web counter
 

ferrellwahlberg_l.jpg
Things That Are Not Awesome


The Dumbest Buddy Duo Since Harrison Ford and That Bland Looking Guy that Disappeared / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | February 26, 2009 | Comments (31)

The one thing you can always anticipate in any buddy cop movie are dichotomous buddies. One is black, the other is white. One can speak English, the other cannot. One is Tom Hanks, the Other is a Dog. You get the picture. Because cops, you see, would never want to partner with someone with common interests, even if most of the cops I see in the real world are similar, personality-wise. They’re all tubby white guys with bad mustaches. Those are the rules. No exceptions! And they all have that freakish ability to actually grow a 5:00 shadow by 5:00. Cops are the only humans on Earth who actually have to shave daily. What’s up with that?

So, yeah: I’m rambling here because there’s not a lot to say about this buddy cop movie, except that the lady over on Pop Watch who made the announcement was way too excited about it, given what she had to work with. Namely that it’s a buddy cop movie, Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are the buddies, and Adam McKay (Step Brother, Anchorman) will be directing. It’s called B Team, and it was written by the guy who wrote the forthcoming Land of the Lost.

Is that really cause for excitement? Does this bit of news really belong under the “Things that Are Awesome” tag? I’m familiar with things that are awesome, and I don’t think I can think of a possible scenario on which pairing Ferrell and Wahlberg together might be considered awesome. Is this headline really appropriate: “Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg in a cop comedy = Awesomeness”? It’s really not.

Look, Mandi. Here are awesome things: Viable independent theaters. Caramel Apple Pork Chops. The Murdertank. The first day of spring hot enough to burn off 10 feet of accumulated winter snow. Dainty tattoos on the ankles of certain women.

Do you see a Mark Wahlbert/Will Ferrell buddy cop movie anywhere on that list? No. Why? Because it’s not awesome. It will never be awesome. The best we can hope for is mild amusement. Save your awesome tag for news that deserves it. And Kathy Griffin’s $2 million deal for a memoir certainly doesn’t fit the bill.









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← Boob Trailer | Boob Trailer →









Comments

Why is this awesome, you ask?! Because it's a possible shitstorm of craziness and action. It could be as stupidly funny as Step Brothers, and all they'd need is John C. Reilly and they'd be set!

Kathy Griffin, on the other hand, can go burn in Hell if she thinks anyone's going to read her book without distain/ridicule/a shit load of horse tranquilizers.

Posted by: Mike R. at February 26, 2009 10:59 AM

Is that really cause for excitement?

When I scanned this post the first time, I read, "Is that really cause for excrement?" and wanted to answer, "why yes: yes it it."

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at February 26, 2009 10:59 AM

This movie was called Hot Fuzz. Mark Wahlberg will be uptight and from Boston. Will Ferrel will be goofy and overweight.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at February 26, 2009 11:02 AM

Off-topic, but I just read there's going to be a remake of the Neverending Story. Has this already been discussed on Pajiba?

Posted by: tt_marie at February 26, 2009 11:11 AM

Kathy G. got a 2 million dollar book deal? She should give the money to Chelsea Handler and beg her to write a book making her sound funny.

Argh.

Posted by: Sofía at February 26, 2009 11:13 AM

Perhaps you'll remember the great throw-away scene from "The Last Action Hero" where cops are being paired up with partners in the film world: "OK, O'Malley, you're with the Rabbi today." "oy Vey!"

Posted by: Keith at February 26, 2009 11:15 AM

Caramel Apple Pork Chops.

WANT

And Mark Wahlberg is on my Top 5 list. Yes, he's probably a douche. Yeah, I don't care. His voice gives me chills. I fucking hate Boston accents and yet, I could listen to him say wicked retahded shit all day and it would make me so happy in the pants.

Posted by: Lainey at February 26, 2009 11:16 AM

Bets on how many time Marky Mark drops the line, "Say hi to your mother for me"? I'm going to say 45.5 considering it's the only funny thing he's done since The Funky Bunch.

I need money.

Posted by: admin at February 26, 2009 11:23 AM

Caramel Apple Pork Chops.

Um, excuse me? Does this item exist? Because I'd like some right now please.

...and now I read the comments... no wonder I love Lainey so much!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at February 26, 2009 11:24 AM

Well, if you're asking, Ms. Beaverplatz and Lainey: Caramel Apple Pork Chops is one of my regular meals, and it's fairly easy to make. Just brown your pork with a little olive oil, for about 7 minutes each side. Then add two green apples (peeled and sliced), along with 4 tablespoons of butter, 4 tablespoons of brown sugar, a teaspoon of clove, cinnamon, and nutmeg, as well as a touch of salt, and cook until you have a nice sauce and tender apples. Drizzle over some white rice. Serve with a nice salad or green beans.

And no: B-Slim. That doesn't make me gay.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at February 26, 2009 11:38 AM

And no: B-Slim. That doesn't make me gay.

No, that just makes you a good target for food mooches to come over and steal your food, drink your wine, and hog up your Xbox 360.

So...is Wednesday good for you? I could even babysit the little one, whilst you and the wife go out and have fun. (It's been statistically proven that leaving me to care for children makes them more awesome. Just ask my brothers.)

Just leave the meal on the table, I'll provide my own Disney/Harry Potter books to entertain the youngling.

Posted by: Mike R. at February 26, 2009 11:43 AM

What makes you gay, Dustin, is that you don't need to shave every day.

Posted by: jimbob at February 26, 2009 11:44 AM

Dustin, one important question...what's the serving size for that recipe?

Posted by: Mike R. at February 26, 2009 11:51 AM

*copies recipe*

Is there a particular beverage you would recommend as an accompanyment, or shall I hail the Boozehound?

My 360's broken so...can Mike bring a freind? I have scientifically proven child rearing (perverts) techniques (which just means my kids are still alive).

And go jump of a high diving board into a can of mushroom soup jimbob. I don't have to shave my face everyday either. Now my legs, that is a different matter.

Posted by: admin at February 26, 2009 11:54 AM

Admin, I'm so sorry you're dealing with such a tragedy. I had that happen to me recently, and got hooked back into Animal Crossing on the Wii. (Still hooked, but glad to see my 360 back.)

As for babysitting duties, we only need one more Pajiba cohort and we'll have a successful remake of Three Men and a Baby. (Unless we want to go "Diversity" on everyone's asses and make it, "Three People and an Infant". In which case, I hope you have a controller Kayanne.) You have nothing to worry about, Dustin. We'll make sure your child turns out to be as good as better than one of our movies!

Posted by: Mike R. at February 26, 2009 12:00 PM

Man, what I wouldn't give for a free babysitter. And Mike: That serving size is for two. Add an apple, and two tablespoons of butter/brown sugar (and a little more of the other ingredients) for each subsequent chop.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at February 26, 2009 12:02 PM

Sexual confused publisher, Top Chef, babysitter. Wtf?

Posted by: Pookie at February 26, 2009 12:19 PM

Try it with firm Anjou pears prepared the same way. That's excellent with a nice Chardonnay.

Posted by: Sharopa at February 26, 2009 12:51 PM

You know how I know you're gay ?

You're giving out recipes in the comments.

Posted by: figgy at February 26, 2009 1:33 PM

You know how I know you're gay ?

You're giving out recipes in the comments.

That is not gay. That is helping every Pajidude get laid.

Posted by: admin at February 26, 2009 1:42 PM

Oh, come on. You think us girls fall so easily for such simple ploys--and--um...and...

Fuck it. You're right. I'd totally jump a man who cooked me such an amazing meal.

Posted by: figgy at February 26, 2009 1:46 PM

Unfortunately, my baby sitting skills involve actually sitting on the baby. On the other hand, that would prevent them from seeing this movie. That's worth a pork chop isn't it?

Posted by: Odnon at February 26, 2009 3:42 PM

tut tut tut! NEVER rag on a man who cooks!

You see, they do some cooking. Don't mess with a good thing.

Posted by: replica at February 26, 2009 7:12 PM

Fuck it. You're right. I'd totally jump a man who cooked me such an amazing meal.

Posted by: figgy at February 26, 2009 1:46 PM
---
So ... 8 Saturday good for you?

Posted by: bucdaddy at February 26, 2009 8:47 PM

Yo, Sofia. Have you read Chelsea Handler's book (Are you there Vodka? It's me, Chelsea)? While the title is ingenius, the book itself is decidedly UNfunny. I was very excited about it because I love her on her show, but it was not only unfunny, it was PAINFULLY unfunny. It actually somewhat changed my opinion of her. Every cliche in the book, exaggerations for effect that were just stupid and added nothing to the stories, overuse of stereotypes as humorous vehicles that weren't even funny to begin with, bad writing,just, BAD, overall. I felt almost embarassed for her at times. I kept waiting for it to get funny, and it never did. I even listened to it on audio on a long, boring car trip and never laughed once. Very disappointing. I'm guessing Kathy G. could definitely challenge her in the humorous memoir department, and would probably win.

Posted by: tinmo at February 26, 2009 9:53 PM

"Dainty tattoos on the ankles of certain women."

Because you know it'll only cost you ten bucks in jello shots to get said tattoo hovering up by her ear with a quickness?

Posted by: Geetch at February 26, 2009 10:08 PM

I am Sylia a single black girl from the US. I just want to find a man who is out of my race for a servious interracial relationship. so i uploaded my recent photos on the famous site mixedmate.c0m under the name Sxynetlia, maybe you want to check out my photos firstly!

Posted by: evan at February 26, 2009 10:34 PM

Depends.

Whatcha cookin', bucdaddy?

Posted by: figgy at February 26, 2009 11:17 PM

Hi Sylvia. Good luck with that. Is that a silent X in Sxynetlia?

Posted by: Odnon at February 27, 2009 12:00 AM

Damn, I can't even spell the spambots' names right. Maybe the V is silent too....

Posted by: Odnon at February 27, 2009 12:02 AM

Sylia should change her name to Cilia, that would be really kinky in an amoebic sort of way.

Posted by: admin at February 27, 2009 12:25 AM