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OK, Calm Down, It Was Just A Bird. You Don't Control The Birds. You Will Some Day, But Not Today.

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (13)

angry-birds-cheats-and-tips-screenshot.jpg

Filed under: “At first I was surprised, but then, oh, of fucking course”

Those of you who are iPhone zombies like me have probably heard of, if not played, the iPhone and iPad game “Angry Birds.” It’s painfully simple and from what I understand, relentlessly addictive. Basically, you have a slingshot, and you catapult various birds at different structures and try to knock them down to get to the pigs within. Yeah. Mrs. TK is insanely addicted to it, and keeps trying to get me to download it. Thus far, I’ve refused because a) I already have enough things to suck up my time and b) I only play video games where I can shoot, stab, or disembowel other creatures. I need my games to reflect my real life.

Um. Anyway. The game has sold roughly a gajabshillion copies, and Finnish game developer Rovio wants to conquer the world move into movies, television, games and who knows what else with it. Mikael Hed, the… uh… head of Rovio Mobile says they want to turn it into essentially a global icon, and envisions a movie animated by the likes of Aardman Animation, the wonderful crazy people behind “Wallace and Gromit.”

I don’t know how realistic an idea it is, given that by the time a movie is written, cast, re-written, re-cast, and actually created, it’s likely that the world will have forgotten about “Angry Birds” altogether. Not to mention that it’s not exactly a story-rich concept. Plus, IT’S A FUCKING MOVIE BASED ON A FUCKING IPHONE APP, YOU STUPID COCKMONKEY!!

Ahem. A thousand pardons. Here’s the trailer for the game, created by Rovio:

Melted a hole in your brain, didn’t it.

(source: Slashfilm)









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Comments

The word "Cockmonkey" is right up there with "Sumbitch" on my list of words I need to use in conversation more.

Posted by: A-schaef at August 25, 2010 9:02 AM

WOWOWOWOW“....！！！~~~~ M i x e d M a t c h i n g 。。c 00o m ~~~ which is a hot community for whites and blacks to find their interracial love.,there has been thousands of single members online and many black and white single girls or guys waitting for you maybe you will like it.

Posted by: Mike lee at August 25, 2010 9:04 AM

Can we please stop feigning outrage at these things?

A cartoon based on an I-Phone app is no different than Pac-Man the cartoon, or Transformers. I mean, shit, Barkley the dog came from a commercial. Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie?

Yes. It's stupid, but there is nothing to get outraged over.

There is nothing new here.

Posted by: Brian at August 25, 2010 9:08 AM

I've got to get started on my Plant vs. Zombies script. Strike while the iron is hot!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at August 25, 2010 9:23 AM

I won't lie, I'm absolutely addicted to this game. But so is Joel McHale. So I will just slip into a dream world where we attend this film together and it doesn't suck.

As for stabbing/disemboweling creatures, I feel equal rage against those smarmy pigs when I play this game. If playing alone at home, I have been known to scream, "WHY WON'T YOU DIE, YOU SCUM-SUCKING PIGFUCKS?!"

Posted by: Patty O'Green at August 25, 2010 9:38 AM

The third world on game 1 (the desert) is an absolute whore but I can't stop. It took me over an hour to beat the stage with the damn pig in the stone train. Addictive is not the word for it. I haven't been this wrapped up in a puzzle game since Tetris on the original Gameboy so many moons ago. There are hundreds of stages, and it costs a buck. It's better than most games that cost $60. I'm sure it is only a matter of time until the Wii conversion.

Incidentally, what do you call your various birds? I liken mine to aircraft. The yellow are kamikaze, blue are fighters, eggs are obviously bombers, bombs are, well, bombs, and the red are mostly useless. They don't even have a special power, ugh.

But how I hate, HATE it when the little pigs smile and chuckle when I have failed to vanquish them. Smug egg thieving bastards. I'll get you next time, Gadget! Next time!

Posted by: TylerDFC at August 25, 2010 9:54 AM

I don't have time for stupid shit like this. The game OR the movie. Comic book movies, video game movies, iPhone ap movies ... call me when they start making movies for adults again.

Posted by: , at August 25, 2010 10:03 AM

Driving me nuts - what's the origin of the header quote?

Posted by: S.K. at August 25, 2010 10:24 AM

S.K., it's from the episode of "The Simpsons" where they go to Little Pwagmattasquarmsettport, and Lisa freaks out about seagulls.

Posted by: TK at August 25, 2010 10:26 AM

Of course. Everything I can't quite place is from the Simpsons.

Posted by: S.K. at August 25, 2010 10:30 AM

I kind of enjoyed the animation style of that. It reminded me of a brighter, more colorful version of Limbo (the game, not the purgatorial place).

Still won't buy the game or watch the movie.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at August 25, 2010 10:46 AM

I would prefer to see a Goodfeathers movie.

Posted by: Raab at August 25, 2010 7:53 PM

Melted a whole in your brain, didn’t it.

TK, I hate to be a grammar nazi (I totally don't, really), but you need to look at this and think about what you've done.

Also, I wouldn't watch an Angry Birds movie if Rovio hired Christina Hendricks to give me a blowjob in the theater.

/slaps sense into self for next few hours

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 25, 2010 9:09 PM