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Alan Ball’s Balls
Props/ Ranylt Richildis

Trade News | September 11, 2008 | Comments (50)

towelheaddsfadsf.jpgI really don’t want or need to see used tampons on movie screens. I really don’t. But I want to award this week’s “Joss Whedon Double-D Cup” trophy to Alan Ball for his reasoned retort to the hypocrites stirring a controversy in a teacup because he included a shot of a bloody tampon in Towelhead.

I mean, seriously. I’m with Ball, here: big clotting deal.

Ball told reporters, “I felt the bloody tampon was important because that’s a moment that every young girl has and that’s a moment that as a culture we want to keep hidden. … We can make movies like There’s Something About Mary, using semen as hair gel, and it’s a huge hit — but to show a bloody tampon is considered shocking. I think that says a lot about our culture’s attitude towards women and towards female sexuality.”

I just got the warm n’ fuzzies.


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Comments

I said "Eww" to both ideas, actually, but I agree with your point - it's rank hypocrisy to be okay with the idea of spooge as hair care product, but a used feminine hygiene item is per se taboo.

Nuts to that.

Posted by: The Wanderer at September 11, 2008 8:41 AM

The award for best use of a used tampon on stage and film goes to... Donita Sparks of L7 at the Reading Festival in 1992.

Posted by: hugeinjapan at September 11, 2008 8:45 AM

Alan Ball clearly enjoys making people face uncomfortable things and feelings. In my opinion, that only adds to his appeal.

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 8:49 AM

So we're perfectly OK with people sawing other people to bits, and chopping off body parts, and blood spurting out of eyeballs, but a normal used tampon causes an uproar? I think it's time for the horror movies "TAMPON!" and its sequel "TAMPON 2: In Your Pants!"

Posted by: BWeaves at September 11, 2008 8:51 AM

There is a difference between a freshly squeezed load and a used tampon. One is a substance used to create life (albeit from Ben Stiller which does put it in the "ick" category), and the other is simply a waste product. I mean, does anyone here want to see the toilet paper I just used after taking a shadoobie? No, I didn't think so.

There is a difference between shocking for art and shocking just to shock. Ball needs to look carefully at the reason behind his use of the bloody tampon and see if it carries the story along, because his answer sounds awfully fucking contrived to me.

Hypocritical or no, it just sounds distasteful to me.

Posted by: Shane at September 11, 2008 8:52 AM

There is a difference between shocking for art and shocking just to shock. Ball needs to look carefully at the reason behind his use of the bloody tampon and see if it carries the story along, because his answer sounds awfully fucking contrived to me.

Contrived? Have you ever experienced that moment? Because getting your period is a big deal in most girls' lives. It can be scary, emotional, a rite of passage; it's a moment that symbolizes becoming a woman. It could be something a girl looks forward to or something she dreads. I can see how, without saying a word, such a "picture" would easily sum up a thousand feelings.

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 9:02 AM

TAMPON 2: In Your Pants (BWeaves)

Shouldn't it be Tampon 2: Electric Boogaloo?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 11, 2008 9:04 AM

Tampon 2 The Streets

Posted by: Schizznic at September 11, 2008 9:13 AM

Cindy: Reread my answer. I didn't say anything about getting your period being contrived. I said his answer seemed contrived, as in he'd had that answer mapped out for a WHILE.

Hey, trust me, I have nothing but a mixture of sympathy and awe for what you girls go through once of month.

Posted by: Shane at September 11, 2008 9:16 AM

Tampon II: The Secret of the Ooze?


It's also a big day in a boy's life when he is sent to go buy feminine products for his mother or sister and takes a really good look at that wall of cardboard for the first time. "Aw, shit, I should've written this down". Only thing more confusing is being sent out for L'eggs.

Posted by: Jay at September 11, 2008 9:21 AM

hugeinjapan; if I remember rightly, Donita Sparks has to share that lofty award with Mike Patton's mouth.

Those were the days...

Posted by: Zuffle at September 11, 2008 9:22 AM

Thank You Ranylt for the title to this post. I will now spend the rest of the day sining AC/DC songs in my head. This is a good thing.

Posted by: Brian at September 11, 2008 9:26 AM

I have nothing but a mixture of sympathy and awe for what you girls go through once of month.

That's nice, but aside from your awe and sympathy I want you to be my personal slave (for 4 or 6 days tops) and tend to me. I want you to put something warm on my lower back while my uterus contracts so hard I can barely sit straight. I want you to make tea for me every thirty minutes and I want you to tell me I look beautiful even though I look like shit, and I want you to tell me I look tan even though I'm as pale as a ghost. I want you to tell me I'm not being hormonal, and when people tell me to 'calm down' I want you to say "Hey, fucktard, she IS calm." And most important of all, I want you to kick anyone who says "heh, it must be that time of the month for her."

That's it. Excuse me.

runs away throwing her hands in the air and sobbing to Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me"

Posted by: Sofía at September 11, 2008 9:29 AM

Shane, I got that - I just didn't get it. Since his answer about it being an important moment is valid, I don't see it as contrived. To each his own interpretation, eh?

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 9:31 AM

Talk about hitting the nail on the head, Sofia.

Also, there should be much chocolate at hand. Dark, dark chocolate.

And if I fling my bloody tampon at you, you should say "Thank you sir, may I have another?"

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 9:34 AM

re: Shane's first post



When semen doesn't land inside a vagina, it is not a maker of life: It's waste like anything else that comes out of your body that you don't have any particular use for. When my boyfriend ejaculates, there are no angels singing or lights shinning down from heaven. We reach for a tissue and clean that shit up.



While I do, personally, think that semen is slightly less disgusting than menstrual blood, and while I think both are much less disgusting that pee or poop, let's not pretend that semen exists in it's own magical category of bodily fluids. And frankly, I tend to associate menstrual blood more closely with semen than pee or poop, anyway. I doubt I am completely alone on that point.



Additionally: Haven't pee and poop also been used in gross-out comedies? I can't think of anything specific, so I don' want to claim that they have, but I seem to have vague memories of such uses.



And Alan Ball probably had that answer ready because he knew that there are a lot of people too immature to deal with a harmless shot of a tampon.

Posted by: jess at September 11, 2008 9:36 AM

Hey, I ain't endorsing tanning for anybody. If that makes me a pig then SO BE IT! Now go cut your hair and get out of the sun, woman!

Posted by: Jay at September 11, 2008 9:37 AM

There should be much chocolate at hand. Dark, dark chocolate.

And if I fling my bloody tampon at you, you should say "Thank you sir, may I have another?"

Posted by: Cindy

I'm with you on the dark chocolate thing. All I have to say about the tampon thing is that I'd probably go gay for you, Cindy. We could have our periods together!!

Posted by: Sofía at September 11, 2008 9:46 AM

2 Tampon 2 Bloody

Posted by: branded at September 11, 2008 9:49 AM

hot shots Tampon: Part Deux

Posted by: j at September 11, 2008 9:59 AM

Oh thank Godtopus you mentioned Towelhead. Because when I started reading this I thought Alan Ball had put a used tampon in his new vampire series and I was thinking "snack". And while that would have been a logical use of the little cotton insert, still....

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 11, 2008 10:15 AM

"Tampon 2: Second Blood"

Theme song: "Tampon Bloody Tampon" by U2

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 11, 2008 10:30 AM

A used tampon in a vampire movie? That's like finger food. Bread stick, blood stick... they're all the same.

Posted by: Sofía at September 11, 2008 10:32 AM

Why am I imagining a vampire using a tampon for a teabag now?

Ew.

Posted by: Trouble at September 11, 2008 11:02 AM

Tampon (clap clap), Tampoff (clap clap), Tampon, Tampoff, the Tamper...

Now, that's brilliance right there!

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 11, 2008 11:15 AM

Ah but Sofia , I'm gay...I don't HAVE to do those things. It's all part of the wonder of not sleeping with women. I'm frankly amazed that there isn't a higher rate of murder amongst lesbian couples, to be honest.

And Jess, if there are no angels singing or lights shining down from Heaven when your boyfriend ejaculates, well then, honey, he's just not doing it right. I've got the Georgia Mass Choir waiting in the wings each and every time I log on to xtube.

Posted by: Shane at September 11, 2008 12:19 PM

Hell yes. Ball is correct about the skewed view of female sexuality in film. Don't get me started. The first thing I thought when I saw the censored poster for "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" is that the problem is actually the big happy smile on Elizabeth Banks's face, and that if the poster only pictured Rogen and the back of Banks's head, there would be no problem.


Also? Tampon 2: Tampon of the Future

Posted by: phquaryn at September 11, 2008 12:23 PM


Umm... Sofia, you're giving me flashbacks to
inappropriate behaviour from my mom. I think maybe
we should reconsider the marriage thing. Maybe
Momma Mella's friend can help you out (Me too,
if he's cute).

And Shane, you just gotta post a webcam
of that. Because I love musical accompaniment to
a good spooging.

Posted by: Drake at September 11, 2008 12:31 PM

We could have our periods together!!

I'm ashamed to say that during my time I am best left alone. Put me in a room with the dark chocolate, something salty, a gloomy movie, and lock the door from the outside. Come back in three days.

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 12:47 PM

Meh., No controversy here!! Anybody remember "Anatomie de l'enfer"?
Check THAT out & see If Mr. Ball did anything shocking !

Posted by: Sly at September 11, 2008 12:48 PM

There is a difference between a freshly squeezed load and a used tampon. One is a substance used to create life (albeit from Ben Stiller which does put it in the "ick" category), and the other is simply a waste product. I mean, does anyone here want to see the toilet paper I just used after taking a shadoobie? No, I didn't think so.

And, exactly how many times has your "load" been used to create life? Both are just normal, bodily fluids, get over yourself. People aren't in reverence of what you leave in a sock.

Posted by: Olivia at September 11, 2008 12:56 PM

Olivia...Olivia...Olivia...

I don't use a sock. I use a handtowel. I mean, Jesus, I'm not in college anymore.

If you're going to try your hand at an insult, at least get your facts correct.

I wasn't trying to say that my semen or any other semen is anything more or less than a reproductive fluid or mid-afternoon snack. The point I was trying to make is that a used tampon is WASTE MATERIAL. Semen IS necessary for the creation of life (whether or not mine has been used as such) and is not necessarily a waste product. A used tampon is ALWAYS a waste product. I'm pretty sure that if I made a comparison between eggs and shit-stained toilet paper, no one would have failed to make the distinction.

Posted by: Shane at September 11, 2008 1:09 PM


OK, I think the "White Gold" ad is a new low here.

Besides, everyone knows that the real "White Gold" is Shane's spooge.

Posted by: Drake at September 11, 2008 1:14 PM

FINALLY, someone gets it!

Thank you, Drake. :)

Posted by: Shane at September 11, 2008 1:17 PM

tampon 2: son of tampon
Tampon 3: revenge of the son of tampon

Thank you, I'll be here all week

Posted by: the_wakeful at September 11, 2008 1:42 PM

Tampon Too: Revenge of the Clot.

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 2:16 PM

I'm with Alan on this. If you see This Film is Not Yet Rated, it confirms this point.

Posted by: Lilly at September 11, 2008 2:22 PM

I'm ashamed to say that during my time I am best left alone (...) Come back in three days.

Posted by: Cindy

Three days? Oh, you bitch... Do you bleed at all or is it just three monstrous clots and you're done?

Posted by: Sofía at September 11, 2008 3:36 PM

I'm in college and I still hear guys go "oh god, EWWWW, PLEASE DON'T BRING THAT UP." If a girl says anything about a period. I really don't know where this crazy fear/mental block comes from.

Posted by: Kevin Longrie at September 11, 2008 3:58 PM

Kevin, I think it's as simple as a fear of blood for most people. For most straight guys I know, the vagina is their favorite entertainment destination. They want to dine there, go in, walk around a little. It's like a movie theater, if you will.

So, imagine if one week out of every month, you got spattered in blood(!) every time you went to your favorite movieplex (not to mention facing moody, disgruntled employees). After a while, you might start to have bad feelings about the movieplex, but knowing that the movieplex is and always will be your ultimate source of entertainment, you have to direct your displeasure at something more tangible: the blood.

It's really as simple as that.

I should really lay off the caffeine...

Posted by: Shane at September 11, 2008 5:05 PM

Kevin Longrie, just ask Eli Roth, I'm sure he can tell you all about it.

Posted by: MG at September 11, 2008 5:14 PM

Though I kind of like the ring of "controversy in a teacup", the close proximity of that phrase to "shot of a bloody tampon" just makes me keep picturing a shot of a bloody tampon in a teacup. Which leads me to wonder, what the fuck happens in this movie?!

Posted by: sunset&camden at September 11, 2008 6:06 PM

Three days? Oh, you bitch...

Don't get violent with me, K? I really only have one heavy day (the second) where I'm like a stuck pig. The other days are pretty mellow.

I'm running away now.

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 7:58 PM

Under Siege 3: Heavy Flow

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 11, 2008 8:04 PM

"Tampon 3: There Will Be Blood"

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 12, 2008 12:20 AM

... With a variation on the first U2 theme song: "Sunday Bloody Sunday, Monday, Tuesday."

Speaking of AC/DC ...

"Tampon 4: If You Want Blood You Got it," with "Girls Got Rhythm" as a theme song.

And, finally, the inevitable parody: "Tampons and Crampons," about a mountain-climbing expedition gone horribly wrong when the team leader has to make an emergency run to Walgreen's from a base station at 17,500 feet or otherwise be forced to make tampons out of snow.

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 12, 2008 12:45 AM

Tampon: 28 Days Later

People do need to get the fuck over this fear of all mention of menstruation. If anything, guys should be happy to hear about it, 'cause it means "ain't no babies gestatin' down thar." Right?

Posted by: Elfrieda at September 12, 2008 6:11 AM

make tampons out of snow

Ah! Cold. Also, not terribly absorbent.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 12, 2008 8:41 AM

No, but it sets up a good sight gag about a cherry sno-cone.

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 12, 2008 11:00 AM

'cause it means "ain't no babies gestatin' down thar." Right?

When continuous bleeding means everyone can relax.

Very true.

Posted by: Jay at September 12, 2008 11:18 AM