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A Thursday Morning Treat: Ear Cancer!

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (34)

Country-Strong-Trailer-2010.jpg

Have you see this? HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? The video for Gwyneth Paltrow’s title song for her upcoming flick, Country Strong? I swear to God, part of me wants to laugh, and the other part wants to put a blanket over her head and steer her clear of the paparazzi. If I liked Paltrow just a little, I’d be crazy embarrassed for her. How much lack of self-awareness does this lady have to have to not only star in a fictional country music biopic, but to make a country-music video?

Country music has been watered down a lot over the years (I mean: Hootie is a chart topper on the country music charts, for God’s sake, though it actually suits him: Strong voice, cheesy lyrics). But there’s a certain sensibility one needs to have to be a successful country music singer. You need a certain amount of modesty, humbleness, and at least some Southern roots to pull from. Jesus: This lady was born to famous parents in Los Angeles and is married to the dude from Coldplay. And she fancies herself some sort of hippy-dippy Kaballah Martha Stewart.

Gwyneth Paltrow is not a woman who can credibly sing about trailer homes, whiskey, nostalgia, class consciousness or Jesus. She just can’t. And her attempts to do so make her look foolish. The target audience for this movie is going to reject the hell out of it, and there’s not enough Tim McGraw’s in the world to save it.

Leather pants and sleeveless shirts? Come on, lady. Go back to your goddamn cocktail parties before Reba flies over to your posh London flat and wipes the floor with your skinny ass.









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Comments

Can we have a Reba and Hootie collaboration? DON'T LIE, IT WOULD BE AMAZING.

Posted by: coveredinbees at October 14, 2010 11:05 AM

How is she any different from ... uh ... hmmmm ... only 8,000 blonde chick country singers and I can't think of OH! OK, how is this any different from Carrie Underwood and ... whatshername, the teen zero Kanye interrupted ...

Damn, the memory really IS the first to go. After the legs.

Posted by: , at October 14, 2010 11:12 AM

You know, you'd be right, that the target audience would reject the hell out of this. That is, if the target audience were intelligent enough to recognize it for what it obviously is. But, no. They'll hear it, with its steel guitars and twangy harmonies and awful puns and they'll love it. 'Cause how they're programed. And that's how country music went from Johnny Cash 50 years ago to Gwyneth Paltrow today.

Posted by: Rob at October 14, 2010 11:13 AM

This makes me long for the days when she and Huey Lewis loved cruisin' together.

Posted by: Courtney at October 14, 2010 11:20 AM

I can't hate on this. I took it as her character's video...not a Gwyneth video...
And why not make a video? In her movie, she plays a country singer and she's the one actually singing, so no...no hate.
Don't worry...some other blonde country singer will re-record this and that's what will be played on country radio.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at October 14, 2010 11:23 AM

Hey, that's Kelly Ripa, ain't it? And ain't that Adam Durvitz playin' the fiddle?

Posted by: EllenP at October 14, 2010 11:27 AM

"and at least some Southern roots to pull from."

Not really. Shania Twain is one of the most famous country singers of the decade and she is Canadian.

Posted by: ERM at October 14, 2010 11:28 AM

I don't see anything wrong with Gwynneth playing a country singer or any other part a studio feels like casting her for. From this video, it looks like she's pulling it off pretty well. She looks every bit as country as Taylor Swift, if not more so. It's called actressin'.

Posted by: reanalyst at October 14, 2010 11:29 AM

This is her ugly-it-up-for-an-oscar, putting her in the ranks of Charlize Theron, Halle Barry, and Monique.

Posted by: jen at October 14, 2010 11:30 AM

So...because I was born north of the Mason Dixon line...I can't be a country singer?
Booooo...thanks for killing my dream, dream killer.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at October 14, 2010 11:33 AM

Damn, the memory really IS the first to go. After the legs.

And your little friend.

This is one of those times I'm very thankful for the "You're Canadian? You can't watch this hoser" denial on the video.


Posted by: admin at October 14, 2010 11:41 AM

"Eh"

"You're Canadian, eh?"

Get it fucking right. You're an embarrassment to the rest of your subhuman species.

Also, I feel the need to reiterate that the likes of Taylor Swift, Tim McGraw, etc., are not country music. They are pure bubble gum pop, with an ever-so-slight dash of watery country added in.

Posted by: TK at October 14, 2010 11:43 AM

Stupid American. True Canadians only use "eh" after cursing someone out. Such as, "Go sodomize yourself with a baseball bat, eh!"

*the more you know*

Posted by: admin at October 14, 2010 11:51 AM

"and at least some Southern roots to pull from."

Not really. Shania Twain is one of the most famous country singers of the decade and she is Canadian.

Posted by: ERM at October 14, 2010 11:28 AM

______________

Maybe she's from SOUTHERN Canada. Did you ever think of that, smart guy?

Posted by: Kballs at October 14, 2010 11:52 AM

Amen to what TK said. Also, I have no love for Shania Twain (I put her in the fake bucket) but being Canadian doesn't mean you don't have country roots. Country grew out of Bluegrass which originally grew out of Irish and Scottish ballads that tell a story with some fiddle and banjo thrown in so that would cover a lot of Canadians roots-wise. Plus, lots of southerners fled north to Canada over the years (post Civil War, etc.). Some of the best country-influenced music has come out of Canada: Neil Young, The Band, etc.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 14, 2010 11:56 AM

I'd love to watch this and mock it, but the friggin Jackass ad won't stop playing. So...yeah.

Posted by: KatSings at October 14, 2010 11:58 AM

Isn't that why she married Mr. Coldplay and was besties with Madonna? She's been flirting with this singin' thang fer a looong time. If the only only other thing to see is Transformers 57 when tis comes out, folks will go see it. What bothered me (apart from the everpresent smirk - she's got to try to contin that, Bruce Willis has) was that her hair really wasn't poofy enough - too coiffed. Especially the perfectly razored, ironed look. Uh uh.

Posted by: xoxoxoe at October 14, 2010 12:00 PM

True Canadians only use "eh" after cursing someone out.

That's not what Strange Brew led me to believe. Are you telling me that Strange Brew is an inaccurate depiction of Canadian life? Is that what you are saying? Are you making a mockery of your national heroes?

You sir, are a disgrace.

Posted by: TK at October 14, 2010 12:07 PM

Are those Axl Rose's pants?

Posted by: agent bedhead at October 14, 2010 12:16 PM

Gwyneth, EAT A SANDWICH. Carbs are your friend.

Real Country doesn't exist anymore. It doesn't. The last actual country artist that I can recall having any major popularity was either Reba or George Strait. There will no ill spoken of either of them.

Posted by: Melody at October 14, 2010 12:22 PM

I raise all you non-believers one Stompin' Tom Connors.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEtOs6ofM40


HAHAHAHAHA ON YOU!!!

Posted by: replica at October 14, 2010 12:22 PM

I honestly think Goopy Paltrow would make a fight of it versus Reba, but Terri Clark would stomp her into a red goo(p). Then I would get Ms. Clark a cold beverage, and mop her brow, and ask if there was anything else I could do.

I do like a zaftig brunette, but I hate country music. I'm conflicted is what I'm saying

Posted by: Groundloop at October 14, 2010 1:10 PM

I tolerate Country music, in much the same way I tolerate Liver Fluke.

Posted by: The Wanderer at October 14, 2010 1:16 PM

Are you telling me that Strange Brew is an inaccurate depiction of Canadian life?

Please, that's what Canadians used to be like. In the twenty-seven years since that documentary was filmed, we've grown as a nation. Our hockey sticks are made of composites, our beer is in elegant, long-necked bottles and we take the moose to dinner before we just stick it in. Evolution as a culture is paramount in Canadian society and I, for one, welcome the change. Hell, dog sledding is now only used as a means of transport in the winter.

Posted by: admin at October 14, 2010 1:18 PM

AS a lifetime country fan and current country musician (local band, nothing big time) I gotta chime in.

Yeah, there's a lot of sucky new country. A LOT. Hootie, Taylor Swift, you name it.

But there is also some really good talent out there. Take the Zac Brown Band. Great songwriting, great playing. Miranda Lambert has some good stuff.

Just saying the genre as a whole isn't any better or worse than most modern music. And as to authenticity? NOBODY is authentic anymore. Hillbillies don't get picked up by record labels.

Posted by: meh at October 14, 2010 1:39 PM

Based on a quick glance of the header pic, Gwyneth looks a lot like Faith Hill in it.

Gwyneth can pull this off. Her look fits very comfortbaly in with the Swifts, Hills and Twains of the country music scene.

Haterz gonna hate is all!

Posted by: FordbiddenDonut at October 14, 2010 1:53 PM

I'm confused. Does she fuck journalist Maggie Gyllenhaal?

Posted by: shanmarie (AKA penelope) at October 14, 2010 3:23 PM

I can't even be objective about her anymore. I JUST HATE HER SO FUCKING MUCH I WANT TO CLAW HER EYES OUT.

Ahem. I probably would not be a good judge even if I didn't have the MASSIVE HATRED, because I'm more of a classic country fan than a modern country listener. I'm curious about what meh has said, though. Maybe I'll look into that stuff. Any other recommendations, meh?

Posted by: pickled tink at October 14, 2010 4:25 PM

This film looks like a future camp classic. From the stupid title, ludicrous casting, tired showbiz cliches, funny wigs...shall I go on?

I'm going to see it because I bet it will be the best comedy of 2011.

Posted by: Andrew at October 14, 2010 4:29 PM

I got more of a Jewel vibe from her look -- country, but a little off, like Alaska, or Really North Texas as I like to call it. Personally, I don't get the Gwyneth hate wagon you guys are on. I'm still judging her on a case-by-case basis. She's got a good voice and that song is the exact kind of stuff being put out everyday. You can say that stuff isn't country and I can say Mystikal wasn't rap, but that's not what everyone else thinks and we all know it. I am not the target audience for this, but I know those people. Where I come from, they're called LSU fans, and this song is EXACTLY the kind of thing they go for, and they don't know as much about Paltrow as you all seem to. I think this movie, if there isn't the right type of competition, is going to be a sleeper hit.

Posted by: puppetDoug at October 14, 2010 5:31 PM

Maybe she's from SOUTHERN Canada. Did you ever think of that, smart guy?

Posted by: Kballs at October 14, 2010 11:52 AM

Epic fail, Balls! She's from a part of Ontario that's so Northern, summer only lasts 3 days, then it's back to the snowblower and snowshoes. I should know, I'm from nearby.

*gotta feed moose

Posted by: Uriah Creep at October 14, 2010 11:19 PM

"Gwyneth can pull this off. Her look fits very comfortbaly in with the Swifts, Hills and Twains of the country music scene."

Oh, I agree entirely - but don't mean it as a compliment. Being able to "pull off" the corny, long-haired country look isn't really much to be proud of.

Posted by: samantha t at October 15, 2010 10:05 AM

Wrong, wrong, wrong. The target audience is going to BUY this song.

You, my dear, are not the target audience. Which is why you wanted to vomit. Also, you hate her to begin with. The target audience does not feel that way about this woman. And THEY will be charmed sockless by the fact that she has done this.

Mark my words.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at October 15, 2010 2:06 PM

I know I'm supposed to hate it because this is Pajiba after all, but I can't. The wardrobe and her hair alone are divine, plus I think I'm intelligent enough to surmise she's playing the character from the movie.

Posted by: Zahara at October 17, 2010 8:31 PM