A "Mary Poppins" Remake, As Envisioned by Christopher Nolan
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A Mary Poppins Remake, As Envisioned by Christopher Nolan

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | June 18, 2013 | Comments ()


I'm not sure if Ken Levine -- a former "Cheers," "Wings," and "M*A*S*H" writer/producer, as well as the guy who wrote the awesome Tom Hanks movie, Volunteers and, er, Mannequin: On the Move -- is officially retired from writing, but of late, he mostly blogs, and he's really good at it. He's like a blogging pundit now, talking at length about the industry, about his time on the many sitcoms he's written for, weighing in on the Dan Harmon stuff, and even slamming Zach Braff for his Kickstarter. For a 63 year old coot, he's pretty f*cking fantastic, and his blog is always a great source of intelligence and amusement.

This falls into the latter category, as I guess Ken Levine woke up this morning, having had a fever dream about Christopher Nolan remaking Mary Poppins, and he committed the idea to a blog post. Check out the whole thing here, but here's an excerpt:

It now takes place during the bombing of London in World War II. Let's take some creative historical license and blow up Big Ben and the Parliament building. We have the means to do that in a very cool way. To punctuate the moment cut to an Englishman saying "SuperFUCKINGcalifragilisticexpialidocious!" as a double decker bus almost decapitates him. We can still say two fucks and keep our PG-13.

Bert, the street performer, is a loner with a dark past. Dick Van Dyke was fine for his day but I see Steve Buscemi. He should always be an ominous presence. He himself was abused as a child and we must always be afraid when he is around children.

His fellow street people are all damaged due to the horrors of World War I. There might be some comedy in seeing them act silly as long as we understand it is because they are deeply traumatized.

There will be no singing, dancing, or animation in this new version. Anything to take us out of the reality of innocent people being slaughtered is counter-productive. Modern children don't want fuzzy bedtime stories. They want to be scared shitless. Let's do that for three hours.

I would so watch that movie, though as someone pointed out in the comments, there is a recut trailer for Mary Poppins as a horror movie, which is also great.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Uriah_Creep

    For a 63 year old coot

    Yeah, he must be a decrepit waste of skin. Get off my fucking lawn, kid.

  • That header pic makes me think that if they ever remake 'Nosferatu', Steve Buscemi would be great as Count Orlock.

  • BWeaves

    Oh, Gotopus, THAT's exactly who that photo reminded me of.

    Unfortunately, they've already remade Nosteratu twice, so I'm not sure it's up for another go (Herzog's 1979 remake, and 2000's Shadow of the Vampire, about the fake making of Nosferatu).

  • Aaron Schulz

    yeah shave his head and he be easily as terrifying

  • Dragonchild

    Oh, and it'll be called "gritty and realistic" even though she'll still
    parachute down in an umbrella, because Morgan Freeman will be cast in a
    bit role where he invented the Magic Umbrella as part of a canceled top-secret military

    And all my GenX & Millenial peers would unanimously declare it an instant improvement over the original because Dark (TM) and Edgy (TM) Improves Everything.

    Is it finally safe to call out Dark & Edgy as the formulaic fad it is yet? I mean, we've finally started mocking it, right?

  • NynjaSquirrel

    A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, now take your medicine Helmut, Hildergard, Helga, Hedwig.........

  • ERM

    What happened to the morning book reviews?

  • TheOtherGreg

    I always thought Mary Poppins WAS a horror movie.

  • Three_nineteen

    Just a bad acid trip.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    And Steve Buscemi's British accent would probably be a lot better than Dick Van Dyke's... although that isn't really saying much.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    If Chris Nolan re-imagined Mary Poppins in WWII, she'd be parachuting down in RAF gear into the damn house.

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