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Another Go with G.I. Joe

By William Goss | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (16)

GI-Joe-Poster-Top.jpg

Confession: I didn’t entirely hate G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. For me, that blissfully brainless Paris pursuit right in the middle of it made up for the supremely stupid shit on either end of it (ice that sinks?!). And America, as is so often the case, wasn’t asking for much either, turning out to see it to the tune of $150 million domestic (the furriners helped round it off to a nice $300 million, because they too like to see the Eiffel Tower get fucked up).

Naturally, Hollywood isn’t so quick to call it quits on anything that makes that much moolah. Earlier this year, it was announced that the duo behind last fall’s Zombieland would be scripting the sequel (with any luck, they’ll get their clever in our stupid), and earlier this week, it was rumored that success would not go messed with and Stephen Sommers would be back in the director’s chair to keep the big booms constant.

Sommers has a workmanlike quality to his cheese, whether for better (the first Mummy, Deep Rising) or worse (the second Mummy, Van Helsing), and it’d be a relatively safe move for this, a freakin’ toy-based franchise. I take comfort that if I didn’t entirely hate the first one, the studios are making every effort to ensure that I might not entirely hate this one either.

Americans: like I said, we don’t ask for much.

(Source: The Wrap)









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Comments

Ugh. The first movie was a goddamn disaster. It made Revenge of the Fallen look good in camparison, and that movie is nearly a war crime. Is Channing Tatum and his patented acting style of emoting like a corpse going to be featured again?

Posted by: TylerDFC at August 4, 2010 9:19 AM

"Its a Delta-6 Accelerator Suit."

"What's it accelerate?"

"Your desire to get the fuck outta this theater."

Posted by: D-Day at August 4, 2010 9:32 AM

Rachel Weisz as Baroness and I'm triple sold

Posted by: arrrghzi at August 4, 2010 9:35 AM

G.I. Joe 2: The Withering of the Trouser Snake.

Posted by: admin at August 4, 2010 10:00 AM

"You & what army?"
"This one."

WORST ACTING.

And if it couldn't be more obvious, the whole point of GIJoe is LOTS of Joes & Cobras in garish costumes & illogical vehicles. GIJoe is Barbecue, Shipwreck, & the Dreadnoks, not a handful of dudes in black leather & their sweet van.

Posted by: the new transported man at August 4, 2010 10:10 AM

I like G.I. Joe. It was quick and pointless but exciting. I wish they had more of that this summer. Can't wait for the next one

Posted by: Candy at August 4, 2010 11:02 AM

I'm an American and I'd like more. To be specific more movies that dont completely suck.

Posted by: logan at August 4, 2010 11:04 AM

^To piggyback on that, the point of the Joes was to take the best, most talented individuals from every part of the military and allow them to use their special talents accordingly. I really see no reason to have, say, Reccondo, out on an icepack, or to have Bazooka deep sea diving.

Both Transformers and G.I. Joe failed, among many, many other reasons, because they either introduced vehicles and characters which were not canon, or introduced them in such a way they didn't look like those things fanboys like myself grew up with. Why go to the trouble to create an entirely new Cobra airplane when you already have perfectly good Cobra Condor? Who wouldn't have loved to have seen a Trouble Bubble? The appeal of the show, to me at least, was seeing Hasbro's vehicles integrated. Sure it was nothing more than a marketing ploy to sell more toys, but wasn't the point of the show in the first place? At least the TV show was smart enough to understand that while ninja are cool, they can't win a war single-handedly. They let the soldiers do the fighting. The Rise of Cobra seemed like a ninja-fest to me.

I really don't understand who this movie was intended for. You name the film "G.I. Joe" to draw in the fans, give us about 10 names we remember from the past, then introduce a whole bunch of new people and vehicles we've never seen or heard of before. AND there isn't a Cobra Commander. Why would we want to see your non-G.I. Joe G.I. Joe movie? Especially when it is so poorly acted and scripted, and has a Wayans in it? I didn't pay to see it, wisely choosing to toss you a buck from the Red Box instead. Even then, I wanted my money back.

Posted by: EJ at August 4, 2010 11:15 AM

The last act of any GIJoe movie needs to consist solely of crosscutting a handful of separate missions, so Snow Job kicking it in the tundra & yelling at kids, dudes on night recon, Tunnel Rat...in a tunnel, Recondo & Stalker on some jungle warfare, Wild Bill flying around, that kinda stuff. Instead we got (shitty) Duke underwater & Black Airborne flying a plane. UR DOING IT WRONG

Posted by: the new transported man at August 4, 2010 11:59 AM

I just want one of them to tell a group of kids, "I'm a computer."

Posted by: e at August 4, 2010 12:32 PM

Another example of bad-sequelitis. I mean the original "Team America" was genius, then they release the second one just to cash in. Along with the egregious title change (G. I. Joe, what the hell is that?) the second film had none of the nuance of the original, even abandoning the marionettes for CGI. Now, they want to make a third? Fuck no, I say!

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at August 4, 2010 1:46 PM

The guys behind Zombieland also wrote the very funny "Joe Schmo Show". I propose they make the sequel "G.I. Joe Schmo". They take one guy who thinks he's being assigned to a super-secret specialized international military force. Everyone else is an actor acting just as stupid as the characters from the first movie. Hilarity ensues.

Posted by: muchsarcasm at August 4, 2010 1:49 PM

It made Revenge of the Fallen look good in comparison, and that movie is nearly a war crime.

I may actually have to see G.I. Joe now because Revenge of the Fallen was so stupendously, mind-bogglingly awful it was almost art.

Posted by: twig at August 4, 2010 1:57 PM

Well, I guess it is time for insurance dues. Give Quaid a job!

Posted by: DeckOfficer!! at August 4, 2010 2:09 PM

whether for better (the first Mummy, Deep Rising) or worse (the second Mummy, Van Helsing),

The three main mistakes with The Mummy Returns in order of importance:

3) Annoying little kid
2) CGI Scorpion Rock
1, A, Alpha, Omega, Preamble, Prologue, Prequel) RACHEL WEISZ WITHOUT THE HOT LIBRARIAN GLASSES AND TIGHT WHITE SHIRT.

As far as G.I. Joe: while Revenge of the Fallen was epically bad, I was at least prepared to accept that people would like it and I could hate them safely. But GI JOE. I just, I couldn't understand WHY my loved ones insisted it was anything more than garbage. I blame myself. I should have forced them to read the Devil's Due series. I should have made them see.

"THIS IS HOW YOU DO GI JOE STOP GIVING MARLON WAYANS MORE ATTENTION I HATE YOU ALL WHERE DID ALL THE BLOOD COME FROM"

*sigh*

Suffice it to say, I did not appreciate the film. Even with Sienna Miller playing Fetish Fuel Station Attendant Baroness (which, under normal circumstances, would have made me do things to myself that I am sure are illegal in modern civilazation).

Posted by: Vermillion at August 4, 2010 3:12 PM

I heard they tricked Sienna Miller into signing on by telling her "G.I." stood for "General Intercourse".

Posted by: D-Day at August 4, 2010 3:22 PM