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Gene Siskel Just Rolled Over in His Grave and Puked Out his Nose
I May Join Him / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 10, 2008 | Comments (27)

If you missed it, as you should have, Ben Lyons and Ben Mankiewicz (collectively, the Bends) debuted this past week on “At the Movies,” taking over for Richard Roeper and Roger Ebert. The show has been around now for 33 years, and though watching it always made me inexplicably bristle, seeing The Bends (who have been doing red carpet coverage and a TMZ show, respectively) in the chairs of Siskel and Ebert inspired in me a special kind of loathing. The sort of loathing that makes me want to hand-create a Golem from sewage and mud and sic it on The Bends for desecrating the memory of Gene Siskel and shitting on the chair of Roger Ebert.

33 years, folks. And now two putzes who will no doubt fellate every movie on display have taken over. Let’s see how quickly The Bends can drive it into the ground. I give it a year, tops.

Here’s a clip. Hold your breath.









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Comments

I only made it through 26 seconds.

Posted by: tamatha at September 10, 2008 11:49 AM

I'll say the same thing I said before my graduation party: If there's going to be fellatio, then I demand better-looking hosts.

Posted by: Mella at September 10, 2008 11:50 AM

What? I heard the word fellatio....

Kidding. What happened to my brain just now, though? I blacked out probably right around that 26-second mark. Ugh. No thank you.

Wait, Mella... did someone other than your parents host your grad party? 'Cause I feel like in most instances, your parents host your grad party, and that makes your comment weird...

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 10, 2008 11:57 AM

I think there's a very strong argument for some shows (or at least their titles) being retired with the hosts. "At The Movies" is one of those cases. I don't mind if these two guys have their own show where they review movies, but I'll be damned if I think they should get the benefit of that title without proving themselves first.

Then again, I thought the same thing about "The Price is Right". Maybe I'm just getting old.

And, Mella, I heartily concur.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at September 10, 2008 12:01 PM

AvB

Well, I'm from Appalachia, sooo...

Posted by: Mella at September 10, 2008 12:01 PM

As far as I'm concerned the memory of Gene Siskel was desecrated the second Richard (political appointee) Roeper sat his precious celebrity-fawning ass into it, so this really doesn't bother me at all.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 10, 2008 12:15 PM

What? I heard the word fellatio....

That must'a been a memorable night with bucdaddy, AvB.

Posted by: lordhelmet at September 10, 2008 12:18 PM

I'm surprised they let anyone that's as toolish looking as Mankiewicz on TCM. As for the collective "Bends"...I think Roger Ebert should beat the fuck out of them like he did cancer. WITH HIS BARE HANDS!

Posted by: Mike R. at September 10, 2008 12:43 PM

I think Roger Ebert should beat the fuck out of them like he did cancer. WITH HIS BARE HANDS!

Mike R., I *heart* you.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 10, 2008 12:45 PM

I totally have to agree. I watched the show and was totally disgusted. They obviously have no passion for film. They are just so bland they seem to be acting badly in a b-movie. I know that last statement may seem redundant but trust me it's not.

Posted by: tjtrooper at September 10, 2008 12:47 PM

Two Thumbs Down

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 10, 2008 12:50 PM

I say fuck this. I say fuck them. I say Dustin and Dan stage a hostile take over...or maybe a Hostel take over?

ONE FULL HOUR OF TORTURE PORN REVIEWS.

Dustin: "I started out with extremely low expectations for Eli Roth's 4 hour "epic" appropriately titled "People Getting Their Shit Fucked Up," but by the two hour mark, I have to say...it all washed away. The hate, the pain, the disgust. All that was left was arousal.

Posted by: Kevin Longrie at September 10, 2008 1:09 PM

This is part of the creeping "E-channelization" of ALL entertainment oriented programming.

What they call "synergy."

FUCK THESE TWO ASSHOLES, FUCK THEM UP THEIR DIRTY ASSES!!!!!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 10, 2008 1:13 PM

Hey Ben!
(either one, I doesn't matter)
You are playing with the big boys now. Time to stop wearing your daddy's suits from the Men's Warehouse. Or at the very least, hire a tailor.

Posted by: Ciji at September 10, 2008 1:19 PM

I used to love Sneak Previews when it was back on PBS. I used to love to watch Siskel and Ebert argue. I never watched At The Movies as I never could find it. I didn't even realize it was still on. To be honest, Pajiba fills my Sneak Previews void. I love to read you guys argue.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 10, 2008 1:24 PM

Does anyONE have an explaNATION why they both LURCH toward the camera while EMphasizing random SYLlables?

Does every entertainment talky-turd do that now? When did that become an acceptable cadence? I'm becoming old and angry.

Posted by: firedmyass at September 10, 2008 1:35 PM

I tried to watch this when it came on Sunday. Maybe it was the mixture of Pabst Blue Ribbon, grenadine and Courvoisier (which is called a Crowsnest Cousin Kisser where I come from.) that I was downing during the day while watching the football games, but I had a visceral hatred for the whole setup. The one who got the job because of his daddy doesn't know a damn thing. The other guy has movie knowledge, but the personality of a person who doesn't have much personality (the guy who does similes and metaphors is out sick today).

The worst part is taking the three other critics and slamming them into the show like it's Hardball and asking inane questions like "Is Steve Coogan the next big star?" If I wanted to hear that kind of crap, I'd watch Access Hollywood. At least you can make fun of Pat O'Brien. NUMBAH FOUR!!!!

This sucks, because I loved watching this on Sundays after dinner. I even liked Roeper. But these guys suck. I eagerly await Roeper's new show in the next couple weeks. As for this new one, they can eat a dick.

Posted by: Rubble44 at September 10, 2008 1:47 PM

Peppy fuckwads.

Posted by: Cindy at September 10, 2008 2:03 PM

If I may paraphrase In Living Colour:

I give this idea: the finger.

Posted by: TK at September 10, 2008 2:16 PM

It was Hollywood Shuffle

Posted by: Rubble44 at September 10, 2008 2:36 PM

theses are Pajiba's meta tags:

pajiba, movie reviews, current films, television, books, ebert, critics, cinema, hollywood, celebrities

(emphasis added)

Ebert may bee a hack but here sure loves the movies, these asshats are an embarrassment

Posted by: thaf at September 10, 2008 2:38 PM

You are correct, Rubble44. My bad.

In my defense, black people all look the same to me.

Posted by: TK at September 10, 2008 3:22 PM

I would find the new format laughable if it didn't make me so incredibly sad and disappointed. The success behind the show has been its simplicity and candor. We don't want flash and we don't want Access Hollywood special effects bullsh*t. It reminds me of a Christopher Guest parody from "For Your Consideration."

Posted by: Lisa at September 10, 2008 3:39 PM

Ben Lyons and Ben Mankiewicz, i feel contend that these names doesn't ring any bells to me.

Posted by: Arthur Dent at September 10, 2008 6:11 PM

I have seen Squinty Brokenosewicz on Turner Classic movies. I remain unmoved by his charms. The other guy looks like Ben Affleck spit him out. Not in a good way.

I agree that they should have retired "At the Movies" when Gene Siskel died. Ebert never should have re-married after he lost his partner.

Posted by: greer at September 10, 2008 7:21 PM

At least it's not Leonard Maltin.

Posted by: Jaci at September 10, 2008 11:12 PM

That was painful.

/Begin quote

The best DVDs in our three to see. . . .

This is your home for everything you need to know about the movies . . .

. . . it began thirty. three. years. ago.

on our show,
and our web site,
at the movies dot-com . . .

/End quote

Note to brainless putzes, their sponsors, handlers, masters and keepers. Siskel & Ebert & even Roper spoke from an intelligent appreciation of their subject matter. Enthusiasm, indeed every passion they expressed came from inside, from their experience.

Mimicking their pattern of word emphasis does not an informed opinion make. The critique carries no more weight than a parrot, well, parroting sounds to get a cracker.

Much of the "viewing public" can't tell the difference. Are these really viewers you want?

Silly me. Of course you do. They have wallets. Never mind. Carry on.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 11, 2008 4:48 AM