Pajiba

That's really unfortunate. A life too brief.

Arg. I loved Lorne. This sucks.

R.I.P. Andy. You'll be missed.

Another dead 33 year old, I feel depressed.

AUGGH! I am such a loser. *ALR*

Wow.

He had so much talent that was showcased really well on that show. Sad day.

WTF?!?! Crap!

And... I'm a little creeped out that he's the second 33yo to pass in the last week. Did I mention I'm also 33? Headed to the Dr. tomorrow...

No! This makes me incredibly sad.

R.I.P Mr. Hallett.

Mm.

My grandmother died this morning. I've been hit with a pretty serious case of strep throat/bronchitis, which means I'm too sick to fly (to Jamaica) to go the funeral. I was surprised to find that I was relieved. I'm more of the type to wallowing in the dread, and I did not expect this to be an exception.

Or, are my eyes dewy because all attempts to keep her happy and out of harm were decimated by caretakers who were more interested in lining their pockets with our cash than keeping a bedridden woman safe in her own home? Oh, they took free reign over the manse, but all groundskeeping duties were conveniently forgotten.

Phone calls, phone calls. Need money for this, just sent that, ran out of this. This broke, that was faulty, this dried up too quickly. This was mismanaged, we have no more to give, you have to, try to, try this, she's on her way out, she's better, she's crying, she's hungry, need more, it's gone. She's dead.

The woman who had taken them in, and cared for them was repaid with festering bed sores and dehydration, sometimes not being fed for days on end. Wailing in pain-- to no avail.

I'm young, my health has always been a touch shaky, and we lived a sea apart. Whenever I saw her, I only felt as if I was doing it just to desert her again. I deserted her in life, I'm about to do it in death, and I'm filled with a self-loathing that has me unknowable to myself. I couldn't have done more, but I should have done more.

At the end, when my sins are being tallied up, am I going to fall on the credit or debit side? I sense that I'm within kissing distance of knowing the answer to this 'something'. But cowardice tells me that it's a something better left unknown.

It must be that the judgement is already surrounding me, right now in my empty apartment. That I could live in the largest city in the country, and know--without pause for fact-checking--there is not a person in the city close enough to me to know or care about this.

I did that all by myself, didn't I? So much for the healing powers of the ivory tower.

It was a long life, though. The good years outweighed the bad. I hope she forgives me, but it's not something she owes me.

This is life. So it goes.

My sympathies for your loss Jo.

Holy shit. Lorne was one of my favourite characters on Angel, thanks in large part to the humour and humanity Andy injected into a less than human character.

Sometimes fate just sucks.

I'm very sorry for your loss Jo.

All this death sucks. I never watched Angel, but 33 is just too young to go no matter who you are.

I have sad. :(

Jo 'Mama', for a minute you sounded like the voice in the back of my head... I recognize your pain in the largest city in the country which is also the loneliest.

I'm so sorry for your grandmother's suffering and I hope you believe she's at peace in a better place. I'm so sorry for your pain, too. I hope you forgive yourself.

Oh, and Jo Mama, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss as well.

Blech.

And what sucks even more is that the second season (or third, fourth or fifth) aren't on HULU yet, so we can't post clips of him. I don't think there are many on Youtube.

Let us all do the Dance of Mourning!

Oh gosh Jo, I feel your pain. Know that you are not alone in this, even if it feels like the walls are echoing with your loss. It's reached across to all of us. And your words are so beautiful and well put, they touch me in a way you can't know. People are cruel but humanity prevails. I don't know if you believe in an afterlife of any kind, but I truly believe your grandmother lives on in another place, in another form, and is free from all the bullshit and pain this world put her through.

Small comfort I know.

And Lorne was one of the best things about Angel. Another life cut down too early. Damn.

I'm very sad to hear about Andy Hallett.

I saw him at several conventions and events, he was always a fun guest. Even if his stories tended to ramble off in all directions, they were always funny. And hearing him sing was such a pleasure.

I remember the time he borrowed my calculator to work out how many hours he'd spent in the makeup chair for one season of Angel (36, if anyone's asking. And he hated every one of them!) And when, for no obvious reason, he threw his shoes into the audience while singing on stage at a con. I believe there may have been drink taken ..... ;-)

Goodbye, Andy. You will be missed.

Jo, my Grandmother was diagnosed with cancer last summer and a week later my husband was diagnosed with a tumor in his spine that made his left leg completely useless. While my mom took a leave of absence from work to live with my grandparents and take care of her dying mother for 40 days I was in my house taking care of a 29 year old husband that couldn't get off the sofa for 4 weeks. I saw my Grandmother once while she was sick and I lived 2 blocks from her. She died on October 4th and on October 5th my husband went in for spinal surgery. I will feel guilty for the rest of my life for not being with her more and not doing more for my Mom while she was losing her own mother. But I know that wherever she is now she is proud of the way I took care of my husband even if I couldn't take care of her. Because that was the way she rolled. I am sure your grandmother forgives you; because I am sure that my grandmother forgives me too.

Wow, it is sad that until now I had never seen him without his makeup. His acting is even more impressive now that I realize how young he was when he played Loren, he came off as so wordly and wise. Very sad.

Well since everyone else is getting it off their chests, I might as well.

One of the reasons Ms. Pink's death haunted me so is because I'm dating someone I truly love. Someone who has an inescapable genetic history of cancer. Generation after generation it's claimed someone on her mother's side of the family, and her mother was the latest victim in 2006. Only in her 40's (if I remember correctly, I feel bad for not remembering) she had fought for a little over ten years, before sadly being defeated. My girlfriend refers to it as "the elephant", sitting there waiting and watching. It's been there since she was born, and she swears that she never wants to have a daughter, so she will never have to inherit this curse.

Lately, we've been a little strained in our relationship due to the fact that she has to work so damn much (she's a "retail slave", her words) and this agitates my insecurities because I'm just that insecure. One night we talked, and it sounded like she was casting doubt on our relationship. My stress was getting piled onto her stress, and she felt like it may not work, but there was still hope.

Ever since that night, I've been trying to work on my own nervous habits and accept her absence not as a sign of unhappiness, but as a sign of her job just being difficult. I have to say, I'm doing well so far but I still have a couple miles to go.

In any event, I am actively in love with someone who could be taken away in a blink if we're not careful and vigilant. And it scares the shit out of me to think that in my 40's I could possibly be a widower, raising children by myself (who, coupled with my family's history of diabetes, would probably be genetically double fucked), and wishing to anyone who'll listen that she'd come back. If I could, I'd fight the very cancer that waits to strike and make sure it never rears its fucking head. Because I love her, and have loved her ever since we met eleven years ago.

Death sucks, but at the same time it helps us appreciate life that much more. For now, I'm looking forward to her birthday and our anniversary (which are about a week apart) and I'm hoping that when the time comes we're strong enough to fight with all of our strength. Sorry for your loss Ms. Besser, and may the souls of Mr. Hallett, and (naturally) Ms. Pink find peace.

Right now, I'm at a point in my life where I'm really scared and anxious about what comes next, and I probably shouldn't be. But in any case, it's nice to know you guys are here to help take the edge off of life.

Jo, My sympathies. Please don't beat yourself up too hard. You seem a thoughtful and sensitive and decent human being, and if we can sense that, clearly the people you are close to should know that as well, and understand.

You remind me that my aunt (the one whose husband, my Uncle Andy, died earlier this year) has asked me to hold her power of attorney. I hope to God that if/when the need arises I will be a much better custodian of her life than the fuckers who mistreated your grandmother. I'd better be, cause there's a special place in hell for those who abuse the helpless elderly, right next door to the place reserved for child molesters.

Lorne is why I drink sea breezes. I was watching Angel, and when he described the ingredients, I thought to myself, "that sounds mighty tasty." When I can get one with fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice, that's like the tiniest slice of heaven. And Lorne was definitely a highlight of that show. Too, too young to die.

Jo - I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother.

Man, so far, 2009 really fucking blows. Obama presidency aside, the first 3 months of this year have been about as fun as swollen, infected hemorrhoids, plus Donald Trump. And yeah, I know that's redundant.

I'm just now reading other comments, which basically say the same thing I just did. So it's not just me... didn't think so.

Amazing.

Well-i-chy, well-i-chy, well-i-chy! It is a fecund and brimming, sagging orchard, this space. I feel the support of it underneath me, steaming and pulsing with the breath of a bond I feel here, which, though familiar, is born anew, again and again. I'm so glad that stumbled upon this sceptr'ed isle (as it were) some four years ago, and I'm so thankful that you've sent your kindness to the tiny lady in the big city. It is truly appreciated.

Maybe we're 'just' a community of bitches and gossips, but damn it, I-am-gunna '...make the babbling gossip of the air / Cry out 'Pajiba-Ville!'

So, um...Excelsior, right? I'm trying to do levity, here.

This is a very difficult period, but I feel the power of your words of comfort, and I thank you, thank-you, thank-you. And, know this: those fiends will reap the black harvest that is our vengeance if they come crying to anyone in this TIME ZONE for Loonie One ever again!

I will never forget the felicitious consideration showcased here today-- made all the more heartening knowing that it's from coming from strangers. Dustin's right: Spectacular People. Truly.

Stay Well, Friends.
Ever Your Own,
-M.M.

"cause there's a special place in hell for those who abuse the helpless elderly, right next door to the place reserved for child molesters."

and for people who talk at the movies...

I'm sorry for your loss, Mama. But just remember: Karma is a bitch and the people who neglected your grandmother will get their comeuppance.

I remember being with my mom and aunt, watching my grandfather take his last breath (it ain't nothin like in the movies, that's for DAMN sure) and thinking, I don't know if I could stand it if it were my mom or dad lying there. But the very next thought was that ... at least he's no longer in pain.

And that helped - I hope you know that your grandma is no longer in pain, and no longer suffering. And that she wouldn't blame you...

Amen, Stella. My sister lost her husband to leukemia over ten years ago, and while it was awful to watch her suffer (and suffer myself, for I loved the guy), at least she had a great ten years with him. I'd be happy to endure that kind of pain if it meant I could be with someone I love, at least for a little bit.

This news is so sad--I adored Lorne. And Andy was so young! This week sucks.

Death, if you really need another soul that badly, I have an asshole cousin who's a total waste of space and a blight on humanity--take him, would you, instead of all these nice young folks with so much to live for?