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Your Suffering Shall Be Endless

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (14)

night1.jpg

This is what I return to? Seriously?

Sometimes I hate this fucking gig.

OK, so there was this movie, right? And Ben Stiller was in it. And it sucked moldering hyena balls. Which, of course, means it made a bershmillion dollars. Because they apparently gave out free handjobs with the popcorn or something. So inevitably, they made a sequel. With Ben Stiller again. And it made the moldering hyena balls actually look appetizing, because this one really sucked the big dick of death. Only this time, Stiller felt the need to take Amy Adams down with him, because he’s an assface like that.

By now you’ve gathered that I’m not talking about the goddamn Fockers franchise. However, it’s worth pointing out that Stiller, who was once funny and can even, on blue moon occasions, give some life to dramatic roles as well, has two … TWO … comedic franchises that are making him obscene amounts of money. The Focker films, and the Night At The Museum films.

So, because that last one, which featured Adams and Robin Williams playing the non-coked-up, non-funny parody of himself, made enough money to gold-plate the moon, they are apparently making a third one. At least, so alleges Thomas Lennon, the co-writer of the first two. In an interview with Access Hollywood (Guh. This article is everything I hate), Lennon nudge-nudge, wink-winks his way to essentially admitting that there will be a third entry, saying, “How could you not? I think it’s a really outstanding idea to do ‘Night at the Museum 3,’ in fact.”

Anyway, apparently 20th Century’s wheels of suffering are already turning on this one.

I’d like to punch-punch, stab-stab you in the kidneys, Mr. Lennon.









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Comments

Why Dangle, why?

Posted by: alphawhiskey at January 25, 2010 10:12 AM

Well, despite Amy Adams, as Corey Glover would say, looking as lovely as she's ever gon' get, I held myself back. How can they tempt now?

Posted by: Jay at January 25, 2010 10:19 AM

You forgot the SALT in the kidneys, after the punch-stab.

Posted by: Magiel at January 25, 2010 10:24 AM

For the price, the handjob should come with the SMALL popcorn, a blowjob with the MEDIUM and, of course, the full Serta Samba with the LARGE.

Posted by: , at January 25, 2010 10:24 AM

Oh thank God! Here I was thinking I wouldn't get my fill of Ben Stiller over the next couple of years. I'm glad your back to Benkakke all over my face, TK.

Posted by: admin at January 25, 2010 11:25 AM

I can't speak to the quality of the second one, but I was at least entertained by the first one. Pleasantly surprised. But maybe my expectations were just too low.

Posted by: Pandemic at January 25, 2010 11:43 AM

Okay folks, I think our anger though justified should be redirected at the true guilty parties. Although it pains me to admit, one cannot blame Ben Stiller (and by extension all the other douche monkeys in Hollywood). If he can get ungodly gobs of money for basically flinging shit onto the screen- more power to him...I suppose.

That is why I am declaring a call to arms to the Pajiba International Army. I would ask all of you out there who know people stupid enough to throw their money at this crap, feel free to go up to them a slap them upside their heads. These are the people responsible for helping the "Night at the Museum" franchise to continue cranking out loafs. They are the ones who look at the pretty yet empty "Avatar" and make James Cameron's head and wallet expand. And they are the ones that encourage shitball stupid remakes, reboots, ripoffs and repeats over attempting some actual effort to encourage something original and of quality.

So be annoyed with Stiller if you must, but really he's just giving a typical Pavlovian response to the regular stimulation that the masses present.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 25, 2010 12:17 PM

Ugh, this is three too many.

Posted by: Steph at January 25, 2010 12:53 PM

What, is this one going to be set at the Louvre? I swear to all that is good and holy, if the Mona Lisa has Harvey Fierstein's voice, I'm going to shove a copy of The Da Vinci Code up someone's ass.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at January 25, 2010 1:45 PM

Moldering hyena balls
I love this descriptor. I'm going to use it in my next project status update with my boss.
Boss: "So, Pea, how is your project going?"
Me: "Well, Boss, it sucks moldering hyena balls, if you must know the truth. I'm trying to do too much with not enough money or staffing."

Posted by: Pea at January 25, 2010 1:55 PM

We're a full service operation here Pea. Just doin' my part.

Posted by: TK at January 25, 2010 1:57 PM

I'll give your moldering hyena balls a full service operation, TK

Posted by: The Human Centipede at January 25, 2010 4:33 PM

I’d like to punch-punch, stab-stab you in the kidneys, Mr. Lennon.

Good to have you back, TK!

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 25, 2010 6:22 PM

Having seen both, I can say the first one was quite fun and the second one ... could have been saved had they left Amelia/Amy out of it entirely. Having seen three of Amy's films now, I can honestly say I don't see what the fuss is all about.

But yeah, if they make a third, so long as they leave out the perfectly unneccessary (sp) love interest, I'll see it.

Posted by: Hybrid at January 26, 2010 12:12 PM