vote him off on week one.

I knew 1-7 and 12 on this list. I think that's the largest proportion of "Stars" I've ever known in a season.

Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at August 30, 2011 9:44 AM

I'm happy to say I only got about three of those, but sadly one of them was #2 (which, if I'm not mistaken, is Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Beach/The Hills).

Posted by: Artemis at August 30, 2011 9:46 AM

1,3,4,5,6.

Posted by: wsapnin at August 30, 2011 9:48 AM

Stretching the term "Star" to the furthermost possible extremes the term can compensate for.

Posted by: Mr. Stitch at August 30, 2011 9:54 AM

They should have cast the Runaway Bride's fiance/husband/as-much-a-star-as-some-of-these, so he could face off with the woman who tried to have him lynched. That I might watch.

Posted by: Wembley at August 30, 2011 9:54 AM

#8 is purty. Although slightly mannish in the face. I don't know how to feel.

Posted by: sars at August 30, 2011 9:55 AM

I've never watched the show but I'm under the assumption that the contestants are voted on by the public. If Cthulu Grace there is accepted as a human being past the first episode then everyone who voted should be required to bathe in acid.

Posted by: Paultera at August 30, 2011 9:57 AM

3, 4, 5, and half of 6. (I Know His First Name Is Stev... I mean, Carson.)

Posted by: Anna von Beav at August 30, 2011 9:58 AM

Oh, and let's not forget that Bristol Palin was a contestant last year so we shouldn't be too surprised at their slack definition of stars.

Posted by: Paultera at August 30, 2011 9:59 AM

1) The Devil AKA Nancy Grace AKA the source of SO MUCH LAW AND ORDER COMEDEY
2) No idea
3) David/Deputy Dewey Arquette
4)Chaz, Cher's son who was born Cher's daughter.
5-12 No idea though I join many in feeling bad I don't know who he is.
Though I have read the above explanation and I am even more shamed by m6y lack of knowledge. Damn.

Posted by: Nadine at August 30, 2011 10:06 AM

I can only name 5. That's more than enough for me.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 30, 2011 10:17 AM

No. 3 is me when I wore that jacket to the fall dance in high school.

Posted by: , at August 30, 2011 10:27 AM

Damnit all, in the name of all that is good, HOPE SOLO BETTER NOT LOSE TO THESE PEOPLE!

Posted by: Parker at August 30, 2011 10:59 AM

#11 is rob kardashian. it terrifies me that i know this. also - wtf. 'rob'? why aren't you a 'Kevin' or 'Korey.' if you are going to be stupid about your children's names, you gotta be consistent!

Posted by: space oddity at August 30, 2011 11:05 AM

Mrs. Julien wins.

Posted by: Freller at August 30, 2011 11:52 AM

Like so many reality TV shows, there is one tiny thing that prevents me from watching. If they would just make one tiny adjustment to every single show, I'd be all over that shit. I'd be glued to the screen every week. One minor change, and I'd be your most loyal fan.

Snipers.

Just think of the possibilities.

Posted by: The Other Agent Johnson at August 30, 2011 11:59 AM

9/12 for me...not really sure I want to think too much about why I recognize so many. My excuse with Cavelleri is that I live in Chicago, and people were all-aflutter over her bad-touching of Jay Cutler. And isn't #7 Chynna Phillips?

Posted by: bonnie at August 30, 2011 12:17 PM

1. One can only hope that putting Nancy Grace on DWTS will kill her other shows and newspaper columns, etc. because no one will take her seriously (will take her even less seriously).

3. Looks like an Arquette, but I don't know which one.

4. Chaz Bono. Good for him.

6. Carson Cressley (sp?) from Queer Eye.

8. The former not-Mrs. George Clooney.

12. I have no idea who this guy is, but I hope he wins.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 30, 2011 12:20 PM

I recognize 4 of them. Arquette, the trollish Nancy Grace and the chick who used to be a guy who's pimping a book now. And the dude who used to be on a show I like that is apparently not on anymore (Carson whatshisname).

I'm only a little perturbed that I know that many.

I've never seen DWTS, and yeah, the word "Stars" is a serious misnomer. It should really be "Dancing with Who?"

Posted by: Slash at August 30, 2011 12:48 PM

Oh, sorry, I guess I should own up to recognizing Ricki Lake. Dammit.

I genuinely don't know who the others are, nor do I care.

Posted by: Slash at August 30, 2011 12:49 PM

No clue who 7 and 8 are. So I knew 10 out of 12. *Hangs head in shame*
I thought it was funny that they referred to David Arquette as "King of the Big Screen."

Posted by: junierizzle at August 30, 2011 1:10 PM

I hate myself for knowing 6 of them. HATE. OK maybe not so much for David Arquette, because who the hell cares, but the others? Self-hatred.

Posted by: figgy at August 30, 2011 1:55 PM

I knew 6, which is more than I expected. Sheesh. Should I step away from pop culture for awhile or something?

Posted by: Amanda6 at August 30, 2011 2:21 PM

1) I will never watch this show, any variant of it, and I wouldn't piss on the creators if they were on fire and I was already doing the pee dance.

2-12) Irrelevant, see 1.

That woman is the one of the most disgusting, vile creatures on the planet to me. She lives off the pain and suffering of others, wallowing in the mire of their dismay, rooting around for some particular morsel of hurt she can bleat about in her sanctimonious caw of a voice. I know it's all a "show" and "entertainment", but honestly I have no idea how she sleeps at night. If ever there was proof of the soul, we've found it with her by way of omission.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at August 30, 2011 2:46 PM

I knew four of them. I'm not nearly curious enough to find out the other answers. I expect the general pop culture noise will inform me of at least two or three of the answers when the show airs.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at August 30, 2011 4:09 PM

#4...Val Kilmer?

Posted by: Craigilicious at August 30, 2011 4:25 PM

10 out of 12. SO embarrassing. And Ricki is winning this. Go Ricki! I love her.

* Nancy Grace, Kristen Cavalleri, David Arquette, Chaz Bono, Ricki Lake, Carson Kressly, China Phillips (or Mrs. Billy Baldwin), Elisabetta Cannalis (or George Clooney's ex Italian piece) Hope Solo (or my future daughter-in-law), no idea, Rob Kardashian and no idea but definitely not Seal.

I'd like to thank the producers of DWTS for including Hope Solo and thus guaranteeing no lip from my son (or my husband!) while I watch this show. Please let her stay on as long as possible, thank you.

Also, if Nancy Grace could wear hot pants and be announced as the dancing devil, that would be great.

Posted by: Az at August 30, 2011 8:16 PM

I got #1-7 and then it was all downhill from there

Posted by: Even Stevens at August 30, 2011 9:54 PM

I knew seven of them, but I cheated because I read the story about Nancy Grace being on DWTS on CNN yesterday. I've never seen the show, but I can confidently say that I hate it, along with that Nancy Grace. When I see her name I want to scream. (I thought the headline "Nancy Grace on DWTS" was a joke and read half the story before I realized it was true.)

I wish I could think of something brilliant and awful to say about Nancy, but Mrs. Julien reigns supreme in that respect, so, "Yeah, what she said."

Posted by: Stinky at August 30, 2011 11:08 PM

1, 3, 4.

I feel better about myself.

Posted by: duckandcover at August 31, 2011 3:06 AM

What frobme said.

Posted by: snapnhiss at August 31, 2011 6:18 AM

i can not wait till he get kicked off cause im tired of seeing post about him http://www.miraclefacekit.org/

Posted by: dagmar at September 27, 2011 8:40 PM

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Based Only on Photos, How Many of the 12 New "Dancing with the 'Stars'" Can You Name?

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