After Innumerable Casualties, "Jersey Shore's" War on Society Finally Comes to An End
After three years and what will be six seasons, after propelling eight dipshit housemates into pop-culture stratosphere, making them millionaires, musicians, NY Times bestsellers, and the unholy parents of future generations of cretinous, orange-colored imbecilic fuck-slurpers, MTV is finally canceling "Jersey Shore."
Unfortunately, the damage has already been done. "Jersey Shore" cast members will no doubt haunt our memories for decades to come, appearing in spin-offs, celebreality shows, hosting reality competition shows, and showing up on nostalgia retrospectives like VH1's "I Love the 10s" to stupidly reflect on their own stupidity.
RIP "Jersey Shore." May you be forcefed a tanker truck full of Red Bull and be buried alive under a paved parking lot with a lifetime of the jitters.