An Open Letter from ABC to the People They Respect Least in the World: "Happy Endings" Viewers
Now we know those shows are not as good as "Happy Endings," but hey! America loves dumb things, and we have to value and respect dumb people because, you know, they pay the bills. So we took "Happy Endings" off the air for a month or so, long enough for you to forget about it, and we've decided to move the show to Friday, where we're going to air two episodes a night for a few weeks. JUST FOR YOU.
Look: We know it's super inconvenient for viewers, and honestly, we're surprised a the few of you who do watch have stuck with the show this long (suckers!). But here's what we want to you to do: We want you to stay home next Friday night and watch "Happy Endings." Because only you, the viewer, can save our best sitcom from cancelation. Oh, sure, sure: We could do it. I mean, we have that power. In fact, it'd be pretty easy to do. And sure, we could put it in a better time slot, and maybe stop moving it around the schedule, and make it easier for you to keep up with it, and actually demonstrate a little good faith effort toward the funniest show on our slate. But we want you to work for it, because we're sadistic assholes. And listen: If enough of you stick around and watch both episodes and tell all your friends (i.e., promote the show for us), we might keep it around another year. Sure, we'll probably cut the budget and episode order in half, and air it intermittently throughout the year on different nights, but we might keep it. THAT'S HOW MUCH WE LOVE YOU.
In fact, to demonstrate our faith in this show, we're going to support it with this 15-second commercial that we'll probably air twice during local newscast. YOU'RE WELCOME.
"Save Happy Endings." Or don't. Whatever.