A-Team Photo

Psssst. The A-Team Blew Frogballs

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (26)

I’m going to let y’all in on a little secret, which might be particularly enlightening for those of you who, like myself, who were eight or nine in 1983, when “The A-Team” debuted on network television. Here: Come closer. Let me whisper it in your ear. Closer. Closer. Good, good. Now listen to me. And listen to me closely. OK.

“THE A-TEAM” SUCKED.

Oh yeah. It’s true. Don’t let your sexually confusing man-crushes on Dirk Benedict obscure what is obvious, if you ever go back and revisit the show. “The A-Team” wasn’t a good show. It never was. It had a couple of catch phrases that have stuck with you over the years, and a very memorable Mr. T (who couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag filled with steroids), but it wasn’t a good show.

Put aside your nostalgic fondness for a few seconds, and watch the intro. I think you, too, will realize that your affection can be attributed to the fact that your brain had not fully developed (can I get a witness here from some of our older readers?)

Still, that nostalgic value is worth a lot of money. And hell if Joe Carnahan (Smokin’ Aces, Narc) ain’t about to tap it like a Kardishian ass. We all know who has been cast in the film, by now: Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, Sharlto Copley, Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson, and Jessica Biel. And if y’all were hoping for a more gritty, updated version of the campy ’80s television show, this image should pretty much disabuse you of that notion.

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Comments

The tiny minds behind this project are obviously hoping for Transformers-like nostalgia-fueled success.

But what they're gonna get is more like Speed Racer.

Posted by: Jerce at October 26, 2009 6:07 PM

George Peppard fucking co-starred in Breakfast at Tiffany's. That was a mighty long fall.

Posted by: Brian at October 26, 2009 6:08 PM

Nowhere to go but up, unless, of course, they attach Michael Bay to the film.

That said, Liam Neeson makes everything better, he was the best thing in the Star Wars prequels, and while that's not saying much, I still sincerely mean that he and Ewan McGregor were genuinely entertaining in them.

Posted by: George at October 26, 2009 6:15 PM

That looks like effing Keith Urban 2nd-to-right.

Posted by: scuse me at October 26, 2009 6:43 PM

Psssst, yeah you, hipster, a-hole, the A-Team is a classic, this is just another parody.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 26, 2009 6:49 PM

lalalalalala I can't hear you.....(I have an autographed photo of the A-team. Not kidding. And I swear to god I recognized specific episodes from the brief flashes in the intro. Also, I still find Faceman recognizing the Cylon hilarious.)

Posted by: s. pisaster at October 26, 2009 6:56 PM

I want to be effin' Karl Urban right now.

I mean...what?

I never watched A-Team, but damn Liam Neeson makes everything awesome.

Posted by: figgy at October 26, 2009 6:57 PM

Wait, which one is Liam Neeson?

Posted by: BrianM at October 26, 2009 6:58 PM

Lets do quid pro quo here: Bradley Cooper ain't all that hot. I know, Squinty Zellwegger is getting her Spanx all twisted, but she can kiss my ass, cause it's true.

He couldn't hold Dirk Benedict's (Battlestar Galactica 1.0, Bitches!) jock.

Posted by: greer at October 26, 2009 6:59 PM

Sweet Jesus in Jodhpurs. What's next? A BJ and the Bear movie?

Posted by: The Wanderer at October 26, 2009 7:11 PM

At least they're not resurrecting "Manimal", "Automan" or "The Powers of Matthew Starr".... yet!

Posted by: oskar at October 26, 2009 7:45 PM

Dear Mr. Rowles,

You are cordially invited to suck it.

Thank you for your time,
ZombieScientist

Posted by: ZombieScientist at October 26, 2009 8:43 PM

I don't care how bad it may be.

Look how PRETTY Bradley is!

vroooooom.

I don't know why that inspired car-sounds, but it felt fitting.

Posted by: Gabs at October 26, 2009 9:26 PM

Fookin' prawns!

Posted by: Daniel Hall at October 26, 2009 9:40 PM

I didn't realize we had a hate-on for The A-Team now. What happened to being in thrall over the fact that Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, and Sharlto Copley are starring together in a silly action movie?

I dunno. Still sounds pretty cool to me.

Posted by: kyle at October 26, 2009 10:37 PM

Can somebody put a giant bug-zapper outside the studio? That will take care of the gnat-brained fools behind this project.

(And if they do use my idea, you just know PETA is going to camp outside with nubile naked interns and temps dressed up as mosquitos protesting it.)

Posted by: Cat at October 26, 2009 10:51 PM

Of course the show was stupid; so were the cartoons for G.I.Joe and Transformers. What's exciting is the possibility that someone might take these potentially good but as yet unredeemed stories and do something cool with them, something that's not stupid and retarded. You know, that maybe the stories would grow up too.

This image, when it surfaced, revealed poor Photoshop skills and, potentially, some familiar poor screenwriting thinking. It does indeed look as though things might be skewing spastic with this film.

The story here is that filmmakers are seemingly incapable of seeing anything more than the stupidity of the original versions for their modern remakes. Seriously? You couldn't have gotten the A-team a little further away from the original series and a little closer to say, Three Kings meets Taken?

Posted by: laredo at October 26, 2009 11:45 PM

I loved the a-team when i was a kid. i even started my own branch of the golf ball liberation army after Mad Murdoch did on one episode. what does that say, when as a child, you relate best to the crazy one?

in my hazy memories of way back then, virtually everything on tv was daft or embarassing. dukes of hazzard? magnum PI?

Posted by: idleprimate at October 27, 2009 12:27 AM

First of all, yes, I tried to watch a rerun a few years back, and I could see the brain cells leaping out of my ear. However, using the credits clip as your "evidence" was poorly thought out, because that opening is still tits.

Meanwhile, me and my mother fucking autographed Mr. T photo will be snuggling in the corner and quietly awaiting what will be an inevitably stupid but cautiously-optimistically amusing flick.

Posted by: seth at October 27, 2009 1:17 AM

Using the opening credits for your case in point was a mistake... the opening credits still give me goosebumps man... the rest of the Ateam was a silly as all hell. They always got locked up in the barn where there was welding equipment, an old car that was still strangely fixable and lots of sheet-metal to make a tank. Also the couldn't shoot for shit.. it was all just shots into the ground.

BUT then so were all the eighties shows. Million dollar man = Craptastic... and the sound effects when he had his bionic vision on? sheesh!
Knightrider? Absolutely STUPID!
Automan? The best thing about it was that little blip thing that was randy as all hell.
Dukes? Come-on! Rednecks all about! most of us would deny it in real life if we were to actually be family to these idiots.
Mcgyver? I cant get further than the mullet...

Strangely the only show that i actually still dont mind watching is actually MAgnum PI. It was a good show with good stories not dependent on some shitty technology and gimmick. Although the microscopic shorts does leave me cold.

By the way: Worst job of photoshop i have seen in a long time!

Posted by: Stofjas at October 27, 2009 2:39 AM

NeeWHAAAAA?! I loved the A-Team so much so that when I was a kid, I named all my dolls Murdoch, even the girl dolls. I then carried my love of the A-Team into my late teen years by naming my cat Murdoch. Sucktitude? I think not!

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Posted by: Kent at October 27, 2009 9:10 AM

I want to be effin' Karl Urban right now.

You and me both. Right now, or any other time. Preferably while he's dressed up as Eomer, but I'll take him any style.

Posted by: Jerce at October 27, 2009 11:22 AM

Me, thirds. I'll take the Bones version (Star Trek -1: In my pants).

Posted by: BWeaves at October 27, 2009 11:35 AM

me fourth. mmmm.... Karl Urban.

Posted by: vi at October 27, 2009 2:06 PM

They should use the dance version of the theme song from the rave episode of Spaced.

And get Nick Frost in a tight pink t-shirt in there.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at October 27, 2009 9:11 PM

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