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After Innumerable Casualties, "Jersey Shore's" War on Society Finally Comes to An End

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | August 30, 2012 | Comments ()


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After three years and what will be six seasons, after propelling eight dipshit housemates into pop-culture stratosphere, making them millionaires, musicians, NY Times bestsellers, and the unholy parents of future generations of cretinous, orange-colored imbecilic fuck-slurpers, MTV is finally canceling "Jersey Shore."

Unfortunately, the damage has already been done. "Jersey Shore" cast members will no doubt haunt our memories for decades to come, appearing in spin-offs, celebreality shows, hosting reality competition shows, and showing up on nostalgia retrospectives like VH1's "I Love the 10s" to stupidly reflect on their own stupidity.

RIP "Jersey Shore." May you be forcefed a tanker truck full of Red Bull and be buried alive under a paved parking lot with a lifetime of the jitters.


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    I have never watched the show, but I still maintain that the whole thing started as some MTV exec's trying to punk some other execs. It is simply a joke taken way too far.

  • Hiro_the_Eighth_Samurai

    What's really bad about this is that they still have a season to go and THEN the show's ending. So it hasn't finally come to its end yet.

  • Ben

    #6seasonsandamovie

    Then I would kill myself by trying to eat one of my own socks.

  • Gellarfan666

    *Hallelujah Chorus*

  • Green Lantern

    I don't know why this is news. It seemed fairly common knowledge that this most recent season would be the last. I've seen three news blurbs about MTV "cancelling" Jersey Shore, or about "farewell Jersey Shore"...which is a bit premature since the last season hasn't even started yet.

    And as someone who will stand up and say he's watched all...yes ALL...of it, I'll also be the first to add it's run its course and needs to be put to bed. Just like the whole "Teen Mom" franchise.

    Don't a single one of you *dare* judge me. I have a fully charged power ring.

  • ed newman

    Sorry but I have to disagree with Pajiba on this one. Jersey Shore's first season was a revelation. It was like a Goodall documentary taking us "deep" into a world with which we were unfamiliar. We were amazed that actual humans could reach such levels of stupidity, vapidness, and self absorption.

    Of couse it should have been put out of its misery after that first season.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I expected more from a "superhero."

  • Vi

    I don't know, the Jersey Shore is awful, but really it should be 'shame on us as a society for letting it have enough viewers to last for 6 seasons'.

  • David Sorenson

    Too much pop culture stupid has left me feeling a bit like Eeyore. All I can think is that they'll probably just replace it with something worse like "My Super Sweet Sixteen and Pregnant on The Jersey Shore" where drunken guidos take their pregnant daughters on a drunken rampage through every New Jersey BMW dealership looking for the perfect car to vomit in.

  • lameaim

    I'd give it 20 minutes for the context and move on.

  • bleujayone

    Saying that "Jersey Shore" has been cancelled after already subjecting the world to six seasons of it would have been like cancelling a scheduled shelling of Hiroshima by the US Navy one week after dropping an atomic bomb on it; The damage has already been done.

  • Slash

    You mean they all died in a hilarious tanning bed accident? (reads details)
    Eh. As long as they are capable of passing on their genes (and I understand the one known as "Snooki" has already reproduced), they remain a danger to society.

    Well, OK, a danger to the overall intelligence of the gene pool, their stupidity exceeded only by the Republican party and everyone who continues to vote Republican.

  • dizzylucy

    3 years and 6 seasons too late. Hopefully it fades from pop culture quickly, so that when I tell people I live and work at the NJ shore (in an area NOTHING like what they portrayed), they don't make a face anymore.

  • e jerry powell

    Asbury Park?

  • Rowles, sounds like you've been taking creative cursing lessons from TK. Well played sir.

  • DenG

    Please let them slip away to Anonymous Land. Amen.

  • the other courtney

    What's a "fuck-slurper"? I'm totally stealing it, but want to make sure I'm using it in the appropriate context. Wouldn't want to accidentally call someone a fuck-slurper if they are really a cock-slurper or just a plain stupid fucker.

  • hapl0

    Hear hear.

  • Puddin

    I too would like to know the definition of a "fuck-slurper". I assume that it is one who slurps fucks, yes? Please advise.

  • lowercase_ryan

    And I've still never seen a second of the show. FTW!

  • many friends and I share a similar amount of pride in never having watched a minute, if only I had managed to never watch that episode of American Idol my life may have turned out so differently

  • Hiro_the_Eighth_Samurai

    You could still watch a second of it, as it's going to run one more season before exiting.

  • Forbiddendonut

    Me and Mrs. Donut watched 20 mintues of the very first episode on Netflix one night, just out of curiosity. That 20 minutes was plenty. We were able to put it into context and move on.

  • Spark

    Unfortunately, though, it's because it's been cancelled, not because of a tactical nuclear strike.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    It's really the only way to be sure.

  • Sara S.

    FINALLY.

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