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Who Needs a Film With PR Like This?

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (22)

apoll18_header.jpg

There’s a quote by somebody (whom I can’t find on the magic google at the moment) that notes that the paramount achievement of capitalism will be the selling of feces in a squeezable tube with a shiny label. The makers of Apollo 18 are working really really hard on making that notion a reality. See, they’ve got a movie poster, and it’s really really neat. It’s compelling. It’s exactly the sort of science fiction film I’d like to see. Just drink in this poster:


Apollo_18_Teaser_Poster_There_A_Reason_ve_Never_Gone_Back_The_Moon_1290562391.jpg

“What’s the problem?” You may ask. Well, the film doesn’t exist. Oh, I’m not talking about it still being in the midst of cutting or filming or rewrites … no there just is no film at all. I get that found footage low budget films can be made in a few weeks, so if they want to get it right to market, they need to advertise it further in advance of the finished product than other films might, but let’s just outline what has actually been completed on this film on which they’re gearing up a promotion campaign starting with this poster:

1. They hired a director.
2. They made this poster.
3. They made a one page website.

Well shit, no wonder they’re committing to a release date only 3 months and 10 days from now, I mean this thing is in the bag. A poster AND a website! I mean yeah, there’s still all of that script writing, and casting, and filming, but come on, how much of making a film is really the whole “making the film” thing?

Congratulations, you made a movie poster on the Internet. That doesn’t make you a film maker, it makes you a commenter on Cracked.com.


(source: Cinema Blend)









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Comments

SSSSpider...

He is our hero!

SSSSpider....

Get rid of.

SSSSpider....

Step on Spidaaa!!!!

SSSSpider....

We love you, Spider.


Uhhhhhhhhhh.....


I promise not to kill you.

Posted by: Some Guy at November 24, 2010 10:06 AM

I have no idea what that They Might Be Giants song has to do with a non-existent sci-fi movie, but fuck it! I'll play along!

Istanbul was Constantinople,
Now it's Istanbul not Constantinople.
So if you've a date in Constantinople
She'll be waiting in Istanbul.

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam.
Why they changed it I can't say.
Please just liked it better that way.

So take me back to Constantinople,
No you can't go back to Constantinople.
Been a long time gone Constantinople.
Why did Constantinople get the works?
That's nobody's business but the Tuuuuuurrrrrrks.

Isssstannnnnnbuuuuuuuuulllllll.

That was fun!

Posted by: Kballs at November 24, 2010 10:23 AM

Particle Man
Particle Man
Doing the things a particle can
What's he like?
It's not important.
Particle Man.

Posted by: twig at November 24, 2010 10:37 AM

Stangely enough, the "paramount achievement of capitalism will be the selling of feces in a squeezable tube with a shiny label" has already occurred.

It happened back in the Yuppie days when a couple of back to nature Yuppies decided to live on a farm and raise sheep. They didn't know what to do with all the manure, so they canned it in one pound cans with a nice shiny label that said "Baabaa-DooDoo" and sold it other Yuppies as designer fertilizer. I'm not kidding. I remember this.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 24, 2010 10:37 AM

Isn't there another project (and I stretch when I say "another project" because I know that this project doesn't exist yet) with the very same concept?

I think the people behind this poster are just trying to get ahead and stake a claim.

Posted by: Fredo at November 24, 2010 10:38 AM

Universe man, Universe man
Size of the entire universe man
Usually kind to smaller man
Universe man

He's got a watch with a minute hand,
Millenium hand and an eon hand
When they meet it's a happy land
Powerful man, universe man

(aw. college. good times. deep inhalation. flashback.)

Posted by: cinekat at November 24, 2010 10:39 AM

I nominate this movie as first winner of the "Attention Span Theatre Awards."

I watched the poster for less than a second, and I already feel like I've seen the whole movie and I'm done with it.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 24, 2010 10:51 AM

You act like this is a new phenomenon. I was just reading about how Hammer Studios would come up with "concept" artwork (with lots of naked women) for movies that hadn't even gotten a script yet, to convince backers to invest.

Posted by: Todd at November 24, 2010 11:20 AM

Naked women huh? So where would one find these posters?

Posted by: logan at November 24, 2010 11:23 AM

...and the TMBG hit parades mares on!

I returned a bag of groceries
Accidentally taken off the shelf
Before the expiration date
I came back as a bag of groceries
Accidentally taken off the shelf
Before the date stamped on myself

Did a large procession wave their
Torches as my head fell in the basket,
And was everybody dancing on the casket?

Now it's over I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want
Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do

I will never say the word
"Procrastinate" again; I'll never
See myself in the mirror with my eyes closed
I didn't apologize for
When I was eight and I made my younger brother
Have to be my personal slave

Did a large procession wave their
Torches as my head fell in the basket,
And was everybody dancing on the casket?

Now it's over I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want
Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do

Posted by: bleujayone at November 24, 2010 11:44 AM

Hey now everybody now
Hey now everybody
Hey now everybody now!

Posted by: Jim Doggie at November 24, 2010 12:07 PM

My name is Dr. Worm.
Good morning. How are you? I'm Dr. Worm.
I'm interested in things.
I'm not a real doctor,
But I am a real worm;
I am an actual worm.
I live like a worm.
I like to play the drums.
I think I'm getting good,
But I can handle criticism.
I'll show you what I know,
And you can tell me if you think I'm getting better on the drums.
I'll leave the front un-locked 'cause I can't
Hear the doorbell
When I get into it I can't tell if you are
Watching me twirling the stick.
When I give the signal, my friend
Rabbi Vole will pay the solo
Some day somebody else besides me will
Call me by my stage name, they will
Call me Dr Worm.
Good Morning how are you, I'm Dr Worm
I'm interested in things.
I'm not a real doctor,
But I am a real worm;
I am an actual worm.
I live like a worm.
I like to play the drums.
I think I'm getting good,
But I can handle criticism.
I'll show you what I know,
And you can tell me if you think I'm getting better on the drums.
I'm not a real doctor,
But they call me Dr. Worm.

Posted by: meh at November 24, 2010 12:36 PM

I found a new friend,
underneath my pillow...

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at November 24, 2010 12:45 PM

I look like Jesus, so they say
But Mr. Jesus is very far away
Now you're the only one here
who can tell me if it's true
That you love me and I love me

Posted by: gunstreetgirl at November 24, 2010 3:46 PM

Blue bird of happiness
like a guardian angle it's
always near...

blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
who watches over you
Make a little birdhouse in your soul
Not to put to fine a point on it
say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
Make a little birdhouse in your soul

Posted by: Alarmjaguar at November 24, 2010 4:59 PM

MINIMUM WAAAAAAAGE!
YEAH!!!
[whip crack]
[elevator music]

Posted by: superasente at November 24, 2010 5:02 PM

You're not the boss of me.
Life is unfair.

Posted by: Shane at November 24, 2010 5:17 PM

What the fuck, people? Stop quoting songs from "Flood"!

Also, John and John do not approve this movie.

Posted by: Jay at November 24, 2010 7:11 PM

Yes....Some Guy knew what was up. I guess we can all find common ground sometimes.

Posted by: Jay at November 24, 2010 7:12 PM

Didn't Roger Corman say the two most important things for AIP were the title and the poster?

Looks like these guys got 'em.

Hell, at this point the script just writes itself.

Posted by: Pat C. at November 25, 2010 2:58 AM

We're in a road movie to Berlin
Can't drive out the way we drove in
So sneak out this glass of bourbon
And we'll go

We were once so close to heaven
Peter came out and gave us medals
Declaring us the nicest of the damned

Time won't find the lost
It'll sweep up our skeleton bones
So take the wheel and I will take the pedals

We're in a road movie to Berlin
Can't drive out the way we drove in
So sneak out this glass of bourbon
And we'll go

Posted by: Kahntahmp at November 25, 2010 3:15 AM

Fingertips, Jay. Fingertips.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at November 29, 2010 2:26 PM