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Based On the Shreddiest Shreds of Information, Let's Prejudge All These Shiny New Things Coming To Our Screens

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | March 25, 2013 | Comments ()


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We're coming up on nine years since the inception of Pajiba, and during my nearly decade-long run as publisher of this site, I've learned a lot about how the Internet works. Specifically, I understand now more than ever that we don't need much information to form an airtight opinion. A glimpse here or a sentence there, and we've made up our minds. It's up to the marketing departments of the respective studios to change those minds. First impressions mean everything. With that in mind, let's look at some of today's industry news headlines.

A six-second teaser Vine (Twitter videos, basically) for Wolverine has surfaced ahead of the 20-second Wolverine teaser we can expect to see tomorrow. You can't tell much from six seconds, but I like to prejudge things anyway. GOD, THIS LOOKS TERRIBLE. How desperate must they be to reduce their film to a six second loop of scattered images? Click her for the6 Second Teaser of Wolverine.

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Thanks to Orson Scott Card's agressive homophobia, as the release date inches closer, we're going to see a lot of think pieces on whether it's OK to watch and/or enjoy a movie based on the writings of a terrible, awful human being. Because I loved the novel, I'm going to put aside my feelings on Card and hope for the best. The first full poster for the movie has arrived, and you can't tell much from a teaser poster, but I like to prejudge things anyway. GOD, THIS LOOKS AMAZING. In fact, based on this poster alone, I withdraw my support for gay marriage.

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There's also a new 30-second teaser of "Mad Men," which contains only old footage, but I like to prejudge things anyway. Based on this recycled footage alone, I'm going to go out on a limb and predict the next season of 'Mad Men" will be THE BEST SEASON EVER.

Actually, maybe it is all new footage. Maybe next season is the Sliding Doors season of "Mad Men."

We don't know much about season three of "Homeland" yet, but in an interview with Digital Spy, Damien Lewis assessed Brody and Carrie's relationship going forward. "Brody and Carrie are over. I think it's over. I don't think those two can be together. Can you imagine them being married and bringing up kids?" Based on only that line of thinking, although Lewis has likely not seen scripts for the new season, I'm going to assume he knows what he's talking about and go on record as saying that season three of "Homeland" will jump the shark and punch it in its dumb little nose. I cannot believe they'd break these two people apart.

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The much discussed "Zombieland" TV series has been given a pilot greenlight. Amazon viewers will be able to watch the pilot and decide for themselves whether it should be greenlit to series. I haven't seen the pilot, obviously, so I don't want to prejudge, but, it is based on one of my favorite horror comedies, so therefore BEST TV SHOW EVER. I hope this character becomes a series regular.

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Finally, the first 14 minutes of the new SyFy series "Defiance" has arrived. Here's SLW's very brief synopsis of the show: "Post-apocalypse, seven different alien species invade earth, SyFy channel show set in St. Louis, tie-in MMORPG set in San Francisco will influence television plot, Julie Benz & Jamie Murray, and of course Rockne O'Bannon of "Farscape" fame is running the thing. Boom! There's a lot to like right there."

Fourteen minutes is an awful lot of material to allow for a intelligent, though cursory opinion, so I'm going to leave this one alone and allow you to form your own opinions. Snap judgements are my thing; this right here is bullsh*t.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Carrie/Teabelly

    I'm going to watch Defiance because I need some new Sci-Fi in my life. I don't care how cheesy it is.

  • Strand

    I watch and enjoy Mel Gibson's movies and I'll probably do the same for Ender's Game. While they're both loathsome human beings I try to separate their personal issues from their body of work.

  • Melissa Doucette

    Christina looks like she's having the same kind of day I am. And I totally look like her, too. TOTALLY. Well, except for the beautiful part, but I have red hair and love whiskey so it's the same, right?

  • Fabius_Maximus

    But do you love good whiskey?

  • Melissa Doucette

    Do I ever! And NO ICE EVER. Not to get snobby or anything.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    See? You're already much more attractive than her. She's the "cover girl" for Johnny Walker. That's mediocre stuff, at best.

  • rio

    Alleluja! Carrie and Brody love story was the most awful part of Homeland, I loved the first half on season 2 and they it went down the drain with all that crap. Now season 1 tension made sense, but after? They should have killed Brody at the end of season 2 and move on.

  • Quatermain

    I predict that the 'Ender' movie will make a shit-ton of money, 50% of which will come from people who will hate themselves the minute the credits roll at the end.

    Also, letting your comments section decide whether or not the show gets green-lit sounds risky to me. If Pajiba commenters had that power, there would be nobody on TV except for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. And Timothy Olyphant.

    Update: The show would involve Olyphant being married to Tina Fey. Amy Poehler would be her best friend and the three of them would run a bounty-hunting business together. It would be a drama-comedy on HBO and we could maybe bring in Christoph Waltz as an affable yet menacing crime boss.

  • Jerce

    Sounds great, but you left out Nathan Fillion and Tom Hiddleston. They could be the gay neighbors. Extremely affectionate gay neighbors.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Dude, you forgot Olyphant.

  • Quatermain

    You are correct, I did. I fixed it.

  • dizzylucy

    You say that like it's a bad thing.

  • L.O.V.E.

    "The Abs and Hairy Pecs: 3D" -- a 2 second gif and 4 seconds of filler.

  • Art. Artists. Separate things. We can listen to Miles Davis without it implying tacit support to the concept of spousal abuse, right?

  • dagnabbit

    I didn't realize Miles Davis was such an outspoken public proponent of spousal abuse.

    Mr. Card is a very outspoken opponent of homosexuality in general. Just saying.

    As people living a capitalistic society, we have the option of economic protest, and as free people, have the right to choose when an issue is of great enough significance for us as individuals to exercise that option.

    We don't have to agree.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    How outspoken does a person need to be on an issue? Is simply engaging in it enough? Demps351's point is relevant, as is yours - it's a personal ethical question to decide how much of an artist's behavior - as a human - means that it's not acceptable to consume that person's art. Cheating on a wife? Beating someone? Murdering someone? Funding a cause you don't believe in?

  • Agreed - it's all a matter of where we draw our personal lines. If Card's issues with homosexuality were not well known does that make his book or the movie based on it more or less enjoyable, or does it have any effect at all? Does the fact that Miles Davis beat his wife make you feel less good about yourself if you enjoy his music? Chick Fil A is perfectly within their rights to speak out against same sex marriage (why on earth they would is an entirely separate issue) and all of us have a right to boycott or support them based on that political statement just the same as we have the right to eat their food without feeling as though we're selling out our gay friends and family - sometimes a chicken sandwich is just a chicken sandwich. At the end of the day we should all aim to be OK with the way we live our day to day lives and the way you treat people you come in contact with. Then we can worry about which artist or fast food restaurant to make a cause out of.

  • PaddyDog

    "I love my father but all his promises turn to schtacho". So the invaders speak Alien Yiddish?

  • lowercase_ryan

    Ugh. You know what, catcher's masks in dystopian futures piss me the hell off.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Especially when everyone has guns.

  • You would think the bullets would have run out long, long ago.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Anyone else think the girl in Defiance looks like a Whedon vamp? I can't get passed that.

  • Tinkerville

    I think a Whedon vamp got frisky with Leeloo Dallas Multipass and she's the result.

  • Oh my GOD. Look at this fucking clown! Of course it had to be a clown.

  • MissAmynae

    Zombies+Clowns= MissAmynae running screaming from the room. If it had a scorpion's tail I'd be huddled in my damn car. Because scorpions can't get in to a Jetta. They have really good sound dampening seals. And no zombie can run 120 mph, so I'll be able to build up enough of a lead to refill every 600 miles or so. fuck yeah, diesel!

  • Arran

    I wouldn't judge a thing about the Wolverine movie from the fact that they've "only" posted six seconds. Vine only allows you to post six seconds. They're just trying to be modern and zeitgeisty by using it.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    I only looked at the Christina Hendricks header photo and read the first two sentences of this post, and I can confidently say that it is my favorite post of all time.

  • Brent Reichenberger

    I really wish Orson Scott Card wasn't such a homophobic piece of shit. Sigh. I'll see it and then donate $20 to an LGBT charity?

  • lowercase_ryan

    It's not carbon offsetting, donate if you can and see the movie if you want.

  • NateMan

    A very good idea.

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