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February 26, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | February 26, 2009 |

The one thing you can always anticipate in any buddy cop movie are dichotomous buddies. One is black, the other is white. One can speak English, the other cannot. One is Tom Hanks, the Other is a Dog. You get the picture. Because cops, you see, would never want to partner with someone with common interests, even if most of the cops I see in the real world are similar, personality-wise. They’re all tubby white guys with bad mustaches. Those are the rules. No exceptions! And they all have that freakish ability to actually grow a 5:00 shadow by 5:00. Cops are the only humans on Earth who actually have to shave daily. What’s up with that?

So, yeah: I’m rambling here because there’s not a lot to say about this buddy cop movie, except that the lady over on Pop Watch who made the announcement was way too excited about it, given what she had to work with. Namely that it’s a buddy cop movie, Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are the buddies, and Adam McKay (Step Brother, Anchorman) will be directing. It’s called B Team, and it was written by the guy who wrote the forthcoming Land of the Lost.

Is that really cause for excitement? Does this bit of news really belong under the “Things that Are Awesome” tag? I’m familiar with things that are awesome, and I don’t think I can think of a possible scenario on which pairing Ferrell and Wahlberg together might be considered awesome. Is this headline really appropriate: “Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg in a cop comedy = Awesomeness”? It’s really not.

Look, Mandi. Here are awesome things: Viable independent theaters. Caramel Apple Pork Chops. The Murdertank. The first day of spring hot enough to burn off 10 feet of accumulated winter snow. Dainty tattoos on the ankles of certain women.

Do you see a Mark Wahlbert/Will Ferrell buddy cop movie anywhere on that list? No. Why? Because it’s not awesome. It will never be awesome. The best we can hope for is mild amusement. Save your awesome tag for news that deserves it. And Kathy Griffin’s $2 million deal for a memoir certainly doesn’t fit the bill.

The Dumbest Buddy Duo Since Harrison Ford and That Bland Looking Guy that Disappeared / Dustin Rowles

Industry | February 26, 2009 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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