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Another Of Cinema's Classics Is Getting Remade: I'll Never Forget You, Chopping Mall

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (17)

chopping-mall-07.jpg

The youngsters among you may not remember the heyday of 80’s horror, when it felt like every 30 minutes we were getting a new, ridiculously silly horror movie. Terrible acting, low production values, gratuitous nudity and feathered hair abounded. Sure, the movies are incredibly tame by today’s standards, but there was a strange joy that I always associated with 80’s horror.

So of course, let’s do some remakin’! This time around, Variety is reporting that Dry County Entertainment is remaking the Roger Corman shlocky classic Chopping Mall, one of my favorite bad movies. Robert Hall will direct, as well as co-write the script with Kevin Bocarde. The original was about a shopping mall that enlisted high-tech robots instead of mall security cops, and of course the robots malfunction and EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE. Because obviously the first to get high tech super robot guardians will be a fucking shopping mall.

Coulda used some of them this past weekend, amirite?

Oddly, this time around there will somehow be supernatural elements incorporated. Magical robots? One can but hope, children. Regardless, for your Monday morning pleasure, I give you all of the death scenes from Chopping Mall:









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Comments

So let me get this straight: The mall spent millions of dollars on malfunctioning high-tech robots for security but wouldn't lay out $100 on a Roomba* to mop the floors? Who was running that mall, the U.S. government?

*--Oh, sure, I know they didn't have Roombas in the 1980s, but 1) I didn't want to let the facts get in the way of a one-liner, and B) I'm pretty sure they didn't have killer destructo robots for security in shopping malls in the 1980s either.

Posted by: , at November 28, 2011 12:12 PM

blasphemy! the subtle genius of the original shall never be rekindled!

Posted by: beet salad at November 28, 2011 12:12 PM

I didn't know you could show boobs on Youtube. That video is not very work-friendly in that first minute. A word of warning for all you other working Pajibans-- I'd start at the minute mark.

Posted by: JP at November 28, 2011 12:37 PM

Am I correct in assuming that this particular shopping mall has a higher than usual percentage of lingerie and bikini shops? The header picture would seem to bear that theory out.

I looked up the movie on IMDb for fun and learned "that shopping can cost you an arm and a leg" AND that the female lead was also in a movie called Slayground. Whenever I see the cast list for something like this, or a random extra gets a close up in a movie, I wonder, "So was this your BIG SHOWBIZ MOMENT?". Did your whole family erupt with excitement when they saw you on screen? Did you think it was your stepping stone to a big future. So many dreams, so few steady acting jobs.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 28, 2011 12:50 PM

This movie will forever have a warm place in my heart...but not as Chopping Mall, but rather from Saturday afternoons of my youth between ages 9 and 13 when it was on basic cable at least a dozen times under the alternate title Killbots...much like Gleaming the Cube was always playing on the same channel as A Brother's Justice or some shit. Is it cheaper to title it under the alternate name???

Posted by: PissBoy at November 28, 2011 1:44 PM

Is no Roger Corman film sacred? Leave well enough alone. They will never improve upon the hilariously bad original without writing a brand new story.

Posted by: Robert at November 28, 2011 1:49 PM

I miss the 80s. Not because the 80s was good, but because I was a kid and had no responsibilities and could spend my time watching movies like Chopping Mall. Good times, man, good times.

Heavy sigh.

Posted by: MM at November 28, 2011 2:00 PM

That film score was filled with WIN.

Posted by: Rest In Peace at November 28, 2011 2:01 PM

The best part about Chopping Mall was that people were killed as couples. If one died, the other was doomed, and damned quickly. I like my mall based horror movies to have a nice sense of grouping.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at November 28, 2011 2:24 PM

figgy loves the Chopping Mall. She likes the free samples.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at November 28, 2011 3:04 PM

Zombie-robot hybrids? They could be working at Macy's...

Posted by: Jerry at November 28, 2011 3:46 PM

I didn't know you could show boobs on Youtube. That video is not very work-friendly in that first minute.

So many gory death scenes are okay, but a brief topless shot isn't?

You work for the [expletive deleted] MPAA, don't you?

Posted by: Jast at November 28, 2011 4:13 PM

How the heck did the robots manage to sneak up on so many people while playing that jaunty little synth tune?

Posted by: Craig at November 28, 2011 6:03 PM

So the robots have advanced pulse weapons that can obliterate humans, and yet they can barely talk or turn their heads? Oh Roger, you so silly.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at November 28, 2011 9:25 PM

and yet they can barely talk or turn their heads?
---
Oh, wait, you meant the ROBOTS.

Posted by: , at November 28, 2011 11:55 PM

I remember this as Killbots, too. Probably saw it on the Sci-Fi Channel waaaaaay back in the day. I'm pretty sure my preteen self thought it was awesome.

Posted by: Mattfactor at November 29, 2011 8:21 AM

Just gonna stand there and watch her burn...

Posted by: Mr. Big at November 29, 2011 12:53 PM