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A Paheeba Day Thank You | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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A Huge Paheeba Day Thank You


And Will Sparkletits Be the Next Spider-man 4 Cast Member? / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | November 19, 2009 | Comments (37)


… and I’m back.

How the hell am I supposed to follow Paheeba Day with some bullshit Spider-man 4 casting rumor that Anne Hathaway or Julia Stiles or Sparkletits is up for the part of Black Cat. I don’t even know who the fuck Black Cat is.

Anyway, a sloppy wet R-Squared nipple thank you to all the contributions of the amazing Pajibettes, who put on one hell of a show yesterday. I know a lot of planning, and whole hell of a lot of work went into it, and the results were outstanding. Just flat-out phenomenal and fun and all around perfect.

I have a tendency, at times, to get caught up in other aspects of this site — the advertising, the financials, the competitive nature of movie blogs, the value of rumors, the review assignments, or Twitter fighting with a crusty competitor, and sometimes I forget what this whole goddamn site is about: It’s about you all. We wouldn’t even be in a competitive position if it werent for you; we couldn’t break cool stories if it weren’t for y’all (you better know that The Hollywood Cog, for instance, is a reader — and he/she is among you); we wouldn’t have awesome videos if not for you (the “100 Greatest Quotes from the Wire” has been seen over 150,000 times as of this writing — and hh is just another outstanding reader!); and we wouldn’t stand a fighting chance of surviving for as long as we have without our fucking glorious readership. Jesus Christ — how awesome are y’all. Who else puts on a Paheeba Day? Or a Butthole Day? Or has a deity, a murderin’ vehicle, or a goddamn dictionary devoted to the weirdly amazing shit you guys come up with? We may not be the biggest site; we may not break the most stories; and we may not score the coolest interviews; but hell if we don’t have the best readership on the whole goddamn Internet planet. And that goes not just for all of you who participated in Paheeba Day, or now write for the site, or comment frequently, but also for the other 99 percent of you who come here every day or once a week and indulge our inanity. (And I encourage those of you who haven’t to join the Facebook group — there’s a huge Pajiba community that’s assembled there, too, and become actual real life friends and, in some cases, significant others).

So thank you all. For contributing. For commenting. For clicking on the ads. And for just stopping by to see what the hell we’re about.

Also a big thanks not just to those who wrote entries for Paheeba Day, but to Sofia for organizing it again, and to Replica for the immense time and effort she put into those outstanding posters. I’ll be moving the posters over to the Pajiba Dictionary this week, and in the meantime, a new tab has been created underneath Retrospectives on the navigation bar for Paheeba Day, so you can revisit this year’s posts, as well as last year’s. Also, a thanks to Antoinette Pomata, who quietly copy edits behind the scenes here at Pajiba.

And now … about those Spider-man 4 rumors … Nikke Finke thinks it’s gonna be Anne Hathaway, but I still think Sparkletits should get the gig. He’s got the sass; the gams; and the pretty mouth.

I leave you with this, which I do believe is a work of art from feramones:

n709576003_1467570_4145.jpg


Love in Black and White by Mark and Gail Mathabane | The Last Song Trailer





Comments

Aw, Dusty..

You make me blush.
Now I wanna hug you, and there is an ocean between us.

Posted by: Magiel at November 19, 2009 9:11 AM

Oooohhh...sparkly.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at November 19, 2009 9:12 AM

Oooohhh...sparkly.


To what are you referring, Miss Mouth? The Pimp My Murdertank or that shiny sliver of Admin?

Posted by: Yossarian at November 19, 2009 9:25 AM

there’s a huge Pajiba community that’s assembled there, too, and become actual real life friends and, in some cases, significant others

True story. It's how I met Julie, and she's the best girlfriend ever. We're going to get married and form a family band with a rainbow of adopted babies, and raise them on MST3K episodes, Eagles football, and beer.

Posted by: Nicole at November 19, 2009 9:44 AM

Aw...thanks, Dustin. I'm glad everybody liked the Paheeba version of the Murdertank.

I've "met" so many wonderful people through this site, and the 'Jibettes are a source of humor and strength that anybody would be lucky to be a part of. I count myself doubly so.

Posted by: feramones at November 19, 2009 10:10 AM

Dustin, some of us would really like you to revisit the murdertank T-shirt. Any chance of that?

Posted by: Cindy at November 19, 2009 10:16 AM

I've said it before and I'll say it again (I still feel goofy saying it about internet friends, but I'll get over that, promise), you guys rock. I'm p.o'd that my work commitments have taken so much of my time lately that I haven't been spending nearly enough time here. But, Hey! My boss signs my pay cheques. Y'all make me happy in my pants, though.

Posted by: Eyvi at November 19, 2009 10:16 AM

and raise them on MST3K episodes, Eagles football, and beer.

And Dr. Who. As your SO, I will promise to finish the episodes and raise our children to respect and worship the Tennant.

Posted by: Julie at November 19, 2009 10:28 AM

Thank you Dustin, for letting Paheeba Day happen again and for making it about a good cause. You're the best.

Posted by: Sofía at November 19, 2009 10:30 AM

Also, I predict that this

And I encourage those of you who haven’t to join the Facebook group — there’s a huge Pajiba community that’s assembled there, too, and become actual real life friends and, in some cases, significant others

will lead to some spambots posting "Lolz! Thats so true n funny! And I found the love of my life at ---------->www.pajiba.com

Posted by: Sofía at November 19, 2009 10:36 AM

(that “100 Greatest Quotes from the Wire” has been seen over 150,000 as of this writing — and hh is just another outstanding reader!);

"Just another outstanding reader? Just?! You have dissed upon the snarkley hordes. En garde, sir. This will not stand. (So, OK, monkeybrains was an idiot, but seriously, does that mean we have to do without every turn of phrase he uttered in public?)

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at November 19, 2009 10:45 AM

Wait, is Sparkletits admin's new name? I like it.

And thank YOU, Dustin, for letting us do this. Who else would let a bunch of crazies take over the site like this? Really, one of the best things about Pajiba is how much input we the readers and commenters get to have--I like that you guys listen and aren't the usual Asshole Site Overlords that you find in communities like these. And that you admit to having a mancrush on RyRy and that Prisco likes Emma whatshername. Cos he's a weirdo.

Anyway, I love this place.

Posted by: figgy at November 19, 2009 10:56 AM

And I'm with Cindy. I NEED a Murdertank shirt!

Posted by: figgy at November 19, 2009 10:59 AM

Oooo. If we're requesting shirts, AND while we're celebrating rep's artistic awesomeness, I'm going to make my semi-regular plea for a t-shirt with Replica's fucking fabulous Pajiban Zombie picture. Please. PLEASE!

Aw, Dustin, we love you too, and this site and its commenters*, and its staff/overlords, and especially, the lurkers.

*(except for some, some commenters enjoy being unlovable)

Posted by: tamatha at November 19, 2009 11:15 AM

Anyway, I love this place.

Posted by: figgy at November 19, 2009 10:56 AM
---
Emphatically seconded.

And now, admin, try on these strappy heels I bought for you. Size 13, right? rawwwwr.

, _ / !

Posted by: , (just , cause I'm tired of typing that other shit) at November 19, 2009 11:15 AM

I owe a lot to this site, and it's stuff like Paheeba day (seriously, that AlabamaPink Resident Hero poster was so awesome) that remind me just why I wanted to write for this site so badly, and why I've stuck with it even after Pajiba Music is dead and gone. You guys are incredible!

Posted by: Christian H. at November 19, 2009 11:21 AM

Wow. Blinged out Murdertank makes me want to make a really bad movie just so I could get killed by it's awesomeness.

Posted by: Odnon at November 19, 2009 11:34 AM

I haven't discussed it with admin yet, but I'm looking into taking the full time role as his online pimp. My role as man-pimp will be to keep my man-ho as safe as possible from non-paying or crazy "clients". So as my first official act as his unofficial man-pimp, I would like to inform all Pajibette's that moving forward, all sexual comments/inquiries must be passed through me first. All monies must be paid directly to my personage, in the form of cash, credit card or syrup. Or glitter. We will need an inordinate amount of glitter.

You know where to find me.

Posted by: Xtreme at November 19, 2009 11:42 AM

Blinged-up Murdertank makes up in fabulousness what it loses in stealthy-night-hunting-ness.

(Yes, there is a stealth mode. The MT can run silent AND deep. (Yes, there is also an underwater mode. Also, I like multiple parantheses))).

"Yeah, so you can see us coming? Well, you better start running before you're blinded by our Swarovskis, bitches !!"

Posted by: tarn at November 19, 2009 11:47 AM

In fact, I like em so much I threw in an extra one!
(Which, incidentally, is what used to fuck up my Cobol programming. Go figure...)

Posted by: tarn at November 19, 2009 11:49 AM

snarkley hordes
That's my new favorite words. Snarkley hordes. Feel the way that rolls off the tongue.

Snarkley hordes.

And, I'm pretty sure that automatically makes us the natural predator for the Sparkely Hordes a.k.a. the Twitards.

Posted by: stardust at November 19, 2009 11:54 AM

Nicole & Julie >> You shatter my worldview. Raising kids on MST3K, beer, and especially Doctor Who sounds great. But...how do I reconcile this wonderfulness with that...other...thing? Must I conclude that Eagles fans are humans too?

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 19, 2009 11:56 AM

Yes, I know I spelled "Sparkly" wrong. Deal. That's how the Twihards will be described.

Also, add me to the list for a sparkly MurderTank t-shirt. I'll order 3 of them just to make sure I don't tear up my only one and have to go without forever more.

Posted by: stardust at November 19, 2009 11:56 AM

I think Snarkley Hordes needs to be the name of the bouncer for EE.

Posted by: mrcreosote at November 19, 2009 12:33 PM

I haven't discussed it with admin yet, but I'm looking into taking the full time role as his online pimp. Posted by: Xtreme

Being a pimp isn't something that is discussed. You just have to have a nicely calloused pimphand. Sparkletits needs to be TOLD!

Posted by: popejenn at November 19, 2009 12:45 PM

Xtreme, I'd like to hire Sparkletits for the evening. What is his going rate? Can I dress him in leather? If I return him slightly damaged, will you charge me extra?

Posted by: esme at November 19, 2009 1:21 PM

Just how damaged is 'slightly', Esme?

Posted by: Smokin at November 19, 2009 1:33 PM

No worries esme, going rate for an evening is currently sitting at $4,389.40 CAN (or about $50.00/hour US). You can dress him in bacon and syrup for all I care, but you have to clean him, or there will be a considerable surcharge. And no, using your tongue doesn't count as "clean". Think of the Swine Flu implications! As for damages, anything temporary (scratches, bruises, shallow bite marks etc) will be pro-rated based on depth of colour, size of mark and length of time mark is visible. More permanent damage (broken bones, large lacerations, peircings/tattoos etc) will be subject to managements discretion and how much admin liked it.

Smokin, charges for voyeurism would be much lower than our standard rate, only $877.52 CAN per hour (or a 1 litre can of glitter, whichever is cheaper for you). Unless you can run a camcorder, then it will cost you about $25.00 CAN and a bottle of maple syrup.

Posted by: Xtreme at November 19, 2009 1:56 PM

Xtreme, I am spending four days in Saskatoon this Christmas, and I am worried about staying warm. Is Sparkletits available for long-term bookings? Because I won't buy long johns if I can just stuff Admin down my pants.

Posted by: Lauren at November 19, 2009 2:31 PM

I am sorry to say Xtreme that the job of pimphand is already taken by yours truly...if you even try to take over I will kill you with one swing of my left nipple(remember I am breastfeeding right now so yes it can be done)however I may keep you on as rate negotiator as I did like some of your ideas, just remember he does have 3 kids and myself to support, so no coupons, 2 for ones, or discount cards, mmmK?

Posted by: Mrs. Admin at November 19, 2009 2:38 PM

*switches allegiance to the dominate pimp*
Mrs. A, I am coming to Saskatoon, and as a wee, weak, west coast girl, I am scared of the cold! I am SCURRED! What's the going rate to "engage" your toasty hub-bitch for a three-day stint?

Posted by: Lauren at November 19, 2009 2:51 PM

I wanted to thank everyone so much for all the kind comments! I am so proud I got to put the pictures up next to those articles - I've never laughed so hard as I did yesterday!

Truly, this place, these people - nothing like it. I have made true friends here and I'm totally past the whole, 'well they're a really great online community, you know?'. I know what you are to me, and I'm really thankful for everyone joining in enthusiastically and being so supportive. I cannot tell you how rare that is!

Thanks everyone!
(And thank you Dustin, and thank you Pink. You said hi first and I'll never forget it.)

Posted by: replica at November 19, 2009 2:53 PM

You don't pimp me! I pimp you! Or at least I make a halfhearted attempt at fighting and then eventually give up because the whole thing absolutely reeks of effort.

Oh, and I can hereby confirm my casting in Spider Man 4. I will be playing the villian named Libido Stealer.

Posted by: SparkleTits at November 19, 2009 3:14 PM

Sorry Mrs. Admin. Won't happen again Mrs. Admin. I promise, Mrs. Admin. Please don't hit me anymore Mrs. Admin. I'll be good, I promise. Would you like some more tea Mrs. Admin? Or a margarita? Or how abou-OWWW!!

*sniff* Okay Mrs. Admin, I'll shut up now. Sorry Mrs. Admin.

*skulks to corner of internets to sulk and nurse broken nose*

Shit, how'd she get in here??!?!

Posted by: Xtreme at November 19, 2009 3:15 PM

I love Mrs. Admin.

Posted by: figgy at November 19, 2009 3:39 PM

Forget about SparkleTits, can I hire Mrs. Admin? Just for, like, a day. I'd like her to pimp-slap random people I see through the day that say stupid shit.

Posted by: stardust at November 19, 2009 4:05 PM

Yeah, I was reading this whole thread with that pretender Xtreme barking his hustle to the marks, thinking, "Oh, Sheeeit, when Jacquie get here some ugly contents about to spill."

Spilled. Mrs. Admin IS Robo-Geisha.

Posted by: Stacy D at November 19, 2009 8:40 PM





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