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How Can an Awful Adam Sandler Movie Actually Be a Good Thing?

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (56)



Jennifer-Aniston-Cherry2.jpg

As it is No Whining Wednesday, it is incumbent upon us to find the silver lining in the shit cloud floating above us (actually, that cloud is dumping 8 inches of snow on my fair town, at the moment). That’s not exactly an easy task, given the project in question, a movie called Pretend Wife, a Happy Madison production being developed for Adam Sandler.

Want more bad news? One of Hollywood’s worst screenwriters, Allan Loeb (21), wrote the script, with Tim Dowling (Role Models). Oh, but wait! There’s more: Longtime Sandler collaborator Dennis Dugan is the likely director — Dugan, of course, directed I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and The Benchwarmers, two movies that knocked 14 points of the collective American IQ.

We haven’t hit rock bottom yet, folks. But this last piece of news is actually the silver lining in the project: Jennifer Aniston is set to star opposite Sandler.

How the hell is that good news? Well, the Sandler Curse, of course. As we’ve discussed frequently, women who star opposite Adam Sandler have a tendency to fall off the big-screen radar after the movie opens (see Winona Ryder, Fairuza Balk, Joey Lauren Adams, Patricia Arquette, and Jessica Biel, who has been in one hell of a monster slump since Chuck and Larry). So, it follows that, after Pretend Wife opens, Jennifer Aniston’s career will fade into oblivion, starting with a few box-office duds, followed by some straight-to-DVD offerings, then a short-lived television series, before finally landing in a world called Obscura!

The movie is set to open on Valentine’s weekend in 2011, and according to The Hollywood Reporter, the script “is being kept under wraps.”

Ha! Fuck that. Thanks to The Hollywood Cog, we have the full logline, so you know exactly how bad a movie to expect:

“It’s about a commitment-phobic 40-year-old, who pretends to have a wife and kids in order to avoid real relationships. However, he believes he’s found the woman of his dreams in the form of a gorgeous 22-year-old. When she threatens to leave him, however, he’s forced to use his 30-something office manager as a stand-in for his fabricated wife, in order to keep her. Nothing goes as planned, naturally, and he ends up falling for the office manager.”

Suck it Happy Madison.









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Comments

February 2011 can't come soon enough.


Let's get this thing in the can ASAP!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 9, 2009 10:44 AM

Aniston wishes she looks '30-something'.

Posted by: becks at December 9, 2009 10:45 AM

Aniston's character will be tailored to fit her acting skill and style i.e. it will be worked into a Rachel from Friends type.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 9, 2009 10:49 AM

OK, Jennifer Aniston was decent in The Good Girl, right? I'm not making that up or remembering wrong? If so, why the hell didn't she carry on doing roles like that, or at least more character driven? Instead she is basically the same person in every film she's in. Change it up woman!

Posted by: Carrie at December 9, 2009 10:54 AM

Wait, what!? So he's pretending to be married to keep his girlfriend from leaving him? I see no reason at all why this movie is going to suck dog tits.

Posted by: Nurse EagerBeaverBaby at December 9, 2009 10:56 AM

"OK, Jennifer Aniston was decent in The Good Girl, right? I'm not making that up or remembering wrong?"


You were probably drunk, or on drugs, or both.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 9, 2009 10:58 AM

I like Jennifer Aniston. I can't explain it.

...probably the drugs.

Posted by: Julie at December 9, 2009 11:01 AM

How the hell is that good news? Well, the Sandler Curse, of course.

Except there is a flaw in the Sandler Curse: if you have enough money to finance your own projects, you can dick around with Happy Madison as much as you want.

Proof: Drew Barrymore. Twice.

Remember, Aniston has at least one production company already. No way in hell she is going down easy.

If so, why the hell didn't she carry on doing roles like that, or at least more character driven?

I think it is both her laziness and the studio's stupidity. They don't want Aniston; they want Rachel, the actual moneymaker. And why would Aniston bother fucking up such a sweet gig? It is like telling telling Shatner to be something other than Shatner. Why bother?

Posted by: The Hands Team (formerly Vermillion) at December 9, 2009 11:04 AM

I have no problem with Aniston, either. She's made some cruddy movies, but by that standard, nobody in Hollywood woud be off the hook.

Man, maybe I need to go to Hollywood. My worst ideas sound better than most of the crap that gets greenlit out there now.

Posted by: Slash at December 9, 2009 11:07 AM

People like stupid, brainless, non-pretentious comedies. In the market for that, Adam Sandler is by far the lesser of the evils that plague mankind. When compared to the comedies of Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy, the Wayans brothers, Seltzer/Friedberg, late career David Zucker, late career Mel Brooks, and 90 percent of anything National Lampoon has produced, an Adam Sandler film might as well be a Bill Murray film.

Posted by: George at December 9, 2009 11:11 AM

I disagree George. Most things Sandler are atleast as bad if not worse than the projects of pretty much every person you just mentioned.

I loved Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison in my preteens too but that doesn't give Sandler any kind of pass. I must admit Funny People was watchable though.

Posted by: becks at December 9, 2009 11:21 AM

WO WO WO!!! I found a HOTTEST interracial club__M i x e d C o n n e c t *.* _c_0_M___for black Women and white Men, or black Men and white Women, to interact with each other. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!

Posted by: branty at December 9, 2009 11:26 AM

Not to be a total bitch about it....oh, wait.


That's not a logline. A logline is one sentence (and not to be confused with a tagline). That's a "premise" or "theme." Those two words to describe the short summary part of coverage have always annoyed the hell out of me, but there you are.

In other news, Hurray for the long-over due death of Aniston's career!

Posted by: SavageCats at December 9, 2009 11:27 AM

Sandler was brilliant in "Punch Drunk Love". I love that movie, it was so cute and sweet and easy to relate to. It's one of the most adorable and heartwarming love stories caught on film.

He is capable of great things, Satan just has a wicked sense of humor.

Posted by: Samwise at December 9, 2009 11:28 AM

Nurse EagerBeaverBaby: "Wait, what!? So he's pretending to be married to keep his girlfriend from leaving him?"

Yeah, that worked so well for Tiger.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 9, 2009 11:30 AM

Jennifer Aniston’s career will fade into oblivion...

Pajibalips >>> Godtopus's ears.

...starting with a few box-office duds...

Step 1 = check.

Sandler was brilliant in "Punch Drunk Love"

He was.

Posted by: Cindy at December 9, 2009 11:34 AM

(Long time lurker, first time poster)

What an ass-garglingly horrific remake this is gonna be.

The original was a lot better.

Posted by: ThatsHowEyeRoll at December 9, 2009 11:38 AM

Proof: Drew Barrymore. Twice.

Posted by: The Hands Team (formerly Vermillion) at December 9, 2009 11:04 AM

If you'e referring to 50 First Dates and The Weding Singer, let me say this.

1. The Wedding Singer was not Happy Madison, as HM wasn't founded until 2000 or somewhere around there.

2. 50 First Dates is probably his most honest effort at making an original movie with a little bit of heart.

3. If you ask most people, these 2 movies probably stand out as 2 of the more enjoyable ones he's made.

Your style is pathetic and you kung-fu is weak.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 9, 2009 11:41 AM

Oh please, the "Sandler Curse" is a fallacy.

Here is the logic behind casting the female lead in an Adam Sandler comedy: find someone reasonably cute and capable of being funny who comes with a little name recognition but is already on the decline and can be had pretty cheap. It's a cost effective way to find a filler actress that will have Joe Moviegoer saying 'hey, it's whatshername from that one movie'.

Appearing in a Sandler movie isn't a catalyst for obscurity, it's just a stop-off on the way.

Winona Ryder? Other than shoplifting from Saks she hadn't done anything in a couple years since Girl, Interrupted and before that nothing since the mid 90's (Reality Bites, etc.)

Fairuza Balk? What, she's getting fewer minor roles as the freaky-looking girl since appearing in the Water Boy? That has everything to do with being on the wrong side of 25 to play goth chicks.

Joey Lauren Adams? Take out the Kevin Smith movies and what are you left with? Don't get me wrong, I had a crush on her too in the mid 90's (see Ryder, Winona and Barrymore, Drew... are you seeing the pattern?) but other than the indie girl potential that you, me, and Kevin Smith saw in her you can't lose something you never had.

Patricia Arquette- is this still necessary? The seven years after True Romance aren't much better than the 7 years after Little Nicky. At least she landed a TV show in there to get some consistent work.

Aniston has to be nearing the end of her usable like as well. She brings nothing but a distractingly recognizable face to everything she is in and like many sitcom stars she can't act worth a damn. I wouldn't be surprised to see her career dry up after this and be mistakenly attributed it to the curse.

Posted by: Yossarian at December 9, 2009 11:41 AM

And idiot poster is an idiot.

Here's the correct link

Posted by: ThatsHowEyeRoll at December 9, 2009 11:43 AM

And Aniston will always have a career as long as Hollywood needs a girl they still think is cute to move about the screen awkwardly and robotically with little to no acting talent.

Jennifer Aniston is Hollywood's paper lollipop stick. She has no flavor, no nuttrional value,...bland as hell. But for some reason, people keep ingesting her and chewing on her long after the Dum-Dum has been gone.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 9, 2009 11:46 AM

Pissboy,

I love the "Wedding Singer" it's hilarious and sweet, and really captures that 80's feel without feeling over hokey.

The last scene in "50 First Dates" when Drew Barrymore wakes up on the boat makes me generate ecstasy tears every time. So sweet.

For these two movies and "Punch Drunk Love" I will always kind of like Sandler no matter what he churns out.

Posted by: Samwise at December 9, 2009 11:47 AM

Fixed it for you, ThatsHowEyeRoll. You left out the quotes.

Anyway. Jennifer Aniston. I believe her role in The Good Girl is part of what is now known as The Lindsay Lohan/Mean Girls Anomaly. A solidly good flick that is the lone bright spot in her film repertoire, after which she began to steadily and consistently make nothing but boring dreck.

Of course, Aniston isn't on coke and doesn't show her smash to the world, but who knows what the future may bring?

Posted by: TK at December 9, 2009 11:50 AM

50 First Dates was creepy.

That is all.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at December 9, 2009 12:07 PM

Of course, Aniston isn't on coke and doesn't show her smash to the world, but who knows what the future may bring?

It seems to me that I don't really care. Her donkey fist seems about as interesting as she is. I imagine it to also be equally as awkward on film.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 9, 2009 12:10 PM

And Bill Cosby said re: concaine "...it intensifies your personality."

Is it possible for her to get more...basic...then?

Posted by: PissBoy at December 9, 2009 12:11 PM

That logline was completely fucking confusing. I'm not entirely clear on any of the details, except "man," "woman," and "Happy Madison, so it will be horrible."

Posted by: Christian H. at December 9, 2009 12:21 PM

A few thoughts on La Aniston in The Good Girl:

She had some SERIOUS acting coaching for that flick. An acting coach had her sit on her hands, hold her hands behind her back, velcro them behind her back, whatever could be done to stop the floppy floppy hand birds she created every time she opened her mouth.

Which is what she did as Rachel on Friends.

A dialect/voice coach worked intensely with her on getting rid of the Valley Girl sound and affecting a halfway (or quarter-way, as it turned out) decent generic faux Southern drawl.

In other words, they worked their asses off to get her to not be Rachel. And Rachel was basically....her.

And for ALLLLLLL that work, what you have is Jennifer Aniston mostly staring off into space sadly (can you do that? I can do that!) and mumbling most of her lines (so you couldn't hear her butcher the Southern thing as much). Actually about 80% of her acting in that flick consisted of her staring off into space sadly.

And that was that. The best performance she's ever given and it mostly consisted of staring off into space and mumbling.

No one should be surprised that she can't pull off much else. Even that took a hell of a lot of work.

And now I've wasted too many keystrokes on such a middlin' actress.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at December 9, 2009 12:31 PM

Yossarian speaks the truth! Yossarian lives!

Posted by: superasente at December 9, 2009 12:59 PM

Rachel Green was a shallow, selfish character. Most of Aniston's movie roles, dull as they are, have been something of a step up from that.

Posted by: Minty at December 9, 2009 1:15 PM

Rachel Green was a shallow, selfish character. Most of Aniston's movie roles, dull as they are, have been something of a step up from that.

Posted by: Minty at December 9, 2009 1:15 PM
------------------------------------------

Ah no, your opinion is wrong, you need to watch them again.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 9, 2009 1:22 PM

Welcome to the party, thatshoweyeroll! :)

And, BWeaves: well-said, my friend. Well-said.

Posted by: Jelinas at December 9, 2009 1:29 PM

Why do people hate Jennifer Aniston? I don't get it. I haven't hated her in anything, except maybe that movie she did with Kevin Costner-the Graduate thing. I forget the name.
And I don't think she looks old, either.
Sorry folks, just not getting the intense loathing, here.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at December 9, 2009 2:20 PM

Your style is pathetic and you kung-fu is weak.

Yossarian already made an excellent case about the fallacy of the Sandler curse.

But I will try to counter your assertions with this:

The curse only says "women who star opposite Adam Sandler". There is no requirement that they must be Happy Madison projects.

Even if we remove Wedding Singer from the list and only focus on HM products, you still have Barrymore surviving not just Sandler, but cross-dressing Rob Schneider as well. That should count for two right there.

Hell, I think she somehow transferred the curse to Sean Astin.

/bows

Posted by: The Hands Team (formerly Vermillion) at December 9, 2009 2:39 PM

Sorry folks, just not getting the intense loathing, here.

Me either. She's alright; nothing to write home about, but not horrible. Often miscast. I think a lot of it is simply overload; she was pretty much the most hyped on Friends, and all the tabloid coverage doesn't help the situation.

As far as the cracks on her looks, whatever. It is just one of those things: folks complain about how older actresses don't get roles, but they join in on calling a woman old/ugly because she shows some age. *sigh*

Posted by: The Hands Team (formerly Vermillion) at December 9, 2009 2:45 PM

i don't really get the jennifer aniston hate either. despite quite a few duds on her resume, i just find her so inoffensive. i feel that there are many other entertainers in the biz that deserve my loathing far more than she does.

Posted by: atinymachine at December 9, 2009 2:47 PM

Here's where the loathing comes from, she's bland, she's inadequate, she brings NOTHING acting wise to any project she's in. (as for her looks I really could care less as she also brings nothing to the table, just some average chick who hit the jackpot with some stupid hairdo). So anyway, why cast her, in anything?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 9, 2009 2:59 PM

I haven't cracked on her looks. For me, it's the overhype. She's really not a good actress at all.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at December 9, 2009 3:00 PM

I just have just waited for BarbadoSlim to post.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at December 9, 2009 3:01 PM

Really, the biggest offense is that these people keep trying to make me believe that ANY woman would go for Adam Sandler, much less fuck him. I wouldn't come near him with a ten-foot spikey pole. Ick.

But here's to the death of Aniston. It's time. I don't hate her, but I'm sick to death of her love woes and the high school bullshit the tabloids pay with her. They'll stop listening to her if she disappears.

Posted by: figgy at December 9, 2009 3:02 PM

I agree with those who don't understand the level of hate directed at Aniston. Yeah, she's a little bland, but that hardly makes her unique in Hollywood. She's just another one-note ex-sitcom star churning out forgettable romantic comedies. Who cares?

Posted by: Daniel Hall at December 9, 2009 6:00 PM

Honestly, I was joking about her age. She just seems to be someone who's trying desperately to appear young so I was just making a crack about that. Are we not allowed to make fun of boring celebrities now? Perhaps I hurt her feelings. Sorry Jen!

Posted by: becks at December 9, 2009 6:51 PM

My favorite Aniston role was "Office Space". Other than that I don't have any strong feelings about her. But I am saddened that she may be destroyed by the Sandler curse.

Hey, has Renee Zellwegger ever done a Sandler movie? Someone should look into this. And make it happen.

Posted by: greer at December 9, 2009 7:13 PM

Thatshoweyeroll,
I just saw the Bergman-Matthau original a few weeks ago. Good times. Random, but a good time.

Posted by: Li Ya at December 9, 2009 8:16 PM

I'll also throw in that the JenAn hate (on my behalf) is also fueled by the media's insistence that she's "America's Sweetheart" and a saint, a damn saint for enduring what that (talented, gorgeous, and yes fucked up) Angelina did to her. That poor woman! It's like some adult version of Twihardation. Team Jen! Boo Team Angie! More like Team Whore! Am I right? *high fives fellow soccer mom*
Ugh, spare me. Also she's so processed and bland and unremarkable and rich and oh I give up.

Posted by: welldressed at December 9, 2009 9:19 PM

I have a crush on welldressed now.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at December 9, 2009 10:42 PM

Zombienurse, 50 First Dates creeped me the hell out. How do you convince a girl to marry you when she doesn't even know you? How do you convince a girl to let you knock her up the first day you meet? How do you get her to carry your child and move on to your fucking houseboat when SHE HAS NO IDEA WHO THE HELL YOU ARE? It was all just selfish, selfish, skeevy creepiness.

Posted by: J. K. Barlow at December 10, 2009 6:13 AM

Thank you wellsdressed!
There has been no actual hate directed towards Jennifer Aniston, myself, it's just hate directed towards all the fucking hype surrounding her.

Posted by: Wormer at December 10, 2009 12:31 PM

There have been a lot of spiteful comments concerning Jennifer Aniston doing the rounds on the web of late. I believe she appears fantastic, especially following losing a couple of kilos.

Posted by: Marylynn Traina at May 11, 2010 10:23 AM

Ok, saw Jen's comments about having a baby alone while in line at the supermarket today. I see it has some people upset. Why is eveyone so upset about this and should I be? What's everyones thoughts on this one?

Posted by: svchost at August 21, 2010 6:55 PM

Love that girl. Jennifer Aniston. I really love her. Two thumbs up for her role in FRIENDS (TV series). It's not a rush decision to say that she's naturally hilarious.

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Posted by: Acn at January 24, 2011 3:27 PM

I have no problem with Aniston, either. She's made some cruddy movies, but by that standard, nobody in Hollywood woud be off the hook.
Man, maybe I need to go to Hollywood. My worst ideas sound better than most of the crap that gets greenlit out there now.

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