Pajiba

I'm not sure why Julia Roberts often leads to horse talk. is it because she has a mouth big enough to take two horses' penises into it at the same time? Hmm... maybe she should do the opposite of Sasha Grey. From mainstream to adult movies. Is that considered a downgrade? Would anyone pay to see Julia Roberts naked?

I saw a movie at Hock-Buster called Zoo that I'm pretty sure had Julia Roberts on the cover. She has big eyes.

Barf, it wasn't before?

Sorry, but I'm not watching anything with this ugly, degenerate, fornicating horsewoman.

Julia is the rare case in Hollywood where her crap attitude has actually managed to eclipse her talent and (alleged) onscreen charisma.

Unfortunately, she still has friends in (allegedly) high places that are willing to lose millions on her behalf. It can't last forever though.

is it because she has a mouth big enough to take two horses' penises into it at the same time? Hmm... maybe she should do the opposite of Sasha Grey. From mainstream to adult movies. Is that considered a downgrade? Would anyone pay to see Julia Roberts naked?

Nope, I wouldn't pay to see her naked. But I would pay to see her fellating two horses at the same time. Just for the contortions involved.

Would anyone pay to see Julia Roberts naked?

Nuh uh... too skinny.

It’s difficult, after No Country for Old Men, to envision Javier Bardem as a romantic lead,

That was clearly written by a dude (who likes his men scrawny and snarky). Did you SEE this guy at the Oscars? Jesus Christ he brings the sexy. I will see this despite the Roberts, who I am neutral on, if there is any chance of him taking his shirt off.

Yum.

Now, let’s see if we can avoid the horse talk that usually accompanies a Julia Roberts’ post.
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Muppet-mouth is still OK, then?
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That lady is a comely woman.
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Actually, I agree. When I envisioned this happening to JR:

"Eat Prey, Slaughtered"

I came.

Look, seriously? I just don't think she's a very good actress. She's not awful either, but I sure don't think she's $20 million a movie good. (And I know that doesn't have a lot to do with her actressin'.)

I can handle her in small doses and when she has a strong ensemble to neutralize her Streisand-like seeming need to be on camera Every. Damn. Second in her own projects. She didn't ruin the "Ocean's" movies for me like I thought she would, though I'm baffled why with all the women in Las Vegas available anyone would buy Danny Ocean pining over her and scheming to win her back, but maybe that's just me. She seemed to have a sense of humor about herself in "12."

Still, I don't think she's very pretty, though if I had people calling me "Pretty Woman" every minute for 15 years I'd probably think I was Godtopus' gift when I look in the mirror too.

That picture up there? It's one of the best I've ever seen of her, it's certainly not representative. And I'm sure she's makeuped and Shopped to within an inch of her life, and I also suspect that photo is at least 10 years old.

She is attractive. (Fixed that for you)
She has talent.
I just don't care for Julia Roberts.

I'll acknowledge the talent at least in part, but I really don't understand the woman's popularity. She doesn't play characters, she plays herself in different movies. She's not an actor, she's a set piece that walks and talks (or is that a prop?) in movies that are the favourites of a key demographic. I don't have anything particularly against her, but she's definitely overrated.

Is it just me, or is she starting to look like The Dark Lord? The eyes have a mysterious red glow. Perhaps in her efforts to stay eternally young she has performed too much dark magic.

Or maybe I've been reading too much Harry Potter. Either way, this movie is going to suck. I refused to read the book after the author was interview for Bon Apetit. Barf.

barf, I'm fairly certain Pajiba reviewed that movie a few years ago. I remember it 'cause I was in a play about zoophilia at the time.

Now I'm disappointed in Bardem, too. It was a horrible book that will be an even more horrible movie, as is the custom. Someone give Jenkins some better work and Bardem a talking-to.

Bardem was one of the two reasons to watch Vicky Christy Barcelona. His character was simple, mostly plausible, and did none of that Woody-Allen-ish stutter talk that was amusing 30 years ago and has since become, at best, annoying (especially when he forces his lead actresses to do it, for no apparently reason).

The other reason, of course, is the kissing scene with Penelope Cruz and whats-her-name. Admittedly not all that compelling a reason.

and I don't think if you're giving a blowjob to a horse it's exactly cruelty anyway.

Posted by: barf at June 8, 2009 5:10 PM
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I remember the story, I think it happened in Washington, and that's not what the guy was doing. He was getting fucked. In the ass. By a horse. It ruptured something inside him and he died.

If there's a law against that now, it has to be one of the most useless laws ever passed. I mean, who exactly among your extraordinarily small set of friends who enjoy such things is going to turn you in? I'd like to hear THAT 9-1-1 call.

*twenty

"She's kind to crews..."

Oh she WAS extremely kind to that camera guy...and his wife... and children.

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I can think of two dozen assholes who deserve this kind of asskicking, but Julia Roberts does not belong on the list.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at June 8, 2009 8:32 PM

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We are going to have to disagree on that one too, she deserves *IT* and more.

Julia Roberts sucks the same way Tom Cruise sucks because when they're acting, all I see is themselves on a screen. There's never any method acting, gaining weight, losing weight, fully immersing themselves into a role (although I'll give Cruise a pass for Magnolia.) Julia is sweet and pretty, but that shouldn't get her awards. Charlize Theron was transformed in Monster, Heath Ledger was frightening in The Dark Knight, and Christian Bale almost turned into a concentration camp victim for the movie The Machinist. If you're a serious Hollywood actor you should be willing to eat glass, put needle marks in your arms, live among alligators, SOMETHING that shows you're giving the drive and time and ambition to become a character. Having big shiny white teeth and tossing your hair and having people remember you from an 80's movie where you played a damsel in distress hooker with a heart o'gold is NOT ACTING!!! She keeps getting roles because she's attractive and doesn't ruffle the feathers of Middle America, that's all. Like an old teacher of mine from high school, it's nothing but "fluff without stuff." This woman is NOT America's Sweetheart!

P.S. That book is retarded. If I was rich I'd be traveling the world and living my dream too. Show me a young woman who can "Eat Pray Love" when they're eating Ramen and collecting an unemployment check in New York City. That is all.

It’s difficult, after No Country for Old Men, to envision Javier Bardem as a romantic lead,

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Rij9Np4QWXQ/R8sjT1jULnI/AAAAAAAAAQw/bLVxcfhm4EA/s400/Javier%2Bbarden.jpg

no.... really its not