Alvin and the Chipmunks 3D News

Make Peace With Your Gods

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (19)

SHIT HELL COCK BALLS CRAPCUNTHELLFUCK!

Figured I’d get that out of the way.

Listen, there isn’t a fucking prayer that I’d ever even consider thinking about imagining seeing a movie about Alvin and the Chipmunks. They were gratingly annoying when I was six, and now they’re so bad that whenever I see or hear one of the ads, I feel like getting a rape kit done on my ears. When I heard that the second movie was being called The Squeekquel, I dug a hole, went next door, hit my neighbor with a tack hammer and then buried him alive. I just needed someone to suffer. That’s what Alvin and the Chipmunks will drive a man to.

So of course there will be a third one.

And of course it will be in 3-D.

And then, after it is released, we will all be consumed in flames. Even those who didn’t see it. Even those who never want to see it. Because for there to be THREE Chipmunks movies, well, we as a species no longer deserve our place on this planet.

So there you have it. No word on script or director or whatever, but I assume that since they continue to earn vulgar amounts of money at the box office, the cast will return. Which means Jason Lee will continue to debase himself. Whoever writes this, I almost pity. I mean, how do you even look in the mirror? Are you ashamed to admit to your parents what you do for a living? There are probably meth-addicted deviants who let people poo in their mouths for quarters who are more proud of their life’s work.

Also, I’m going to start saving right now for Bedhead’s legal fees, because you know she’s gonna kill someone after seeing this.

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Comments

Obviously, David Cross's outrageous coke habit is to blame for all of this.

Posted by: Withnail at March 11, 2010 11:44 AM

"There are probably meth-addicted deviants who let people poo in their mouths for quarters who are more proud of their life’s work."

That hurts man. I've been charging a buck since January 1.

Posted by: Groundloop at March 11, 2010 11:47 AM

Earthquakes + third Chipmunks movie = End Times

Posted by: MM at March 11, 2010 11:49 AM

I will happily contribute to the FREE BEDHEAD fund if she kills whatever lowlife exec OK'd this.

Posted by: figgy at March 11, 2010 11:52 AM

I bet it premieres on December 21, 2012.

Posted by: mswas at March 11, 2010 11:53 AM

Christ, I think this may be the first article to make me laugh and hate the world at the same time. Also, start doubling that defense fund, 'cause I'm joining her. We will drive our cars through the playgrounds before the mothers, and we will look into the faces of despair and we will laugh at their suffering. NO ONE WILL BE SPARED. PRAY YOUR DIE FIRST.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at March 11, 2010 12:00 PM

Here's the first $20 tossed into the bounty's kitty; Now bring me the head of Regency Enterprises!!!

And bring me....the Bore Worms!!!

Posted by: bleujayone at March 11, 2010 12:08 PM

The Chipmunks III? Great! You know, after the first two, I ws wondering if the entire story had been told. Now that they're going to finish up the epic scope of......crap, my face just melted.

Posted by: mrcreosote at March 11, 2010 12:08 PM

I think the third one is where Alvin has realized that he's the Son of Satan and is working his way up the ranks of politics in order to one day become the President of the USA and fulfill prophecy.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at March 11, 2010 12:14 PM

How about we just combine this with the new Twilight and get the jump on 12212012?

Posted by: admin at March 11, 2010 12:21 PM

HAHAHAHAHA!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcFqbG3FW-I

Posted by: superasente at March 11, 2010 12:22 PM

very funny superasente, plus the squeaky noises scared the shit out of my dog (added bonus!)

Posted by: badkittyuno at March 11, 2010 12:39 PM

NO! Not the bore worms! Father! Damn you! Father!

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 11, 2010 4:21 PM

Why don't they have this film and Eclipse have a double feature. The studios will make big bucks and we'll be bored to the brink of death.

Posted by: Corey Weaver at March 11, 2010 4:31 PM

Which is less appealing... the new Phish 3-d movie sober or Chipmunks 3-d on 3 hits of acid?

Posted by: El L Cool J at March 11, 2010 4:40 PM

My kids will make me see this movie. My kids aren't stupid or lame-brained. They must be doing this sort of thing to punish me.

Don't have kids.

Posted by: ed newman at March 11, 2010 8:39 PM

I still love Patton Oswalt's bit about the Chipmunk Christmas song and how his favorite Christmas memory was of slowing down the record and listening to the song on super S-L-O-W speed. It ends up sounding like Tim Curry from Legend screaming in demonic tongues to a group of middle aged Christmas carolers. Man do I love the holidays. I severely doubt that the Chipmunks in 3-D will rock anyone's face off, unless of course David Cross dresses up as Mrs. Featherbottom again. And dives onto a coffee table.

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at March 14, 2010 8:52 AM

Well,well,well! Time to make peace with God.
The family features have won over foul mouthed,explosive and explicit drek you enjoy! You can't please everyone! If it doesn't float your boat, don't watch it! Get a life! The more you complain; the more chipmunk movies they will make!

Posted by: Phantanos at March 16, 2010 2:20 AM

There shall be darkness to cover the land; and the squeak shall inherit the Earth!
I read about the rabid chipmunk invasion in the UK !!!
We developed a race of atomic super chipmunks, to take over the world, HA, HA, HA!

Posted by: Phantanos at March 16, 2010 3:50 PM

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Make Peace With Your Gods

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