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A Batch of Cumber: Star Trek Into Darkness Plot Summary

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trade News | November 27, 2012 | Comments ()


startrekintodarkness.jpg

Look, you can't have a Star Trek sequel without Roman numerals. Just consider the Next Generation films. Or don't, one out of four just is not good enough odds to risk your brain cells in that kind of Roulette. So we'll refer to this as Star Trek XII on general principle. I also don't enjoy the name structurally, the way that it has the double meaning of both an implied colon (Star Trek: Into Darkness) and the literal implication of a journey into darkness. While I can dig the spirit of Joseph Conrad in there, I believe that only pornographic movies should have double meanings.

The trailer is not due to drop for another few weeks, but the studio has deigned to let us know what the film will be about. Here's the plot summary, with the stupid PR masturbation crossed out:

"In Summer 2013, pioneering director J.J. Abrams will deliver an explosive action thriller that takes Star Trek Into Darkness. When the crew of the Enterprise is called back home, they find an unstoppable force of terror from within their own organization has detonated the fleet and everything it stands for, leaving our world in a state of crisis.

With a personal score to settle, Captain Kirk leads a manhunt to a war-zone world to capture a one man weapon of mass destruction. As our heroes are propelled into an epic chess game of life and death, love will be challenged, friendships will be torn apart, and sacrifices must be made for the only family Kirk has left: his crew."

It has been inferred that the one man weapon of mass destruction is neither Lt. Riggs nor the Mule, but will be Benedict Cumberbatch's character.

This plot summary also does not mention whether the most significant character of Abrams' first Trek film will be returning. The one who was in every single scene, dominating the visuals and capturing attention from every other actor to grace the screen. Lens flare should have been up for an Oscar for that performance.

(source: Cinema Blend)


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • csb

    "I also don’t enjoy the name structurally, the way that it has the double meaning of both an implied colon and the literal implication of a journey into darkness"

    But it's a star journey into darkness.

    (God that title's terrible.)

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Since I'm just reading this now, can I mention that the word "colon" in conjunction with "journey into darkness" makes me think of something entirely different?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Must scan photo of Dowager Julien for Cumber-Comparison.
    Must scan photo of Dowager Julien for Cumber-Comparison.
    Must scan photo of Dowager Julien for Cumber-Comparison.

  • DarthCorleone

    I don't know about you, but I'm going to weep many tears when Scotty's bumpy Ewok friend dies.

  • in_heaben

    JJ ABRAAAAAAAHMS

  • Fredo

    One of these days we might get a Star Trek movie where they don't solve a crisis but are actually doing what the intro says they're supposed to be doing (exploring), right?

  • Dragonchild

    They haven't been eager to try that since the first Star Trek movie. To be fair, it's tough to make a movie without a source of tension, but that was traditionally the danger of venturing into the unknown. If you're getting called BACK into familiar waters it's just a glorified security breach.

  • sherlockzz

    I have a gut feeling it's connected somehow to the classic Gary Lockwood / Sally Kellerman episode of a fleet commander and friend of Kirk acquiring "God-like" powers.

  • BierceAmbrose

    I beg to differ.

    That press release is a handjob. Although the hand, hands, or instruments in hands - like say a press release - are the preferred, nay most feasible instruments of masturbation (Years of yoga. Still can't reach.) it's only masturbation if you do it to yourself.(*)

    Unless Abrams is moonlighting as his own flack, that's not masturbation. Come on, people. If the Interwebs has taught us anything, it's that preferences in snugglebunnies are incredibly specific.

    (*) Humping furniture is something else again, not unlike congress with mannequins or Kradashians. Doubtless there's a name for that, too.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    I don't care what it's called, I would hook up with Kim Kardashian and enjoy it.

    Then I would feel terrible about myself, but it would be a good idea at the time.

  • You sure it's not a blowjob? Or maybe a rimjob?

  • Well, that's a crap synopsis. If the force is unstoppable, then it can't be stopped, which makes the mission pointless. Otherwise, it's something that simply hasn't been stopped yet. One wonders how the hell the ENTIRE Federation military was so inept. Further, fleets don't detonate; rather, something detonates and destroys the fleet. How that same thing can "detonate" an ideology is beyond me. I think they were just using the wrong word.

    I'd go on, but the lack of grammar (and sense) in the second paragraph has made me want to drink before noon.

  • Derfelcadarn

    I agree. What fool did they get to write that? You edited the PR masturbation out, you say?

    A warzone-world? Really??!?

  • ed newman

    I always want to drink before noon.

  • I, too, would like to know how much of a presence Lens Flare will be. I mean, obviously he'll show up, but will he be there in every shot? Will he steal scenes at ever chance like he did in the first film? Lens Flare was my favourite part of that movie and I need these questions answered!

  • PDamian

    That header photo is my new desktop. This almost reconciles me to the fact that Sherlock, third season, won't make it to the USA until 2014.

  • Salieri2

    ............aaaaaaaaaarrrghhh, I didn't know that. Sad.

  • idiosynchronic

    Captain Kirk leads a manhunt to a war-zone world to capture a one man weapon of mass destruction. As our heroes are propelled into an epic chess game of life and death, love will be challenged, friendships will be torn apart, and sacrifices must be made for the only family Kirk has left: his crew.”

    <oldstartreknerd>I'm pretty sure this slash-fic slop was written before - Price of the Phoenix by Sondra Marshak & Myrna Culbreath</oldstartreknerd>

  • I loved those two Phoenix books. They were terrible, but they had delicious moments. There's a quote from Spock in there that sums up the Prime Directive so perfectly, to paraphrase: that's why you make a rule that cannot be broken and put in command a man who is willing to break it.

  • Eve

    Sorry, fellow earthlings, but if Cumberbatch has any plans to invade and conquer our planet, I'm going to *ahem* help him.

  • AudioSuede

    I want a Cucumberbatch sandwich. Crust removed.

  • Fuck. Me. This name will never not be annoying. You can just see the clever-clever marketing dick smirking behind his cocaine sunglasses. Prick.

  • Four words: Days of Future Past.

    Yep.

  • Baba O'R'lyeh

    It doesnt include the words "rise", "return", "attack", "of the", or "post-production 3-D".

    I heard they were gonna call the next Baynis project "Trans4mers: Robots on Robots", so it could be worse.

  • TK

    Ahhhh... just reading this brings back the memories of Barbado Slim's ineffectual screams of rage about the reboot.

    Delicious. Absolutely delicious.

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