Alien Elf Porn! Goooooo Pajiba!
The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles
Trade News | July 10, 2008 | Comments (79)
Deals
I’m going to go ahead and own up to my ignorance of Elfquest, the Wendy and Richard Pini comic-book fantasy series, which I understand is kind of like Tolkien porn. My geek knowledge doesn’t run that deep, and I suspect it’s the reason why I managed to find a wife. Nevertheless, the series is being made into a feature length film, and before you all start bitching and groaning about a feature film version of Elfquest, let me just say this: Rawson Thurber (Dodgeball) is set to write, produce, and direct and I have it on good authority that he’s an uber Elfquest nerd (the line forms to the right, ladies). And because I secretly adore the Pajiba geekship, I dug a little (i.e., I sent an email), and gathered this information with regards to the film adaptation: 1) It will be a condensed version of the first four books, focusing on Cutter’s journey (whoever the hell that is); 2) no decision has been made as to whether it will be animated or a 300-style hybrid - that will depend largely on how the script turns out, which Thurber will start writing in the beginning of 2009. And finally, for those who actually care about Elfquest, rest assured in knowing that Wendy and Richard Pini will be fully involved in the project.
And I mean, come on: Psychic elf aliens who fornicate! How can you not be excited about that? Unfortunately, I did not find out whether that Issue #17 orgy scene will make it into the final product.
Moving on: When I first saw this item, I scrunched my brow and wondered why anyone — even a studio slackjaw — would be stupid enough to remake a dumb buddy cop movie that starred Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jim Belushi. And then, of course, I realized inexplicably that for years I’ve been confusing Red Heat with Red Dawn, the latter of which also sucked, but in a fun sort of Hey! Look, It stars Patrick Swayze, Soul Man, the chick from Space Camp (which, I understand, is The TV Whore’s all-time favorite movie), Jennifer Grey and woah! Whatever happened to Brad Savage?
Anyway, for those of you with fond memories of Red Dawn, do yourself a favor and never revisit it. Good googly moogly. Meanwhile, the schmucks in Hollywood are remaking it, updating it for a post 9/11 world, which I guess means that a group of high-schoolers will be the last line of defense to a massive terrorist invasion. Given the current generation’s version of the Brat Pack — Zac Efron, Ashley Tisdale, Blake Lively, Spencer Pratt, Brittany Snow, Vanessa Hudgens, etc. — I think I’ll be rooting for the terrorist.
My vote for worst trailer of the summer, so far, goes to Journey to the Center of the Earth, which I was initially convinced was a remake of the 70s children’s show, Land of the Lost, and I wondered how they managed to make the movie look even cheaper than a 1974 TV Show. Anyway, Walden Media, the studio behind Journey has just bought the comedy Housebroken, a movie about a bunch of animals forced to live together when their owners move in together. Yeah - it’s another live-action talking animals movie, which are the best kind of movies, aren’t they? I mean, besides talking baby movies, of course. The movie is based on a pitch by Adam Sztykiel, the tiny-brained genius behind Made of Honor, and it’s sure to do a Brazilian number on your pubus when it’s finally unleashed into theaters.
This is how slow a news week it is. Here’s a fucking photo from the upcoming Wolverine film. Choke on it:
In other kinda news, that Robocop remake we’ve mentioned a few times here has a potential director. Darren Aronofsky is apparently circling the drain, which has me questioning Aranofsky’s script choices. In addition to possibly directing Robocop, he’s wrapping up The Wrestler, starring Mickey Rourke and Evan Rachel Wood (Tarantino could revive Rourke’s career, maybe, but Aranofsky plus Mickey Rourke just says straight to DVD) and he’s attached to a thriller about a ballet dancer. It’s a nice thought to consider him in Robocop’s director’s chair, but then again, The Fountain was a (pretty) mess and it took him six years after Requiem to pull that off. Maybe all the early-career promise just ain’t gonna pan out for the guy.
Drew Goddard, who scripted Cloverfield and, who I’m convinced is, along with Matt Reeves, the real reasons for J.J. Abrams successes, will next direct Cabin at the End of the Woods, which he co-wrote with Joss Whedon, who will produce. No details about the movie have been released, nor likely will they be before its first teaser trailer is unspooled at Comic-Con 2009. And that’s all the deals I have for you folks today.
Late Addition
Robert Downey, Jr. has just signed on to star as the title character in Sherlock Holmes, to be directed by Guy Ritchie, based on a script from Anthony Peckham (Don’t Say a Word). And no: This is not the same movie discussed in last week’s round-up, a Sherlock Holmes comedy starring Sacha Baron Cohen as Holmes and Will Ferrell as Watson. In fact, this one is being fast-tracked so that it’ll be released before the SBC comedy.
Mid-Year in Review
Things continue to be slow this week, as most studio heads are still enjoying an extended Holiday vacation, having sent the family home over the weekend, only to remain behind to fuck their mistresses out on the Cape. So, for the hell of it, since it’s the midway point of the year and I need to kill some space, here’s my personal unofficial ranking of the year’s best films so far. Feel free to disagree; I know you will.
1. Iron Man
2. Wall-E
3. The Wackness
4. The Bank Job
5. Wanted
The biggest disappointment: Indy IV.
The worst: Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins and Love Guru (tie).
And, two relatively obscure gems that you probably haven’t seen, but should: Under the Same Moon and Charlie Bartlett.
Trailer Watch
First up, today: Here’s a pretty amusing trailer for Rain of Madness, which is actually the movie within the movie, Tropic Thunder, one of the few decent looking movies remaining this summer post-The Dark Night.
And, clearly because I hate you all, here’s the trailer for My Best Friend’s Girl. Kate Hudson — you were once very good in a very good movie, Almost Famous. You have done zero, nada, dupe, bupkus, to capitalize on that. And I’m sorry, but has Dane Cook done anything to suggest that he should continue to be given movie roles?
This one is different, though. I promise. It looks hilarious!
No it doesn’t.
Meanwhile, has anyone ever noticed that the Yari Film Group’s trailer editors are, perhaps, the absolute worst in the business? A decent trailer editor can make even the worst movie look passable, but I think those Yari guys are paid based on business loss write-offs. Here’s their latest, for The Accidental Husband, starring Uma Thurman and the guy who looks just like Javier Bardem, until he speaks:
Random
On a personal note, my new city of residence is Portland, Maine. And while this is not the reason I moved here, it’s a helluva nice bonus: Zombie Kickball on the Eastern Promenade.
I think I’ve found my permanent home.
Get some:
Comments
Posted by: Tabula Swift at July 10, 2008 8:14 AM
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My first reaction on seeing that RDJ was set to play Sherlock Holmes was "Holy crap, that's awesome!"
Then I was like, Wait, that's not actually awesome. Sherlock Holmes is many things (including an egotistical drug addict...), but one thing he isn't is charmingly charismatic. Given the whole Guy Ritchie stylized reimagining thing, who wants to bet that this incarnation of Holmes will involve a lot of fast talking in impenetrable British accents and an incomprehensible plot?