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America's Favorite Televangelist, Joel Osteen, Inadvertently Tweets that the Path to True Friendship is in Hand Jobs

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | November 1, 2013 | Comments ()


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Ass play is optional, but encouraged.

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(The tweet has since been deleted (via Gawker))


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Gossipthat

    Oh wow, I see what he deleted this, lol

  • BlackRabbit

    For some reason I thought this was the kid from Two &1/2 Men's blabbering again.

  • mairimba

    PHRASING!

  • This asshole has invaded my FB feed. A bunch of my relatives apparently think he's the bee's knees. Fortunately FB allows you to block messages by the Joel Osteen "Ministries" so I did not have to actually block any of my loved ones.

  • emmalita

    Hmmmmm....my grandmother has been encouraging me to listen to Osteen for years. She seemed to think it would help me find a husband. I guess she was right.

  • bastich

    Being that I'm my own best friend, I've been putting Pastor Osteen's advice to heavy practice...especially while looking at pictures of his wife online, oddly enough.

  • I don't know. On the scale of kinkiness, a handjob is just above heavy petting for me. Sure, you've got my favorite toy in your hand, but you're not doing anything I couldn't do for myself -- and often, do better.

    But I'm sure that's higher in the Osteen household.

  • Jiffylush

    I have never had a handjob, fortunately I tend to hang out with women who have working mouths and vaginas. /rimshot

    To be honest it seems like it would be a little awkward, especially if it there isn't other stuff going on at the same time (kissing, whatever).

  • Slobby79

    9th grade was super lonely for you

  • Legally Insignificant

    The fact that the first sentence goes vaginas-period-rimshot makes me feel icky inside.

  • e jerry powell

    The Full Oral package. (As distinct from the Oral-B plan.)

  • I've said that about handjobs for years. It's also the same with making sandwiches.

  • bastich

    If ever there was a pair of activities that begged for a "please wash your hands before returning to work" sign between them, it's this one.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Praise be unto him who finisheth thy neighbour an friend with The Holy Fap. Forget not the application of the divine lubricant being so thine confidant doth not feel as though his holy Member is being caressed by an orbital sander.

    Amen.

  • TheAggroCraig

    "And the King will answer them 'Truly, I say to you, as you did for one of the least of these my brothers, you did it for me.'"

    Ewwwwwwwwww

  • bastich

    Is that from the Book of Onan?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Let the heathen spill theirs on the dusty ground.
    God shall make them pay for each sperm that can't be found.

  • Jim

    Do you have to pay for each individually or is there some sort of discount scheme for multiple? Who's gonna drop just one?

    Oh, and how about a gift with purchase? You know: "I had to buy this hand-job, it came with a CD?"

  • e jerry powell

    Or "you came with a CD." We have to watch our semantics.

  • Pawesl

    He did that on purpose.

  • ryallen

    handjobs are great. friendship or not.

  • BlackRabbit

    Do as you would have done unto you.

  • e jerry powell

    I'm generous like that. It's a point of pride.

  • He's right though - I've yet to encounter any mistake that couldn't be solved with a hand job.

  • Wōđanaz Óðinn

    Michele Bachmann should have ended her existence in a handjob.
    It's what the lord would have wanted.

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